


uU Yogurt

by Sonamae



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Aggravated Romance, Alternate Universe, Butthurt Boyfriends, Car Accidents, F/F, F/M, Humanstuck, M/M, Overall wtfuckery, Past Dirk/Jake, Past Roxy/Jane, yogurtstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-01
Updated: 2013-05-15
Packaged: 2017-11-11 04:24:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 81
Words: 88,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/474470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonamae/pseuds/Sonamae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Caliborn and his twin, Calliope, both work at their father's frozen yogurt shop after the local colleges let out, and they have for a few years.  While his sister may adore the little hole in the wall shop, Caliborn hates it.</p><p>But he hates the customers even more.</p><p>And he REALLY hates Dirk Strider.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ==> Be Caliborn First

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this for my Dirk, because he's an excited little rabbit. And adorable.

So there's this guy with a cock suckers grin and the ugliest sunglasses you've ever seen sitting on the sofa you use for your coffee break.  You have no idea who he is, why he's there, or why he's smirking at his laptop so hard.  Probably abusing the free wifi.  That blasphemous mother fucker.  
  
 "Caliborn, love," your sister's tying on her apron and frowning from behind the register, "there are kids at the toppings station dumping the sprinkles in the floor again." She offers an apologetic smile while you snap your pencil in half.  Fucking fuck of the universe who ever thought this was a good idea to leave unattended children in a you-serve you-top yogurt shop.  You're putting the sign back up, Calli will probably take it down but she can rot until then.  
  
 You turn away from your blessed couch in the darkest part of the shop and shout as loud as you can as you slam your notebook onto the counter.  Calli puts a finger on the corner and slides it closer to the checkout so no one will touch it, and it's one of the only reasons you don't hate her all the time... okay you're not really sure if that's a lie or what.  
  
 "All _unattended_ children will be _fed_ to the nearest monster!" You're snatching sprinkle containers out of what looks like an eight year olds hand. "We keep a snarled tooth one in the kitchen for brats like you." You say as you bend down to snatch the other two away from his friend.  
  
 "Monsters aren't real." The second little boy says, but he's hiding behind this eight year old kid like you'll stab him with that container of sprinkles if he gets in your line of sight.  
  
 You consider doing it too.  
  
 But fear is much better than jail time, so you level your features into the meanest snarl you can manage and let your voice drop low as you kneel to be level with them.  
  
 "Oh, do you want to come into the kitchen and find out?" Oh yes, the look of children about to piss themselves is delightful.  They both run off to their ‘responsible adult’ at the other end of the shop before you can ask what their names are, just for the creepy factor.  You won't be getting any tips from them, but who cares.  With a heavy sigh you stand back up and set the sprinkle containers back on their stands, this time with the lids closed.  You shouldn't be working on your break, you should be sitting on your couch, drawing the customers getting stabbed to death.  
  
 But when you look back over, that cartoon looking loser of a cunt-stain is still on your goddamn fucking couch.  
  
 Fuck him.  
  
 Fuck Calli.  
  
 Fuck children.  
  
You're going to get a broom and a dustpan, but first, you need to go put the sign back up in the window.  
  
\--  
  
 Now that the sign is set up, you notice you have been receiving a scolding look from some middle aged windbag for ‘scaring her children’, to which Calli apologizes for and you just scoffed some more.  You had to clean up the mess that bitch’s spawn made in the first place, why is she pissed.  
  
 When everything is done, you pick up your notebook off the counter and look over to your couch and…  
  
 That fucker is still there.  
  
 What the ass chaffing shit.  
  
 Where does he get off sitting on your couch!  He doesn’t even have yogurt!  This ass hole is just sitting there, yogurt less, eating up the wifi and invading your couch.  Before Calli can even scold you, you slam your notebook back down on the counter and stomp toward him.  
  
 “Hey! Fuck wit!” you shout.  Several patrons gasp at the use of your language, but you do _not_ care. “Yes, you!” The douche nozzle finally looks up from his laptop and you feel like punching him in his face because who the _fuck_ said he could smirk at you.  
  
 “Present?” His voice is pure sarcastic tease.  You wonder how upset your dad would be if you committed assault in his shop.  
  
 “You either buy something, or you get the taint raging cock of a fuck out.” You jerk your thumb toward to door and hear Calli sigh at the register.  
  
 “That’s an interesting one, I’ve never heard it before,” he remarks. “And I would get some, but I don’t know how the machine works.” He looks completely honest from what you can tell with those stupid ass shades on.  
  
 “Were you dropped on your head as a child?”  
  
 “Caliborn!” Calli’s scolding you from the register and she probably can’t even hear you clearly.  She’s just got that sense, the stupid twin thing that you hate and she thinks it’s cute but it isn’t.  
  
 “You must have been,” you bark, “because only someone with mush for brains can’t figure out that you put the cup down, pull the leaver, and then add whatever you want on top.” The moron raises an eyebrow at you and closes his laptop.  
  
 “Well, that sounds confusing, why don’t you show me how it works?” he asks as he sets the computer on the couch and uncrosses his legs.  Oh just great.  
  
 A queer self entitled douche bag.  
  
 You’re pretty sure you’d rather be back on register duty.


	2. ==> Now be Dirk

You've been coming to this frozen yogurt shop for about a week and a half now because it's about five minutes from campus and hey it’s ice cream.  Even if it's not 'technically' ice cream, and is in fact frozen yogurt, it's still ice cream.  What's not to love?  
  
 The first few days you'd rush in, made a cup, throw some shitty topping on it, and then rushed it to the counter to pay and leave.  There’s this adorably British girl at the cash register though, who you have no romantic feelings for, just saying, but she's just so precious you could spit.  She always smiles and gives you extra napkins and calls you a dear.  
  
 Roxy would take one look at her and just die... if she's over Jane.  
  
 Yeah not thinking about that right now.  
  
 Anyway!  
  
 You know she's a twin, you've listened to her grumble about her brother and seen the top of his head over his sketchbook many times in passing, but you've never actually gotten a look at his face.  At least you hadn't until yesterday.  
  
 Now, while Calliope is tall, tan and wears a different white wig every day, which really just makes her that much cuter holy shit, there's this asshole.  
  
 He's tall, built, tan and bald... or shaved, you've got no idea.  His lobes are stretched and he's got these dark brown, almost copper or red eyes.  His jaw is defined and his lips are begging to be pierced, and you can see where he's had his nose broken many a time before in the past and it's breath taking.  He wears long sleeves to work and you just know without knowing that his arms are covered in tattoos.  All of his focus is always on his art pad and Jesus fuck you want to rip it out of his hands and make him focus on you so you can figure out those eyes.  
  
 Calliope just giggles at you before handing you your change. "Now you be careful around him, he might look like an angel, but the boy is a right brute.  I would feel _terrible_ if he hurt you dear, just be careful." She is going to make you explode with cuteness, how is she real?  
  
 "I'll be okay," she nods and tucks a long wave of white out of her face, "right then, see you tomorrow." And you leave.  Only you come back the next day half an hour early and park yourself on that couch he normally sits on and you _wait_.  Calliope's a little sad that you haven't come by to chitter with her, and god you hope she knows you're not into her, but it's okay because she's got her hands full at the register.  She's ringing up this giant party of senior citizens and then when her brother comes out to go on break he flips his shit when he spots you on the couch.  
  
 You're going to get beat all to hell and you're not sure you mind.  
  
 "Caliborn, love." oh that sweet angel at the register is doing you one solid of a favor and said his name.  She points over at the kids reeking havoc on the you-serve stand and he losses his shit all over again and starts screaming about unattended children and monsters.  Holy fuck he's adorable.  Calliope shoots you this 'What do I do with him?' look, then shakes her head.  Her wig's short, cropped, and curly and she looks like a little pixie today.  You just want to dress her up and put wings on her, dear sweet lord you're adopting her the next chance you get so you can give her to Roxy with a bow in her hair.  
  
 You busy yourself with your laptop for a while, tinkering with a few color pallets and dress lengths.  No one will ever know you were secretly a minor is fashion... well, except for Roxy.  But Roxy knows everything and that's okay, she lets you use her as a model for mid-terms.  
  
  “Hey! Fuck wit!” And doesn't that just catch your attention. "Yes, you!" As you look up, there he is.  All ridiculously tall and full of bottled up anger.  You just want to lean over and kiss his nose, but he might hit you so you'll wait.  
  
 "Present?" You're trying not to spew out how cute you think he is when he's angry.  That's just not something you do right away.  
  
 “You either buy something, or you get the taint raging cock of a fuck out.” His voice is low and it goes right down your spine.  
  
  “That’s an interesting one, I’ve never heard it before,” you have to keep your cool. “And I would get some, but I don’t know how the machine works.” It's an obvious lie, but you just have to tease him.  He makes this disgusted face at you and sweet lord he's just as cute at his sister.  
  
 “Were you dropped on your head as a child?” He flinches slightly when Calliope scolds him from the register. “You must have been, because only someone with mush for brains can’t figure out that you put the cup down, pull the leaver, and then add whatever you want on top.” He's gesturing with his hands and his face is nearly red with rage.  
  
 You are so smitten it hurts. “Well, that sounds confusing, why don’t you show me how it works?” you close your laptop and stand up, but he's still looking at you funny. "Well?" and that makes him throw his hands up and start cursing as he stomps over to the machines with you trailing after him.  
  
 Calliope sighs as you pass her and she looks... well, relieved.  Like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders.  
  
 Looks like you'll have to take Caliborn off her hands more often.


	3. ==> Be Caliborn again

No amount of money is worth working here, none, but you can't just... quit.  Last time you did that, your father had threatened to 'take care of you myself' if you didn't go back to 'watch after your sister you little shit, or I will rip those earrings out so fast you never stop bleeding.'  
  
 He got his temper honest.  
  
 But back to the point, this job _sucked_.  A _lot_.  You have to forcibly restrain yourself not to punch the majority of the customers in the face or dump their order over their heads, and it's been getting even worse the longer you work here.  Right now you are three seconds away from slamming an idiots face into the yogurt machine until something falls out of his piñata skull.  Then again, knowing your luck, you'd have to clean it up before they hauled you off to prison.  
  
 "So, how does it work exactly?" This asshole stands beside the machine with an eyebrow raised over his stupid glasses and thumbs hooked in his jeans pockets.  You feel your hands twitch to reach out and strangle him, but you busy them picking up a small paper cup instead.  
  
 "See this?" You shove it close to his face and he doesn't even flinch.  Damn, must not startle easy. "This, you fuck face, is a yogurt cup." You wave it around and then drop it on the steal cages under the levers.  
  
 "Alright, ice cream cup." He says as if he's parroting you.  
  
 "No, dumb ass, _yogurt_ , this is a _frozen yogurt_ shop," Again with the urge to slam his face into the machine. “They are two _completely_ different things.”  
  
 "Same thing to me," he shrugs and stands there like this is just a regular conversation and you don't obviously want him to self destruct, "so what now?" You groan and wave at the levers along the machine.  
  
 "You pick a flavor, and you get it." You say, and you're about to turn and leave but he reaches out for one of the levers and doesn't grab the cup.  He's about to just pull it down without the cup holy fuck this guy is fucking dumber than dirt!  Short bus and special sparkly helmet holy Christ on a crutch!  You smack his wrist away from the machine and in your mind you can hear your inner Calli voice going _'Don't you dare hit that boy, I will come over there'_ , but thankfully real Calli is busy and not paying attention to you hitting a customer on the wrist.  
  
 "No fucktard, Jesus shit are you high?  I've seen three year-olds understand this concept better than you do." You snatch the cup off the grill and put it under the lever he was just reaching for, then yank it down.  When it's full you push the thing back up and... eww, orange sherbet?  Really?  That’s both acceptable and nasty all at once and you have no idea why.  
  
 You turn back to shove the stuff in his face and before you can you notice that he's smirking at you.  
  
 The motherfucker is _smirking_ , it's only for a few seconds before he replaces it with a regular smile, but you draw your fist back anyway because fuck him and fuck this job and fuck frozen yoogurt.  
  
 "Caliborn!  You put your hand down _right_ this instant or I will hop over this counter and strangle you with it!  Did you hear me, do not make me come over there!" Fucking sisters.  
  
 Reluctantly, you lower your arm and unclench your fist.  This guy still hasn't even tensed up, what's his deal?  He has to be fucking with you, but... everyone tenses up.  Everyone flinches, everyone takes a step back and shies away.  
  
 And then there's this asshole!  
  
 "Is that all I do?" he asks you, looking over to the toppings counter.  You can't take it, you just... your life is turning into a migraine.  You snatch the cup from him, walk over to the station, dump a scoop of those gross orange slices on top, then shove it back at him with a spoon.  
  
 "Pay for your shit and _get out_ ," You snap before stomping over to the register to pick up your sketchbook. "And you, stop being... yourself and _happy_ and fuck you and your face too," You point at Calli as she raises an eyebrow at you when you move behind the counter. "I'm going out back." Calli calls your name once, and it's in that tone that makes you want to turn around.  Anger is far too high on your list of feelings right now though, so you just stomp through the kitchen and open the back door.  
  
 You make sure it slams shut loud enough to rattle the wall.  
  
 The back alley is in shadows and there's a little patio like overhead thing that you don't know the name of, but you sit under it anyway and get a new pencil out of your pocket before you flip the book open.  You just... hate everything right now.  Whoever that asshole is, he can die a thousand times, and you'll draw every single one of them.


	4. ==> Be Dirk again

The sound of that back door slamming shut makes Calliope flinch as you set your frozen yogurt on the counter.  You didn't think he would take his anger out on her as he stomped away, but then again you're not… really surprised?  Calliope turns back to the register again and sighs, elbows falling to the counter and as buries her face in her hands.  
  
 "I am so sorry about that," she mutters through her palms, "I told you he was bloody well _aggravating_." She peeks up at you through her fingers and tries to smile, but she just looks sad now.  That’s a face you know all too well and it unnerves you.  
  
 "It's okay," you need to reassure her because that look is starting to remind you way too much of Roxy when she's sobering up, "I think it's cute how he gets so upset over nothing." She laughs and straightens up, taking your cup and setting it on the scale before she starts pressing an assortment of buttons.  
  
 "Best that he doesn't ever hear you say that." She said before the machine started printing out your receipt.  You offer her a smile and hand her a ten, so she passes back change and puts it on four napkins.  
  
 "Is he... always like that though?  So ready to throw a punch?" You have to ask, you're curious.  She shrugs and looks away, she looks tired.  
  
 "Sometimes he's not that bad, really.  He's just..." she waves a hand in front of her and you snort.  
  
 "If you say anger issues, I'm not tipping you." She smiles back and gives you a little curtsy.  
  
 "Then I shall keep my mouth closed upon the truth, dear sir," she smiles and you swear she reminds you of a much happier Roxy.  A Roxy you remember from when you were both much younger. "You better go though, he might come back to get something.  As much as I trust my brother not to hurt customers, I get the feeling he's stopped classifying you as such." You laugh and nod as you pick up your cup and spoon.  
  
 "Alright, see you tomorrow Princess." You say as you turn.  
  
 "Oh I wish you wouldn't say that, I'm not even pretty." You should argue with her, but you are feeling a bit nostalgic and want to get over to Roxy's before she decides it's five o'clock come early.  She could probably use the company, and you... you just want to see her.  It’s been a about a week since you’ve seen her last.  
  
 It takes you fifteen minutes to walk to Roxy's apartment from uU Yogurt, and when you get there the elevator is currently 'out of service,' so you take the steps two at a time to get to the third floor and head down the hall until you're in front of room 306.  You knock and wait, then knock again and repeat.  The third time you knock, you just push open the door.  
  
 The inside is pretty much the same as you remember it, stray bottles of vodka and jager, plastic martini glasses and a few glass ones on the floor.  Then of course the center piece, Roxy Lalonde sprawled out face first on her couch.  It hurts to see her like this still, it‘s been about a year now and she should have gotten over it like you did.  
  
 You shut the door behind you, kick a few empty bottles out of the hallway, then head over to the couch and kneel down. "Rox... are you awake?" she moans. "When was the last time you ate solid food?" she moans again and shrugs her shoulders. "When was the last time you took a shower?" This time she lifts her head up.  
  
 "This mornin', threw up las' nigh' an eh was gross," She's not drunk, not by the smell of her breath, but she is groggy as hell.  She blinks a few times at you and then reaches up to rub at her eyes. "Dicky?"  
  
 You can't help but smile. "Close enough,” you tell her, “come on, let's sit you up.  I'll order you some pizza and clean your apartment for you." She laughs at you while you help her sit up, then she stretches out her legs over the coffee table and looks around.  
  
 "You can leave it, it's just a few bottles, not like I ever leave to go see someone anymore..." her cheer turns sour very quickly and she looks into her lap. "I should though... how come I don't go see her more often?  What kind of a person am I?" She's on the verge of tears and you're so used to this it hurts more than hearing her about to cry does.  
  
 You sit next to her and hush her with your arms around her shoulders, letting her turn into your chest so she can cry without the world really seeing her.  If you knew what to do, you'd have done it, if you'd have know her version of coping would never stop, you'd have never let her keep drinking.  
  
 But stuff in the past is just that... stuff in the past.


	5. ==> Who will you be now?

**== > Be Caliborn**  
  
 _He's too angry right now, try again later._  
  
 **== > Okay, be Dirk again.**  
  
 _You can't be Dirk he’s busy with Roxy._  
  
 **== > Fine, be Roxy!**  
  
 _Lol Nope._  
  
 **== > Damn it woman, who can I be?**  
  
 You decide you'll be Calliope until your twin calms down.  You know he hates being startled when he's in the back, and you'd rather not get yelled at tonight on the way home so you leave him to his angry drawing.  The shop is closed by now and you've collected all the trash, wiped down all the tables, refilled all the napkins and half emptied the tip jar.  You take closing very seriously because everything has to be done at a set pace so it's done right.  Caliborn used to close, but he rushed everything and would never clean things completely and it was _aggravating_ to come back to in the morning and look at sticky tables.  
  
 He thinks you're insane, you think you're just being courteous.  You sure wouldn't want to sit at a table that's sticky, or walk on a floor that's sticky either!  If Caliborn wasn't... well, Caliborn, you'd also have been able to keep a janitor on staff so you wouldn't have to mop the floor yourself.  Not that you really mind, you like being domestic, it means you get to do the job right and know it's not going to be messed up.  But Janitors apparently stare at you a bit too long for Caliborn’s liking, so no cleaning crew is ever hired for very long.  
  
 The bathrooms on the other hand…  
  
 You both agreed to hire someone long term for the bathrooms, he's on speed dial in case something explodes.  He also doesn't talk to you like you're some naive little princess, he values your opinion and arrives fifteen minutes after closing, cleans the bathrooms, and leaves.  Caliborn thinks he's trying to hit on you, but you know that's not true because you're not pretty enough to be hit on.  You're bald underneath your wigs, for heaven's sake.  No one is going to find you attractive… also you’re not really sure you find anyone attractive, but that’s beside the point.  
  
 The backdoor opens just as you put the mop away and close the utility closet, so when you turn around, Caliborn has his apron held out with one hand and your bag slung over his shoulder.  He might be grumpy to the world, but you know better.  You know him.  
  
 You know your twin and you know he’s cooled off a lot since this afternoon.  
  
 "I take it you're feeling better?" You ask as you take off your own apron and collect his.  
  
 "Fuck working here." He grumbles, and that's as good a sign as any.  
  
 "I'm glad you feel better dearest.  Now, do you want take out tonight, or should I cook something?" You hang both your aprons on each respective hook and take your bag from him.  As you're passing it over your head it catches on your wig and tugs it, pulling it out of place.  You sigh and let the bag drop to your shoulder, looking around for a reflective surface.  
  
 "I don't care," Caliborn says while he watches you tug and then primp the curls on the wig back into place.  You work until it's perfect.  You work until you could maybe pass for normal. "Why do you even bother with those stupid things?" He asks as he reaches up to tug the back down and pull out a few of the curls, helping you without any other words.  He's not actually expecting an answer, he knows why you do it.  He knows you feel ugly, you aren’t presentable without one, you feel terrifying and you can't even look in a mirror unless you've got one on or you're putting one on.  
  
 "I think I'll make something tonight." You smile and reach over to him, fixing his collar and grinning when he swats your hands away.  
  
 "Stop fussing, Jesus fuck." He's scowling, but it's not real anger on his face.  He's just grumpy, like always, and you really don't mind.  
  
 "Should I bring it over or-"  
  
 "Make it in mine, I want to keep an eye one you this time because-"  
  
 "You put too much spice on my food and-"  
  
 "I hate spice and you-"  
  
 "Know that." You grin when he blinks at you, scowling with real anger this time.  Caliborn hates the way you finish each others sentences, or how you speak at the same moment.  He hates it and he wishes you wouldn't love it as much as you do.  
  
 But really, he starts it.  
  
 "Do you want ribs, or steak?" You turn and head toward the front of the building as you get out the keys.  He flips the sign after you pass them over, you hit the lights, and then he locks the door before he gives the keys back.  You both walk in step down the sidewalk toward your apartment and enjoy the night air, after all it's pretty out and he‘s close.  
  
 "Steak." Caliborn finally decides.  
  
 "Do you want tarts for dessert, or bread pudding?" He scrunches his face at you and you smile. "They're both sweet, I promise." He makes a face and you know he's calling you a liar in his head, but you reach the apartment building at the same time so he can't say anything to you out loud or you might not cook for him.  The apartment is right across the street and three buildings down from the shop and you both thought it was really funny when you first got here, back when Caliborn wasn't so opposed to you both being twins.  
  
 Back before he moved out of the two bedroom you had shared and instead moved down the hall to his own room.  
  
 You hadn't so much minded him moving out, he did need his own space after all, but you did mind the fact you had to force him to interact with you these days.  
  
 He wasn't pushing you away on purpose... was he...  
  
 He wouldn't do that to his twin... right?


	6. ==> Caliborn wake up

When you wake up the next day you're buried face first in your pillows and you want nothing to do with the outside world.  The dream you had was perfect and cozy and nothing hurt and nothing aggravated you and there were no cartoon wearing shadow hipsters.  Your alarm clock is annoying as fuck though, so you know you have to drag yourself out of your nice warm cocoon to kill the piece of shit or it'll never go off and you‘ll never get back to sleep.  The covers get pulled down and you throw your right arm out until your hand smacks against the top of the clock and you can find the switch to turn the fucker off.  The red light might match your tattoos, but you do _not_ care right now, morning is the worst thing in the world and it can go die.  
  
 "Caliborn!  You'll be late for work, get up!" Also fuck your sister for having a key to your place and being a morning person.  You snatch off the covers to scream at her and tell her to jump off the roof, but then you smell the bacon and sausage she's cooking and you save it for later.  
  
 She can live for one more day, she made you sustenance.  
  
 Also you smell coffee.  Sweet sugar filled coffee.  
  
 Good sibling, best sibling.  
  
\--  
  
 Only later that day she’s the worst sibling because all the food and coffee did was wake you up, then she made you get dressed and dragged you to work.  Right now you're at the register trying not to punch this idiot in the throat because he has no idea what _'We don't carry yellow cake flavor'_ means.  You deal with this kind of bullshit everyday but the weekends, and you want to shoot yourself in the leg because holy _fuck_ people are _retarded_ when they want to buy something.   
  
 Calliope's been in the back feeling sick all morning and you might have to work closing shift if she doesn't feel better. Truthfully, you'd rather eat off your leg after shooting it than work until you close.  
  
 The guy finally gets fed up and leaves in a great big huff and shout and you sigh, rubbing your hands against your face so you can hide the world behind your palms before the door chimes open and someone walks up to the counter with a slight cough. "You make it yourself and then we weigh it for the price," You've been reciting this for months. "Have at it, don't make a mess." Whoever it is chuckles.  You look up because you _know_ that chuckle.  
  
 You _hate_ that chuckle.  Yes, you've only heard it once, but it sends a raging wave of pissed the fuck off through your soul, it left an imprint.  
  
 So here's _this_ asshole from yesterday, wearing what looks like the same fucking thing only a little bit darker in color.  
  
 "Where's Calliope, this is her shift." He says, a horrible smirk on his ugly face.  You feel your insides boil and you have to fight back the urge to launch yourself across the counter and beat him to death for saying your sisters name.  How dare he talk like he’s familiar with your baby sister!  How fucking _dare_ he!  
  
 "None of your fucking business, now get the fuck out," You snarl.  He smiles at you from across the counter and adjusts his shades, they're still ugly as fuck. "I mean it, leave." You point at the door and ready yourself to forcibly eject him.  
  
 "Well that's rude, I'm just here to get ice cream." He smiles and lets his elbows fall to the counter.  
  
 "Frozen yogurt." You hiss back.  Before you can stand up straight to walk around the counter to snatch the fucker up by his collar, Calliope's heels click into the room and you turn to look at her.  She looks relaxed, but underneath it you can see the thin lines of discomfort.  She’s going to catch a cold at this rate.  You knew she was too cheerful this morning.  
  
 "Oh, Dirk, you're here early," She smiles and you really want to kill this guy now, "I won't be taking my shift today, I think I'm going to take a small nap in the back room.  Caliborn will help you get your order, won't you brother?" And the way she says it makes you want to drag _her_ outside by her collar.  To her it's a fact, you _will_ do it, there will be _no_ arguing, you're just going to help this douchefuck out.  
  
 " _No_." But she ignores you and gives this asshole, Dirk, apparently, a wave.  
  
 "Sorry I'm not feeling the brightest sweet heart, maybe tomorrow." She turns and that's it, no more conversation.  
  
 "Calli no!" But she's gone.  Dirk hums and you turn to him, ready to rip his throat out. "Shut your fucking _whore_ mouth." You snarl.  
  
 "Now that's rude," He comments. "I'm much prettier than a whore." He's got a smirk that makes you want to scream and stab him in the face with the broken remains of the tip jar after you smash him in the face with it, but Calliope's heels clack hard as she shuts the back door and you exhale through your teeth.  
  
 "Look shit moocher," He hums at you in acknowledgment, "I don't know what game it is you think you're playing, but I will win." He just grins wider and you snarl as you stomp away from the register.  If he wants to play dumb, you'll treat him like he's dumb.  
  
 One cup of raspberry and caramel covered frozen yogurt later you ring it up at the register, shove a spoon in it and point at the door. "Get the fuck out," You snap, and he just smiles at you like you're the sweetest thing and you want him to spontaneously combust. "Now!"  
  
 He turns after dropping cash on the counter and waves as he leaves. "See you tomorrow, _Caliborn_." There's a sing song in his voice.  
  
 Fucker actually thinks he has a one up on you.  
  
 He has no idea what he's in for.


	7. ==> Pay attention Dirk

Right outside the shop there's a trashcan with a 'Thanks for stopping by' sign stuck around the front.  It looks like Calliope taped it there ages ago because it's covered in pictures of faded flowers and swirls that are so discolored you can‘t tell if it‘s water damage or a special marker.  You smirk after licking frozen yogurt off your spoon, and wow not a flavor you were expecting, and you drop it in the bin before you turn around and head right back inside the shop.  Caliborn looks up from ringing up another customer and yeah, he looks like he's about to spit fire all over the poor, helpless college student who scrambles away as you get back to the counter.  
  
 "I swore I told you to get the fuck out," Caliborn said as he shut the register. "Oh, that's right, I _did_ ," He scowls even more if that’s at all possible and slams his hands on the counter. "Why did you come right back inside?  Do you want to be impaled?" You smirk and he practically growls in frustration. "Impaled as in _dead_ you _cunt_."  
  
 "I don't have a spoon," You skip right to your point before your mind wonders, you didn’t have time to take any medication to help you focus today so you can’t stay long or someone might realize,  "You also didn't give me any napkins either.  That's kind of rude, Calliope always gives me napkins." You watch as his eye twitches when you say his sister's name.  There's that look again, that burning hatred.  It really doesn't take a lot to push his buttons, and you're finding them out one by one.  
  
 "I know I gave you a fucking spoon, I shoved the fucker into the yogurt right there." He points at the indent in your cup and you shrug.  
  
 "It's not there now, and I still don't have napkins." You smile when Caliborn reaches over and snaps one of the plastic spoons in half as he tries to reach for it.  He looks a little red in the face so you draw back on your teasing smirk.  You can't have him hate you completely, he has to start getting interested at some point so the two of you can have a conversation that isn’t fueled by his sister’s prodding.  
  
 There's a fistful of napkins and a spoon on top shoved at you and you take them with a smile.  You know you were going somewhere with this... somewhere important, but suddenly your mind is elsewhere again.  You thought you had that under control but then again, no back up pills this morning.  
  
 "Are you going to get out or not?" He snaps, and you take your time rearranging the napkins and scoop up a spoonful of frozen yogurt.  
  
 "I like the tattoo, by the way." You comment as you nod at the red lines peeking out from beneath his right sleeve.  You have no idea what it means, or what it even is, but it looks good against his skin.  It's a bright red you didn't expect to be so vibrant, and you watch as he looks down and tugs his sleeve over the ink before clearing his throat.  
  
 He's not blushing, is he?  You kind of hope he is.  
  
 " _Out_." This time you obey, but you wave and smile and do all the nice pleasant things a friend would do as they exit.  
  
 "See you tomorrow, Caliborn, tell your sister the same from me." You're pretty sure that pisses him off more than you were hoping for, but he'll cool off.  As you leave you take a big scoop of the frozen yogurt onto your spoon and smile.  You have _never_ liked raspberry.  Roxy might, but you don't.  You put it in your mouth anyway just because it‘s cold and good and it keeps you walking.  You might not like the flavor of the yogurt, but the caramel tastes divine, and it clicks something in your head.  Jane likes caramel.  
  
 Two years ago there was an bottle open in the floorboard of Jake's trashed car, and you were dragging Roxy through the window in your arms while blood seeped down the front of her face and...  
  
 You throw the rest of the cup away with looking at it.  You need to see Roxy, she's going to hate you but you want to see Jane and Jake.  Roxy has to go with you so you can see Jake, otherwise you‘ll just run out and have a panic attack.  You don't have to go in, you just want to see them.  You can take her beat up little convertible that she spent four years saving up for and now refuses to drive, you'll just stop by the center with her and if nothing else sit in the parking lot and watch them both through the window.  
  
 You know that will require some form of alcohol, for the both of you, but it's okay.  She needs to get out of the house anyway.  
  
 You should bring her here tomorrow as well, Calliope would adore her, and Caliborn... oh man, you're just going to bring her tomorrow.  If there’s one thing in the world you’re sure you’d love to see, it’s a cranky, sober Roxy go toe to toe with a cranky, surely yogurt man.  
  
 A hot one at that.  
  
 Jesus tits where is your head going today.  The other day when you felt like a flaming show girl was bad enough, but now you just feel like your thoughts are in freefall.  You have to stop by your place and take some pills before you see Roxy.  
  
 She’ll worry otherwise.


	8. ==> Make Salad wrong Caliborn

_‘See you tomorrow,’_ he said.  What the fuck does he mean _'see you tomorrow,'_ he can't actually expect you to be actively looking for him… can he?  And where the _fuck_ does he get off talking like he's all smooth and _in the know_ with your sister?  How dare he even know your sisters _name_ , nametag or not!  He has _no_ right to say it or even _think_ it!  Before you realize what you're doing, you've chipped a corner on one of your kitchen cabinet doors with the force that you slammed it.  In the other room you hear your sister ask if everything is alright.  
  
 “It’s fine.” You call back, because it is.  The cabinet you mean.  You'll put the chunk that came off back on with some glue later, right now you have to set the rest of the table.  You went out of your way to make food tonight to try and butter your sister into answers, and you can't cook to save your life.  
  
 Okay, no, that's a horrible lie, you can cook a handful of things.  Only one of which you actually made tonight.  
  
 You put the salad on the table and then leave the dinning room, which is three steps from the kitchen, and then head into the living room, which is eight steps.  Calliope is standing by the couch and she has both her hands looped together in front of her big, poofy, pointless skirt.  It makes her feel pretty though even though she looks like cotton ball threw up on her hips, and the one she's wearing you personally bought her because she'd seen it at some festival and was too shy to buy it so you'd just _gotten_ it for her.  
  
 Things weren't always this complicated after all.  
  
 "Food's ready," You grumble before turning on your heel and stomping back toward the table in the dinning room.  You yank out her chair and then your own before sitting down because you might be a dick, but you‘re still a gentlemen. "Well, eat up." She stands in front of her pulled out chair and her face is busy contorting into a range of faces you know all to well.  
  
 "Umm... Caliborn, love," she points at the salad and her teeth dig into her bottom lip. "I... think you did that _wrong_."  
  
 "Don't you dare start laughing." You snap at her because she‘s being a bitch.  
  
 "Are the edges burnt?" She asks as she fights a giggle.  
  
 "What if they are?" You pick up your fork and stab one of the steaks onto it before letting it hit your plate.  
  
 "You don't need to _cook_ salad, Caliborn." She says before she finally sits down.  
  
 "How the fuck should I know, I don't eat that shit, it's rabbit food." You reach over and pour yourself a glass of milk and she laughs.  You haven't heard her sound like that in weeks, it kind of hurts as you start cutting your food into squares. "Shut up and eat your rabbit food." She smiles and loads her plate full of burnt lettuce and cold mixed vegetables you tried to boil on the stove.  She's going to get sick and it'll be your fault and she won't blame you for a second.  
  
 "So," She smiles as she pours a glass of water and nibbles on a carrot chunk. "What's all this for?" She makes a gesture at the table before tucking a strand of wig over her shoulder.  She must not feel good because it‘s one of the long ones and it’s not put up or anything.  She saves the long ones for when she feels like she needs to hide away a flush on her skin or when she feels insecure about her looks.  You wait until she takes a bite of her food and then drowns it with her water before you even open your mouth to bring this topic up.  
  
 "What's your relationship with that Dirk dick?" She chokes anyway and you jump on that reaction because fuck that noise if this is going where you think it is. "Oh fuck no, I _forbid_ you to date him!  Don't you even think about it!" You have to drop your knife and fork or you'll bend them, or worse, throw them.  That's never going to happen again, _ever_ , not after her three stitches.  God you'd wanted to pick the knife up and stab yourself when she'd screamed, she'd only been walking by too.  You hadn't been aiming or meaning to hit her and it had just happened anyway.  
  
 "Alright, first off," She's got your attention again and she looks pissed. "Whom I court _or_ decide gets to court me is _none_ of your blasted business!"  
  
 "I'm your brother-" She cuts you off before you can try to defend yourself.  
  
 "And I'm twenty-three!" She snaps back, voice rising. "To top it off, you know I'm not _interested_ in men anyway!" Definitely rising. "After all these years and everything I went through when I came out, you think I'm going to take it all back and change my mind just because a boy pays a bit of attention to me?" She sets her utensils down and folds her hands together.  That's it right there, you've pissed off the prim and proper princess and she‘s lost control of her ‘temper.’  
  
 "Oh grow up, I just don't want you associating with someone like him!  He‘s not good enough for you!" You realize you shouldn't have said that the instant her hands hit the table.  
  
 "Caliborn," Oh wow, she's using her mommy voice. "Who I make friends with is _none_ of your business," She pushes her chair back and stands up with a look of pure anger. "Dirk Strider is _kind_ , not interested in me in any way you may think, and a friend I will keep.  I do _not_ need your permission to keep talking to him."  She picks up her glass and you see what she's going to do before she even takes a few steps towards you.  
  
 "No, don't you dare!" But then she tosses the water in your face and huffs, because she's Calliope and that's her equivalent of punching you in the dick at the moment.  You wait, then open your eyes slowly as water drips down your face.  At least there was no ice this time.  After a few seconds she seems to realize what she's just done and she makes this squeaking noise before she snatches up a napkin.  She's apologizing over and over again as she mops up your face. "Calli..." You have to take both of her wrists before she'll stop.  
  
 "I didn't mean to, I don't know why I got-"  
  
 "So upset, yes, I get that.  Go sit back down." You should be angry, you should be furious and screaming and telling her to get the fuck out and don't you ever come back.  
  
 But you don't.  She's crying and her makeup is smearing a little and you forgot how upset she gets when she _'looses her temper.'_   Growing up you thought it was hilarious to watch her throw a fit, seeing as you were the one with the _actual_ temper problem.  They had you on pills and therapy at one point for this shit but you have since stopped taking them or going because you are _not_ a basket case.  
  
 You just get angry sometimes.  
  
 Calli though, fuck all, she gets upset and then snaps into this zen little rage that isn't really rage, she's only hit you a few times and when she has it really hurt, but she'll sob her eyes out afterwards like she's doing now and you can't stay mad at her anymore.  You wipe your face and the front of your shirt as she sits down and then go get the tub of ice cream out of your freezer.  You set it on the table with two spoons and drag your chair over, if anyone ever saw this side of you you'd kill them.  
  
 "I just don't want you getting hurt, Calli," When you sit down she pries open the ice cream and you hand her a spoon. "I don’t trust this guy, but you do so… so just be careful, if he hurts you I’ll murder him.  Now, let's just... forget I was a douche cannon and go put on a movie and eat our feelings." When she looks up you pass her a napkin for her make up.  
  
 "How very gay of you, brother dearest." She comments.  She says it with that little twisty smirk that makes you realize you can't tell if she meant happy or homosexual, and really you could give a fuck less if it would mean she stopped crying.  
  
 "We never speak of this, ever." She smiles at you and you wrap her up in a hug because you‘ve both been here countless times before.  Might as well be in for the pound, you hate this touchy feely bullshit, but... she's Calli.  
  
 You'd gut Gods for her.  
  
 "Can we watch Peter Pan?" she asks, voice barely above a whisper.  
  
 "How scandalous, I was expecting something less pornographic of you." She playfully punches you in the shoulder as you stand up with the spoons. "Let's go you blubber whale."


	9. ==> Dirk go see Jane

 "I hate this," in case the world couldn't tell, Roxy hated this. "It's all your fault for dragging me into this stupid car and I want a drink and I want to go home and eat cold pizza." She's been grumbling at you the entire drive here and all you can do is let her.  You don't want to talk back or try and argue with her, because really what's the point?  When she's in a foul mood you just have to ride it out.  She's not actually angry, in fact she was delighted by the idea to get to see Jane again.  
  
 She's really only upset because she's getting a hangover.  
  
 You hope.  
  
 Roxy's strapped in and sunken low enough into the seat that you're not sure you'll be able to get her out of it without a crowbar, but then you drive by the welcome sign and she jerks upwards and it‘s as if her body was on fire.  The visor comes down and she's fixing her hair and make up, patting down the wrinkles in her shirt.  
  
 She's primping overtime as you pull into the parking lot and exhale as loud as you will allow yourself.  It's going to be dark out soon so neither of you can stay long even if you wanted to, it's both a cop out and a helping hand.  Your fingers drum along the steering wheel and you feel the twist in your gut get tighter.  
  
 In the lobby window, you can see a few people standing around the front desk, each of them in blue scrubs and clutching cups of coffee.  You know this place and the people who work here very well, you often think you should stop doing everything you are currently doing and just come work here.  
  
 But that would be pointless and break a promise.  
  
 Roxy opens her door and gets out first, she's in such a good mood again and you pray to fuck it lasts as she drags you out of the car and slams the door shut behind you. "Come on, I want to surprise her!" Sweet _Jesus_ you hope today is a good day.  You squeeze Roxy's hand and you both swallow as you look up at the big yellow doors of ‘Prospit Care and Recovery.’  You have to tug her hand and take a few steps forward before she’ll move, and when you get to the front you don't even have to open the door.  
  
 One of the caretakers does it for you.  
  
 You never remember her name and she really doesn't mind, you just call her PM and leave it at that.  She knows you both _very_ well, and she scoops Roxy into a hug so tight she lifts the girl off the ground and then deposits her by the desk so she can sign you both in. "Girl you better down you a cup a coffee, you smell like done bathed in some jack!  Gretta, get my girl some coffee." She comes over to you next, the hug far less crushing but much more awkward.  
  
 Not even on her part either, you just have that _touch_ thing.  
  
 "Missed you two, ain't seen you in ages," She pulls back and nods to the desk as Gretta, new girl with a mess of blond curls that won't last at all, pours Roxy a mug. "You two been asked about too, your girlie is wide awake these days, she's in the rec room," PM gives your back one of those hard, friendly thumps and starts walking. "Now don't sit here and dawdle like a damn duck, move your tutus, the both of you." You smirk and fight back a laugh.  When you'd first met her she'd done nothing but cheer you and Roxy up every second.  
  
 You're pretty sure she's the only reason you aren't here like _they_ are.  
  
 "How is she?" Roxy's walking fast to keep up with you, one hand looped in yours and the other clutching her gifted coffee cup like it's a sainted angel.  
  
 "Well, you know she had that itty bitty relapse, wasn't as bad as her daddy said it was I swear," And PM starts ranting with her hands, all southern twang. "She just needed a break and he kept pushin‘, man forgets she ain't all she used to be, I aughta smack him a couple times up the- Hello sugar, you doin' aight?" She waves at a passing man and he looks up with a warm smile and starts talking with his hands before he scuttles off, embarrassed. "Poor thing, but yeah, she's right as damn rain right now." She stops you both before the doorway and turns, offering a smile to you both.  
  
 It's your turn now.  
  
 All you have to do is go in and see her.  
  
 A couple of steps and you can greet Jane Crocker.  
  
 You have to tug Roxy again and then you're there, standing in the doorway and you can't help but feel your heart melt.  Jane's standing on a chair with a paper hat on her head in a light blue sundress, a group of children crowded around her as she waves her arms to the woman across the room on the other chair.  She looks just like you remembered, though her hair is a little bit shorter and her glasses are covered in tape on the right side.  When she looks up at your entrance, her face lights up like someone has turned on all the color in the world.  
  
 "Roxy!  Dirk!" Your heart skips a beat because yes, thank god, thank all the _fucking_ gods.  Today is a good one, today she _recognizes_ you.  Today you won't take home a misery ridden best friend who can hardly breath through her tears because her ex-girlfriend didn't even recognize her. "We're playing tomb raider!" She shouts above the excitement. "Pull up a chair!"  
  
 "You better mean to sit on, I ain't got no idea why you standin’ on the things but you best be getting’ your butts down." PM scolds, and you turn and smile at her because the entire room is giggling now.  
  
 You turn to look back at Jane and she smiles at you like she used to.  There's something missing in the way she does it, and you know there always will be, but she knows your name today.  That's more than you can say for the last time you were here.


	10. ==> Caliborn meet Roxy

The next day at work is a little awkward at first after everything that happened last night.  You open the doors and for a good two hours, no one comes inside.  You like that, the tension that might have wanted to build up between the two of you eases away before any customers can even walk through the doors.  
  
 Calli has parked herself at the register beside you somewhere around the four hour mark, long wig on once again, and you both sit there on stools being bored out of your minds.  This happens sometimes, slow days can either be agonizingly boring or explode in your face around lunch time.  Today it's just slow and boring though, a few people trickling in and out here and there right up until three in afternoon when you're winding down for the day.  
  
 Calliope still doesn't feel good, but with little to zero traffic you've had no issue taking over her shift for her.  It's been nice and no one has been brain numbingly stupid all day.  So you’re in a good mood, which is almost scary and you really kind of want something to go wrong.  
  
 And then Dirk walks in with a blond woman on his arm.  
  
 Fuck.  
  
 There went your good mood.  You’re never hoping for anything ever again.  
  
 Dirk looks relaxed today, not that you're actually noticing, and his smile is... different.  He strides up to the counter with the woman who is all pleasant eyes and harpy painted lips and gives you a nod. "Hello, Caliborn," his voice feels like a cheese grater on your nerves, "Is Calliope around?" He asks with ease.  
  
 "Oh, that's a pretty name." The woman beside him says, her voice slightly slurred as she tries to stage whisper.  
  
 "She's at home." You snap, trying to keep your temper.  It’s a terrible lie but you want him to leave.  All that flies out the window when Calliope comes out of the back room with a box full of fresh fruit and she just smiles like the sun.  Now you want him to die.  
  
 "Dirk!  You're a little late today," Calliope walks around the register and over to the toppings counter with a bounce in her step.  You open your mouth to say... well, anything, but she cuts you off with a look. "I'm glad you could come in, who's this lovely lady you brought with you?" Okay no.  
  
 Back far the fuck up.  
  
 Is your sister _blushing_?  
  
 Oh _hell_ to the _fuck_ of a _no_!  
  
 "I'm Roxy," the woman detaches from Dirk's arm and steps closer to the box before pointing at it. "Do you need help?  You look a little tired, let me help anyway sweet heart." You grip the edge of the counter and push back, standing up and letting the stool slide away from the register as Roxy bends down and scoops up one of the fruit containers.  Calliope blushes even harder and you are going to throw a wet blanket on this so fast nothing ever happens for years down the line!  
  
 But then Dirk's standing in front of you, twirling a cup on his finger and smirking.  
  
 Oh.  
  
 Oh he is dead.  He _planned_ this that little mother fucker of a waffling rusted golf cart wheel!  
  
 "So, yesterday I found out I'm not really a fan of raspberry," his voice is all sweet conversation and it makes your blood boil. "The caramel was good though, we should try that again." He stops spinning the cup and holds it out on his outspread palm. "What if we tried lime this time, oh, or cherry!  Do you like cherry?" You have to clench your fists and count backwards from ten. "You look like you'd enjoy a cherry." That's really not helping though because this idiot's voice makes you want to hurt things.  
  
 Violently.  
  
 You've never wanted to throw someone down a really tall flight of stairs this much before.  Everything about him is tugging at your nerves.  The pointy hair with too much gel, the shades that look really stupid and ugly, the ratty tank top with the faded print screen, the not so baggy jeans that don't actually make his hips look good at all.  
  
 Not that you're even looking because fuck you.  
  
 "No, I don't enjoy cherries." You grumble at him, hoping it will shut him up as you try to step around him.  He smiles, slow and easy and it turns into a smirk very quickly.  
  
 "Oh?" He asks with an eyebrow raised over his shades. "Like your fruit with a little more experience, do you?" You are going to strangle him.


	11. ==> Dodge Dirk

Distract Caliborn long enough for Roxy to unknowingly make a connection with Calliope and have more than you as a friend.  That was the plan in the beginning.  Just... keep him occupied long enough so that Roxy could start talking to Calliope, get interested, want to come back... not stay cooped up in her house all day.  
  
 But then Caliborn had raised his fist and swung it at you with every intention of it connecting.  
  
 He didn't actually _hit_ you, you'd have to be really off your game for that punch to even have a slim chance of maybe even grazing you.  But the _force_ with which he tried to hit you, that took your breath away as the world churned it out in slow motion.  He genuinely wanted to _hurt_ you with that blow, the air felt like it had been vacuumed away as you sidestepped him and you got to take in the muscles in his arms as he flexed it.  His eyes got darker and he led with his right arm and foot, left fist loose and ready to clench and holy fucking shit.  
  
 This should _not_ be hot.  
  
 "Caliborn!" You both look up and blink in shock when Calliope stands there with her hands on her hips.  She looks ready to explode in one of those creepy calm rages you‘ve heard about but never gotten to actually see, but before she can your sweet angel Roxy puts a hand on her shoulder and uses that smile that can get her a free drink faster than flashing her tits can.  
  
 "Oh honey, they're just being boys," Roxy says with a laugh, "they wouldn't actually hurt one another in a public place.  They know better." Oh, that's Roxy's _'I dare you'_ voice.  You like that voice, it pisses even you off.  
  
 "Listen here you insufferable little hook-"  
  
 "If you dare to finish that sentence I will _choke you_ with that apron." Calliope hisses as she takes one loud step forward with her heels.  And damn if the tension didn't just skyrocket through the roof like a baseball through a glass window.  
  
 "Easy now, I've been called much worse than anything your brother could ever come up with," Roxy says in that soothing voice she reserves for explanations.  She tosses you a look that says 'stop being a dumb dumb' and turns Calliope back to the fruit box. "Now, where did the blueberries go?" Calliope looks confused, then hurt.  She reaches over and tucks a strand of hair behind Roxy's ear and smiles at her.  
  
 "You shouldn't ever have to listen to people calling you names though." She says in a soft whisper.  And really, they are hitting it off perfectly, who would dare try and ruin that.  You look over to see Caliborn open his mouth to undoubtedly say something rude.  
  
 Right, he would.  
  
 Sister complex.  
  
 "I want ice cream, teach me how the machine works again?" You hook your hand under his elbow and expect a blow to get thrown your way as you give him a tug toward the machine.  For some reason, it never comes.  
  
 "Holy fucking balls of twine and twigs that are your brain, it's _frozen_ fucking _yogurt_!" Caliborn snaps before he yanks his arm away and snatches the cup out of your hand.  He stomps toward the machine and heads to the key lime flavor, he thinks he's being cute by picking flavors you won't like?  
  
 Precious little idiot.  
  
 You walk over as he fills the left side of the cup with green and white, then snaps the lever up and shoves the cup under the novelty flavors.  Cherry Pop flavor al la gag.  Wow, you're getting the super special treatment today, he's loading that on thick.  He tops it with mint yogurt over both halves and then turns to you, trying so hard not to smirk.  
  
 "You can put the topping on and eat every fucking bit of it," Caliborn says.  He's trying for threatening, but you don't give a fuck so it really just sounds sweet to you. “If there is even a drop left in that cup I’m beating you over the head with the nearest chair.”  
  
 "Will you share it with me?" You ask, because you really can't help it. "I can spoon feed you." You smirk when he snatches the cup from you and stomps over to the toppings counter.  He ignores the ' _rude_ ' Roxy shoots him when he bumps into her and pours and great big spoonful of those mint pastel marshmallows.  He stomps over to the register and you meet him there with a smile as he rings you up.  
  
 "Wipe that smug look off or I won't miss next time." He snaps as you hand him a few bills.  
  
 "You have really beautiful eyes." You scoop up a spoon and your yogurt and turn to go find a chair as he chokes on air.


	12. ==> Think Caliborn

 Fuck what just.  
  
 Holy fuck on a truck full of rusty nails.  
  
 Air, you need all of it.  Or even a gasp of it at this point because you can‘t get any in, sweet _fuck_ what _was_ that?!  Where did that even _come_ from?  This moron just slides into your daily routine and thinks he can just act like you're _friends_ , act like he has any right to talk to you or your sister like you‘re just the best of pals?  
  
 Also, what the shit was with that blond bitch he brought in?  Was Calliope not good enough for him?  What ungodly reasoning made him think it was okay to flaunt his hooker girlfriend who looked like a sloppier version of Dirk if he was female and also not as brain-dead as he was?  Who does that?  
  
 You make it to the back alley and catch your breath, the streetlights not on yet but already starting to hum overhead.  Your head feels like it's pounding right behind your eyes and your thoughts won't stop long enough for you to sort them.  Your throat hurts too.  You just need a few minutes, that's all... just a few minutes alone and then you'll be able to think.  
  
 Only a few minutes turns into you staying out back until closing, Calliope coming to the door to tell you it's time to go home.  You hadn't even realized the time had flown by that fast, all you've been able to think of is white noise and flashes of a face.  You mean to ask Calliope something, but you end up being silent as you go through the mind numbing process that is closing up an empty frozen yogurt shop.  On the way home, Calliope is quiet save for this little wistful sigh she lets out in the elevator.  
  
 She doesn't even tell you goodnight on your floor, just goes right to her door and unlocks it.  
  
 You're not sure if you're hurt or relieved.  But you know she’s probably got a lot on her mind, she’ll yell at you later… right?  
  
 When you get inside your apartment and lock the front door, you look around and everything just seems... so messy.  Messier than normal, more hectic, and that freaks you out because clean is not your area.  Your head is a chaotic cluster fuck right now and it hurts, so you escape to your bedroom and start stripping out of your work over shirt.  You decide that you might as well just get everything else over with and strip down to your boxers, then fall face first into your covers.  The instant you close your eyes you see lips in a smile, flashing into a smirk, a form that moves quickly and muscles in arms ready to strike back.  
  
 That frame that would bend and move so smooth if you struck it, skin showing under the hem of a tank top and hair that was meant to be hidden but wasn't.  
  
 It’s a slow motion recap in your mind and it's _all_ of _Dirk_ and how he moves and _fucking hell_.  His stupid shades, his faded tops, his bulky shoes, his skinny wrists.  
  
 That smart fucker of a mouth with lips like... no fuck you.  
  
 He pisses you the fuck off and he can choke on his nasty ass frozen yogurts and die.  
  
 What was he _doing_ today, talking about your eyes?  There isn’t even anything _special_ about your eyes.  Calliope is the one with the pretty eyes, you've just got regular brown and she's got electric _lime green_ , why would he ignore Calli and shove some strange woman at her to... to.  You roll over and your eyes snap open when it clicks.  
  
 "Holy fucking cock that fucker was _flirting_ with me!" You feel really, _really_ dumb right now.  But then again, not really, because Dirk's shit at flirting.  Does he really think that was good?  It was terrible, you could play that game better gagged and tied...  
  
 Wrong analogy.  Fuck it.  
  
 He's playing a _game_ though, and he thinks he has the upper hand.  No, shit will not fly.  _You_ are the game master, _you_ are the one who will win this war.  Dirk StriDick can go fuck himself on his last name, and if he wants to play, you'll play.  
  
 You're going to blow his mind so hard he sees stars.  
  
 ... Only not like that!    
  
 Oh _fuck_ this, you're taking a nap.


	13. ==> Dirk stay at Roxy's

It's 11:57 at night and you're sprawled out on Roxy's couch as she makes with the domestic and cooks food.  It's just pasta, but for Roxy that's like a four course meal, add dessert.  She’ll cook four times a year on her own, but tonight is special so it’s added on to her number.  
  
 You're crashing at hers tonight because you've got a test tomorrow and her place is closer to the building you‘ll need to run to, also free food from a Lalonde is something you don‘t pass up, even if she‘s rusty at cooking.  She's standing in front of the stove with an apron on that you've offered to turn witty countless time, and she's got a green spoon in her hand as she warms up the sauce she dumped into the pot after emptying out the can.  
  
 "Supper's almost on," She says with a smile.  You miss this, today's been so _almost_ normal you can hardly stand it. "I might have something to make brownies with, but it's probably expired." You look over and offer her a smile anyway.  
  
 She glances up and smiles back, and for the millionth time you think about where she wanted to be two years ago, and who she wanted to be with.  She could be raising kids with Jane right now, maybe have a dozen cats, hell, be sober.  
  
 But she's not, today is special and you're not going to jinx it with could haves or should haves.  You took your glasses off and she pulled the curtains shut and put the booze away, you'd cleaned and wiped the table and she'd washed dishes and started cooking.  A lot of the time you wish you could be attracted to her romantically, maybe it would be easier on you.  Maybe if the both of you could fall in love you could make her better...  
  
 Wishful thinking though.  
  
 "You know, you're awful quiet for someone who was hiding away such a gem all this time, I sure would like you to talk," Roxy says as she taps the spoon on the side of the pot. "How come you’ve never introduced me to Calliope before today?" She glances over for a second and you sit up to watch her get two bowls out of the sink.  
  
 "You've been busy." You tell her.  
  
 "I've been sitting around in my apartment, drinking my feelings.  That‘s not busy, Dirk, that‘s self destructive." It hurts how honest she is about it.  
  
 "And I could never pry you away from your precious drinks like that, your marriage is far too perfect," This is not what you want to say. "I don't want to be a home wrecker." Only you do want to be a home wrecker to her and booze.  You really fucking do.  You'd resort to giving her those pills that make you puke violently if you thought she'd actually take them.  She looks up and you see the look in her eyes, she knows you're hurt by this.  She knows you hate that she drinks so much, only Roxy can read you like that anymore.  
  
 "I think..." she pauses while she fills up the bowls with noodles and tomato sauce, "That alcohol and I are going on a short break." You raise an eyebrow at her and she yanks open a drawer to get out two forks. "Not permanently," damn it, "But long enough that I can get to know this little angel you've been hiding and be sober enough to remember it." She drops the forks in the bowls and walks them back to the couch with some napkins.  She sits next to you with a smile and you take the bowl without question.  
  
 "Why Roxy Lalonde, is that a crush I hear you swooning over?" You say.  Teasing her is always fun.  
  
 "I'm not sure, Mr. Strider, it sure looked like you were crushing on _Caliborn_ more than I was when I was getting to know his sister." She always teases you back.  
  
 "You make that sound sordid," because she does, "And it's not a crush.  I just like pushing his buttons." You twirl your fork in the noodles and Roxy snorts at you.  
  
 "You were making moon eyes at the doorway he ran through the entire time we were there, waiting for him to come back." She said, matter of fact.  You raise an eyebrow and pause as you lift your fork.  
  
 "Uh huh, how would you know I was making moon eyes?  I know for a fact that no one can see through those glasses." You nod at the table beside you both where said shades are sitting and she throws her head back and laughs.  
  
 It's bright and joyful and makes you think of the time Jake was learned how to make rubber band balls and one of the bands snapped back and popped him in the cheek.  He had cursed for a good five minutes and you'd been kicked out of the library.  
  
 "Dirk, sweet heart, I've known you since we were four." She's got that motherly smile on as she reaches over and flicks your ear. "I know what your moon eyes look like, shades or not." And sadly, she does.  
  
 "Roxy and Calliope, sitting in a tree." You mutter.  It's childish, but you don't want to talk about _you_ right now.  
  
 "Oh shut up." And she's totally okay with that.


	14. ==> Caliborn ready for the weekend

Today will be a good day for you, today is Caliborn English‘s grand fucking cartoon free adventure.  It's the last day before you get your weekend break, two blessed days off in which you can sit around your apartment and not deal with humans, stupidity, frozen yogurt, toppings, or any combination of the above.  You just have to actually _make it_ through until closing, then you'll be fine.  Hell, make it through until Calliope can pick up for closing and you'll be even better.  
  
 She feels better and you're glad, but you are starting to feel like she might have passed on whatever she was catching to you.  
  
 But hey, if she _did_ pass on anything, you've got an entire weekend to work it through your system.  Not like you ever get anything other than a really harsh cough and a sore throat, but still.  
  
 Calliope has on a short white wig that curls at her shoulders today so you know she feels better, she's also got a little green barrette clipped up by her left ear for nothing more than esthetic so she‘s in one of her moods where she‘ll mother hen over you every few seconds.  Her sleeves are rolled up and she's wiping down one of the tables while you ring up a woman with three kids and a husband on a leash.  He's nothing but _'Yes dear, alright dear, I'll make it work dear,'_ and you thank fuck that you will never have to deal with something like that.  If you ever find someone they will be strong, stand up for themselves, and easy on the eyes.  
  
 For some reason, that makes you think about how Dirk is none of those things.  
  
 ...  
  
 Alright, so _maybe_ he's strong.  He _was_ able to avoid your punch and looked more than ready to counter.  But that's about it.  
  
...  
  
 Okay, yes, fine.  The fucker can stand up for himself.  Hell, he can hold his own in conversation, still a dick though.  And he's definitely not attractive.  
  
 At all.  
  
 Those shades are ugly and _stupid_ , plus with the gel it makes him look like a super sayan, he reeks of immaturity.  His shirts are all the same, and no self respecting human being enjoys wearing tight jeans.  Not a one.  
  
 Even if they make his ass look… nope not going there.  
  
 "Caliborn," Calliope stands in front of you and snaps her fingers, "Earth to Caliborn, brother dearest I believe I have lost contact." She smiles when you swat her hand away.  
  
 "Fuck you."  
  
 "Ah, there you are," She reaches over again and starts fixing your collar. "You've been zoning out all day, are you feeling alright?" Worry flashes over her face and she presses her wrist to your forehead. "You don't feel feverish..." You let out a heavy sigh and push her hand away once again.  
  
 "Calli I'm fine," Because you are. "What, am I not allowed to _think_ about something?  Is that what you're implying right now?" She huffs and turns away from you, smacking your arm as she heads toward the back room.  
  
 "You don't have to be _mean_ , Caliborn," She's muttering under her breath, but you still hear her loud and clear. "I'm going to get more cups, _please_ behave, I'll only be a few minutes." She turns back and gives you this _look_ , it reeks of _'I've got my eyes on you Mr. Fussypants.'_   Just like Calliope to see you through walls, right?  Of course.  When you turn back around you nearly scream in shock and frustration, but not really because you've got more _control_ than that.  
  
 Standing in front of you with a cup full ice frozen yogurt, is Dirk Strider.  He looks...  
  
 Well, worn out.  There's not a hair out of gelled place, his glasses are as stupid and dark as ever, and his clothes are in perfect order.  But his face, from what you can see, looks tired. "I'm in a bit of a hurry today." He says, not rushing, just informing.  You decide he can deal with the silent treatment, he is undeserving of your voice or attention and he will get _over_ it.  Besides, this is still a game.  
  
 He pays the same way he always does, in cash, and for a moment you wonder where he gets it all.  Maybe he really is a hired prostitute after all, and all that money he's been throwing away on frozen yogurt came from some cranky old business guy in a suit.  
  
 Suddenly you feel like washing the register with bleach.  
  
 "You sure are distracted today," Dirk says as he takes the spoon.  You grunt at him in response.  He looks up at you, head tilted, then he smiles.  Not one of those cocky smirks you're used to, an honest smile. "Why Caliborn, did you get laid last night?" You stop, mid register shut, and _glare_ at him.  He seems to take the hint and backs away with his napkin.  Stupid fucking cunt.  You watch him until he gets to the door, then pulls it open.  He looks back and flashes a smile again.  
  
 You wave one hand at him in dismissal. "Shoo.  Annoying vermin." You grumble.  
  
 "You look beautiful when your face gets all red like that." You slip and slam the register shut on your finger.


	15. ==> Dirk leave the shop

 That's what you're doing.  As you close the door, over the sound of the bell, you hear a very loud shout of ' _MOTHER OF ALL FUCKS_ ', but you've got no time to pay attention.  You really have to get to that other test.

 

 You run the entire way there.


	16. ==> Caliborn be in pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way! Have some holy shit fanart!  
> http://tumutyouall.tumblr.com/post/28539624240/this-is-some-fanart-i-did-of-sonas-humanstuck-fic  
> Annnd then Caliborn's tattoos!  
> http://tumutyouall.tumblr.com/post/28935459680/caliborns-tattoos-from-sonas-wonderful

 "Holy fucking shit fuck cunt there is pain Christmas balls and tinsel on the god damn tree _fuck_!" Yes, you are going to keep cussing.  Unless your finger magically stops hurting in the next two seconds, you may never stop. "Hell shitting sideways waffle copter!" No, you don't give two shits about the woman who is trying to covers her children’s ears and is currently glaring at you as if you just birthed Satan from your mouth.  Satan has nothing on _slamming your finger in a metal drawer_!  Fuck the cunt and her children you are going to scream in a few seconds!  
  
 But then Calliope screams your name and the pain doesn't matter as much because you have to focus on calming her down.  She'll have a panic attack if she gets any more frantic, and that's _not_ good.  She needs to chill.  
  
 "Oh my god, Caliborn!" She drops the box of paper cups in the doorway to the back and runs right over, yanking the rag out of her apron as she turns pale at the sight of your blood. "Give me your hand." She demands.  
  
 "No, fuck you, it's not even bleeding that much!" You snap at her because it still hurts.  Yes, your sister can be gentle, but you're pretty sure you just broke your fucking index finger so no she will _not_ be touching it.  
  
 "Caliborn, I swear to _god_ if you don't give me your hand!" Her voice never raises but her tone is terrifying.  Your mother used to talk to you like that when you'd get in trouble, and it's not a memory you enjoy.  You extend your hand and she mops up the little blood there is, apologizing profusely as you hiss and curse at her every time the rag rubs against your finger.  
  
 "Stop fucking touching it!" You snap before yanking your hand back, and she does after wrapping the rag around it and pulling your hand back.  
  
 "I need to take you to the hospital." She says, turning to untie the back of her apron.  
  
 "Oh _hell_ fucking _no_!" You snap at her because no.  Not this, not _ever_. "You are _not_ leaving this shop, you have to close up!" You lower your voice when people start crowding. "I don't even need to go-"  
  
 "Caliborn either you go to the hospital with me or I call daddy and he drives down here to take you himself!" Calliope stamps her foot down and one woman shoos back to her seat.  Yeah sure, enjoy the show.  Fucking vultures, get popcorn why don‘t you.  
  
 You turn back to your sister and she looks... well, pretty much pissed as all the fuck she can get.  Why are you always the one who has to calm her down?  
  
 ... Maybe because you're always making her angry...  
  
 ... Well shit.  
  
 "Look, Calli," You make your voice as soothing as you can even though your finger is throbbing like a fucker. "You don't need to call Dad, I'll... I'll go to the hospital okay?  But you _have_ to close up shop," She tries to argue with you but you cut her off with the hand that doesn't hurt like Satan took a piss on it. "No, we will _compromise_.  I'm an adult, you're an adult, we both fucking _work_ for a living, we both work _here_ ," you wave you hand from floor to ceiling, "You will not shirk your duty or responsibility just because I have a busted finger." You watch as she levels things in her mind, then crosses her arms.  
  
 "I don't want you going by yourself." She uses the worst pout she has in her arsenal.  It gets to your every fucking time.  God damn it.  
  
 "Calli, hey," You reach out to lift her chin and try to smile. "I'll have my phone on me, the hospital isn't that far." After a while she shakes her head out of your grasp and smiles back.  
  
 "Toss pot." She mumbles as she reties her apron.  
  
 "Yeah you too, now, can I go?" You look back at the room full of people and roll your eyes at them.  They look like they're about to burst out into one of those sickening collective awes.  
  
 Nasty, vulgar trash they are.  
  
 "Yes, okay, but... let me get you ice first, and let me help you out of this apron." Calliope makes quick work of hovering around you and standing on the tip of her toes as she pulls off your apron.  
  
 "I don't need ice." You mutter, but she shushes you with a finger as she hurries into the back.  You can hear her rummaging around with the ice maker, and then some woman makes one of those overly polite coughs on the other side of the register.  
  
 "What?" You try not to snap at her, but it happens anyway.  Broken finger, don't care.  
  
 "I overheard your conversation with your sister just now, I know that the hospital is, as you put it, not far, but that's still about twenty minutes of a walk." You wait for the rest of it.  There has to be more, you see it on her face. "I was wondering if you'd like a ride there, I know that must be painful and I have no issue driving you down the road," she points a finger at your hand and you resist the urge to shout at her.  
  
 You resist it very hard.  
  
 "No... thank you." You say, hiding it behind pain in your index. "I'll just... jog there." She shrugs after a moment, but at least she took the hint.  
  
 Calliope comes back a few minutes later and wraps your finger in a rag with ice and you start cursing all over again.  You might have called her something beyond rude, but she just drops your phone in your breast pocket and kisses your cheek before shoving you at the door.  
  
 "If you're still there by the time I'm closed up I'm going to be _very_ upset!" She calls as you push the door open. "Call me every half hour!"  
  
 "You are not my _mother_!" You'll do it anyway.


	17. ==> Continue to be Caliborn

 "So, how's your finger?" Calliope sits a cup of tea in front of you and then drags the ottoman over to perch on it.  She never really _sits_ , she's to regal for sitting after all, she's like a little bird.  Skirts all ruffled and hair always perfect and not a drop of herself is out of place.  Also, she always crosses her ankles and her hands over her knees like a Princess.  She got that from mom, and you miss mom.  But it’s okay, because if you miss her too much, you just look at your sister and you see her in her eyes.  
  
 You see her in Calli’s smile, the way she holds things in her hands.  The way she walks with her head held high when she feels like it, and the way she floats across a floor when she needs to because she was born out of elegance.  
  
 God you love pain killers.  
  
 "Caliborn?" She waves one hand in front of your face and you shake your head, relaxing back into the couch some more.  
  
 "Right, sorry, something about a stable fracture, buddy taping," You lift up your index and middle finger and show her the splint and tape that's keeping them together. "Love, that stuff they give you, in the clear bag on a line..." You sigh. "Stuff is bloody top as it gets." You watch Calliope try not to laugh, try and hide it behind her hand.  
  
 That’s the only drawback of pain killers.  Your fucking accent you worked years to kill just falls over you like you never left it behind.  
  
 "Oh lord, you're as high as a kite aren't you." She smiles and you smile back.  
  
 "Your eyes have always been so pretty when you're happy, did you know that?" You inform her as you pick up the tea cup. "They get even brighter, is that possible though?  Your eyes to get brighter, I mean.  They‘re already a lime electric green as it is." You stop and sniff the tea, then sigh again in content. "Oh, you made Earl grey."  
  
 "Without sugar, just the way you like it." Calliope says before she stands up. "Will you be alright if I leave?" She asks as she takes a step away from you.  
  
 "Why would you leave?" You take a sip of the tea. "This is divine, by the way, maybe a small teaspoon of sugar?" She hums and steps into the kitchen, then brings back your sugar bowl.  You only have it for when she comes over and makes you tea, otherwise it's pretty fucking pointless to have a small glass bowl full of sugar when you can just get it right from the bag.  
  
 "I'll take that as a no," She's still smiling as she scoops a bit of sugar into the cup and waits until you try it.  When you smile at her she takes the bowl back into the kitchen. "By the way, brother, you never did tell me what caused you to slam the register shut like that." She comes back in with a plate of bagels and you beam at her because she brought those over just for you.  You don’t buy bagels, you forget they’re in your fridge and they rot.  
  
 "Dirk." You tell her as she hands one over and raises an eyebrow.  
  
 "That's an open ended statement, care to elaborate?" Calliope asks before she sits the food down on the side table.  You shrug and watch as she walks over to the other side of the couch and picks up the pillow and blanket.  
  
 "He keeps being a twat," She raises an eyebrow at you and you frown, "Well he does."  
  
 "Humor me, dear." She says as she sits and puts the pillow in her lap over all the layers of her skirts.  She pats the pillow when you take a bite of the bagel and you set your tea down on the night stand and stretch out across the couch so your head is on the pillow, legs curled up by the arm of the couch.  
  
 "Well, he came in and he was all... himself," Calliope nods and starts petting your head like a cat.  Sometimes you wish you actually had hair so she could run her fingers through it, but not very often. "But yes, he comes in, he's a dick, which you know, we should ban him for." She stops petting and you stop talking, looking up at her as you take another bite of your bagel.  
  
 "Good lord, what did he do?" She sounds worried.  You make sure to swallow all your food before you begin.  
  
 "Oh, it's awful," You inform her. "He said I was beautiful." Actually that was a lot shorter than you thought it would be.  But Calliope makes this noise that you can't really place.  You blink at her in confusion, and instead of answering your unspoken question, she drapes the blanket over you and tucks you in.  You miss being tucked in, you know you're an adult now, but sometimes you like this. "And... and the other day, oh man I swear, the other day he said he liked my eyes!  What is he smoking and where can I get some." You laugh a little bit and Calliope goes back to petting your head.  
  
 "Dearest, you've had more than enough of some, was your finger really hurting you that badly?" Calliope wonders as she takes the bagel from you to replace it with tea.  
  
 "Hmm?  Oh, no.  They had to sedate me because I wouldn't stop screaming at them." You smile and sip at your tea, the angle is awkward but you manage.  
  
 "Dare I ask why you were screaming?" That makes you laugh.  
  
 "Had to relocate one of the bones, then they just put it in a splint and Walla, fixer upper." She makes her own soft laugh, then her face changes.  She's still smiling, but it's a sad one, you don't like it. "Love, what's wrong, am I being a toss?" She shakes her head no at your question and takes the tea cup away.  
  
 "No, you should get some sleep," You will not be arguing with her there, "I'm just thinking over the talk I'll be having with Dirk." She says.  
  
 "I doubt that'll do anything, he's a complete bugger of a fuck, you know?" You have to explain this a bit more from the way she smirks. "No listen, he really is.  His hair is... really blond, and he's got the weirdest freckles." She tries not to laugh at that. "I know, right?  Who has a right amount of blond and then freckles?  No one proper, that's who."  
  
 "Caliborn, I thought I told you to sleep." She's still petting your head while you get comfortable.  
  
 "And those _jeans_!" But you're on a roll, you have a point to make. "What was he thinking, did he just wake up one morning and think, 'Oh, I'll just _pour_ my ass into this material, no big deal.  If I think a happy thought I can give the crowd my measurements, they won't mind.’" Calliope's openly laughing now. "His butt is a weapon." You inform her.  
  
 "I prefer other butts." She says back.  
  
 "Ah, but that's because you have not properly looked.  He's got one of those stupid hypno-asses!" You stop when she shakes with giggles, then wait for a while. "I wonder what color _his_ eyes are... do you know?"  
  
 "I haven't the foggiest, brother dear." That makes you pout.  
  
 "Well that's not fair, how come he gets to be insufferable and compliment my eyes, but I can't see his to tell him how ugly they are?" Calliope shakes her head and presses her palm over your mouth when you open it to go on.  
  
 "Enough of that, get to sleep before you hate yourself in the morning." She says softly.  
  
 "Oh, I doubt that, I feel great." But you yawn and curl up against your sister anyway.  There's no way you'd regret right now.  
  
\--  
  
 Okay you lied.  
  
 You wake up the next day alone, in bed, with an achy finger.  You remember everything.  
  
 You regret all of it.  
  
 … at least you have the weekend off.


	18. ==> Dirk, be exhausted

 So you take your test that was aggravating as fuck because how many times can you misprint a name on a test sheet?  As soon as you're done explaining to the teacher why you marked all over the _‘Do not mark sheet'_ , you go straight home.  Yeah, you could have gone to Roxy's, it _was_ closer, but you really just want to relax in your bed in your dinky little apartment that smells like motor oil and wood polish.  
  
 You got the place on a bargain and no matter what your Bro says, you‘re keeping it until _you_ can afford something better and no later.  It's right above a garage/fix-it shop that repairs just about _anything_ a person could bring in.  The deal is, as long as you work there part time, they cut your rent in half.  They also pay for water, heating, trash, and internet.  It's pretty perfect, even if Roxy refuses to step foot in the place ever again on threat of disembowelment after one of the other part timers insulted her and 'accidentally' dropped cold oil all over her legs.  
  
 You'd almost gotten yourself fired, you were _this_ close to quitting if no one dealt with his attitude.  But Roxy had punched the guy so hard you were pretty sure she cracked his cheek bone.  
  
 You've no idea why that never went to court, but you're happy it didn't.  
  
 You go in through the backdoor and have to stop in front of the stairs that lead up to your apartment.  There's a big white box with your name on it and nothing else, no return address or postage markings.  You hoist it up and it weighs nothing at all, and you're five steps on your way up when the shop door opens beside the back door and the shop owners best friend is calling your name.  You raise an eyebrow as you look down at her, wondering what on Earth she could possibly want.  
  
 “Dirk, dear sweet Strider that knows much more than I do.”  
  
 "What?" She practically purrs when you talk.  She pushes the door open wider and grins up at you.  
  
 "Well," Her voice has a little sing-song in it. "After you put… whatever that is up, we need you downstairs," She leans forward, pushing all her weight on the door handle. "Someone wants us to fix this huge grandfather clock, and I got it apart, but I can't tell why it isn't working.  It looks _just_ like the blueprint they gave me." She sighs and shrugs her shoulders.  
  
 "Not everything is as simple as a blueprint, Nep," You tell her as you nod at the stairs. "Just let me drop this off, I'll be down in a minute.  A clock won't take too long." She nods happily and you make your way up the rest of the stairs.  You unlock the door to the attic slash apartment you stay in and shove the box onto the kitchen table, it doubles as the everything else table anyway.  
  
 You head back downstairs and grab your overalls off the hook by the door.  This won't take too long at all.  
  
 Only the clock wasn’t the only thing to come in while you were at school.  
  
 Four hours later and you're heading back up your stairs, at this point you want to take a long shower and never come out.  Your work overalls are ruined, at least they will be until Nepeta throws them in that big ass washing machine she got for her not boyfriend but totally best friend she makes moon eyes at all the time.  You start stripping out of your clothes until you're standing naked in your living room, everything dropped in the chair you never actually sit in anyway, then you make your way to the shower.  
  
 You can hear Nepeta blasting some weird bouncy techno pop or something through the floor, it makes the pipes thump a little.  A small price to pay for excellent water pressure, massive tips, and a great distance from work.  You push the flimsy door to the bathroom open and then slide it shut before you walk over to the shower stall.  The glass door needs to be oiled, but you're too tired to fix it right this second, so instead you leave it half open as you turn the water on and grab the soap.  
  
 The expensive kind that gets the smell of motor oil off and any kind of stain to just rinse away.  
  
 Hotel soap.  
  
 Shit's powerful as all get out and you keep meaning to look up what's in it, but you never do.  You leave your glasses on the sink and dunk your head under the water with the soap, wetting it just enough so you can start scrubbing the oil and grime off from today.  You're covered in soap bubbles in no time, fingers scrubbing out gel and product from your hair before you grab the shampoo.  Generic brand tonight, you need to go shopping because you're running low.  
  
 You scrub your way through the rest of the gel until your hair falls limp and starts curling around your ears.  Nothing drastic, but little waves you hate and despise and would take a straightener to after your shower if you weren't so _exhausted_.  
  
 The rest of your shower is just getting all the shampoo, soap, and gunk off with the water and a rag.  Once you're clean, you stand under the water until it runs cold, then step out and bundle up in the largest towel you can find.  You grab your shades and go back to the bedroom, ready for this day to be over.  You set the glasses over your alarm clock and then worm your way into the covers, still dripping wet.  It's a bad idea, you've been there and done that, but you're too tired to care.  
  
 You stretch and pull your pillow close, wrapping your arms around it before you close your eyes.  You just want to sleep.  Sleep and spend the rest of the weekend doing nothing whatsoever besides thinking up things to make Caliborn blush and how to get Nepeta to model a dress for you.  
  
 ...  
  
 But then you remember that box on your table.  
  
 Fuck it, it can wait until the morning.


	19. ==> Caliborn have pancakes

 Saturday's are good days, they are the beginnings of a glorious weekend of relaxation that always ends with you not having to worry about getting up early or going to bed later than you know is advisable.  You do wake up late though, and through the throb in your hand and the agony of remembering last night, you're still going to chalk this up as a good day.  A day that hasn't even _started_ yet.  You can turn this around, make it a good day of rest like every other Saturday has been for several years now.  
  
 Calliope is nowhere to be found, but there's a room temperature breakfast spread sitting beside you on a tray, so you know she was here at _some_ point during your sleep.  Pancakes with whipped topping and powdered sugar, syrup in a cup that probably has an added flavor, eggs over easy, and a heap ton of bacon and sausage.  This is the breakfast of Kings.  
  
 There's toast by your glass of milk, but who actually _eats_ toast?  
  
 Seriously?  
  
  _Who_?  
  
 You're pretty sure the milk is Calliope's way of telling you that you could have avoided a broken finger if you drank more of the stuff, but that's just because she likes to rile you up.  Knowing her, she's off telling ' _daddy_ ' about how you broke your finger and how you need _time off_ because you don't have your head screwed on straight.  
  
 At least, that's what you'd be doing if it was you in her shoes... but then again if she'd broken her finger you would have reacted with more violence to her cries of pain than she did yours.  She's much more level headed than you are, you would have assumed it was whoever was closest and tried to maimed them severely like you want to do to Dirk every time you see him.  
  
 He was there to begin with, and if he’d have _caused_ it for Calliope, you’d have just killed him and gotten it over with.  
  
 You reach out and grope for your fork to distract your brain, then you realize just how glad you are that Calliope turned off your alarm clock before she left your apartment, then you start poking at the eggs.  Eggs are weird as edible food, but when Calliope makes them they're pretty decent.  Only you can’t seem to spear the eggs right in this sprawled, comfortable position.  
  
 ... _Damn_ , eating requires sitting up.  
  
 You push yourself up to your elbows and drag yourself into a sitting position with a hope that this will make it easier.  All the while you’re doing this, you’ve been trying to avoid putting weight on your hand.  When you finally get up in a position you‘re semi-comfortable with, you have to work out how to do this with one good hand and one bum hand with fucked up fingers.  You have your fork in your bad hand and you're lifting up the syrup to pour over your pancakes when you smell it.  A strange, wafting smell that makes you think of something odd.  
  
 Oranges.  
  
 Calliope left you _orange flavored syrup_ for your pancakes.  Where the fuck do you even _get_ orange flavored syrup.  You put the cup down and dip your finger in, then you put the tip in your mouth and scrape it off on your teeth.  Suddenly everything tastes like oranges and maple and...  
  
 And you're thinking about Dirk mother cunting Strider.  
  
  _Why_ are you thinking about Dirk mother cunting Strider?  
  
 Right, because of when you first met he wanted orange sherbet frozen yogurt.  That fat free shit that has less sugar than normal frozen yogurt and tastes like hell, plastic, and orange throw up.  Of all the flavors to pick, he had to start off by picking the worst one with the least amount of sugar that wasn't sugar free.  You're pretty sure if he'd have requested anything sugar free, you'd have shot _yourself_.    
  
 ... Wait, why the fuck do you remember what _flavor_ of frozen yogurt the bane of your existence got the first day you met?  Where would you even store that information?  Why is that a thing in your mind, it needs to be erased.  
  
 You decide you don't need syrup on your pancakes, even though you really want it.  
  
 Later, after you drop your tray off in the kitchen and get a shower, you start thinking.  The fucking plastic wrap is confusing to get on and off though, and you wish Calliope was there to show you what to do.  Sadly she isn't, so instead of wallowing like a moron, you wander into the living room.  You've been wondering where your sister might be since you woke up, and why she's not _here_ , and then you suddenly remember a snippet from your shared conversation last night about her having a talk with Dirk.  
  
 What would that even be about?  Why would she need to talk to him, is it something about you?  Is it to tell him to back off?  Is it to tell him to keep going?  
  
 ... She wouldn't _dare_.  
  
 ... _Would_ she?  
  
 No, you don't _care_ , you seriously give not a single iota of a _fuck_ because Dirk is a yarn fucking hose tankard.  You will stop thinking about him and people watch, because that always cheers you up.  You can shout at idiots from your one way tinted window when it's open just a crack and no one is the wiser.  With a sigh and a shake of your head, you drag yourself through your house to your spot by the window and sit in your chair with all the cushions Calliope bought you because, and you quote, _'I'm worried about your posture.'_  
  
 Fucking Calliope.  
  
 Outside in the street it’s bustling with activity because hey, you live across the street from the shop, and that shop is located in a gigantic mall lot, so there's always people roaming about.  Everyone outside is either loaded down with shopping bags or talking on cell phones so you examine those closer in range of your shouting capability.  Who can you mock first?  
  
 There's a woman with a low halter top on, you should shout about the excess extension of her breasts.  But... it looks too much like one of Dirk's tops, so you keep looking.  The less you think about him, the better.  
  
 Ah hah, over there is a man who's about to run into traffic.  He’s got brown hair and nondescript clothes.  Him you can scream at, him you can wax _poetic_ about the fuckup of his existence and how his idiocy is why the world has stop signs.  This moron has no idea the hell he has unleashed that will be birthed in the form of your enraged screaming.  
  
 But then he turns around and you see his sunglasses.  
  
 Fucking.  
  
 You'll keep looking.  
  
 It _cannot_ be that hard to find someone in a crowd who doesn’t reminds you of Dirk Strider.  
  
\--  
  
 Holy fuck you _lied_.  You just wasted two hours.


	20. ==> Dirk open the box open it oh man!

 When you woke up this morning, you went through your entire morning routine without a single step out of place, then you make coffee and take your pills.  You are just a good looking zombie before coffee, and if you didn’t have this thing on your table you’d be falling right back to sleep.  You’re not though, instead you’re staring at this box like it‘s insulting you, coffee cup cradled in your hands as you just... wait.  You know who it's from, you know what it is, you realize you really don't want anything to do with it.  
  
 This is a fucking _dick_ move even if he didn't plan it to be and this entire thing was done out of sincerity.  This is your brother's idea of so called ironic charity, or as he likes to remind you, _half bro handouts_.  All you want to do is move your expensive box cutter back into your sewing kit, take the box downstairs, and set it on fire with Nepeta‘s blow torch.  
  
 But oh, that would be _such_ a waste, because you _know_ what's inside.  
  
 You've known since you lifted the stupid thing up, and it upsets you.  You're not sure if he's being sincere or if he thinks this is some big way to say _fuck you I'm better than you_.  Knowing Dave, you'll never find out.  He'll have you agonizing in silent frustration for a day or two, then you'll forget because it's not high enough on your list of things to focus on.  
  
 Is that what he's been trying to do, get on your list?  Be noticed?  Get a returned phone call when you don't even know if you have his number?  
  
 Whatever it is, you down it with a mouthful of coffee.  
  
 You can't throw the box out without opening it, and truthfully you don't really want to throw the box out at all.  You know it's expensive, and as you put the cup down and exchange it out for your box cutter, you heave a sigh.  It's now or never, do or don't.  You grimace as you push the blade out and then press it over the clear tape at the top of the box.  
  
 What if this is a trick?  
  
 You'll beat the shit out of him.  
  
 What if he sent you something other than what you know is in there?  
  
 ... You'll beat the shit out of him.  
  
 You press the blade in and listen to the tape snap apart while you run it down the seam on the top, then you cut the sides until the flaps pop up slightly.  When they do, you get an eyeful of pink silk and a bright red envelope on top.  
  
 You pull the envelope out, ignoring the fabric because you already knew about because it‘s Dave and it‘s that time of the month for him.  With ease you flip open the envelope and tug out the letter, reading it over with a raised eyebrow.  
  
 _'yo bro  
   heard you got some choice new lady friend, cant wait to meet her.  cant leave rox the fox out though, so make her something too.  have fun with fashion week.  or whatever.  
dave strider'_  
  
 You crumple up the note and throw it toward the trash.  You could sell his signature on the internet for a shit ton, but he signed it just so you would, or maybe could.  That's why you won't be doing it, you're not going to stoop to his level and you're _not_ going to use this fabric.  
  
 Except when you look back over at the box, it's Roxy's favorite color of pink, and it's smooth to the touch.  Below that you see tulle in several colors, then dark greens and a bright roll of lime.  There's more in there, a lot more, but all you can do is run through silhouettes and figures and Roxy in an evening dress with gloves and Calliope on her arm in something big and poofy.  
  
 You don't want to except it.  
  
 But you've already grabbed a charcoal pencil and scrap of paper, you're drawing the lines for Roxy first and they're smooth and tight.  It wraps around her neck but stays off her shoulders, fits perfectly against her breasts and then it’s formfitting down to her hips.  You'll put a slit in the side as it drops down to pool at her feet, she loves those types of dresses because she can show off her legs.  There might need to be a little bit of a bunched portion on her hip so she feels like Jessica Rabbit or something.  You won't even have to put a zipper on the dress, you're sure she'd prefer a slip on fit anyway.  
  
 You move across the paper and start on Calliope's, front and back.  You want her in something like a ball gown, but nothing A-line because her breasts aren't something she wants to show off.  She’s obviously shy, no need to make her uncomfortable.  You can make it sort of strapless, maybe the base can be set as a corset, and then she can have long, sheer sleeves with a collar.  Oh, or an short overcoat in that dark green you saw.  
  
 When you finish the top of the sketch you pause, charcoal tapping against your chin as you imagine varied types of skirts you could put her in.  
  
 You're pretty sure she likes things layered, from all the lolita junk she wears to work at least, so you draw something Belle Disney Princess inspired that drapes to show off said layers.  It'll have to be tinkered with so it stays lightweight, but the idea you have in mind will be elegant and something you hope she loves.  Even though you've got these designs, you have no idea where either of the girls would wear them.  You don't attend movie premiers like you're brother with his friends, and you certainly don't go to fancy parties just because they exist.  
  
 You just make pretty things for lovely people.  
  
 The girls will wear them no matter what though, and you really hope they like them.  You turn back to the box and grab the pink, pushing things off the table as you stretch out the fabric.  You need your measuring tape, your pin cousin, hell, you're sewing machine.  
  
 You have Roxy's measurements memorized, so you'll start with hers.  She's been a body you've sew clothes onto for years now, and she will wear whatever you make her with the biggest smile and such a proud confidence.  It's just been her the last two years, occasionally you'll sew up a sundress for Jane and leave it with the nurses so she has new clothes to wear, but...  
  
 You haven't made a suit in such a long time.  
  
 Not since you made Jake one to match yours for the dance two years ago...  
  
 With shaky hands, you drag over the scrap paper and pick up the charcoal again.  
  
 Two more designs won't hurt, you’re sure Caliborn would look even hotter in a tuxedo that he does in his work uniform.  
  
 You’re thinking something with suspenders.  
  
 And with that thought in mind, you realize this is going to be one long damn weekend.


	21. ==> Caliborn be miserable

 Saturday turns out to be a complete bust.  Every other thing you did ended up doing that day somehow reminded you of Dirk, and _that_ just made you furious and confused.  This was meant to be your _stress free_ weekend.  Shit, even with a broken finger you could have made things work out, you just weren't going to lift weights or anything.  
  
 Instead you spent most of Saturday screaming internally as Dirk Strider kept popping into your head.  Fucker of bagels and all things.  
  
 Around eight that night you fell face first into the bed and screamed into your pillows for a while, wishing your sister was with you.  It had no real purpose other than to make you feel better, and it did for awhile.  Calliope used to do it with you when your dad was being stupid amounts of unreasonable when the two of you were growing up.  She was the one that had all his attention as a child and even she agreed he was pretty fucking dumb sometimes.  Even when your parents got a divorce and Calli stayed with your mom in England before she had to come back for Chemo, she was the one he would seek out first.  
  
 She was the good twin, you were the son he never wanted.  
  
 He'd probably berate the fucking hell out of you if he could see you now.  Laying in bed on a Sunday, not tending to your sister, finger broken, distracted as all fuck by every possible thing.  You haven't even rolled over since you woke up, you're still staring at your alarm clock and hating the world around you.  
  
 Your mind is a waste.  Why Dirk Strider?  
  
 What on this green Earth did you do to deserve that sphincter of a human being stuck in your head?  How did he even get stuck there?  You have all these questions and not a single answer and you're just... really aggravated.  You can't even put together any good insults, you're just that tired.  
  
 After a while you sigh and reached behind the alarm clock to grab your cell phone off its charger.  You hit Calliope's speed dial, which is two because when you were younger it was cool and funny, and press the phone to your ear.  
  
 It rings.  
  
 And rings.  
  
 And _keeps_ ringing.  
  
 You're about to throw the thing when there's a click, then a burst of noise. _"Hello?"_ Calliope sounds confused and that bothers you because she should know your ring tone.  
  
 "Calli..." You sit up finally, pulling your legs to your chest. "Where are you?" You sound so fucking wrecked and you hate that.  It's not right, you're Caliborn English, son of a Lord and a Lady and you're not that bad off even if you _are_ working a shit job that you hate just because you love your sister too much to leave her alone in the states.  
  
 "I'm in the grocery, what's wrong honey?" Her voice changes from a soft laugh to a very serious worry.  You don't know what to say, or you don't say anything fast enough, so she goes on. "Look, I'm almost done getting food, can you wait for me for about fifteen minutes?" She sounds serious.  
  
 "It's no big deal, I was just wondering where you were." You should hang up, but you don't.  
  
 _"Oh... Oh_ Caliborn _,"_ Her voice sounds like your mothers and you hurt in your chest. _"It is a big deal, love you sound right amounts of_ wrecked _.  Just... just sit tight, I'll be there soon."_ You can hear her talking to someone beyond the conversation with you and it makes you grimace.  She's out with friends and you're calling her over because you can't think straight.  What if she‘s on a date?  Fuck. _"Caliborn?"_  
  
 "Huh?  Yeah?" You try to focus again and you hear her sigh.  
  
 _"I'm going to bring back some candy, what do you want?"_ She knows what you eat, but you guess she thinks if she keeps you talking it'll be okay.  
  
 "Fuck, get me Jujubes's, you know what I like." You mutter as you cover your face with your hand.  You wonder if Dirk likes sweets as much as you do, and then you want to scream.  
  
 _"And you know what I like."_ She counters with a laugh. _"Just sit tight, I'll be there shortly."_ You can here her rushing in the store, and you wait until she hangs up before to put the phone down.  
  
 You should really put on more clothes other than your boxers before she gets here.


	22. ==> Dirk how was your weekend?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Want to really get to know this chapter? Listen to this while you read.  
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCVMJBlBcM4  
> I'm not sorry.

 You've been making patterns for about two days now and your wrist and the inside of your thumb hurt from snipping fabric and gripping your scissors at awkward angles.  You've gotten Roxy's dress all lined up and laid out on the table, and your suit is draped across the couch in pieces.  You're picking out colors for Calliope's gown when you realize you still don't have her measurements.  How do you go about fixing that?  
  
 You could always call Roxy, the girl has an eye for remembering details and sizes after just one glance, but sadly if you do that she'll know you're making stuff.  She's got leftover detective skills from her years with Jane, and that makes you pause as you draw a line on the green fabric to mark out sections.  
  
 When Roxy was with Jane, they'd go on ' _Adventures_.'  They’d do things like go out into the woods by Jake’s house over the weekends and come back a few days later with stupid smiles and stories of Roxy's goofy messes with nature.  Jane would always have loads of pictures and a few videos, and on rare occasions she'd drag you and Jake and you'd go so far into the woods you'd swear you were lost.  But Jake and Jane always knew where they were going, and they'd always drag you and Roxy by the hand into the darkest parts of the forest and show you how beautiful it could be.  
  
 Jake was one for the moonlight, while Jane loved searching in the heat of the day.  None of you ever expected to find anything, but even little things like off shaped rocks would split a grin across their faces so wide it would make your chest ache.  Jake loved to drag you away from camp and find the nearest river or pond, strip down to just his boxers and dive in with the loudest whooping noises.  He'd beg you to join him, and no matter what you always ended up doing it, even if it ruined your hair.  
  
 You smile as you set the chalk down and head into the kitchen, you need something to drink.  
  
 As you busy yourself with making a glass of orange juice, your mind goes back to your first kiss.  You'd both been in the water, that's why you thought of it.  You'd approached him and he'd laughed because _'You're squinting at me aren‘t you?  You look so nice without those shades though.'_ You'd just smiled and said something silly, and he'd laughed and clung to your shoulders, nose brushing against your cheek.  
  
 It was quick an idea, but you'd leaned in and brushed your lips against his.  He'd stopped laughing and you'd felt your entire body freeze.  You'd sworn you'd fucked everything up, months of friendship and trying to get close to him all down the drain.  
  
 But then he'd tangled his fingers in your hair and pulled you close for another kiss.  He hadn't even held back that first time, he'd just kissed you over and over again in the moonlight.  It had been so romantic but so _cold_ and you‘d both gotten a fever.  The both of you would talk about it for years after, the story of your first kiss being just too good to be true.  Because it really had been.  Jake was too good to be true, he was perfect and everything you had ever wanted out of life.  
  
 He'd helped you bring Jane and Roxy together and made sure that they were always happy.  He'd encouraged you to become a designer even though you had no confidence in yourself back then, you’d just been making clothes for Roxy because she couldn't afford to leave the house until she turned eighteen.  She was also too lazy to buy things online, anything besides fabric at least.  He'd helped you buy your first sewing machine, helped you break it too.  He'd watched you go through an entire box of junk just to find the right part to fix the damn thing, and bought it for you even though it was stupidly overpriced.  
  
 Jake was your first, and you loved him... _love_ him, _unconditionally_.  The two of you used to stay at his place and just lay in bed on the weekends, naked and wrapped up in each other more than the sheets.  You'd kiss every inch of him you could reach and he'd kiss _'every freckle you have.'_   You'd have lazy sex and eat breakfast in bed together, you shared so many inside jokes and you were both looking at apartments in Derse.  
  
 God, Jake hated Derse, but you loved it.  He wanted to move there with you because of how much you loved it, just pack up his entire life and run off with you because he loved you.  
  
 You don't even realize you'd started crying until the tears fall into your orange juice and sent ripples over the top.  You have to stop doing this to yourself, it's been two years and you've had time to get over this.  
  
 When you turn around and lean your back against the counter, you remember how he used to turn you like this when you would be trying to make breakfast.  How he would lean into your chest and nuzzle his nose against your neck until you'd bend for him with a laugh.  Jake loved leaving little marks on you, and you loved showing them off, even if it upset your parents.  Not like they were ever around anyway.  
  
 His grandmother practically raised you and your Bro, and she loved you so much.  You miss her like crazy, but not as much as you miss Jake.  You should have went to see him when you saw Jane, but...  
  
 It hurts.  
  
 Your chest hurts because you can feel him kissing you.  Feel him tugging his fingers through your hair as you would rut against one another on the bed.  You can feel him and hear him in your dreams.  He’s always right beside you, snoring lightly or moaning in the morning about _'Horrid dog break, worse than Bec, get off you're gross.'_   And then he would pull you back down and kiss you senseless and you'd cling to him because he was _there_.  
  
 And now he's not.  
  
 You hear his voice in your head every time you visit as you slide down the cabinets and start to cry.  
  
 No, it's more accurate to say you break out into a wailing sob that's going to make Nepeta rush up the stairs if you don't get it under control soon.  
  
 'Sorry, umm... who are you?  More importantly... who am I, again?'  
  
 It’s a broken record, only some days it skips and he’ll remember for a week at a time, but then he forgets again.  He forgets you, his grandmother, his dog, Jane, Roxy.  
  
 He forgets himself.  
  
 And each time he’s never in love with you.  
  
 You still love him but he’s never in love with _you_ , and you tried for so long but you couldn’t hold out and it hurts so much you can’t breath it _hurts_!  
  
 Nepeta’s wrapped around you suddenly and you hear her muttering to you, she doesn’t know the full story but she knows enough.  She knows that sometimes it just hits you all at once and it’s like the car all over again.  She knows that sometimes you can’t calm down and she has to call Roxy.  Her stupid not-boyfriend even knows and he’s so kind about it.  
  
 Both of them are _so_ kind.  
  
 “Hey, hey it’s alright.  It’s alright now.” Nepeta’s got you drawn close, face buried in her chest as you scream and sob.  It’s not alright, you hate it and it’s not alright.  
  
 But you have to move on, because you can’t keep hoping that he’ll suddenly snap out of it, you thought you could but you just can’t!  It hurts _way_ too much, and for a long time you’d wished the car had killed you because this was hell to live through.  Watching everything around you fall apart like that was _hell_.  
  
 After a while you’re not screaming anymore and Nepeta can get a few words out of you.  She helps you clean your face off, then takes you back to your desk and looks over the designs.  
  
 “Oh, now this suit is handsome.” She points at Caliborn’s and you love her so much.  She always treats it like nothing happened, like you’re normal even if you’re sniffling.  She understands you just want to be normal. “Am I going to meet this one?” She smirks and you huff.  
  
 “Maybe.” Because you have to move on.  Caliborn isn’t the nicest guy you’ve ever met, or the smartest, but he makes you feel normal again.  And that’s all you really want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALSO ALL THIS FANART TO FIX YOU POOR SOULS!!!  
> http://hobofaerie.tumblr.com/post/29514477341/calliope-shoots-you-this-what-do-i-do-with-him  
> http://timaeusumbrage.tumblr.com/post/29575132956/oops-i-only-just-realized-these-images-are-kind  
> http://littlebrownbuffalo.tumblr.com/post/29582810172/humanstuck-caliborn-inspired-by-this-awesome-uu


	23. ==> Caliborn it's Monday

 Calliope made you talk to her about your so-called ' _feelings_ ' for two hours last night after she got back, and if you ever have to go through that again you'll Sherlock off a fucking roof.  If you hear _'Well maybe you like_ like _him_ ' one more time, you’re going to take her with you.  There was no way in hell you liked Strider, you're not even sure you tolerate him.  
  
 He's a thorn underneath your thumbnail and you have no tweezers to pry him out.  He's a paper cut on the inside of your thumb and you have to carry something all day.  He’s an itch in the middle of your back and you don’t have anything to reach behind you and relieve it.  
  
 Dirk Strider is nothing more than an aggravation to you, and you have _every_ intention to tell him that, and more, when he shows up today.  
  
 Then find some stairs and push him down them until he dies from it.  
  
 You're at work waiting for him, you even offered to switch with Calliope's closing shift so you could face him when he comes in at his so called ‘regular time‘.  You will face him and rage at him properly, like a true English.  
  
 Calliope thinks you're being ridiculous, and you probably are, but you don't _care_.  The sooner you can push the lid off of your boiling rage at Strider, the sooner you can go back to sleeping soundly without the haunting ghost of his face in your dreams.  
  
 You've got your drawing pad by the register and Calliope's in the back taking a nap on the cot you set up for her.  She gets sleepy sometimes if she's on her feet too long so you make sure she can rest whenever she needs to.  
  
 No you do not spoil her, get the fuck out.  
  
 Assuming cunts that you all are.  
  
 You have been on this shift for two hours and there's been no sign of Dirk, nor his blond bimbo friend Roxy, but hey you're not worried.  Today is a slow day so you haven't really had to deal with many people, and those who you _have_ had to deal with have been smart, sane human beings with logical requests.  
  
 They also left as soon as they had what they wanted.  
  
 Because of the ease of today, you're planning your speech in bits in pieces, some in your head and some on your notepad.  The majority of the two hours so far has just been you compiling curses to call him and drawing pictures of him with body parts lopped off, so you know you'll be prepared when he does walk in.  
  
 You think your favorite is _shunt sucking of an infectious wind hole, where the fuck of a saint do you get off the dick?_  
  
 ... That's not too weird is it?  
  
 Fuck, now you're having second thoughts.  You pause in your scribbling to ring up a line of about eight teenagers and watch them leave with one of your best _'I'm judging you'_ stares.  You've perfected those over the years after all, and what better way to make someone leave than to glare holes through their skull while never saying anything other than a price and _'Have a nice day.'_  
  
 At least... it works on everyone _but_ Dirk.  
  
 But _why_ doesn't it work?  Is he blind or something?  Do the shades make his vision a massive cluster fuck of color and shape instead of the dark tinted haze that normal sunglasses do?  Why does he even wear the damn things?  He can't possibly think they make him look cool?  
  
 Also, why does he have to make his hair defy gravity?  
  
 What even?  
  
 You sigh and reach up, running your palm over your scalp before you look at the clock.  You've still got several hours before closing, you'll be fine.  You've got enough time to tear his ass a new one and then take him out back and have at him against the dumpster...  
  
 Have at him like beat him up.  
  
 You want nothing more to do with Dirk other than pulverizing his face.  
  
 But none of that explains why you feel so let down when he doesn't show up in those remaining few hours.


	24. ==> Dirk go get yogurt

 You show up on Tuesday an hour after Calli's shifts starts with a sketch pad and a pencil behind your ear.  You were doing nothing but sewing in between classes on Monday and up until a few hours ago, and after all the emotional puking you did Sunday, you thought you'd take a break from frozen yogurt.  You can't stay away from Caliborn for very long though, not since you've decided you want to go after him.  That's just a tragedy to even think up.   
  
 And you've had enough tragedy to last you three lifetimes.  
  
 It's threatening to rain outside so you get the feeling you might have to stay until after the shower, but that's okay.  You’re pretty sure you'll find a way to entertain yourself until then.  
  
 As soon as you shut the front door behind you, the sky decides it wants to open up and pour down the heavens unto the land.  You can feel the temperature dropping against the glass and it has only been a few seconds since you pulled your hand away from the handle.  The shop isn't crowded at all, in fact you're the only one there besides a woman you've seen a few times curled up on one of the couches by the windows.  She's got an afghan draped over her legs and you wonder just how long she's been here, but her coffee from across the street that's still steaming on the table tells you not very long.  
  
 Calliope makes her way to the register after coming out of the back when she hears the bell, a bright smile shows on her face when she sees you. "Dirk!" She's wearing the pixie cut wig again, a green ribbon tied around it with the bands falling over her right shoulder in an almost nonchalant way.  She looks like a retro waitress, apron included. "I missed you yesterday, Caliborn switched shifts with me because he wasn't feeling well and I didn‘t get to see you." She walks around the register and you're a little surprised when she hugs you.  
  
 Surprised, but you don't push her away.  
  
 "That's okay, I didn't really come in on Monday anyway.  I was working on something," She pulls back and you both end up walking over to the frozen yogurt machine, "In fact, I'm still working on it.  Do you think you could help me out if you keep it a secret?" That gets her attention, it also gets a raised eyebrow.  
  
 "This is something I will enjoy looking into, do go on." You smile and take your sketchbook out from underneath your arm.  She's making you a chocolate frozen yogurt and you haven't even asked her to, it's... odd.  
  
 You show her some old dress sketches, nothing of what you’re working on now.  But these have school project written all over them.  
  
 Some literally.  
  
 "Well, I'm making some outfits and I wanted to know if you and Caliborn would mind giving up your sizes for a variety batch.  It's for class." She smiles and leaves your yogurt plan as she walks you back to a table.  
  
 "That actually sounds really fun, is it for semester finals, I hear those are just around the corner." She sets the cup down on the table, doesn't even ring it up. “Give me your pencil darling, I’ll write it down.” So you do.  
  
 "Yeah, but uh, don't I have to pay for this?" You ask as you sit down.  She turns to you and laughs, bright and full of giggles as she writes.  
  
 "Dirk, you're here almost as much as _Kanaya_ is, I'm not going to charge you every trip if you just keep showing up.  We have enough budgeted into the shop that we can give away free yogurt to frequent if not _glued to the shop_ customers." The last bit Calliope said with a bit of volume as she looked over at the other woman.  
  
 "Darling, I cannot express how fast the wifi is compared to next door.  If you served coffee, you'd never be rid of me." The woman said as she lifted her cup.  Calliope laughed again and turned toward the back before she set the notepad down, pencil in its spine.  
  
 "I was making soup in the back, just the little bowls in the microwave.  I can make you one if you want," she pointed over at Kanaya and smiled, "Sometimes I think she only comes here because she knows I'll feed her if it rains."  
  
 "I deny nothing." You chuckle at the woman’s words and shrug your shoulders when Calliope hands you a spoon.  
  
 "Where's Caliborn?  Won't he throw a big fat gay gypsy wedding fit about this?" You smile when Calliope laughs, you're not really paying the other girl much attention anymore.  But then again, she seems to be doing to same thing for you.  
  
 Calliope shrugs and goes to get you extra napkins. "He's in the back, probably hiding from the world.  He didn't really have a great weekend." Calliope admitted. "But yes, you stay put, I'll go make you some soup.  Chicken noodle okay?" You nod at her and she makes her way around that corner, then she's gone.  
  
 You chuckle to yourself and set your sketchpad down in the chair beside you, lifting your spoon to scoop in a mouthful of yogurt.  
  
 It might be raining, but some treats are good any time of day or night.  
  
 You get four more bites in and then there's a loud smack like a hand just hit a wall.  
  
 You look up in time to see Caliborn shoving said hand off the wall, the one that's got a splint on two fingers, and then he barrels toward you.  Apparently Calliope wasn't kidding when she said he had a bad weekend, it looks like he broke his finger.  
  
 "You!" He points with both of his wound up fingers and attempts to flip you the bird.  He groans in frustration when he realizes that that won't really work when his index finger is tapped to his middle. "God cunting damn it!" He stomps up to your table and hoists himself up, then sits so he's practically straddling you in the chair.  He's got both feet on the edge of your seat, locking your legs in place.  You smirk and lean back, arm tossed against the back of the chair with the spoon slipping from your grip until you hold it tighter.  
  
 "Hello to you too." You say with a smile as you eye him up and down.  Head to toe, he's not wearing that apron and he looks frustrated and sleep deprived.  He also looks really built.  He lifts up his good hand and properly flips you off, a growl in his next few words.  
  
 "Where the every loving _fuck_ have you been?" He sounds like a jealous boyfriend. "No, don't even open your _mouth_." His eyes are wide and bright as he goes on. "You are an arrogant, self entitled cock sucker who has probably never worked an actual job a single day in his life.  You probably just whore yourself out like the other side of the tissue, sneeze and pass.  You are the underbelly of _all_ my problems and I would rather cut you from nose to naval and leave every piece that I rip off out to bake on the roof!"  He takes a deep breath and narrows his eyes. "So, what do you have to say for yourself, huh?"  
  
 You stop and smile, he flips you off again.  He asked, so you can't help it.  
  
 "Go out with me." You say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter goes with this piece of fanart. It is VERY important you look at this art if you want to flail.  
> http://tumutyouall.tumblr.com/post/29464901896/another-sketch-for-uu-yogurt-its-so-shitty-again  
> Kae you are an angel.


	25. ==> Caliborn confront Dirk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do Japanese weeaboo?

 "Why the _fuck_ would I go outside with you, it's shitting rain out there." You give Dirk this look like his head has fallen off... only not because that would be a much happier look.  Who even suggests going outside for a fight in the rain?  
  
 Well… cartoons.  It makes a little bit of sense if you think like that.  But that means he’s one of _those_ people, and now you have every right to kill him faster and rid the world of his _‘I am actually a cartoon character'_ thing.  
  
 "No, I don't mean _outside_ ," Dirk smiles and points beside you. "By the way, you knocked my ice cream over." You sit up in shock because shit did you get it on your pants?  No?  Okay.  You're good.  
  
 "Frozen yogurt." You correct him as you grab some of the napkins off the table and mop up the spill one handed.  You right the cup before turning back to him.  
  
 "Thank you." He says with a happy smile.  
  
 "Sure, whatever," You scoff and turn up your glare. "You don't react the way I want you to.  That pisses me off." Might as well get things out one at a time if the idiot won't listen to it in a neat group of words.  You had fucking bullet points in the shit you spewed, and he didn't even see it.  You've concluded he really is blind, at least verbally.  
  
  _However_ that works.  
  
 "That I do indeed, and do it well," He leans over, arms on your thighs. "And you react just how I want you to." You push him back against the chair and draw your arm back to punch him in the face.  Because fuck his self centered assery, he could use plastic lodged in his eyes.  
  
 Only you don't get to throw the punch, because Dirk snatches your wrist and drags it forward before he fucking _kisses_ the _top of your hand_.  You practically scream and scramble back, knocking the yogurt over again before it falls to the floor.  
  
 "Now boys, that is called a public display of affection, I might have the right to be mildly offended.  At least I would, if you two weren't being adorable." Kanaya says from her couch.  She fucking paid you to put the damn thing in there just so she could watch whatever happened in the shop like a soap opera drama.  
  
 "Fuck off Maryam," You snap as Dirk drapes his arms back over your legs and leans close.  You push him back by his shoulder and he smirks even harder as he looks up at you. "There is nothing ' _adorable_ ' about the massive amount of murder I want to commit to this fuckers person." You jab Dirk in the shoulder and he makes this pleased noise.  
  
 "Oh do go _on_." He mutters as he tries to lean forward again.  
  
 "Caliborn!  Get off the table, you are not that lightweight!" Calliope comes back into the room with two bowls of your lunch in her hands.  
  
 "What are you doing with my soup?" You demand, one hand affixed to Dirk's shoulder to keep him from leaning forward again.  
  
 " _Our_ soup you mean, and what are you doing to my furniture _and_ my customers?" She snaps back, eyeing you and Dirk up and down.  You look back at the asshole in front of you and...  
  
 It hits you then how compromising this position looks. "You piece of shit!" You're getting up anyway, even if it's kind of awkward to maneuver with his arms on your thighs.  He does pull away when you need to stand up though, so at least there's that. "You were doing that on purpose, waiting for-"  
  
 "Brother," Calliope walks over and sets one of the bowls down on the table in front of Dirk, "You're doing that unnecessary thing where your mouth opens and words come out." From across the room, Kanaya snorts.  You stare at her, open mouthed as she walks across the shop to hand Kanaya the other cup of soup and a spoon.  
  
 "What-" Dirk cuts you off and twirls his spoon on his fingers.  
  
 "I thought you would have sided with Caliborn on that one, being his sister and all." Dirk said before he set the spoon in the bowl.  You cross your arms and point your broken finger at the back of his head.  
  
 "For once, the ever present future bloodstain on the pavement has a point." You grouse.  
  
 "Cute pet name." Dirk says back with a smirk.  
  
 "Fucking zip it, but as I was saying," You look at Calliope and… you're kind of hurt. "What gives?" She looks back and for a moment she looks upset, then she relaxes and walks over.  You don't even have time to stop her before she hugs you, you don't even realize you've opened your arms until you've wrapped them around her.  
  
 No shit in public fucking twin thing!  
  
 "I'm sorry, brother, that was rather rude of me, wasn't it?" She pulls back and reaches up to fiddle with your collar. "I apologize love, I didn't mean to snap at you." She smiles and leans over to kiss your cheek.  Oh god.  
  
 "Calli!" You are mortified oh sweet fuck you will never be the same.  
  
 "Well," Dirk smirks and leans over with his elbows on the table, pulling his sunglasses down so he can look over the top of them. "There's that beautiful blush again." Holy fuck his eyes are _orange_. “Hontou ni kawaii desu.”  
  
 ... Wait, what did he just say?  _Fuck_!  Did he just insult you?  He did didn’t he!  
  
 You're going to rip his throat out.


	26. ==> Dirk bite your tongue

 “Hontou ni kawaii desu.” Because he really is cute and you can‘t help it sometimes.  His face freezes when you say it though, then he looks over at you and first his eyebrow raises, then his shoulders start to rise in that tell tale sign that someone is getting tense.  His face scrunches and then turns a dark red with anger.  He looks like a vein is about to pop in his forehead.  It is absolutely adorable how upset he is.  
  
 "What the _fuck_ did you just call me?" Caliborn nearly shouts. "Did you just insult me?  You just insulted me!" He takes a step forward and you stand up while Calliope laughs.  
  
 "Brother, he's not insulting you," Calliope reaches out toward him but he's already out of her reach.  His fist is pulled back and you lament on how this is such a common look for him, a look you've seen far too many times already.  "Caliborn!" He throws the punch even though his sister is yelling at him not to.  
  
 It's still strong, but not as strong as his right hook was when it flew by you like the first time he tried to hit you.  You dodge it easily but he's _ready_ , he expects it.  He swings his right arm out, aiming to hit your throat with his forearm.  You duck and reach up, grabbing and twisting the arm until he shouts.  When he does you let go and smirk.  He wants to play rough, you'll play rough.  You know how to wrestle after all, and since you grew up with Dave, he made sure you could hold your own in a fight.  
  
 You're faster than he is and he knows it.  He probably hits harder than you do currently, but landing the hit is what he has to worry about.  You've slid behind him now and you're waiting for him to turn around, which he does, but he's leading with his right foot.  He seems to keep forgetting that his right index finger is broken.  He goes for another punch with his right, but feints it when you scoff and turn to the side, pushing his left arm to try and topple him.  He swings it back and smacks you in the chest.  It's a heavy smack and it sends you back into your chair.  
  
 "Caliborn stop it!" Calliope shouts, but you know her brother doesn't _hear_ her.  You can see the focus in his eyes as you scramble to right yourself.  He's coming at you all over again and he's serious, he means business and you are the spread sheet.  
  
 It's really hot.  
  
 His eyes are dark and molten when he pushes you back, you stumble again because you weren't ready for it.  You kind of want him to hit you, to draw blood and have him lick it up.  Fuck you do not need to be getting a stiffie.  
  
 And then you trip over a chair behind you and fall to the floor.  
  
 You have enough sense to put your hands behind you so when you fall back you don't crack your skull, but it does jar your elbows and hurts your wrists something awful.  Calliope's shouting something at the both of you, but all you can see is Caliborn kneeling down and fucking _straddling_ your hips.  _Fuck_ , his shirt came unbuttoned at the top when you were twisting his arm back and he's flashing collarbones and dark tan skin.  He grabs a fistful of your shirt and yanks you closer so you're in his space.  
  
 You can feel his breath on your skin and you totally don't even care that your cock is interested in this, you can't pull your eyes away from his when he sneers and pushes you back again.  
  
 "Any last words?" He snaps.  You swallow and smirk, leaning forward to press your lips against his exposed collarbone.  
  
 "Don't you fucking _dare_ hold back." You breath it into his skin and fuck, he _smells_ good this close to you.  He tastes good too, still fresh on your lips as you lick them while you wait, he pushes you back and cracks his fist into your jaw.  It fucking stings and you end up biting your tongue but _fuck_ you kissed his collarbone.  
  
 "I said enough!" The world comes tumbling back to you when ice and water splash against your face.  You turn and Kanaya and Calliope are both holding cups. "What the fuck are you doing?!" Calliope is screaming, now that you think about it.  
  
 "No, fuck you!  _He_ started it!" Caliborn screams back.  You kiss his cheek and Calliope splashes her cup of water this time and snatches Caliborn by the ear.  
  
 "You moronic bloody bag of bollocks!  I swear to the all buggering knob head that you are I will rip your ear off if you don't calm the _fuck down_!" You have never heard Calliope curse before, but now you can say it's actually a little bit terrifying.  Caliborn is bitching right back though as she drags him away, and you want to laugh but your tongue kind of stings.  
  
 "Well then," Kanaya extends a hand and you take it as she helps you up. "You two sure are getting married soon," She smirks and holds out her cup. "There’s still some ice in the cup if you need it." You shake your head no and walk over to the trashcan before you spit, then grab some napkins.  
  
 "I think I'm in love." You admit.  
  
 "I think you're a fucking masochist." Kanaya replies.


	27. ==> Caliborn comfort your sister you idiot

 "What is your _problem_?!" Calliope practically throws you onto the cot in the back room.  She dragged you back here and slammed the door behind you both.  She’s deceptively strong and it’s pretty crazy to think that she could probably kick your ass in a fight because you wouldn‘t swing back.  If given the chance, she could wreck your shit with a single blow and you would never raise a hand to hit her in return.  No matter how much you hate her right now, you’d never hit her.  
  
 "Nothing's _my_ problem!  I told you already!  He fucking _insulted me_!" You're giving back just as good as you're getting as you sit up and glare at her from the cot.  
  
 "I told you that wasn't an _insult_!" She's trying to keep her voice even, but her face is beginning to heat up and so are her words. "He said you were cute in Japanese, you _idiot_!"  She's gone past the silent rage, she's only barely keeping herself from screaming in this small room as she slaps you in the face with a towel. "That is a damn charge of _assault_ on your hands, Caliborn!  Do you have any idea what that's going to do to you?" Her hands are shaking and her eyes are dark as she seethes.  
  
 "Get a mark on my record?  Oh I'm so _scared_ , won't be the first time." You bite it back in return to her anger and she screams in frustration.  
  
 "It'll be that _last_ time you _twat_!" She says as she throws up her hands. "You _drew blood_ in your _workplace_!  That's not only grounds to get you sent to _court_ , but _fired_ from the _shop_!" That hits you right in the chest.  You can't _leave_ the shop on any account, leaving the shop means Calli will be by herself with the skeevy assholes who take advantage of her kindness to look up her skirt.  That means men trying to grope her when she does _not_ like them, she has never liked men and you hate the thought of her being upset because of them taking advantage of her.  
  
 When you're here she's _safe_ , when you're here _no one_ will touch her.  You have to be _here_ , there is no other option.  You'll stay and she'll be safe and that's it.  
  
 "Calli... breathe." You want to be angry, you do… but not if she doesn't calm down first so you can reassure her that everything will be _okay_.  Her face is a violent shade of red and she looks like she's about to launch herself at you with knives.  If she doesn't stop, you'll start up again and you can't do that.  Not right now.  
  
 "Don't you _dare_ start mothering over me now!" She shouts this time and it sounds like she's shattered. "I stood there, _screaming_ at the top of my lungs for you to _stop being a moronic bollocks_ , and do you know what you did?" Oh boy, here it comes. "You _shut_ me _out_!" She screams in frustration again and tugs at her wig.  If she's not careful she'll pull it off.  
  
 "Calliope, come here," You reach out to her and grab both her wrists as you drag her forward, "Look at me, inhale and exhale." She smacks your hands away and punches you in the shoulder.  It hurts but you're not going to scold her over it.  
  
 "Toss off!" She smacks you again and raises her arm for a third hit.  You grab her wrists again and pull them together, then bring her in for a very awkward hug. "No!  Cheater!  I am _still_ mad!"  You're sitting on a cot and she's set between her legs as you wrap one arm around her waist and rest your face against her stomach.  
  
 "Calm down." You demand like a toddler.  
  
 "No, _bugger_ off, I will _not_ forgive you." Her voice is stern but you can feel her relaxing.  
  
 "Yeah I know, calm down." You hug her closer and let go of her wrists, then move so she can sit beside you on the cot.  She does it begrudgingly, arms crossed and eyes averted, but you wrap one arm around her shoulders and rest your head on her arm.  
  
 "Hey... sorry I'm a toss." You mutter as you hug her.  She huffs and tries to ignore you, but you know your sister.  You stare at her and smile, or attempt it because your face looks weird when you smile, but you know it's working.  You can see her anger slowly melting off her face before she huffs and turns, hugging you in a near death grip.  
  
 "I'm... _bugger it all_ , I'm sorry I got so upset with you," She mutters. "I just... I don't know what I'll do if you can't work here anymore... I don't want to work with anyone else." It comes out in a tight whisper.  That's a sound of oncoming tears, her entire back is tense and she's got bunches of her skirt clenched between her fists.  You hand to pry her hands away and squeeze them with your own.  
  
 "I'm not going anywhere." You tell her.  She opens her mouth to argue, but you hush her by bumping your nose against her chin.  You can tell that she's trying not to laugh because you know she's still angry, but it's the closest you'll get to cheering her up right now. "I'll go out and... ugh, I'll apologize to the dick if it means you'll calm down." Calliope looks up and blinks in shock.  
  
 "You don't _apologize_ , to _anyone_." She says.  
  
 "Well... for you I will," You mutter as you lean over and rest your foreheads together. "I know you're upset and you can beat me up later, but I won't be going anywhere.  I'll beg the fucker if I have to not to press charges against me or the shop, but I'm not leaving you alone." You pull back and bump your shoulders together.  
  
 "Yeah... together forever." She reaches up puts her hands over her shoulders where her tattoos are.  Your sign and hers, your signatures she drew you when you were kids.  The language you spoke with each other, the things you signed to know it was one another and no one else.  As you grew up hers became more detailed, but yours stayed the same and it was like the start contrast to your personalities.  
  
 "And ever and ever." You promise.  You have to say that, mom's gone and dad is never free unless he needs to yell at you.  You've got each other, and yeah you're both adults and you get to live your own lives, but you will _always_ be there for her.  Even if it aggravates the shit out of you to have to watch over her twenty-four seven.  
  
 "And then some." Calliope smiles weakly and lets her hands drop to the cot.  
  
 "Yeah... ugh, do I really have to _apologize_?" She smacks you hard on the arm and stands up.  
  
 "Go out there or I will drag you, moron." Calliope instructs before she snatches up the towel and starts drying off your face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's even MORE fanart. You have no idea how happy I am. I'm feels.  
> http://notanotherdrawfag.tumblr.com/post/29780691323/shipping-hurts-but-it-hurts-good  
> http://hikaluv.tumblr.com/post/29771639058  
> http://littlebrownbuffalo.tumblr.com/post/29717546535/because-i-drew-humanstuck-caliborn-i-figured-i  
> http://littlebrownbuffalo.tumblr.com/post/29718165266/and-the-siblings-together-inspired-by-this-fic  
> http://iatethelastofthecorn.tumblr.com/post/29767165010/um-i-used-tumutyoualls-art-for-color-pallet-i-do  
> http://ixyukixi.tumblr.com/post/29807851290/this-is-fan-art-for-my-friends-fanfic-she-is


	28. ==> Dirk, try again

 "Alright, stick your tongue out," Kanaya holds the napkin out and you obliged her. "Yes, that certainly is one obvious cut." Kanaya dabbed at the cut and then pulled back. "Alright, stuff it back in, you've stopped bleeding." She gave you back the napkin and handed you the cup she had earlier.  The one with the blessed amount of ice you suddenly need like burning.  
  
 "Thank you for that." You smile and she shrugs before going back to the safety of her laptop.  
  
 "I notice you have an affinity for pressing your lips to Caliborn's skin." She's not looking at you as she curls back under her afghan and stretched out on the couch.  
  
 "Oh, you don't say?" You can't help the teasing tone you let slip out as you toss an ice chip in your mouth and hiss.  It still stings.  
  
 "I do indeed.  It seems that you're serious about your affections towards him, that this isn't some one off fling to get your brains beat in," She opens her laptop and picks up her coffee, "I wish you the best of luck with that.  Caliborn is a bit..."  
  
 "Air headed?" You offer with a chuckle.  
  
 "I was going to use oblivious, but yes that can be a group of words to describe him as well," She smiles and you right the chair you knocked over earlier. "Don't get me wrong, he's very smart.  He just doesn't catch on as quickly as most people.  Sometimes his words get away from him before he realizes they might sound lewd." She shrugs and takes a sip of her coffee.  
  
 "Yeah, but I like that about him." You smirk and she shrugs again.  She's already immersed in her computer, and now you can hear shouting from the back so you decide you'll busy yourself before they come back out.  
  
 If they come back out,  
  
 God you hope they do.  
  
 You pick up your glasses from where they’d fallen off the table and put them back, glad they're not busted.  After that you clean up the water on the floor, then the yogurt by and on the table.  When that's clean you go to the nearest reflective surface and fix your hair as best as you can.  The damage isn't too terrible, but it's still damage and you don't know what to do about it without any kind of product.  
  
 Of all the days you expected to stay out of the rain or keep from getting wet.  
  
 Your jaw feels tender and you end up poking at the red swell just under your cheek.  It's going to bruise and Roxy is going to claw the world apart until she finds out who did it, but you can avoid her for a few weeks so she doesn‘t.  It's not like it's something new to avoid Roxy.  You can blame it on school and hey, she'll believe you.  
  
 Calliope's soft cough comes from the doorway to the back and you turn to see her dragging her brother into the room by his wrist.  He looks thoroughly scolded and like he swallowed something sour and it's stuck on his taste buds.  His sister comes up to you looking like she wants to rush up and tend to you, but there's nothing to tend to at this point.  
  
 "Right then, Caliborn has something he wants to say to you," she looks back at Caliborn and he’s still making this adorable sour puppy face, " _Don't you_ , brother." She hisses before yanking him closer by his wrist.  
  
 Caliborn jerks forward until he's standing in front of you this time as his sister gets behind him, arms crossed like a petulant four year old throwing a tantrum.  Holy fuck he's precious.  
  
 "He does now?" You ask.  Caliborn sneers and Calliope jabs him in the back of the ribs, she can't even see his face from where she's boxed him in.  
  
 "Fuck, your nails are like talons bitch, watch it." Caliborn snaps.  
  
 " _Caliborn_." Calliope's voice is stern and demanding and you try not to laugh because this is really cute.  
  
 "Fine, _fuck_." He grumbles. "Look, I'm... _sorry_ or whatever.  Don't press charges, I will hurt you if you want to press them.  No matter what though, I won't leave the shop _or_ my sister." You watch as several emotions pass across his face, none of them you think he wanted you to see.  
  
 His eyes are dull and you reach out, fixing a fold in his collar.  If Calliope didn't have a hand on his back he would have reared like a startled horse and probably kicked the fuck out of you.  But she's there, and you are very grateful for that.  
  
 "I was never going to press charges, Caliborn," You smile when Calliope let's out this relieved sigh and you watch her entire body relax. "You hit like a girl anyways." Calliope grabs both of Caliborn's arms and she steers him backwards towards the register.  She gives you this _'I just calmed him down why would you do that'_ look and you have to fight once again not to laugh.  
  
 "My sister hits harder than you do anyway." Caliborn bickers as Calliope stations him behind the counter.  
  
 "Shush." She reaches out and pets him on the head, then turns back to you. "Alright, let me get the mop."  
  
 "Don't worry about it, Calliope.  I already cleaned it up, the most you'll need to do is wipe down the table." You smile when her face does this little flicker of joy and you reach for your glasses. "Right, Caliborn, you never answered my question." Caliborn looks up at you and grumbles as he picks up a pencil and you put on your shades.  
  
 "And what, _pray tell_ , was your question?" He asks.  You feel your stomach twist and you sit back in your chair, your soup is room temperature but when you try it, it still tastes amazing.  Even if it hurts your tongue.  It’s a staling point and a move on the board.  
  
 "If you'd go out with me or not," you explain. "You know, on a date?" Caliborn stares at you as his sister squeaks in what you assume is shock.  
  
 " _Fuck_ no." Caliborn says with a snarl.


	29. ==> Continue to be say no Caliborn

 What in the holy high of a tidal waving _fuck_ is going on in this guys skull?  You just _punched_ him in the jaw so hard you saw his world spin in the fire orange of his eyes.  You saw a bloom of blood behind his neat white teeth and over his gums.  You watched his lips part and saw the cut across his tongue and your breath caught in your chest because it made something flicker in your gut.  You had to hit him again and you knew you‘d really enjoy it, but then the whole situation with Calliope happened and you came to your senses.  
  
 Apparently the blow to this guys head only rattled his brain instead of steadying it.  
  
 He's still smirking even after you said no, so maybe he didn't hear you?  You look over to ask your sister if you can ban him for being an empty headed motherfucker, but Calliope looks mortified by something and you decide not to bother her.  The girl is always so weird about everything.  
  
 "The answer is and always _will be_ , no.  I will not date you, here or there, I will not date you _anywhere_." You glare when his face seems to lift in happiness.  You can't read him as well with those fucking sunglasses on.  You want to see his eyes again.  
  
 "Did you just quote Dr. Seuss at me?" Dirk asks before he eats another spoonful of your soup.  You still have to read Calliope the right act about that, that's _your_ lunch she's giving out to people.  
  
 "One fish two go fuck yourself." You mutter as you flip open your sketch book after dragging it out from beneath the counter.  Calliope groans at you and throws her hands up before she heads over to Dirk's table.  She pulls a chair up and leans over, instructing him to lift his jaw so she can examine it.  He tries to protest, soft voiced and kind, but it's _Calliope_.  
  
 No one can say no to her for very long.  
  
 You watch as he gives in and she reaches out, fingers touching the bruise already forming on his jaw.  You watch him flinch and you squeeze your pencil because you gave him that bruise, not her.  You shake your head because your thought process is weirding you out so you need to look back down at the page and drown in it instead of the shop.  He deserved it, _fuck_ him and his pain, he started it and you'll finish it if he tries that again.  
  
You start drawing to distract yourself, sketchbook your thankful getaway from the outside world.  There are no cartoon assholes in this book, none that are alive at least, and Calliope respects you enough not to go through your things without asking first so you know she‘ll never get on to you about what you draw.  Not that she'd be able to figure any of it out, you are fucking _Picasso_ all up in this bitch.  
  
 Your shit is indecipherable and should go right on the fridge.  
  
 Your mom used to put all your drawings on the fridge, she would call you a future best seller of fine artistry.  Of course your dad would always ruin the moment by telling you she was only lying to you to make you feel better because your art was shit and you should never pick up a pencil ever again, but he's your dad and he does shit like that all the time.  
  
 Calliope's got this massive gift for art that's practically untouched by anyone you know, and you used to envy her for it.  Growing up you loved and hated her, and sometimes you still do, but the older you got the more you loved her instead of hated her.  You've been through so much with her and you know you're protective of her like crazy.  You both have secrets to keep, and you'll always be the bulldog in front of her to snarl and snap at the strangers that get too close.  
  
 Just like you snap at Dirk, and Roxy if she ever comes back.  
  
 She's all grown up and you are too, but fuck you don’t still feel like the teenager slamming the door on the girls who came to see her.  
  
 "Caliborn?" You look up when she taps the counter and smiles at you. "Can you get me a rag and fill it with ice so I can make an icepack for Dirk‘s jaw?" You know it's stupid, but that upsets you.  You'd rather gag then get it, but you'll do it for her.  
  
 Shit, the things you do for her are _ridiculous_.  
  
 "Yeah, sure," You put your pencil inside the book and close it, then head toward the back.  You stop before you do and turn around, looking her over and narrowing your eyes. "Wait, tell me something first," She nods and folds her fingers together in front of her skirt. "What are you talking to him about?  I know you, there‘s got to be some sort of conversation other than his jaw going on.  Am I right?" You ask.  She shrugs and you narrow your eyes at her.  
  
 "Oh hush, I was just asking him what type of date he had in mind." Calliope admits.  
  
 "The date I'm not going on you mean?" You cross your arms and glare at her.  
  
 "... Yes, that date." She looks away and presses her lips together.  
  
 "The answer was _no_ , Calli.  Not _maybe_ , just _no_." She shrugs and points at the doorway.  
  
 "Still need that ice pack." The hooker is up to something again.  You'll figure it out after you get this icepack.


	30. ==> Dirk tell a white lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How many of you would be upset if I decided to took a vacation?

 You hate to admit that you're a little bit intimidated by Calliope after that stern talking to she just spewed at you from out of nowhere.  Sure she's a sweet little angel with a heart made of diamonds, but she's got her brother wrapped around her finger and tied in a bow, someone with that much power in her hands can have one terrifyingly calm voice as she scolds you.  If she said jump, Caliborn would kick off the ground and punch the clouds, she said stay, he'd build a house until she got back.  You're not sure if she even knows how whipped she has him, but something about the way she smiles when he stomps into the back room tells you that she probably does.  
  
 There's a moment where you take the time to pick up your sketchbook and pencil and flip to the page Calliope was scribbling in, reading over the measurements.  Normally people just look at you funny when you ask for them and you have to whip out your measuring tape, but Calliope seemed to know everything down to the length of her arms.  You're still going to have to get an outline of her hand for gloves, but that's nothing terrible.  You can trace it on a page and work on those later.  
  
 Her handwriting is really neat, if not loopy.  For some reason that doesn't surprise you at all.  She's got this air of elegance around her reserved for those raised with silver spoons in their mouths, but she's as humble as a penny pincher.  
  
 When she finally comes back to the table after waving a finger at her brother when he tosses the icepack at her, you've pretty much finished the soup off and started in on fine-tuning your sketch of her dress.  For what it's worth you didn't even mind that the soup was getting cold as it went down, it was still _food_ and you needed something to focus on besides designing and Caliborn.  He’s something you have to wait for though, so it's best to keep to what you have on hand.  
  
 You can't go back into the field with your guns a blazin' for a while, you have to let that steam train cool off before you try getting closer again.  When Calliope sits down and holds out the icepack, you take it from her with a plastered on smile.  It feels amazing on your jaw when you press it there and flip to an empty page in your book.  It would probably feel amazing on your tongue too, but you can save that for later when you're not in a public place and occupied with other things.  
  
 "Can I trace your hand for gloves?" You ask her as you nod at the sketchbook.  She nods back and sets her hand on the paper, a soft smile on her face that twists into a look of puzzled amusement as you switch hands a few times to trace her fingers.  
  
 "You're ambidextrous?" You nod and she lets out a bubble of a laugh. "That's amazing!  I'm just right handed, but I think being able to write with both would be so useful." When you're done she takes her hand back and reclines against the back of the chair.  
  
 "It was useful growing up, I used to have a sparring partner who challenged me to go out of my comfort zone." You cut yourself off because that's too much information already.  That's too much of a flash of Jake grabbing both your wrists and shoving you against a wall with a laugh.  
  
 "Oh that sounds fun, I never really took an interest to self defense when daddy enrolled me so I never thought to use both hands, but right.  Enough of that, you keep getting me sidetracked!" She laughs and shakes her head, then folds her fingers together. "I still have more to talk to you about." And doesn't that sound ominous as _fuck_.  
  
 "Do you now?" You ask her with a raised eyebrow.  She nods and you can see her shoulders tense before she shakes it off.  Something is prickling at her thoughts, but you can tell she doesn't know how to approach it in conversation.  You don't mind throwing her a bone. "Is it about me kissing your brother earlier?" Her eyebrows raise and you realize she probably hadn't been paying attention to where you'd been pressing your lips while she was trying to get her brother not to hit you anymore.  
  
 "Well, that's a part of it," She says, "For the most part I just wanted to ask you why you keep going after my brother.  And why you're still interested in him even after he hit you." She waits and you chew your words in your head.  
  
 Why _are_ you going after Caliborn?  
  
 ... Oh shit, you best be getting out the tissues.  You're going to lay down the romance card even if it‘s a lie.  
  
 "You know what, I'm not really sure…" She raises both her eyebrows. "It's obvious he has a problem with me, but... whenever I look at him and catch his eye, I guess I just _feel_ something.  It's like a spark in my chest, this... I don't know, this overwhelming urge to reach out and hold his hand and... tell him I'm there for him." You're only partially lying of course.  There are bits of the truth in there, but you've had to spend your entire life twisting words to live when you were growing up with your brother so you know she'll believe you.  
  
 You're a damn good liar.  
  
 And Calliope just drank that up if the sparkle in her eyes is any indication.  She reaches over and puts a hand over yours, you've got her on a leash of lies and you feel like shit about that, but what can you do.  
  
 "He _can_ be a handful, but I don't think he _actually_ has a problem with you.  In fact... I think he actually _likes_ you, he just doesn't _realize_ it yet," She sighs and takes her hand back to glance at her brother. "He's never _liked_ another guy before like _that_ , this might be a huge shock to him... but then again it could be that he really just needs a friend and you are the only person who has stuck around even with his aggravating attitude," She sighs and reaches up to rub at her forehead. "He can be a stubborn sod when it comes to change." She says.  
  
 You have to smile at that, relaxed into the feeling of her acceptance of you, even if it's placed over a lie. "Don't worry, we're both pretty stubborn, now that I think about it," She laughs and nods at you, "I think that I could help him with that though, teach him that it's okay to relax.  Even if a romantic relationship goes nowhere, I could still be his _friend_." You are such a fucking shit head.  
  
 "Hey, whoever said anything about romance being in your future?" She's teasing you, but you feel a twinge of panic.  You swallow it down as fast as possible, but she doesn't see the flicker because she's looking out of the window.  You turn to see what's caught her attention and you realize it's stopped raining.  
  
 "Hmm, I should get back to my place.  I've got to get started on these designs." You lift up your sketchbook and stand, placing the icepack on the table.  
  
 "No honey, you keep that, we can spare a rag or two." Calliope stands and hugs you before she turns to push in her chair.  You're not used to her yet, and it's weird having someone taller than you hug you, even weirder when it's a _girl_.  You shrug and lift the icepack back up, pressing it to your already numb jaw.  
  
 "Thanks, I'll see you tomorrow?  Or should I wait a few days to come back in?" She smiles and tucks her hands into her apron.  
  
 "You come back tomorrow, and see if Roxy wants to come with you.  I never really got her number." She blushes and hook line and sinker.  
  
 You have a winner and a candy bar.  
  
 "I'll see you then, and I'll call her now," You pull out your phone and head toward the exit. "See you Calliope, Kanaya, Cal."  
  
 " _Caliborn_." He barks back at you from the register.  You smirk and leave quickly before he decides to throw the register at you.  You wouldn't put it passed him.  
  
 Roxy's on speed dial and you press the phone to your ear after you hit send, keeping it up with your shoulder so you can hold onto your sketchbook and keep the icepack pressed to your face with your other hand.  Four rings later and Roxy answers, chipper and... you're hoping sober.  
  
 "Dirk I was using the vacuum, what do you need?" She sounds really happy.  
  
 "A certain Lolita wants to see you tomorrow and I need you there with me anyway, also a certain Lolita’s brother broke his finger defending me after someone threw a punch in my direction." You're just lying out of your ass today.  
  
 "Okay, I'll grill you on the rest of that sentence _later_ , but why did you need me to come with you?" Roxy cuts right to the chase, as always.  You smile as you walk down the sidewalk.  
  
 "I want to get on her good side after lying to her about why I'm going after her brother." You say.  You pause to look up at the sky and glare at the clouds when they start forming again.  If they try to rain down on you, you will jump up there and rip them a new one.  
  
 "What's the real reason then, if you don't mind _indulging_ me." She sounds like she's in a soap opera.  
  
 "Well, Rox, there's a certain charm about breaking wild stallions, you know?" She laughs at you.  
  
 "Oh please, don't start in with your horse metaphors." She begs through her laughter.  
  
 "The challenge to just jump them bare back without the saddle is _far_ too tempting.  It's been a while since something like him has caught my eye anyway, and I can't quite figure him out.  He's a pretty interesting guy, you know?  I want to know what makes him tick." You smile and wait for Roxy's giggling to stop.  
  
 "You just want to fuck him, don't you?" She asks.  
  
 "That too." It feels good to be honest.


	31. ==> Caliborn talk to your Sister

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So about that vacation, I'm going to have surgery on the 28th, so I might take a few days off to heal. That counts as a vacation right?

 You stood there in silence the entire time Calliope had her hushed conversation with Dirk, too wary to open your mouth and object in case it sets your sister off.  You watched as she touched his hand, hugged him, smiled at him.  You hate to admit this but it just... it made you _angry_.   
  
 Not seeing her pay attention to him, but him letting her fawn over him and not putting up any resistance.  How could this infuriating prick who wanted you, no _encouraged_ you to hit him as hard as you could, be so keen on Calliope hugging him?  
  
 You have no clue what's going on in Dirk Strider's mind, as fucking always.  You should probably just give up and accept that he's an enigma wrapped in a teacup of asshattery.  
  
 The bell above the door jingles and you glare at Dirk as you watch him walk out of view.  Calliope hums and pushes Dirk's chair in, the noise grabbing your attention.  You open your mouth to question her sudden abuse of the chair, but she beats you to it.  
  
 "Caliborn, you are going to mop the floor and wipe down all the tables," Calliope says, voice stern and sharp like a knife through the air. "Then you’re going to wash the windows, refill the toppings bar, and assist Kanaya in getting home, _dry_." She turns toward Kanaya and smiles, "And if he gives you any trouble, I'll break another finger." She turns without another word and makes her way toward the back without looking at you.  
  
 “Alright dove.” Kanaya mutters, never looking up from her laptop.  
  
 "Whoa, what the _fuck_?" You shove your sketchbook under the register and follow after her, "Maryam, watch the front." You order.  She gives you a thumbs up and you go after Calliope as she disappears into the back room.  She skips the room you both lay down in and heads right into the kitchen, yanking open the refrigerator and shifting through the boxes of fruit.  You stop in the doorway and lean against it, waiting until she pulls out a box and sets it on the counter before she slams the door shut.  
  
 "What is it, Caliborn?" She asks. "I told you to go clean up." She pulls open a drawer on one of the cabinets and pulls out a pair of scissors.  
  
 "Yeah, that right there is _what_ ," You snap back. "You don't _tell me_ to do anything.  We _agree_ , you don't order me around, I'm not your _dog_ ," You pause to take a deep breath, then stand up straight as she opens the scissors and uses them to cut open the plastic. "What the _fuck_ , Calliope?" She sets the scissors down and turns to look at you, arms crossed. "Also, what the hell was with all of that nasty fucking affection blowing up in the front room?  There were people around-"  
  
 "That consisted soley of Kanaya."  
  
 "Anyone could have walked in!"  
  
 "No one was on the streets and it had just stopped raining."  
  
 "You _hugged_ him!"  
  
 "You _hit_ him!" Calliope shouts back the last bit and you lean back against the wall, letting her cool off as she unfolds her arms across her chest.  She leans her back against the counter and breaths out heavily, rubbing her temples after a moment of silence. "I'm upset with you, and I'm upset with him, but him I'm not _related_ to.  He's not my twin brother, he's not the one who-"  
  
 "Will finish my sentences, yeah I get that but-"  
  
 "But nothing!  Let me _finish_!" She stomps her foot and you flinch. "Dirk wasn't defending himself in that fight, but he wasn't stopping you either.  You knew he would egg you on if you came at him, and you _let_ him.  You ran in with your head down and your fists up!  If it had been _anyone_ other than Dirk, you'd have kept your temper, then again if it had been anyone other than Dirk they'd have pressed charges." She's got a sharp bite with each word and it makes you want to scramble out of the room.  
  
 "It wouldn’t have been-"  
  
 "You were being a fucking idiot," She says over you. "So was Dirk, and I fully intend to tell Roxy just how moronic he was being and let _her_ deal with him.  You on the other hand..." She narrows her eyes at you and you feel the ice in her glare spike in your direction. "You _fucked up_ , and you are going to have to _earn_ my trust back, bit by bit, because right now I… I know you‘re sorry but it doesn‘t make me any less upset," That did it.  You can't reply.  You have fucked up beyond repair and there is no turning around to take it back. "Now… you have a floor to mop." She has avoided your question and stabbed you in the feelings all at once.  
  
 You turn around and head to the utility closet.  
  
 You don't want her to see you like this.  Fighting with yourself and fighting to figure out a way to fix it when there isn't a way.  You had really thought she’d cooled off, gotten over it, she normally does…  
  
 But then, on the rare occasion, this will happen.  Your stupidity will come back to bite you on the ass.  The only thing you can do is jump through her hoops and... well, pray she forgives you.  This day was an utter bust.  
  
 ... Okay, not a total bust, you got to punch that fucker in the jaw.  You'll have to get him back for kissing you though, and you might have the perfect way to do it without angering the war goddess that currently has your sister under her thumb.


	32. ==> Dirk, grab the lotion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to try and update at least ONCE a day until my surgery. And then I might be gone for a week, but knowing me it won't be that long because you guys are stupid amounts of sweet and even though I should lay in bed before the infusions I'll be writing.
> 
>  
> 
> BY THE WAY DID I MENTION THERE WAS GOING TO BE PORN? NSFW CHAPTER! :D  
> <3

 The shop is closed when you get back to your apartment, at first you think something terrible has happened because the sun is still up and people still breath and the _shop is closed_.  Nepeta only closes the shop if something catastrophic has happened so you hurry inside through the back.  You don't get far though because the blinds on the window to the garage portion of the shop are pulled up, and inside stands tall, dark, and stable.  Nepeta has herself wrapped up in his arms and she's clinging to him like a cancer cell with a smile that breaks light bulb wattages.  
  
 Out of all the possible choices you could pick, interrupting those two will never be on the list that crosses your mind.  Equius came home early, probably just for Nepeta, and they are so obviously actually in love even though they say they're just friends that you want to spit.  You hurry upstairs and close the door behind you, you don't want to bother them and you don't want them to bother you.  You set your sketchbook and cell phone on your table, then toss the rag and slivers of ice into your sink.  
  
 If your brother saw you now with a bruised jaw and injured tongue, he'd probably torment you mirthlessly.  He would tell you your guard was down and that was not how he raised you, you should never have let yourself get hit, you never should have shown a weakness like tripping of all fucking things.  
  
 Right after though, you know he'd drawn you into a hug.  And as much as Dave aggravates you, a hug sounds _really_ nice right about now.  You're coming down off the adrenaline rush, the keen eyed, bushy-tailed readiness to fuck and fight.  You're crashing and all you can do is pick apart your moves in your head.  
  
 You should have pivoted on your toes and used Caliborn's weight against him, used the force of his push to roll back and drag him down before kicking him off and into a wall.  You should have shut your mouth and not encouraged him to hit you.  You should have forced him off and not tuned everyone out just so you could feel him that close to you, no matter how hot it was... and Jesus _fucking_ Christ was it _hot_.  
  
 Caliborn had been all sorts of perfect, hot skin and tight muscles with eyes that could start fires as he straddled you.  His skin was soft against your lips and he fucking _growled_ when you pulled away.  Like a fucking mutt in heat, he didn't want you to move.  His legs had you trapped and his body had you pinned and you are so positive that... that you have a boner.  
  
 Holy _fuck_ that is a classic hard on you have right now.  
  
 You can't decide if you should take care of this or just grab a cold shower and start sewing, but then you think about it.  This is twice today that your cock has showed an interest in Caliborn, and you can't really say you don't want to take care of it.  You really, _really_ do, and to be honest you wish Caliborn would have noticed while he had you pressed against his thighs.  
  
 ... That train of thought needs to wait until you get to your bed.  As much as you _want_ to handle it right here in the kitchen, all it takes is someone walking in through the front door to see you.  Knowing Nepeta she'll slip her head in to tell you Equius is back sooner or later.  Instant mood killer if your bosses not-girlfriend catches you with your hand down your pants.  Sure, you could just lock the front door, but that leads to Nepeta thinking you're trying to set yourself on fire or something.  
  
 You sigh at the thought and start shedding your clothes, boots kicked off by the table as you make your way over to your bed.  You can shut and lock that door without a problem, and that's exactly what you do.  You yank off your shades and flop onto the bed, then roll over and unbutton your jeans.  You shove them down to your knees and kick them the rest of the way off as you think about the way Caliborn had almost smiled at you, that satisfied smirk of _'I've won and I’m going to take my prize'_ on his face as he drew his arm back and clenched his fist.  
  
 Why is that so hot?  It's got you palming yourself through your boxers and cursing at the same time.  What if you'd gone without those today?  What if you’d actually gone commando like you normally do and Caliborn had moved up just a little bit, pressed his hips down and into yours.  
  
 Fuck you want that, you want that now and quick and you wouldn't even care if your clothes didn't come off.  You can rock frottage, hell you wholly _approve_ of frottage if it means you get Caliborn panting in your ear and your hands on the back of his thighs to pull him closer to you.  
  
 Holy _fuck_.  
  
 You have to force your hands away from your dick and yank open your beside table drawer, you toss a few things onto the floor until you grab a bottle of lotion.  It's not lube, you've _got_ lube, but you're not going to hunt for the shit when you've got this on hand.  
  
 Now quite literally as you pour some into your palm and then hook your thumb in the elastic of your boxers.  You shove them down as far as you can get them and swallow the groan that‘s trying to bubble up.  You rub your hands together and breathe out over your palm before wrapping your hand around your cock when it twitches at the passing thought of Caliborn's mouth moving down your neck.  
  
 You shiver a bit from the chill of cold lotion, but the discomfort doesn't last long when you think about Caliborn's breath on your skin.  His lips had been so fucking close, you could have leaned forward and pressed your own against his, sank your teeth in and wrapped your legs around him.  Fuck yes he would have loved that, he'd have pushed you back and pinned your hands down and growled that _he_ was in charge and rocked his hips into yours.  Maybe even called you a slut when you moaned for him to keep going.  
  
 Shit, this will not last long at all.  You’re going to come and you only just started, how sad is that?  You’ve got to be careful of how fast you go or you’re going to yank your piercings, but damn.  
  
 You love your imagination.


	33. ==> Caliborn, grab the lube

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW again. <3

 You have done _everything_ Calliope told you and _then some_ , and by the time you get back to the shop after dropping Kanaya off at her fancy pants flat, your sister has already gone home.  As you leave the already locked up shop, you heave out a heavy sigh.  You’re _tired_ and today has been _way_ too long.  It's also only the beginning of your week, so you're pretty sure you're going to scream by the end of it.  
  
 Actually, you already have, so cross that off the list.  
  
 You make your way up the stairs of your building because you feel like adding on to the punishment, then you sulk your way down the hall in hopes that the freakish twin thing you have with Calliope kicks in and she'll at least give you a glance of pity.  
  
 She doesn't leave her apartment though.  It's almost enough to make you want to walk over and knock on her door, beg her to forgive you.  That's not fair to her though because she deserves to be angry once in a while, so you'll let her be angry and you'll suffer until she decides that it's been long enough.  You'll play by her rules, even if they're dumb.  
  
 Inside your apartment you head straight to bed, you'll shower later.  You're too tired for this and all you want to do is _sleep_.  You kick your shoes off at the foot of your bed and then ease yourself into your blanket cocoon like always.  
  
 Only as soon as you get comfortable, you realize you're wide awake.  You flip in your covers for a good twenty minutes before you get bored out of your mind and sit up, deciding a shower could help.  Maybe if you grab some food?  
  
 … But food requires cooking and that would just wake you up more, and a shower would also wake you up so to hell with that.  You're kind of tired but you're not at the point where you're tired enough to pass out.  You're also bored as all hell.   
  
 You could always jerk off.  That passes the time well enough, and it leaves you sleepy afterwards, so why not?  
  
 You sigh and pull your clothes off, might as well just sleep in your boxers if you're going to jerk yourself to dreamland.  It's not the first time, it won't be the last.   
  
 Clothes on the floor and covers pushed off, you lay back and think your way through you're little black booty call book you have in your head.  You could call any of them and they'd come running for a chance to have your dick for a night, but you don't really want to wait for one of them to get here.  You're feeling a little impatient.  
  
 Also you really don't have the sanity left to deal with anyone in person right now.  
  
 You let your mind wander through the list of women you could be fucking right now, there's always the bitch with small tits but an ass you could fondle for hours.  She's amazing in bed and a pretty little blond with blue eyes.  You enjoy dragging things out with her because she loves the tease, and you enjoy her moaning.  That's a good enough start to get you going, so you reach under your bed and drag the box into the light and flip the lid open.  You get the lube out and make it fast, it's the self heating kind anyway.  
  
 With a sigh you wrap your hand around your cock and work it until it's hard.  It doesn't take a lot, you've got a long photo book  in your mind full of women you've slept with, body's you've caressed or held close.  The sound of a woman moaning as you rock into her or bring her to the edge until she's begging.  Maybe you can have two at once.  
  
 ... actually that's a really nice thought, it's been a while.  Your dick twitches at the thought of a woman on her knees in front of you while you turn and tease the other.  Both are blond and in red and black lingerie... Okay no, only the one standing is in red and black, the one on her knees is in orange and white.  
  
 She's dragging her tongue up the underside of your cock nice and slow, looking up at your with pretty brown eyes.  The other girl is pulling your hand toward her waist and you like where this is going, her skin is soft and she's wearing see-through panties, god you want to fuck her.  Then again, you want to fuck the beauty swallowing your cock just as much, because you know this woman and she's got one killer of an oral fixation and sucks cock like a goddess.  
  
 She pulls back to say something and suddenly she isn't the blond you know.  
  
 Suddenly she's _Dirk Strider.  
  
 'Is this good baby?'_  
  
 He swallows your cock and you come in shock.  
  
 Fuck.  
  
 Oh fuck.  
  
 "FUCK!" You are not gay-what the fuck not gay, where-why-you _need you sister RIGHT FUCKING NOW where are your clothes?!_


	34. ==> Keep freaking out Caliborn

 You are not gay.  
  
 You are _not_ gay.  
  
 You _are not_ gay.  
  
 You _are not gay_!  
  
 Calliope doesn't even know what's wrong when she runs in, she just sees you crying and you're freaking out too much to say anything or explain yourself.  You only just get your pants up when she came running into your apartment.  You heard her shout your name and you croaked out 'In here,' the next thing you knew was that she had you wrapped up in her arms and was hushing you.  Your head is back in her lap and you're crying into her nightgown and this is _terrifying_.  You don't cry easily, if ever for that matter.  You don't think about men when you jerk yourself off.  You don't know what's going on, what the hell is going on?  
  
 Why did Dirk pop into your fantasy?  
  
 Why did you enjoy it?  
  
 Why are you fucking _crying_ about it?  
  
 "Easy, easy now brother, let it out," Calliope's not even asking you what's wrong.  She was asleep for fucks sake, you can hear that in her voice.  She doesn't even have a wig on, she got out of bed and ran through her apartment with her keys, down the hall, unlocked your front door when you didn't answer fast enough and came to check on you because she _knew_ something was wrong. "I'm here now." She says as she pets you.  
  
 You're going through a sexuality crisis and she's just... _here_ for you.  You reach up and squeeze her free hand as you fight to stop crying.  She hushes you again and you try not to choke.  
  
 So... _maybe_ you like boys?  
  
 But you've never liked them before, why all of a sudden after all these years?  
  
 You turn your face and feel your shoulders shake as Calliope continues to pet you.  She should be mad at you, but instead she's comforting you and she doesn't even know why.  Or maybe she does, you're too freaked out to ask her though.  
  
 When you can talk, you'll ask her if she knows.  You'll ask her what you're supposed to do.  You'll revise your plan on how to get back at Dirk, but then again you can keep it the same because this doesn't mean _anything_.  Thankfully your tears don't last very long, it was just shell-shock, and you compose yourself but don't move from your sisters lap.  
  
 "It's okay to like him, you know?" She says.  Because of course she can read your mind.  God _damn_ it.  
  
 "No it isn't." You snap back.  
  
 "It is though, I thought you might have figured that out much later though.  I am surprised it hit so suddenly, Dirk's only been in the shop for a few weeks." She smiles and you look up at her.  She looks so... different without her wig.  You hardly ever see her without it, and it's strange and almost unsettling after all these years.  
  
 "I don't like him, and go put on a wig, you don't look like yourself," You mumble as you sit up and let her go. "And... I'm sorry about your nightgown." She looks down and shakes her head, the front covered in tear stains.  
  
 "I really don't mind, love," She stands up and reaches back to brush a finger over your cheek. "Get a shower and meet me in your kitchen, we'll have some cocoa and talk you through this, just like we did when I figured out I liked girls, alright?" She's got the sweetest smile she knows how to wear on and it hurts your soul.  She should be _upset_. "I _am_ still upset," Fucking twin powers. "But you need me right now, so that's on hold until after we sort you out, alright?" You nod and reach for your shirt on the floor.  
  
 The light from your desk lamp makes the colors on your tattoos look distorted, and the ones on Calliope's shoulders dim.  You try to smile, but your heart isn't in it right now, you're too much of a mess.  
  
 "Thank you." You tell her.  She just smiles and kisses your cheek when you finally stand up.  
  
 "Go wash up." So you do.  When you shut the bathroom door you feel a little mortified that there might have been come on your stomach when Calliope ran in, but if there was, it’s not there now.  That just means it’s on her nightgown… oh god you hope she burns it.


	35. ==> Dirk, be rudely awoken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MORE FANART I AM FEELINGS  
> http://ixyukixi.tumblr.com/post/30158944640/ooooooooookay-this-one-i-had-to-do-because-this  
> http://ixyukixi.tumblr.com/post/30019682644/ok-so-i-drew-this-for-my-friend-sona-and-her

 There's a loud pounding on your bedroom door that yanks you out of your hot dream about Caliborn pinning you to a bed and sucking hickeys into your neck and the shock has you brandishing a sword within seconds.  No one's in the room with you, just outside of it actually.  They aren't trying to get in, they're just knocking _really_ hard.   
  
 Only one person has a knock that _forceful_ , and only he would knock at... _6:15 in the morning_.   
  
 Is he serious?   
  
 What in this fresh hell is he thinking?  
  
 "Mr. Strider, are you awake yet?" It's Equius.  He's got a broom up his butt about _'the early bird gets the worm,'_ but he only enforces it on _you_.  Even worse if there's work.  He never wakes Nepeta up, oh no, always _'Let her sleep in,'_ the jack ass. "Mr. Strider?" You groan and put your sword back before flopping onto your side.  
  
 "M'up." You're really not, but Equius doesn't need to know that.  You roll over in bed and grab a pair of boxers, tugging them on in case Equius breaks your door down.  
  
 "Good, I need your assistance downstairs," You groan into your pillow, "There's a customer downstairs who brought in a vintage hearse.  I thought you might want to get a good look at it before the other part-timers show up." That makes you sit up again, eyebrow raised.  
  
 "How vintage?" You ask as you reach for your shades.  
  
 " _Vintage_." There's an underline in there somewhere, heavy on italics.  You're on your feet with your shades in place and unlocking the bedroom door in the next few seconds.  When you open it and peer out just through the crack, Equius is standing there with his arms crossed and a smile beneath his dreadlocks. "Good morning, Mr. Strider." From anyone else, this would be a taunt.  
  
 From Equius, it's a genuine statement.  
  
 It took you a while to see the difference between the two, but you're better acquainted with him now.  He looks sarcastic and creepy without trying too, it's just the way his face falls, but really he's the sweetest gumdrop you've ever...  
  
 Right.  You need your pills.  
  
 "Give me about fifteen minutes to take my medication and get a shower." You inform him.  He nods and turns toward the door.  
  
 "So, in other words, see you in half an hour after you do your hair." You laugh and shake your head.  It's too early for this and you don't have full control of your face yet, but you know Equius won‘t give your tough guy face to anyone else.  
  
 "Zahhak, did you just sass me?" You ask him as he reaches the front door.  He turns and flashes you a smirk, then shrugs his shoulders as he opens the door.  
  
 "The car awaits you downstairs in the garage, Mr. Strider.  It shouldn't take you too long to look it over, not at your skill level." He opens the door and steps into the hall.  
  
 "It's good to have you back, Equius." You watch him smile as he shuts the front door and you know he‘s happy to be back.  With a sigh you turn back to your dresser to grab your pill bottle and open the top.  Two will last you all day, if you only take one during the day it wears off around lunch, but you know better.  You've done this for a while and you know the steps to keep it from getting bad and having your mind wander.  It's like brushing your teeth at this point.  Mind numbing and just a step you go up to get to consciousness.  You'll get ready, go downstairs, and throw your work overalls on.  You'll get a look at this car, be in and out, go back to bed, and then wake up to go get Roxy.  
  
 Maybe take her shopping before you go to uU Yogurt.  
  
 And that medication better kick in soon, you do not want to be like this all day.  You swallow your pills dry and then go to get a glass of water.  This day is going to be fun, nothing can go wrong.


	36. ==> Caliborn have a good day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://gunsandwwands.tumblr.com/post/30278088440/ive-been-waiting-a-while-to-get-back-in-the-swing  
> TAKE IT AND GO WHY DO YOU KEEP SPOILING ME?!
> 
> Fun fact, a group of about four/five people dragged me into a Skype call to present this to me just so they could hear me make gleeful noises.  
> My friends are poots. <3

 It's around five in the afternoon and you've got your ear buds in while you're curled up on the couch as Calliope works her shift when you realize today has been pretty stress free.  You've read through a good chunk of your current book and you're pretty sure you're going to be closing shop soon.   
  
 To make the day even better, there's been no sign of Dirk all day and you only just realize that it’s been the biggest relaxing factor as you close your book and stretch on the couch.  You flip your music off and tug the ear buds out of your ears, then roll the cord up and shove the whole thing in your pocket.  When you stand up and head over to the register, you smile at your sister as she takes the book from you and puts it under the counter.  
  
 "What are _you_ so happy about?" She asks as she leans against the counter.  You shake your head and tug at a few of the curls draped on her shoulders.  
  
 "Nothing, but you look kind of tired.  Why not go touch up your make up?  I can stand here and look surly for you until you get back." She laughs and leans into your shoulder before heading towards the bathroom.  You don't even bother grabbing your apron off the hook, instead you cross your arms and stare at the register while you wait for her to get back.  Today's been good, you're surprisingly cheerful for... well, _you_.  Nothing's gone wrong.  
  
 The bell above the door chimes and you look up to see a group of about five women start walking in, all talking excitedly about god knows what.  In the back of the crowd is a woman with long black ringlets and a figure that would make an hourglass jealous.  She's got these beautiful green eyes and a bit of baby fat that you know personally is hidden under her dress, along with a dragon tattoo from her neck to her hip.  She spots you at the register and her face lights up, she slips away from the crowd as they migrate to the yogurt machines and heads straight towards you.  
  
 You met her in a bar one night after celebrating some holiday you can't actually remember the name of, and oh boy had you taken to her instantly.  She spent the evening on your thigh or in your lap, rubbing your shoulders and nibbling your ears while you ordered drinks for everyone and told her she'd look better naked than in that red dress she had been wearing.   
  
 She was in your little black book of booty calls.  Right at the top too.  
  
 "Caliborn," Her voice is made of sugar and sounds so sweet.  You wonder why you haven't called her recently. "How have you been?  I haven't seen you since April," She keeps her tone conversational, but you watch her eye you up and down like she wants to jump you right there in the shop. "And what happened to your hand?" You look down at the broken fingers and smile.  
  
 "You wouldn’t believe me if I told you," You smirk when she laughs and rolls her eyes, leaning over so her arms are pressed against the counter and her breasts push against the already tight dress she's wearing. "How have _you_ been, finally get a boyfriend?" She laughs and shakes her head, reaching up to twirl one of her ringlets on a finger.  
  
 "Not a _chance_ , I haven't found anyone I see myself settling down with.  How about you?" She asks.  You actually snort and watch her blush.  
  
 "You know I love the bitches far too much to just tie myself down to one of them like that," You give her the once over she's been begging for with her eyes and your smirk gets playful, "Though if you're up for it I could tie you down later.  What do you say?" You could use the sex, and you know she's good for it anyway.  You watch as she weighs the thought, then looks over at her friends.  
  
 As she does, Dirk comes in the door with Roxy on his arm, three bags hanging off the one she's not clinging to as she laughs at something he says.  You make sure to cover the way your face falls before your soon to be booty call turns back to you, then smile when she bites her bottom lip playfully.   
  
 Damn, she wants it, you can tell.  You wonder when she last had any decent sex, and you pray it wasn't with you because that was a long time ago, but then again you wouldn't be surprised.  
  
 Not everyone treats their bitches with enough respect to get them off at least twice before the night is out.  
  
 "You have no idea how much I'm considering that," She says. "But aren't you working?" She points at the register and you shrug.  You reach out, tucking a curl behind her ear and brushing your knuckle against her cheek.  She swallows and shivers, she knows what your fingers can do.  
  
 You feel a bullwhip glare on you and you turn, but the only person looking your way is Dirk, and you can't see a glare on him through those glasses so you just ignore him the best you can.   
  
 Calliope comes out of the bathroom and shouts Roxy's name excitedly, and they do that gross thing where they squeal and run up to one another and hug.  
  
 Fucking nasty.  But it means they left Dirk so there’s that.  
  
 "It's my sister's shift, actually," You say to catch her attention. "I can go home any time I want to." She makes a noise in her throat and you know you're getting some later.  You didn't even have to try.  
  
 You are a god at this.  
  
 "Caliborn, can I talk to you?" Dirk walks right up to the counter and settles beside the woman you're trying to take home so her panties can hang off the lamp in your bedroom.  
  
 If she's even wearing them that is.  
  
 … Wow you really hope she’s not, that would be hot.  
  
 "What?" You ask, trying to keep your voice level and your thoughts on the right track. "I'm in the middle of a conversation here." Dirk smirks and turns to the woman beside him, then tilts his glasses down to eye her where she can see him.  
  
 "I can see that," he says with a... what is that?  Is he trying to be suave?  What is he doing with his voice? "Pleasure's all mine." He lifts her hand and kisses the top of her wrist like a smooth fucking Casanova.   
  
 It makes her blush and giggle, and it hits you like a fucking freight train skidding across ice.  
  
 Wait.  
  
  _Wait_!  
  
 Is he _seriously_ hitting on someone you're _obviously_ trying to get with?  _Seriously_?  
  
 What the _fuck man_ , not even right!  That is one of the biggest no-no’s in a bro code.  Even if you aren’t bro’s!  Common fucking courtesy here!


	37. ==> Dirk, be a jealous flirt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way.  
> Fav chapter I think. So far.

 This girl is pretty hot, for a _girl_ you mean, you give her that much.  If you were _into_ women, you'd be on that like MSG on Chinese food, but right now you just want to monopolize her time so it takes away from her talking to Caliborn.  She doesn't seem to mind at all, and one look at your eyes and she's weak in the knees and all hair twirls and little fluttery giggles.  
  
 "Pardon me for not doing so earlier, but I'm Dirk Strider," You give her a nod and let your accent slip.  Women love accents, they get all gooey on the inside.  Caliborn glares holes through you. "I didn't mean to interrupt your talk, you can go back to it." You smile at her and turn.  You even count to three in your head before she chirps.  
  
 "Oh!  No, it's fine!" Hook.  Line.  Sinker. "If you two want to talk, I can wait over there and get some frozen yogurt, I don't mind." She's shifting from one foot and then the other to make herself sway.  You could sell tickets to this show, hot damn.  
  
 "No, it's fine," Caliborn says as he looks back toward his sister. "He can say it in front of you, I‘ll just have to tell Calli I‘m leaving soon." He smiles, and you feel your hands begged to clench.  You ignore it though and smile at her.  
  
 "Oh, I didn't realize you two were a couple, he's lucky to have you." She snorts this time, shaking her head in dismissal.  
  
 "Oh, god no, we're not a couple, I don‘t do couples," She says as she tosses her hair over one shoulder. "It's more of... friends with benefits.  You know, sex without the attachments." Caliborn snorts and leans over the counter, eyes focused on her.  
  
 "You like the attachments." He purrs.  You almost do a double take when he says it, but she blushes and rolls her eyes so you know he doesn't realize what he just said could be taken the wrong way.  
  
 He meant for _her_ pleasure.  
  
 You heard for _his_.  
  
 It's a good thing you're smart and understood that before it got awkward.  You smirk anyway and chuckle, why not make it awkward anyway?  Point out his slip.  
  
 "I had no idea you were into that, does that mean you're into threesomes?" You can't help it, you'll probably get hit again.  The woman laughs and reaches up to touch the bruise on your cheek.  
  
 "Give that a week or two to heal and maybe I'll take you up on that, _maybe_." She makes her words sound like she's purring before she turns her attention back to Caliborn. "Now, I'm going to get some yogurt and tell my friends I‘m leaving, then I'll be right back.  Will you be ready to go by then?" She asks, fingers reaching over to play with his collar.  
  
 "Only if you never talk about a threesome _ever_ again." She laughs and starts walking away, all curves and sensuality.  You have to admit, you're kind of jealous of how Caliborn watches her go.  You wish he'd watch you like that, but you've got time to change his mind, so he will eventually if things fall in your favor.  
  
 "Right, about that talk?" You say.  He cuts you off with a hand and you raise an eyebrow.  
  
 "I'm not talking to you." He states.  You raise and eyebrow and he walks over to Calliope without another word.  
  
 What?  
  
 Oh he doesn't think that'll actually work?  Does he?  
  
 He walks back toward the register when Calliope nods and stands on the outside, waiting with a bag he grabbed from under the counter.  
  
 Oh the cute little fucker, he _does_.  
  
 You walk up behind him and wrap your arms around his waist, thumbs hooking in his pockets. "Caliborn." He's tense all over when you whisper his name.  
  
 "I will count to three," He says through gritted teeth. "For Calliope's sake alone.  Get off or I file a sexual assault charge."  
  
 "You're taking her home to fuck her right?" You ask in a whisper near his ear.  He might be taller than you, but you know what you're doing so he hears you loud and clear. "Are you even going to make it to the bed?  I mean look at her, she's gagging for it."  
  
 "Shut up." He hisses, trying to pry your hands off his hips.  
  
 "If you take her from behind, think of me, won‘t you?" You let him go as he spins around to shove you off, avoiding his reach as you slip over to the machines.  As you pass the woman on her way toward the register and a very flustered Caliborn, she gives you a slip of paper.  
  
 It's got her name and phone number on it.  
  
 Oh yes.  
  
 You’ve still got it.


	38. ==> Caliborn, go get some

 You have to bite your tongue when she comes back over to the register and reaches for her purse. "Wait, it's on me," You blurt it out to keep your mind from going anywhere near what Strider said.  She looks a little surprised by that for some reason, but you shrug it off.  You pluck one of the spoons and a few napkins off the counter and hold them out to her, remembering to smile.  She takes them and starts eating, cherry pop and cherry topping, her affinity for red ever evident.  
  
 Those words are stirring like wildfire in the pit of your mind though, trying to claw their way to the surface and tear everything you've got apart, bit by tiny bit.  You push them down further, offer your arm to her and enjoy how soft her hand is when she reaches out to you and sucks syrup off her spoon.  She leans into you slightly, but not too much, just a presence of a body as you both leave the shop.  
  
 You'd told Calli the same thing you always told her when you did this, _'Met an old friend, is it alright if I clock out early to hang with them?'_   It kind of makes you wonder if she catches what you really mean underneath that.  If by _met an old friend_ you mean someone you want to or have had sex with.  If by _hangout_ you mean get your cock wet.  
  
 You pray that some things remain vague as to the whereabouts of your dick, and that your sister never puts two and two together.  As much as you love Calliope, there are things about her you'd rather not know, so you extend the courtesy both directions and keep your sex life as in the dark to her as the thought of going outside without a wig on.  
  
 When you look over at the beautiful bitch on your arm when she finished her frozen yogurt and tosses the trash outside, you're reminded that today has been wonderful.  You repeated that nothing can go wrong.  
  
 She's here, you're getting laid soon, and then the world will piece itself back together.  You make it to the building in record time.  Things are great, they’ll work out.  
  
 Slowly.  
  
 Surely.  
  
 Something that sounds philosophical, you can't really think now that you’re in this elevator and there's a hot bitch pressed against your chest and nibbling at your ear.  
  
 "If you don't _behave_ , I'm going to rip that dress off you right here and now." You make your voice sound threatening as you tug the back of the dress away from her body, but it just makes her moan and shiver against you.  
  
 "Already out to get me for public indecency, officer?" She asks, pulling away as the elevator doors ding open.  You reach out to snatch her back, but she's laughing and hurrying down the hall so you are forced to run after her.  She loves to play games just as much as you do, and she's a pretty sore loser if you remember correctly.  
  
 She leans against the wall beside your door as you get out your keys, rolling your eyes at her as she giggles.  It's more a little high pitched cackle, one you were really surprise didn't grate across your nerves like live wires sparking on concrete.  
  
 There's a reason she's near the top of the list, and it's not just because she's wicked in bed.  
  
 "So... about tall, freckled, and blondie?" She asks as you open the front door.  
  
 "Rezi, I think it's best you focus less on that dick, and more on mine." You take her wrist and pull her inside the apartment, the door swinging shut behind you.  She laughs and tosses her purse toward the living room table, then turns around and wraps her arms around your shoulders.  The kiss is a mess but you like it, your hands moving to the back of her thighs to hoist her up so she can wrap her legs around your waist.  Her dress rides up when she does and you catch a flash of bright red and lace as you step over to the wall and press her against it.  
  
 "Well, I did miss your dick." Her voice is all teasing and playfulness as she moves her hands down to undo the buttons on your shirt.  
  
 "Bitch you better have, have you really met anyone who can do what I can?" She cackles and kicks off her heals so they go flying across the room.  Your clothes are going to be scattered across your living room, the great sexcapades migration once again.  
  
 She gets your shirt off your shoulders and you shrug it the rest of the way down, smirking when her hands splay across your chest and she sighs in content.  
  
 "Gee willikers mister, you sure are _strong_." She teases as she lets her hands roam.  
  
 "Don't ruin the mood with kids movies." You warn her about this every time, but she doesn't really listen.  It doesn't ever _really_ ruin the mood, in fact it lightens it, keeps it playful.  You just like being a wet towel on her fun.  
  
 "The cog is new," She remarks as her hand moves to your left arm to investigate.  Her fingers trace the red ink and she hums as you work on unzipping the back of her dress when she arches off the wall. "What made you decide to get it?" She asks.  
  
 "Why'd you get a dragon?" You ask back.  It makes her laugh and shimmy out of her dress more, then reach behind her to unhook her bra.  
  
 "Shall we leave some mysteries to the unsolved?" She asks. "After all, we aren't four teenagers and a dog." She cackles again when you groan.  
  
 "I am going to fuck each and every reference _right_ out of you, I swear to god." You lift her hips and let her drop to the floor so she bounces on her feet.  You let her toss her clothes as she runs to your bedroom, then you chase after her and forget about Dirk Strider.  
  
 You forget he's a bastard who wants to mess with your head all the time, you forget you left him alone with your sister and some weird hooker.  
  
 You forget because Terezi just threw her panties at your face before diving onto your bed.  
  
 You are going to be up all night.


	39. ==> Caliborn, bask in the afterglow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's a hurricane on top of me at the moment. My surgery was rescheduled because of it. IF I take a break, it's because my power is out, nothing more. Also, I am very upset about the rescheduling falling on a weekend I wanted to go visit friends.
> 
> So I leave you two chapters before I possibly disappear for a few days.  
> Enjoy them.  
> Love them.  
> Feed my ego.

  Later that night as Terezi is sleeping on your bed, sprawled out naked and still dripping from her shower after being fucked so thoroughly she‘d started to purr, you have a mild panic attack in the shower because of something you did.  
  
 Well.  
  
 Said.  
  
 She'd thought it was hot and it had turned her on, and you have no idea why your dick hadn't flagged.  You let your head thump against the wall one more time and wish you could erase time or die right there.  
  
 You'd moaned _Dirk's name_ as she sat in your lap and faced away from you, hands on the headboard.


	40. ==> Take a nap Dirk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BRING. TISSUES.  
> You have been warned.  
> Kthxilu

 You watch Caliborn leave with a sense of satisfaction as the tips of his ears go red, it's _all_ because of you and you know he'll be thinking about that _all_ night.  You've got that man in your pocket and he doesn't even know it, he is wound around your fingers and every step he takes brings him closer to you.  It's just a matter of time now, then he'll come to you first.  Everything is in place, each piece is on the board, you are-  
  
 "What the fuck are you doing standing around by an empty register looking like you're about to shove your hand down your pants?" Roxy asks.  
  
 "Fuck woman, I'm just _thinking_ , geez what crawled up your _vagina_ and died?" You reply with a bitch of a bark.  
  
 "Wow, someone's _cranky_ this afternoon," Calliope mutters as she takes Roxy's hand and leads her over to the registers. "We're going to talk about that double date, why don't you get some yogurt and sit in the corner while you cool off." She gives you this apologetic smile while Roxy huffs at you.  As they leave, Roxy sticks her tongue out at you and makes this immature face you haven‘t seen her make in years.  They're already two peas in a pod, you're just another third wheel in a group.  It's been a long time since you've felt like this, and the last time you had, it hadn't even been for very long.  
  
 You pick up Roxy's shopping bags and take them over to one of the empty couches, dropping them on one end before you curl up on the other.  You don't really want yogurt right now so you forgo it, in fact you kind of want to go home.  Your head's starting to fill up with memories you really don't want to think about right now, so you close your eyes and try sleeping it off while the girls chatter.  
  
 You have no idea how bad of an idea that actually was.  
  
\--  
  
 _The sun's already set for the night and everything has cooled off since it's the middle of fall.  It's not too cold though, happily there's still some warmth left in the woods before you have to bundle up and toss on scarves or some shit. "I think we should go to the amusement park in Prospit after this camping trip!" Jane say with a contented sigh.  She's sitting on a tire swing in Roxy's lap, both in their bathing suits as they sway over the water.  The four of you are at Jake's place, a few weeks before you plan on confessing to him.  He's the love of your life after all, and he's currently swimming under the surface of the lake around the tire swing like a shark.  Jane's so excited to go home, even if you know she's been having fun here.  
  
 "I thought you hated amusement parks, bunt cake." Roxy trailed wet fingers through the curls that Jane was trying to grow out.  
  
 "Well, it's not that I hate them, sugar cookie," Jane said as Jake broke through the surface of the water and gasped. "I just think the hype for it is dumb.  Why bother spending all this money on advertising all these great rides and food and fun for the whole family, then have all these huge downsides?  Huge lines, bad food, vomit, assholes roaming the park in the form of people that work there, to people who are there to supposedly enjoy themselves and instead are just mean and rude to everyone else!"  
  
 Roxy laughs and leans over, kissing Jane's cheek. "You're adorable when you get all flustered." Roxy muttered.  Jake laughs at them both, reaching up to grab the bottom of the tire swing and shove it so it rocks faster.  He dives back under when the tire comes toward him and swims away, moving closer to the shore and closer to you.  His head pops up from beneath the water as he exhales, climbing out of the lake to plop next to Dirk belly first on the towels beneath the trees.  
  
 "You alright, mate?" Jake smiles and it's blinding.  Your heart leaps into your throat and you have no idea how to answer, thankfully years of auto-piloting your way through school kicks in.  
  
 "I'm fine, just bored." And that's a lie.  You're not bored at all, you're lonely as fuck.  
  
 Jake reaches up and runs his fingers through his wet hair and you draw your knees to your chest to hide anything that might pop up.  He's toned and got water sliding down his back muscles and you want to groan, want to bend over and lick off every drop.  You swallow the thought and force yourself to look away, you don't have time for this, you just need to wait until the girls get tired and decide they want to go to bed.  When that happens you can curl up in your tent and pretend the world doesn't hurt.  
  
 "Dirk..." Jake looks over at you after putting his glasses on and you try to offer him a smile, but your heart isn't in it.  He reaches out and brushes his fingers against your hand. "Talk to me." He says softly, looping his fingers with yours and squeezing tight.  
  
 Your heart is throbbing in your chest, breath stuttering. "It's nothing... I promise." You mutter, looking over to the girls and not daring to move your hand.  It's just as friends, but you'll pretend it's more, even if it's only for a few minutes.  Jake follows your gaze and sits up, pulling your palm to his chest.  
  
 "Oh... oh!" He sighs wistfully and then stands up.  He's still got your hand held close and he tugs you up by your feet. "Feeling left out?" He asks.  You don't even have to nod before he takes both your hands and tugs you toward the water. "Don't, you've got me." You have no idea what he meant back then.  
  
 Not a one.  
  
 And then a few nights later he'd dragged you back to this same spot and you'd kissed each other for the first time.  He'd thrown a wrench in your plans and pulled you close.  You'd be with him forever, and that was it.  
  
 Except when the breaks in the car failed and Jake had tried to push the three of you into the backseat when the tires blew from the road spikes, everything changed.  Roxy had wrapped herself around Jane and you'd wrapped yourself around the both of them when you went off the edge.  You'd screamed for Jake as you went down, there was blood in the air already and you didn't know whose it was, but Roxy was screaming Jane's name and then everything got quite when Jake looked back and grabbed your hand.  
  
 "I love you!" And then nothing.  
  
 The world was black and you woke up to a noiseless existence, blood everywhere and Jane was laying on the roof of the car, her skull looked cracked open and all you could think was that she was dead and there was no saving her.  Roxy twitched and you noticed she was hanging in the seatbelt upside down.  You couldn't feel anything but you'd managed to get her out and pull her close to your chest as you dragged her out of the broken windshield.  
  
 You'd spread her out on the grass, then gone back for Jane.  She might have been dead but she would _ not _rot in that car!  You grab her and feel a pulse and rip off your shirt, tying off the wound before you move her.  It's not your smartest idea, moving someone with a head injury, and there's blood running into your eyes when you lay her next to Roxy and turn back to find Jake, but it‘ll work for now.  
  
 When you finally do find him, all the sound in the world finally comes back.  He's twisted at an unnatural angle and he's missing his right leg below the knee.  His skull is cracked open on a rock and when you get to him your legs give out.  All the pain you hadn't felt finally hits and you scream his name.  There are voices far above you, but all you can do is scream his name over and over again and he won't wake up and you didn't even realize that your elbow bone is sticking out until now and-_  
  
\--  
  
 "Dirk!" Roxy's shaking you awake and when you look up she's whole and not covered in blood or gashes or even broken glass. "Oh god... oh, Dirk." You don't even realize you're crying until she pulls you to her chest.


	41. ==> Be Calliope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back.

 You end up walking Roxy back to her apartment while she keeps Dirk on his feet by tucking herself under his arm.  He's gone near unresponsive save a few grunts when Roxy asks him something, but she assures you it's normal and that you have nothing to worry about.  He just needs to be somewhere with an actual bed so he can get real rest.  You had offered to let them both crash at your place since it was closer, but Roxy advised her own so he wouldn't wake up in shock.   
  
 Watching the woman you were currently fascinated with go from snarky and playful, to full on serious _mother mode_ was rather strange, but it was also comforting.  She would do everything in her power to help her best friend, and you worried over what had brought that on.  What could have happened that would create such a bond, such a strong pull to each other that unmovable Dirk who came in monotone or smirk would let every emotion he had crash into this woman’s shirt.  
  
 Once inside her apartment, you help her get the guest bed ready for Dirk as he leans against the wall in the bathroom and tries to catch his breath.  Earlier Roxy had given him a glass of water and you'd watched him down a few pills he'd been hiding in a small box in his front pocket.  It looks like a pocket watch when you see him set it on the sink, but the insides must have been scooped out to make room for the pills he's been hiding.  Roxy had pulled you away before you got a better look, back into this room, and handed you the corners of new sheets after stripping the old ones of the mattress.  
  
 "His is much worse than mine," Roxy says as you both tuck corners under the mattress after a bit of finagling with fabric. "His PTSD, I mean.  Mine’s almost nonexistent compared to his.  _Normally_ he can cut it off before it happens, but sometimes he’ll just wake up and… well, you saw it in the shop.  And that's not the only thing he got left with after the crash..." You stop and raise an eyebrow.  
  
 "Roxy, what are you talking about?" You hate to ask because it's none of your business, but you want to know.  Roxy smiles and grabs an over sheets and tosses the two ends across the bed at you.  
  
 "We were in a... _really_ bad car crash, a few years ago," She's smoothing the sheet over the bed, fingers pressing the folds into nonexistence. "Some fuckers thought it would be hilarious to put road spikes on a turn right next to a cliff face, and they‘d taken the safety railing off its hinges so it did nothing to stop the car from...  It really fucked him up for a while, he had to drag us out of the car after we tipped and his arm was all sorts of fucked.  He got the worst of it, memories I mean, I was unconscious for most of it or I would have helped." With a sigh she turns and picks up a few pillows.  
  
 As you take the one offered and fluff it between your hands, you look back at the doorway. "What about the... the pills, why does he take those, if you don‘t mind me asking?" That might be the wrong thing to ask, but Roxy just smiles at you when you set the pillow down next to hers.  Three on the bed and two by the foot, then she grabs a blanket.  
  
 "That?  Oh, that's his PCS," You blink at her and grab the edges of the blanket. "Shit, right, Post-concussion syndrome.  He got that after the crash, I think it was because they didn‘t get to treat us for several hours." She waits for you to finish tucking in the blanket, then sits on her side and pats the bed next to her in an invitation. "Keep this a secret, alright?  I know I shouldn't tell you this, it's not my disorder to tell, but… he sees you way more than he sees me these days." Roxy smiles and you straighten up, walking around the bed to sit next to her.  
  
 "I'm sorry about that, by the way," Roxy smiles at you and you blush, looking at your skirts. "I'm not trying to monopolize his time or anything, I just..." Roxy stops you when she takes your hand and kisses your fingers.  
  
 "It's fine, please, go on and monopolize his time.  Keep an eye on him for me, look after him when I can't." She’s still smiling and your heart flutters around in your chest.  She treats you like you're beautiful, and even though you know better it's still... it's nice to pretend.  It's nice to act like this is all real, lean against Roxy just for a few minutes and think that someone really cares for you as if they had a crush on you, it‘s not real though.  Or if it is, it never lasts  
  
 You get so caught up in pretending that when Dirk leans in the doorway and speaks, it startles you.  
  
 "If you two lovebirds want to crash here, I can always take Roxy's bed." He smirks when you stand up and shake your head.  
  
 "No, it’s alright love.  I have to get going anyway," Dirk raises an eyebrow as he takes his shades off before he  walks towards the bed. "What?  You‘re making a face."  
  
 "It's 12:46,” Dirk says. “I don't think you need to be walking home when it's almost one in the morning, not by yourself at least." He sets his shades on the desk next to the bed and Roxy stands up, letting him sit in her place.  
  
 "I'll drive her back," Roxy says.  Dirk blinks up at her, a look of shock he quickly covers. "Oh hush, I have a license, it's up to date, I have a car."  
  
 "Which you hate driving." He cuts in. "I can-"  
  
 "Nope, you are going to keep your fruity ass in this bed and get some rest," Roxy leans over and pushes Dirk hard by the shoulder. "If you even _try_ getting up, I will kick your ass so hard your brother will bill me for it.  Now try and sleep will you, I'll be gone like... ten minutes." She smiles and ruffles hair you had thought untouchable.  Dirk huffs and moves her hand, then turns back to curl around one of the pillows with a heavy sigh.  
  
 "I am counting that, in my head." He mutters before he closes his eyes.  She laughs and takes your hand, leading you out of the guest room and into the living room.  
  
 "Well, let me get you home, I'll get my keys," She smiles and starts rummaging through the pile of coats on her table. "And I'll see you tomorrow at the shop?" She turns and you can't even stop the smile.  Roxy looks like a ruffled cat right now, startled but trying to relax.  You could get used to seeing her every day.  
  
 "I'll be there, I do have to close after all." She laughs and walks over to you with her keys and your coat.  
  
 "You are _too_ cute." You blush a brilliant shade of red as she opens her front door.


	42. ==> Caliborn admit defeat

 You make two bowls of cereal and hand one to Terezi as she leans against the table before you sit down. "Take it or leave it." You tell her, just like every other morning after.  She laughs anyway and takes the offered spoon, standing around in her lingerie.  Her dress is draped across the back of the couch and her purse is propped up next to it, her shoes below that awaiting her feet.  She's ready to go, but you won't let her leave on an empty stomach, that's _rude_.  You treat all your bitches with respect, that's why they enjoying coming back.  
  
 Well, that and you're _really_ good at making them come with your name on their lips.  
  
 Your dick is a gift from god, but that's not the point.  
  
 "I love how you always have really sugary cereal in your cabinets." Terezi mutters before she stuffs her face again.  
  
 "I like this kind, it rots my teeth that much faster." You're only half paying attention to her at this point, since your mind is still elsewhere after last night‘s shenanigans.  She doesn't seem to notice though, so at least you have that in your favor.  You've got a list of thoughts to run through after all, and as much as you enjoy talking to Terezi under normal circumstances, she's not someone you need to vent to about this certain subject.  
  
 You watch her eat and slowly consume each sugary spoonful with ease, trying to distract yourself before you drag up the real conversation.  She turns and smirks at you, she must be thinking you're checking her out, if the way she laughs is any clue.  
  
 "Hold your horses, big man, a girl has to go home and grab her work clothes." You knew it.  
  
 "I'd hold them better if you weren't parading around in your skivvies," She laughs again and sets her bowl on the counter. "You can't blame a man for staring if you're going to stand there and flaunt it, lovely." You watch her walk into the living room and admire her hips.  You can't really say you dislike the view, you hate to see that body get covered up.  Her dragon is beautiful, but she hides it all the time for work.  
  
 "I can blame you all I want, I'm a lawyer," You laugh at her as she picks up her dress and steps into it.  The view now covered, you look down at your cereal and finish the rest. "Anyway, speaking of work, I have to get going." You stand up as she slips on her shoes.  
  
 "I'll walk you to the door." You tell her.  
  
 "It's eight steps." She says as she shoulders her purse.  
  
 "Well I could walk you there or stare at your ass as you leave." She smirks and walks toward you, kissing you nice and slow before pulling back.  
  
 "Stare all you want, Caliborn, stare and be jealous you can't have this." She says as she makes her way to your front door.  
  
 "Bitch I had you last night about eight different ways." Her laughter echoes into the hallway and you go back into the kitchen after she leaves.  You wash both of the bowls in the sink, write ‘need more condoms’ on your shopping list, and then stare at the portrait of your family as it sits above your couch.  
  
 You look like you haven't slept at all.  It's rather obvious.  
  
 You make sure you have your keys in your pocket before you leave your apartment.  As you lock your front door, Calliope is waiting with a jacket in her arms.  
  
 A jacket that you _know_ isn't hers.  
  
 A _pink_ jacket.  
  
 "What the fuck, Calli?" You raise an eyebrow and nod towards it.  Calliope huffs and you can see her pull it closer to her chest in defiance.  
  
 "Now don't you start, Roxy took me home last night and left me her jacket because I was cold.  I'm going to give it back to her at the shop." She blushes and heads toward the elevator.  Her skirt is making that weird rustling noise fabric makes when there's far too much of it.  You follow after her and stand next to her in the elevator, questions spinning and statements bubbling.  You want to say so many things, but then the door dings and you’re walking out with your sister by your side.  
  
 She's humming some cheerful tune and it's not helping your unsettled mood, so you decide to just come out with it and tell her.  She'll _help_ you, she knows how because she's your sister and as much as that aggravates you, it's all you've got right now.  
  
 "So I had sex last night," You blurt, watching Calliope stumble. "Really great sex, and it lasted a while." Calliope's eyebrows shoot up and disappear in the bangs of her wig.  
  
 "And... you're telling me this... why, exactly?" She asks you, a little weary.  
  
 "Because near the end of it I called out Dirk's name." You keep walking, but Calliope has stopped.  You can't turn around, you just keep going.  
  
 "What?!" Her voice is louder than your mind admitted what you’d been denying.


	43. ==> Continue to admit defeat

 "Wait up, and would you repeat that for me, love?  I’m really not too sure if I heard you correctly," Calliope says as she hurries to catch up with you. "Did you say-"  
  
 "I am not repeating myself, please don't make me Calliope." You grumble back as you tuck your arms into your pockets.  
  
 "Ah," She wraps her arms around the jacket and squishes it closer. "I _did_ hear you correctly then, I heard you say Dirk‘s name," She pauses so you can both cross the street in silence, then looks up at you as you get the keys to the front door out.  The metal jingles in your hand and you leave them in the lock as you pull the door open.  Calliope snatches them out of the lock as you head inside and she shuts the door behind you. "Do you... well, do you want to _talk_ about it?" She asks, hesitant to try and touch the subject any further than this.  
  
 You shrug and go right for your apron, no bag or book or anything today to keep you occupied.  Just you and your thoughts today, and you also have to open the shop and deal with the early morning crowd that is made up of seventy perfect stupid people.  Calliope is slower to get ready, but you start the machine's until they’re churning what you put in while she ties on her apron, then flip on the light to the u-top it stand and walk toward the back so you can get the tray's.  
  
 "I can grab them, why don't you sit down?" She puts a hand on your shoulder and you shake your head no, waiting for her to let you get back to the mind numbing task of set up.  
  
 "Not yet," She opens her mouth to argue, but you cut her off. "I need to keep busy, just let me get this out and the shop ready, then I will." She slowly lets you go and you head into the back, grabbing the trays and bringing them back two at a time.  When you're finally done with everything, you flip the _'Why Yes, We're Open'_ sign over and go sit behind the register.  Calliope's standing there already, refilling the napkin dispenser and the spoon bowl.  
  
 She looks like she’s ready to crack open your brain and do some kind of thought surgery.  
  
 She stops when you fold your arms over the top of the counter and drags her stool next to your own, then folds her hands over your own.  You spread your fingers out and she drops her own between the gaps and squeezes, smiling at you as you look over to her.  She's got on a longer wig today, but it's in two low hanging braids on either side of her shoulders, clipped together at the bottom and stopped at her elbows.  
  
 That means something good, it means she's happy or she's going somewhere later… Or both.  
  
 Her skirts are excessive enough to be going out later, also she's got on stockings for heavens sake.  They go with her cute black shoes that have the buckles and socks with the bows at her ankles.  She looks like a doll, all she needs are the little joints painted on her like she had one year for Halloween and you could set her up in a window to scare the shit out of people.  
  
 "So..." She says, "Do you want to explain things for me now?" She asks you.  You inhale and feel yourself shiver when you let it out, your entire mind crumbling like a burnt piece of paper.  
  
 "I... I don't know what to explain." You admit.  You really have no clue, what do you _say_ about something like _this_?  
  
 "Well, how did, or _do_ you feel about... saying Dirk's name during… well, _that_?" Calliope asks when you squeeze her hand back. "You don't have to tell me, but I know that getting it out helps." She leans against your shoulder and you rest your head on hers.  
  
 "To tell you the truth, Calli, I don't know how I feel," You admit to her. "I'm not sure if I'm angry, or if I’m okay with it.  I'm just... really _confused_." You sigh as she rubs her fingers over yours. "I bounce around with him, I don't understand it.  One day I want to slam his face into the nearest solid object until he's breathing pulp, and then the next... well." You laugh, but it sounds like you're trying not to cry instead of _actually_ laughing.  
  
 "Oh, Caliborn..." Calliope has you in a hug and you move so your head is on her shoulder instead.  
  
 Why did she have to have a shorter stool than you?  She's half an inch shorter than you are standing up, that's _all_.  Why does she always have to make herself way shorter with stools when she sits next to you?  
  
 "Everything will be okay." She mutters.  
  
 "I'm not sure if it will," You tell her. "I don't _want_ to like him, Calli.  But he keeps just... popping up in my head, like a bug or a virus." You sigh and she rubs your back.  
  
 "Well, would you be adverse to dating him?" She asks.  You just grunt at her. "... Alright, what about getting to know him?  That can't hurt, can it?" You shrug and she sighs, pulling back to tap your face with her finger. "Give it a thought?  I need to go put the trashcan outside." She stands up and you squeeze her hands to keep her close.  
  
 "Wait..." You don't know what you're going to say, you just pull her in and hug her. "I don't like feeling like this." You let it out in a single breath and she hugs you back so tightly that it hurts your ribs.  
  
 "Welcome to every crush I've ever _had_ ," She mumbles. "Oh, I have an idea to cheer you up!" She says happily when she lets you go and you let her step away.  
  
 "I should be afraid, shouldn't I?" You mutter as you rest your elbow on the counter and set your chin in your palm.  
  
 "No, you silly goose," She smiles as she makes her way to the door, then opens it and lifts the trashcan up before she sets it outside. "There's a state fair just outside of town, we can go there today!" You raise an eyebrow as she walks back to the counter.  
  
 "A state fair?" You ask her.  
  
 "Uh huh, I'm going with Roxy, she invited me last night," She says with a blush. "You can tag along, or drag one of your friends to take with you." She smiles and you hate the way it twists in your gut.  
  
 "I don't want to be a third wheel on your date, even though I think it's a bad idea to get mixed up with that girl.  And I don‘t have actual friends." You mutter it in spite.  
  
 "It's not a date!" Calliope squeaks before smacking your shoulder as the bell above the door jingles and a customer walks in, half awake. "Look, we're just going as friends, you should come along.  I get the feeling that you and Roxy would get along a _lot_ more than you give her credit for." She smiles and makes her way behind the counter as you listen to the machine's whir to life at your side.  
  
 "I don't think she's good enough for you." You grumble as the customer walks to the counter and hands you her cup.  
  
 "Mornin'," She mutters before she yawns. "Think this'll wake me up?" She smiles over at Calliope and you ring her up.  
  
 "Mint and blueberry?  Oh I think it will." She replies, waving as the woman hands over a bill and tells you to _'keep the change'_ before she rushes out with a spoon.  You grimace and stuff the change into the tip jar.  
  
 "Caliborn," Calliope turns back to you as the door jingles shut. "You don't think _anyone_ is good enough for me." She states.  
  
 "Well I _won't_ ," You tell her. "How am I ever going to think someone is good enough for you when you're my baby sister?" She smiles and rolls her eyes.  
  
 "Flattery will get you nowhere, brother dearest.  Are you going with us?" She asks you.  You sigh and nod as she beams, then heads into the back for who knows what reason.  You would have asked, but people are starting to pour inside, each talking louder than the last.  You have to say you're grateful for the distraction at this point because as much as Calliope might have been trying to help, but you're not sure if it had worked or not.  
  
 How does anyone tell at that point?  
  
 You sigh and wave to Kanaya after she walks in behind the crowd, then sets a cup of coffee on the counter beside you.  
  
 "Bless your fucking soul," You tell her, and she smiles. "You're awful cheerful, who did you kill last night?" You ask her as you pop the lid off the coffee and sniff at it.  
  
 It smells like pure sugar and you want to down it, even though it's a million degrees too hot.  
  
 "My wife is coming home from Europe." She says.  You blink at her and set your cup down.  
  
 "You're married?" You ask in shock.  
  
 "Yes, four years now," Kanaya says before she turns away from you. "I'll tell your sister when she gets back, enjoy your clogged arteries and diabetes." She mumbles before she walks over to her couch and perches on it, then takes her customary table to go with it.  You stare at her in shock and then look back at your coffee.  You had never known she was married, she didn't wear a wedding ring, but then again that might have clashed with her outfits, and you knew she was a fashion freak.  
  
 So much has exploded in your face recently, and you keep being shocked every new twist and turn.  First Dirk, then your hand, now this.  And it's still mostly about Dirk and his... fine, his hot bod...  
  
 Eww, never using that ever again.  
  
 You think about all the people you know, then you start wondering how you're supposed to deal with this if you actually do end up _liking_ Dirk.  You know lesbian's, not gay guys.  
  
 Knight and Captor don't count though, they're a big fat famous person couple that likes to taunt the public eye by being insufferable to one another and then get caught tongue fucking at each others shows.  
  
 You sigh and rub your temples, you do _not_ want that to be your only example of a couple of guys dating.  Maybe the internet can help you?  
  
 Then again...  
  
 It's the internet.  
  
 You groan and lift your coffee to your mouth to sip at it happily, then set it down when someone walks over to the register.  
  
 "Umm, isn't that like... against health regulations or something?" The guy asks as he hands over his yogurt and points at your coffee.  You swallow the retort and smile at him.  
  
 "Welcome to uU Yogurt, where you serve and you top, is this all?" He huffs and you tell him his price, then shove a spoon in his yogurt. "Great, now get out of my shop." He blinks at you in shock, then snatches his yogurt and turns on his heel.  
  
 " _Rude_ , see if I come back." You scoff as he leaves and pick your coffee back up.  What were you thinking about again?  
  
 Oh, right, what type of couple you'd want to be with Dirk.  
  
 Well, you want sex, but you're not sure if you'll want it with _him_.  The idea of him sucking you off certainly wasn't _terrible_ , but you want nothing to do with his cock anywhere near your ass.  He can cut it off before he tries that shit.  
  
 You wonder if he'd be alright with you fucking your bitches while you're together, he sure didn't seem to mind when he was flirting with Terezi.  
  
 … Then again, knowing _your_ luck, he'd be one of those crazy possessive boyfriends who stabbed all the people who looked at you too long.  
  
 Christ, wouldn't that just be your luck?  
  
 Fuck... but what about kissing?  
  
 You enjoy kissing your bitches during or after sex, but Dirk... well, the idea doesn't _repulse_ you, but you're still not too gung-ho about it either.  
  
 Although...  
  
 He's probably a great kisser, and he does have those cock sucker lips...  
  
 You need to think about something else, you're at work for fucks sake.


	44. ==> Be Roxy

 You've got a date to pick up and you're nervous because it‘s the first one since Jane, but also you’re bored as fuck while you wait for the clock to strike six so you can go in and sweep the girl off her feet.   
  
 If you worked you wouldn’t be so bored, but you don't work anymore, not after the crash and your mothers mental breakdown about _'her baby being traumatized'_ as she so kindly put it.  Every time you try your mother throws this huge fit and shoves enough money at you to buy a new car like... five times over.  It's _annoying_ because you don't need it, you _never_ use that much money and all she does is tell you to _'put it in savings.'_  
  
 Shit, you hardly use the shit she's already _given_ you.  This is why you'd lived with your dad after their third divorce and subsequent remarry to one another.  
  
 You have money enough saved up to probably buy like... _three_ houses.  You’ve _never_ told anyone this though.  _Especially_ not Dirk.  He would flip his shit, he's so touchy about money.  
  
 Cash aside though, you're sitting in your car and tapping away at the steering wheel while you ponder your outfit one more time.  White button up blouse with the sleeves rolled up and buttoned at the elbow, pink skirt that goes down to your knees with black stockings underneath, and white socks with slip on shoes.  Overall you think you look pretty sexy and you know it, you just hope Calliope agrees.  
  
 Dirk was going to arrive with you to the shop in your car, but had opted to just meet you there and drive you both to the fair grounds.  He's better behind the wheel and you're still a bit nervous.  You're surprised it's not the other way around, but then again you never really liked driving to begin with.  
  
 You get annoyed by time being stupid and ollie the hell out of your car.  You're on edge and haven't had a drink in days, so you might be going through withdrawal.  Still though, until you start puking and shaking so violently that you can't stand up, you're going to smile your way through it.  
  
 You'd kill for a shot of vodka anyway.  
  
 You walk across the street and enter the shop with a smile.  Dirk's not there yet but you see who you really came for.  You see Calliope, and she's...  
  
 Well.  
  
 She looks like an angel in dark shades of green. Plus her smile and blush are so refreshing that the tremors in your hands vanish.  
  
 Looks like you don't actually need that shot of vodka after all.


	45. ==> Dirk, you're running late

 Fuck, you _are_ running _late_.  After you left Roxy's in the early hours of this morning, you’d had to rush home and explain to Nepeta where you'd been all night after she‘d cornered you on the way up your stairs.  Not because you'd wanted to of course, but because she took it upon herself to know where you were the majority of the time. You spent a good twenty minutes assuring her you were fine and reminding her she wasn't _actually_ your mother, then another five trying to get her to stop hugging you.   
  
 When things had calmed down you'd gone into work with your overalls at the ready, which was actually the worst part of the day because Equius decided to give you the front of the store because you were _'late.'_ Needless to say.  
  
 Never.  
  
  _Ever_.  
  
 Again.  
  
 There is just something about the way people stare at you as you fix the easiest shit in the world that always scrapes at the bottom barrel of your nerves.  It's like being locked in a quiet room and then suddenly hearing an offbeat ticking noise that you can't find or turn off.  
  
 It fucking sucks.  
  
 After work you get a long shower and make yourself a snack to try and clear your head.  It’s just something to tide you over before you go to the fair and stuff your face full of greasy goodness, but it‘ll have to do.   
  
 The food there isn’t good for you in the _slightest_ , but _damn_ is it delicious.  You're looking forward to that more than you are anything else at this point… accept seeing Cal.  You throw on some comfortable jeans and a tank top and then head out the door after enjoying the thought of him pressed close to you on a fair ride.  
  
 You end up running to the yogurt shop, the street lights flicking on one by one as you do, and when you get there the trash can is inside and the lights are being flicked off in the back.  You huff and tap your knuckles against the glass door and the two women inside look up.  
  
 Calliope waves happily at you from inside and opens the door a few seconds after she sees you, nodding as you step into the cool air of the shop and stop to catch your breath.  Your lungs are still a few blocks away, but you won’t let them know that.  
  
 "There you are you _idiot_!" Roxy snaps at you as soon as she gets up from her place behind the counter. "You have a _cell phone_!  Picking up the fucking thing and _calling_ _me_ to tell me you'd be late," Roxy smacks you in the arm after stomping over to your side, "Would not have _killed you_!" She raises her arm to smack you again and you move out of the way.  Once is enough and you can tell she doesn't mean it to begin with.  
  
 She just wants to get a rise out of you, take the mask off and see what's underneath.  
  
 "Two way street, Roxanne, you could have texted me to ask where I was." You smirk at her scowl and she tries to hit you again.  Behind you both, Calliope starts laughing.  
  
 "Don't fight, oh my goodness!  And I thought I was bad with Caliborn." Her voice is full of giggles.  
  
 "Then tell him not to call me Roxanna, it's not even my _name_." Roxy turns to Calliope and pouts.  It's been a while since you've seen her this upbeat, and you smile at her behind her back as Calliope walks over and takes both her hands.  She throws you an eye roll and opens her mouth to reassure Roxy that she'll _make you_ behave, but there's a startled noise from the back doorway that catches everyone’s attention.  
  
 You look up and Caliborn's standing there, holding a bag in his arms and staring wide eyed at you and you alone.  He looks like he's seen a ghost, or worst, his parents naked, and his grip on the bag is loosening by the second.  He wants to drop it and back pedal, his face starting to turn red with a blush.  
  
 Oh will you look at that.  
  
 That didn't take long at all.  Caliborn is under your thumb and you didn't even have to try, standing ovation from the crowd.  
  
 "Oh, hey Caliborn." You look away and smirk to yourself where he can‘t see it, the game is officially _on_.  It's time to give the line slack, let the catch think it has a chance to get away.  
  
 "What is he _doing_ here?" Caliborn asks, voice gruff and startled.  Calliope turns and shrugs while Roxy swings her hands gently with Calli's.  
  
 "He's our driver ginger snaps," Roxy says with a smirk, "Give the prick a standard and he'll drive you to the moon in style, not so great with stick shift though." You snort and push Roxy in the shoulder.  Not enough to make her budge, just enough that she knows you heard her.  
  
 "Bitch I can drive anything, any time," She laughs and steps closer to Calliope, rolling her eyes as she nods back at you. "Anyway, are you two lovebirds and company ready to go?  I want to get there before all the food is gone." You turn around and Roxy snorts as you make your way toward the door.  She starts walking and you can hear Calliope's tap of fancy shoes right beside her.  
  
 They're probably holding hands.  
  
 If they’re going to do that all night you better get to at least touch Caliborn’s arm, skin to skin contact is required.   
  
 "Caliborn," Calliope says when you push the door open for both the girls. "Come on, you promised." She smiles and Caliborn looks away.  
  
 "Aww, don't be like that _Caliborn_ ," You say just to tease, "You can't really let a girl down, can you?" He snaps his attention back to you and huffs.  You smile as he stomps to the front and pulls his keys out, then turns out the rest of the lights and locks the door as you follow after the girls.  They're chatting about god knows what, but whatever it is it's really cute.  Calliope's got Roxy's jacket over her shoulders and their hands are clasped as Roxy leads her toward the parking lot across the street.  
  
 They look... really happy.  Really at ease and so obviously crushing on one another its kind of giving you cavities.  
  
 "If you think this means I'm going to play into any game you've got going, you're wrong." Caliborn snaps from behind you before he finally catches up.  His voice a harsh whisper as he tries not to let it carry to the girls.  If they heard him they'd scold you both, and that was _just_ what you needed tonight.   
  
 More stress to an already strung out day.  
  
 "I don't think you're going to play into anything, Caliborn.  I‘m not even playing a game," You shrug and stuff your hands in your pockets. "Do whatever you want.  I'm not your keeper." You can feel him staring at you as you cross the street, his steps slowing so he's behind you.  
  
 "... I don't believe you, you're up to something," He grumbles. "And I'm going to find out what it is, and when I do… I'm going to _out you_ for the real _asshole_ that you are in front of your friends." Caliborn pushes passed you and plants himself on the other side of his sister, handing her the bag and complaining about how lovey dovey she‘s being with Roxy.  You laugh because it's funny, you laugh because he acts like Roxy doesn't know your plan.  Like Calliope doesn't know you want her brother and hasn't encouraged you to try and befriend him at the bare minimum.  
  
 Roxy's pulling out her keys when you get into the lot and you're trying to hold back a smile. “Dirk’s driving, and Calliope and me will sit in the backseat, that means Caliborn gets shotgun.” He opens his mouth to argue with her and she yanks open the passenger side door. “Get.  _In_.”  
  
 Caliborn has no idea about so many things.  This is going to be fun.


	46. ==> Caliborn think in the car

 Of _all_ the vehicles you had to be _stuck_ in while you drove out of town and to the fair grounds, why the _fuck_ did it have to be a _pepto pink convertible_?  You feel like a mutilated Ken doll in this car, and you can't stop scowling out the window while Dirk fiddles with the radio until the girls tell him to leave it.  Soon it's nothing but cheerful, peepy pop music and it makes you want to stab your eyes out so the explosive mess of blood vessels drowns your brain and ends your fucking suffering.  You want to scream at him to turn the shit off, but Roxy and Calliope are enjoying it.  Further proof that someone is brainwashing your sister, this music is horrid and for some ungodly reason she seems to like it.  
  
 Speaking of demons from the furthest ring, if it weren't for your sister using those big, wide puppy eyes, you wouldn't even _be_ in this mess.  You could be at home making yourself dinner, not sitting next to Dirk Strider as he hums along to some shitty music and taps his fingers on the steering wheel.  He doesn't look up directions, doesn't ask if he's going the right way, he doesn’t do anything other than drive.  It makes you a little sick to your stomach to watch him be this _good_ at something that isn't him being a humongous tool lord douche cannon.  
  
 You're ignoring him though, and he... he seems to be ignoring you right back.  Which isn't normal for him, at _all_.  It's probably just because he's driving... yeah, that's the only reason.  It's _definitely_ because he's driving.  
  
 The fair grounds are still a ways away, so you have time to think up some sharp retorts to anything he throws at you.  You will plan out any and all lines of defense to this man, nothing will hit you out of left field.  
  
 Not a damn thing.  Not even if he bought you a chocolate milkshake.  
  
 Chocolate's not even your favorite flavor in the first place.  
  
 It's strawberry.  
  
 So there you go.  
  
 You can yell at him about strawberries and the fact he keeps looking up at the rearview mirror with this quick flick of his eyes you only see because he’s sitting right next to you.  Also, you can nag him about driving with sunglasses on.  You have got this.


	47. ==> Smirk at him Dirk

 "Is there something on my face?" You ask after a few minutes of Caliborn staring at you. "Because you seem awful intent on it."  Behind you, Roxy snickers and Calliope tries to shush her.  
  
 "Dirk and Caliborn, sittin' in a tree." She mutters in a sing song.  
  
 "I will reach back there and-" Caliborn sits up and you ready to pull over, but Calliope has the situation under control.  
  
 "You even _reach_ for her and I will break your entire hand." Damn Calliope is feisty when it comes to her brother, or Roxy for that matter.  She's going to be the cutest protective girlfriend.  
  
 Oh, and Caliborn's back to sulking his way out of the window.  It's only a few more minutes before you get to the fair grounds.  His pout is just so hot though, maybe you'll tease him some more.  
  
 You open your mouth and Roxy kicks the back of your seat in warning, so you shut it.  You can take a hint.


	48. ==> Caliborn you're at the fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALRIGHT! I have surgery prep tomorrow and then on Friday I go in and get this shit over with. I leave you guys with this chapter, the longest so far, until I get back. I'm going to try and not take too long of a recovery break for you, and I'll see you all very soon if I can help it! <3  
> Also, someone should get me funnel cake.
> 
> Special thanks to Kim, Kae, and Dirk.

 When Dirk pulls into the parking lot beside the fair grounds and pays for a ticket to keep the car from getting towed, he ends up parking toward the back rather than near the entrance or the exit.  Yes, it's a crowded lot tonight and there are cars packed in like sardines in a can, but you still think it's a pretty stupid move on his part.  
  
 What’s he going to do when you get tired of the fair, what if the girls feet hurt and they want to go home early?  Is he going to willingly carry Roxy back?  You know you'll carry Calliope the instant she gets tired, but that's just because you've always been there to carry her.  
  
 And you always _will_ for that matter, no matter what these fuckers do or say.  
  
 No matter who she ends up being with.  She's _your_ sister.  
  
 "Oh, check it out, it's three AM ladies night!" Roxy shouts as you all clamber out of the car. "Looks like you only have to pay for _your_ ticket, Dirk." She tosses you a smirk and you remind yourself that you don't hit women.  
  
 "You sure you won‘t have to pay?  You look like a man to me." You bite back, sneering when she narrows her eyes at you.  Calliope sighs and rolls her eyes, but Roxy just laughs at her reaction and turns around so her back is outlined by fair lights.  
  
 "Come on girls, let's go have some fun." She says sweetly, hands extended to Calliope's.  Your sister blushes and you watch her look at her feet for a few seconds before stepping forward and looping her fingers with Roxy's before they walked side by side ahead of you.  Dirk follows after them and goes right back to ignoring you, so you ignore him right back.  
  
  _Again_.  
  
 It's super effective.  
  
 Only it's _not_ because the fucker doesn't even _care_.  He's completely indifferent to you right now and... you don't know what that means.  
  
 He bought your tickets while your yelling at some dick for shouting at your sister because he bumped into her after you got inside the gate.  You have to be physically dragged away from this short little tubby fucker by the arm by said sister when she realizes you‘re not going to stop on your own. "We only just got in, don't get us thrown out," Calliope whispers as the people around you slow, ready to form a crowd. "Besides, it _wasn't_ that big of a deal, I wasn't looking where I was going." She shrugs and you want to throw your hands up in fury.  
  
 "That shouldn't _matter_ , he has _no_ right to shout at you for bumping into _you_!  You apologized when you shouldn't have had to, he should get over himself and-" Calliope pats your cheek with her palm and you deflate.  
  
 That doesn't _always_ work, but the look on her face is exasperated, so you force it to.  Roxy looks like she's about to break out in a glorious cackle of laughter, but she keeps it in check while she waits for your sister to calm you down.  
  
 "Are you alright now, love?" Calliope asks after a few minutes.  The tips of her fingers brush your ears and you nod, letting her go so she can go back to Roxy.  
  
 Dirk hasn't said a word, he's not even looking at you.  
  
 He's buying glow sticks.  
  
 ... You're not surprised, actually.  A little irritated he's giving in to the side vendor gimmicks outside the walkthrough already, but not surprised.  
  
 Speaking of the walkthrough, it's nothing but a long air conditioned building with a lot of silly booths and tables set up as 'sponsors to bring the fair back next year.'  You have to make your way through it to get to the actual event that is the fair.  Roxy stops you once or twice to look at a few things with your sister, then hands her over to Dirk as they look over this booth with spiral glass wind chimes.  
  
 She grabs your arm and drags you out of earshot, and for some reason you let her.  There's something about the way she looks that makes you want to listen, but not really take her seriously.  
  
 "Alright, you're her brother," You stare at her and then snort. "Shut up I have a point."  
  
 "You are such an open sign, you read state the obvious, in fact my mind just exploded in my skull with the force of information you just gave me.  There's a slight delay because you're too dumb to see the brain juices leaking out of my eye sockets." You grumble.  
  
 "Stop being a cranky lopsided barber pole." Roxy says with a smirk.  
  
 "Stop trying to lead my sister into a relationship you don't intend to pursue," You feel it come up in a low growl, and when you say it it's almost a snarl. "You can be her friend, but if you lead her on and then break her heart I will _find_ ways to hurt you." Roxy pauses and then her face relaxes.  She looks genuine for the first time since you've met her.  It's kind of scary to have her open up to you like that.  
  
 "I'm not trying to lead her on or hurt her, I _swear_ ," She says. "Caliborn, I am _genuinely_ and _honestly_ crushing on your sister.  Going to lay out my feelings on a silver fucking table of sincerity right now, I just want to see her smile." You raise an eyebrow and scan her face for even a sliver of a flinch, a lie, _anything_ at all.  
  
 You don't see it.  
  
 You have stared into the vortex's of Roxy whatever her last name might be, and you have seen into her soul.  
  
 She's falling in love with your sister.  
  
 You hit the panic button.  
  
 "No, I don't care, I don't even _pretend_ to approve!" Your voice might have gotten a little louder than it needed to, but that's fine.  Dirk's got Calliope thoroughly distracted.  
  
 "Bitch, do you actually think I'm asking for your _approval_?" Roxy leans back and drops her hands to her hips. "You might be her twin, but you are not her heart, and we both know it.  If she wants to be with me, she will, your approval or not." You have to grudgingly agree.  
  
 "Doesn't mean I have to like you though, you hooker." You grumble.  
  
 "Yeah I know, I also don't _give_ a fuck.  It would be better if we liked each other, but I'm not trying to date you so I don‘t have to impress you." She smirks and you quickly cut in.  
  
 "If this is a lead up to one of those fucking 'I banged your sister' jokes, I will make it so Calliope wants nothing to do with you ever again." You hiss it and look over to make sure your sister's still distracted with Dirk.  
  
 She is.  
  
 They've moved down a stall and are now talking animatedly with what looks like the airbrush tattoo artist.  
  
 "I wouldn't _demean_ her like that, so suck your own dick," Roxy snaps. "I want to get her something cute, now do you want to give me advice or stand around being a grumpy bitch all night?" She gives you this agitated look and you realize that if she had been interested in you like she's interested in Calliope, you'd totally have fucked her.  
  
 That thought is a little unsettling, but you can worry over it later.  
  
 "Fucking... fine, but I'm going to have final say in whatever you buy," She raises an eyebrow at you and you cross your arms. "Hey, you said it earlier, she's my _sister_.  I'm not letting you fuck up a gift for her." Roxy shakes her head and smiles.  For a moment, you kind of want to smile back.  
  
 You don't though.  
  
 "What would be a cute gift?  Earrings, hair clips?" Roxy asks.  You shake your head no and turn to the stands behind you.  
  
 "The girl has enough hair clips that they need their own separate jewelry box, she's good on that.  And she wears wigs, I'm pretty sure-"  
  
 "She does?" Roxy says it like a question but you can hear the sarcasm. "I had no idea, I just thought with all that natural beauty she already had, she could grow her hair out over night like a magical school girl." You glare at her.  
  
 "Don't get sassy with me, I can and _will_ end you," She rolls her eyes and you look over the handmade crafts. "She won't wear earrings that dangle too far down very often because they get tangled in the hair, she hates when her wigs get snagged or ruined, so avoid that." You feel like your sister needs to come with a handbook. "She loves that lace and frilly shit, and she loves necklaces and wrist cuffs." You point at a row of items near the top of the table.  
  
 "Oh, well I knew she liked Lolita stuff, but I didn't know she liked wrist cuffs." Roxy steps closer and the table worker just gives her this weird raised eyebrow.  
  
 "What's Lolita?" You ask her.  She looks at you like you're asking a trick question, but you cross your arms and wait.  
  
 "Oh, you were serious," You roll your eyes and Roxy shakes her head. "It's a type of fashion.  All poofy skirts, hair pieces, and lace.  Sometimes there's corsets, mini hats, lots of gloves and pretty bitchin' boots." You raise an eyebrow as she picks up a necklace and rolls it across her fingers.  
  
 "... That actually makes a lot of sense," You mutter as you think over Calliope's wardrobe.  She's got a lot of that already, though you're not really sure if she has 'mini hats.'  How the fuck does someone have a mini hat, isn't it just a hat? "Don't get that, it's too big." You mutter as you point at the necklace in her hands.  
  
 Roxy nods and puts it back, then keeps looking through the items on the table.  You sigh at her because she's being stupid amounts of indecisive.  She's not even looking at anything cute, that should be the basis of her thinking.  Calliope's got a soft spot for cute things, really girly shit that makes you a little grossed out by how adorable she makes it just by wearing it.  
  
 Your sister is patron saint of cute as fuck and that's just common law.  
  
 You walk to the table next to the one that Roxy's combing over and scan the little boxes and what look like hand sewn gloves, all with detailed embroidery.  Calliope might go for the embroidery, it's cute enough, but the gloves seem rather... Long, to you.  You huff and turn again because Roxy's caught your attention out of the corner of your eye as she points at the table.  
  
 "Found it." You walk over, a bit skeptical.  Roxy's smiling though as she lifts up a necklace on a grey chain with metal you don't recognize, each piece twisted together to make the chain something amazing.  On the end there's two snakes that are coiled around one another on a loop, both unpainted and still that cream color of the clay with a few auburn swirls where the oven baked it too hard.  
  
 "I don't like the color." You tell her.  
  
 "I was talking to the owner of the table, she does custom paints if you pay extra.  I can pick it up later or have it mailed to me.  Can I buy it now, oh grand master of butt hurt?" She asks, petulant as she holds up her wallet... wait, where did she pull that thing out from?  
  
 "Where were you even hiding that?" You ask as you point to her wallet.  She snorts and shrugs her shoulders.  
  
 "Spoilers.  Now go bug Dirk if you're not going to say anything or be helpful." You scoff at her and she sticks her tongue out.  Here you thought she was mature.  
  
 You stick your tongue out in return before you turn around and walk over to Calliope and Dirk.  
  
 He's leaning against the table while Calliope sits in a chair and has something airbrushed on her arm.  Dirk's sleeves are rolled up and you see this ugly thing on his skin, it‘s fuel to an untouched fire.  What a waste of his money.  
  
 You snort and roll your eyes, shoving your hands in your pockets as you load your verbal gun, ready to duke it out with him. "Did you seriously pay _money_ to have that airbrushed onto your arm?" You ask with as much a sneer as you can drag into your voice as well as on your face.  Dirk raises an eyebrow, then shakes his head no.  
  
 "This isn't airbrush, this is just my normal tattoo.  Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff," He shrugs, then turns away from you to look back at Calliope.  He just brushed you off without a second glance.  What the fuck?! "But anyway, I'm thinking we hit all the big rides first and then take a lunch break.  Maybe play a few games, then finish up with the last call rides before we get going, do you like that idea?" He asks her.  Calliope nods and then looks over at you.  
  
 "Where's Roxy?" She asks, suddenly looking worried. "Caliborn what did you _do_ , I turned away for five minutes." You shake your head in exasperation before Roxy pops up by your side.  
  
 "Hey, sorry about that, I was looking at stuff," Roxy says with a smile. "You almost done?" Calliope nods as the woman pulls the stencil away from her arm and grabs the powder box. "I'm thinking we should ride the Claw first.  You know, the one that lets four people on at a time in certain sections, straps you in and lets your legs dangle, then spins you around so fast you can't even puke." Dirk stands up straight, nodding at the woman powders Calliope's arm and then takes the bill from her to get out change.  
  
 "I like that idea, but where will we put all of our stuff when we‘re on the ride itself?" Calliope asks.  
  
 "I'll hold it, I'm not really a big of fair rides." Dirk says as Calliope stands and looks down at the tattoo on her arm.  It's a red and white circle with a swirl coming out of it.  
  
 Why did she get that?  
  
 "You're being _boring_ , Dirk, as always." Roxy tell him as Calliope reaches out for her after taking the change.  Their hands lock almost as if it's automatic and you want to tell them to quit, but you won't.  Calliope leans against Roxy's side and they walk out of the booth and toward the doors separating the building from the fair.  You follow with Dirk beside you, finally noticing that he's got this hideous orange bag in his hands and it's already sagging with whatever he's stuffed inside of it.  You haven't even been here twenty minutes and he‘s collecting shit.  
  
 And where did he find that ugly plastic bag?  
  
 Whatever, you have bigger things to worry about.  
  
 You step outside and the smell of fair food hits you like it hadn't outside the building, the air full of grease and the smell of hay.  It's a late night fair and because of that it’s a bit crowded, people are clustered together in the lines as they wait to get their hands stamped or to go on rides.  Fair workers are chattering into microphones and waving at people as they pass to try and get their attention.  It's nearly claustrophobic as you all wait in line, then you're covered and ink and powder on your wrist and it feels gross.  
  
 Once you get through though, the fair is ready for the taking.  
  
 This is stupid.  
  
 "Come on, I want to get in line!" Roxy shouts over the crowd as she starts dragging Calliope with her.  Your sister laughs and snatches up your hand, dragging you after them both.  You expect Dirk to make a snarky comment, but he doesn't, he just _follows_.  
  
 Is something wrong with him?  
  
 Is he mad at you?  
  
 "Oh, can we go on the Twister after this?" Calliope asks as you weave your way through the crowds towards the ride Roxy's eyeing.  
  
 "Babe, I would take you to the moon if it meant you were smiling like this all the time," Eww gross. “Of course we can go on the Twister next.” Roxy says.  Calliope blushes and giggles, it makes you want to drop her hand and backpedal, but she’s got it held tight.  To top it off, if you did backpedal, you’d run into Dirk.  
  
 Who doesn’t seem to care about you anymore anyways so that might not be so bad.  
  
 … Not that you’d call what he’s been doing to begin with _caring_.  But it’s still not right, wasn’t it just yesterday that he had his hands all over you, now he’s barely speaking to you?  
  
 Wait… is this because of Terezi?  
  
 … Holy _shit_ is he mad that you took her _home_?  
  
 Fuck him, fuck that _noise_!  You’re a grown man!  You can fuck whoever you want, he’s not your _boyfriend_!  Even if he’d make a great one he’s-  
  
 …  
  
 Oh.  
  
 Oh god.  
  
 Oh _god_.  
  
 You turn around when you all get up to the line for the Claw, it’s not that long of a wait and there are a few seats open. “Hold my wallet.” You dig it out of your pocket and shove it at Dirk before turning around and squeezing Calliope’s hand.  
  
 You need to get on this ride and have it spin the thoughts right out of your head.  
  
 Fuck all the things right now, holy _shit_!


	49. ==> Be the Ferris Wheel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm back loves! My updates will be slower than they were before, but I have had surgery, moved out, and done all this in two weeks. I have a surprise for you all at the end of the chapter. As a thank you for waiting.  
> Love to Yuki for gifting the art.
> 
> Also, keep an eye out, uU Yogurt might get a tumblr soon.

 Roxy, Calliope, and Caliborn have ridden every gut-churning ride at least twice so far and you are pretty sick of watching them go around in circles.  Although there does seem to be something good that's come out of it, Roxy and Caliborn seemed to have formed some weird unspoken _bond of friendship_ or whatever.  When Roxy first started feeling nauseous after getting off that weird ride where they strap you to a flat board and then swing you around upside down, Caliborn got her warm tea before you could even reach them at the exit.  
  
 Calliope had pulled Roxy's hair back as she hovered over a garbage can, whispering something while Roxy's hands clutched either end of the barrel.  When she didn't puke after a good five minutes, you all found a spot in the shade and ate whatever was closest, which just so happened to be generalized American snack food.  
  
 You've all loaded the table with nachos and chili cheese dogs by the time you finally sit down, French fries drowning in grease and fried Oreos already being passed around even though you'd advised Roxy not to partake.  You pass out all the drinks you've just bought and thank all the fucks that the fair is only once a year.  There is starting to be a very sizable hole in your wallet after all, and you hate yourself for growing up right and paying for the ladies, even if you wouldn't change that for anything.  You can skip a few meals, you'll be fine.  
  
 When you park yourself on one of the benches opposite Roxy and Calliope, it sits you next to Caliborn.  The same Caliborn that you've been 'ignoring' the entire time you've been here, and you've noticed that the longer you brush him off, the longer he stares at you when he thinks you can't see him.  It's actually pretty funny, watching him out of the corner of your eye and seeing him size you up, wordlessly beg for any bit of attention you might throw his way.  
  
 He's wrapped around your finger and he doesn't even know it.  It's really cute...  
  
 You grab the jug of soda and slip a pill out of your pocket, stuff it under your tongue when no one is looking, and take a big chug.  That problem taken care of, you turn back to your food and watch as Roxy picks up one of the nacho chips and nibbles on it in between sipping her tea.  
  
 "Are you sure you're alright?" Calliope asks again, rubbing the space between Roxy's shoulder blades. "I can get you some bread if you need it, or we can get going.  Whatever you think would be easier, I just want you to be alright." Roxy half laughs and half sighs, leaning against Calliope's shoulder before shutting her eyes.  
  
 "I'm totally not done having fun though, we have to go on the cool down rides, and win a shitty prize for Dirk because he's our little princess." You smirk at her and put your jug down.  
  
 "It better be big and it better be sparkly." You inform her.  Calliope laughs and Caliborn rolls his eyes, looking away.  Before he can turn completely, you see the upturn to his lips, that smile he's trying to hide with haughty indifference.  He's enjoying himself, as much as he hates to admit it, and to tell the truth so are you.  Everyone has been having so much fun, yourself included, even though you won't admit it out loud.  
  
 Caliborn ignores you some more after a few minutes, then focuses on something Roxy just said.  He smirks and makes some off handed remark that makes her laugh, then reaches out and snatches one of the chili dogs from her.  She tries to grab it back, but he holds it above his head and just out of her reach, mocking her height before Calliope rolls her eyes and stands up to snatch it back.  
  
 "I swear, you two are ridiculous, it's just food." Calliope says when she hands the chili dog back to Roxy.  
  
 "It is not, fair food is an art unlike any other," Roxy said as she pulled the wrapper away from one end. "It takes a great amount of skill to create a masterpiece such as this.  With all the cheese and chili, even the hand rolled  hot dog is art.  This could have come out an oval!" Calliope laughs again and shakes her head as Roxy takes a bite.  You busy yourself with some of the French fries and then catch Caliborn giving you this sidelong glance out of the corner of his eye, fingers tapping on the table.  
  
 You reach for another fry, then 'give up' halfway through as Roxy starts talking.  Your hand falls right on top of Caliborn's, which was kind of an unintentional surprise.  
  
 You're even more surprised when he doesn't pull away.  
  
 "So, I think we should either do the Ferris wheel first, or the merry go round." Roxy said as she grabbed a napkin.  
  
 "I vote the carousels." Calliope said as she reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind Roxy’s ear.  Caliborn sneered and slipped his hand out from beneath yours, but only to point at Roxy accusingly.  
  
 "Fuck that unearthly horse shit, she's been about to blow chunks for a good twenty minutes and you want her to get on another ride that _spins_?" He scoffed and put his hand back down, his palm brushing against your own. "Besides, there's no way I'm getting on a stupid ceramic horse."  
  
 "They have other animals _besides_ horses." Roxy said with a tease.  
  
 "Actually," You interrupt her and try to hold back your smirk. "Caliborn has a point, the merry go round might be a bit too motion friendly for your stomach right now, and the Ferris wheel is a nice way to end the night." You shrug and Roxy pouts at you.  
  
 "You're agreeing with me?" Caliborn asks.  
  
 "Fine you losers, we'll go on the Ferris wheel!" Roxy talks over Caliborn and the table next to you, but you hear him anyway.  He's blushing and trying not to look at you, and it's really fucking moe but you're pretty sure it's justified.  He's never been in a situation where his sister was rooting more for the guy he's in a flirt battle with than himself.  It would leave any normal man a little flustered, but you know that as soon as he realizes what he's doing he'll throw what's left of his defenses back up.  
  
 And there really isn't that much left.  
  
 You watch him throw it up, snatch his arm away from you and shove some Oreo’s in his mouth.  He's back to wearing this grumpy, completely unhappy look as he stares down at the table, you want to lean against him and tell him he's acting stupid, but you're pretty sure neither of you are at that point yet.  
  
 "I don't want to go on the Ferris wheel either." Caliborn grumbled behind one of his hands.  Calliope let out a heavy sigh and crossed her arms.  
  
 "Then don't go with us, you're not under any obligation," She smiled and looked back at Roxy, handing her another napkin. "We'll go and enjoy ourselves, you two can be sticks in the mud and stand on the ground the entire time." You snort at her and point at the bags sitting beside all the food.  
  
 "Yes, because carrying all your shit makes _me_ the stick in the mud," You mutter. "I'm not a fan of the rides, you know that Roxy, I don't want to go on something that's going to bore me."  
  
 "Oh no, you're going and that's final." Roxy said as she took another bite of her food.  
  
 "Well," Calliope held back a laugh, "I mean you could _try_ finding an argument so you don't have to go, but I'm making Caliborn and Roxy's making you." She said.  
  
 "You are _not_ making me do _anything_." Caliborn said in a near snarl.  Calliope giggled and looked over at her brother before she crossed her arms.  
  
 "Watch me."  
  
\--  
  
 Caliborn's got his arms crossed and he's scowling like you've never seen him scowl before, anger and frustration and pure unrelenting do not want.  The girls are in line in front of you, talking low and whispering about something that's just to jumbled for you to hear, and they are adamant.  Both you and Caliborn are being forced into this, and neither of you enjoy it at all.  You're not _really_ against the idea of course, but you still think fair rides are boring and would rather just stay on the ground instead of getting on a giant metal circle.  
  
 The sky is dark and the stars are out, though they're slightly blurred out by the lights flickering for each ride.  The noise is loud and the people are obnoxious, the heat from other people is making you uncomfortable and the bags on your arms are starting to get heavy.  
  
 "This is really fucking dumb." Caliborn grumbles next to you.  You'd completely agree with him under any other circumstance, but tonight is different.  
  
 "I don't know, we can all squeeze in on one ride before the night is out," He glares at you and you have to fight back your smirk. "Aww, don't be like that Cal, you know you like Ferris wheels." He raised a hand like he's about to hit you, but lowers it and turns back toward the line.  
  
 "For the millionth time, my name is _Caliborn_." He hisses.  You can't help but roll your eyes and chuckle, the people ahead of you picking up in their conversations as the gates to the Ferris wheel open.  You walk forward the few steps you need to in the line when the people are loaded onto the little bulbs they use as seats, slowly making your way toward the entrance.  Roxy grabs Calliope's hand suddenly as the gate opens for the four of you to go in, and Calliope hushes the man as she looks over at her.  
  
 You decide to get on the stupid Ferris wheel anyway, even as Roxy shakes her head at Calliope's question.  Caliborn's pausing too, voice low and ignoring the frustrated work as he reached out and puts a hand on Roxy's shoulder.  
  
 "You guys get on the ride, just give me a second," Roxy says, nodding toward the ball of metal and Plexiglas you've plopped yourself into. "Go on, sit down." She pushed Caliborn toward the box and he groans.  He gets in the seat next to you and the attendant shuts the door behind you both.  
  
 "Whoa, they're still getting on!" Caliborn shouts as the attendant locks the door.  
  
 "Uhhh, no.  That chick is about to puke, two to a box is fine, take her up." The attendant ignores Caliborn's shouts, so you reach out the back of his shirt and yank him back into the seat.  He falls back and grips the seat, knuckles going white as the wheel moves up to fill with more people.  
  
 "What's wrong?" You tease. "Is someone scared of heights?" You laugh and watch as Calliope walks Roxy over to one of the garbage cans.  It's quiet for a while and you turn around, eyebrow raised over your sunglasses.  
  
 Caliborn is sitting with his spine as stiff as he can get it in the seat.  He's looking straight down and his skin is pale.  His breath coming out in short little puffs.  
  
 "Holy shit," You blink. "You're _afraid of heights_."


	50. ==> Caliborn go for it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a gif in this chapter thanks to Yuki. That was the hold up. Love you all <3

 You don't look up at Dirk when he says it, when he admits what you'll never say out loud.  It's nothing big, you just get this... _weird_ feeling whenever you're up near high places, like you're being sucked into a black hole.  It's really unsettling and you get the feeling you might break the seat if you even glance up.  Just staring at the red cushion across from you will have to do, that is a grounded thing, you can fool yourself into thinking you're on the ground... even though the seat is swaying.  
  
 "Are you going to be okay?" Dirk asks as he leans over to get in your line of sight.  
  
 "I'll be fine." You say, but your voice sounds hoarse.  Like you've been screaming for far too long.  
  
 "... No, you aren't," Dirk says, then sits up. "I'm stopping the ride." He leans toward the doorway, ready to shout that you both need to get off.  You can't let him do that, you can't show a sign of weakness and you can't just get off before the ride has even started.  You grab his hand and tug him back down, squeezing your eyes shut and shaking your head no.  
  
 "No, I am going to be _fine_ , just..." You don't know what to say.  All you can think of is how much you're torn between wanting to get off and wanting to stay on because of your pride.  Dirk seems to understand and he shifts his hand in yours, scooting closer on the seat until your both pressed together.  Sight is not a thing you want right now, but you can feel him pressed against your side, switching hands with you so he can wrap an arm around your shoulders.  
  
 Dirk's turned himself into a giant security blanket for you.  Wrapped you up tight, pulled you in close and even let you rest your head on his shoulder.  It's a little awkward because of height, but... it's still like a breath of air after drowning for so long.  You sigh and squeeze his hand, to your relief he squeezes back.  Right now you can catch your breath, right now you've got this man beside you, not judging you or being rude.  He's just holding you as the wheel is loaded, and you hate admitting how much you needed this.  
  
 The ride is made in silence, right up until it stops you where you guess is near the top and Dirk's arms loosen around you. "Shit, I wish you weren't so afraid of heights." He whispers it like he doesn't expect you to hear it.  Your eyes are closed, not your ears.  
  
 "Why's that?" You mutter, eyes still closed.  
  
 "Because, Caliborn.  This is beautiful." He says it like it's an honest truth, like opening your eyes wouldn't lead to crippling fear and possible black outs.  You keep them shut.  
  
 "I'll take your word for it." You say, reaching out to squeeze his hand again.  
  
 "Hey, I won't let you go," It's stupid how wonderful that makes you feel. "I've got you, it's almost over." He rubs up and down your sleeve and you let him, it's not hurting anything.  Nothing but your pride at least, but that's okay, you don't actually mind that getting hurt at the moment.  
  
 You'll mind later of course, later when your feet are on the ground and you can get your bearings.  But for right now... right now you'll just pretend it's okay.  
  
 The rest of the ride is uneventful.  
  
 It stops at the bottom and you open your eyes, peeling yourself away from Dirk as the attendant unlocks the door and Dirk gathers your bags.  Neither of you say a word as you get off, it's an unspoken agreement and it's one you both intend to never speak of again.  At least, that's what you're hoping for.  
  
 You expect to be greeted by Calliope and Roxy when you walk off the exit ramp, but they aren't there.  On the plus side, they didn't see you _cuddling_ your worst enemy, on the down side... well, they could be fucking _anywhere_ in this horrible place.  Dirk nudges you and nods toward your right, walking off and expecting you to follow him.  
  
 You do.  
  
 When you finally find the girls, they're sitting down under a small tent, a garbage can dragged close and Roxy sipping some ginger ale as Calliope dabs at her forehead with a rag.  Dirk beats you to the punch before you can even say it.  
  
 "Looks like someone finally threw up." He smirks when Roxy flips him off and then goes back to her ginger ale.  
  
 "Be nice." Calliope says, stern and sharp.  She's not in the mood for it and you can tell by her voice, but Dirk can't.  He opens his mouth to say something, but you elbow him in the ribs.  He grunts and throws you this confused look, but you ignore him in favor of walking over to your sister.  
  
 "Does this mean you're ready to go?" You ask her, hoping she says yes.  
  
 "Oh hell no," Roxy says cheerfully. "We still have to play a few games before we leave." She smiles, but Calliope's frowning.  
  
 "Oh I do dislike fair games, they're all rigged to make it damn near impossible to win." She mutters as she throws the rag away and tucks Roxy's hair back into place bit by bit.  
  
 "That's what makes them fun though," You say, because really that's the only truth.  You love fair games, you love showing up smug fair attendants because you're good at every single one, even the rigged shit.  With a smile you help Roxy to her feet, then check yourself and cover that smile, even though you know she saw it. "What do you want, I'll get whatever it is and we can get out of here," You tell them, turning around to look at Dirk with bags on his arms and a tired look showing under the rim of his shades. "And Dirk can carry it."  
  
 "And Dirk will not," Dirk says with a shrug. "I'm not going to sit here and do whatever it is you want just because you think it's funny.  Grow up." It sounds... kind of angry, but Roxy laughs and walks over to him to shove him in the shoulder.  Can he really be upset at you after what he did for you on the Ferris wheel?  
  
 "Oh you so will, come on, I remember where there's this giant snake." Roxy's laughing and grabbing Calliope's hand as she drags her down the walkway.  She's far too chipper for someone who just threw up, and far too bouncy and happy.  You still don't want her to start dating your sister, but... so far she's the best candidate throughout all the years you've known Calliope to date.  
  
 You follow after them both with a heavy sigh, aggravated and with a slow forming headache.  Tonight is starting to get on your nerves, but at least it's almost over.    
  
 Roxy drags you to the other end of the fair, stopping at one of those point and press water gun games.  She smiles and starts hassling Dirk for her wallets. "We can all play, it increases our chance of getting something cool." She says happily.  
  
 "This game is a rip off." Dirk mutters, even as he sits down and puts his hands on the gun.  You sigh and sit next to him on his left, and Calliope follows suit beside you, then Roxy.  She pays and the worker shouts a 'Last call' before punching your guns in.  You see him double tap Roxy's and you know hers is going to hit the top first if she doesn't screw up.  The worker upped her water pressure, you know the game, you know how it works.  
  
 You don't... actually care if you win this one.  
  
 It stares and you press the trigger, you've got a steady stream right in the middle no question that you've got it perfectly.  But Roxy's water pressure is just strong enough that it's got more punch, more pressure on the button.  Calliope's laughing as she misses the circle a few times, and Dirk... well, he doesn't seem to care.  
  
 Never the less, Roxy wins, and when she does she throws her arms up in trumph. "Oh hell yes!  Suck my dick!" She's laughing and smiling and Calliope giggles and shakes her head.  You get the feeling you're outside looking in as she points at the green snake and wraps it around Calliope's shoulders.  
  
 That's it.  
  
 Done for.  
  
 It's all over.  
  
 It hits you like a ton of bricks.  A speed-train with no breaks.  The way Calliope smiles, the way she blushes when Roxy takes her hand, every little line of her body screams it.  
  
 Your sister has just fallen in love with Roxy Lalonde.  
  
 "Alright, _now_ we can go." Roxy says as she pokes you in the shoulder and starts walking away with your sister.  There's so much more symbolism in that than you want to realize, and it hurts.  Roxy's taking calliope away from you and there's nothing you can-  
  
 "Cal, come on.  You heard them, we can leave." Dirk is ever the one to break your train of thought as he smirks at you and starts walking away.  You follow after with a heated glare.  
  
 "My name is _Caliborn_." You hiss in response as you follow them out to the exit.  It's completely uneventful after that, you all cram in the car and Roxy and Calliope sit close in the backseat, wrapped up in that snake and whispering to one another.  
  
 "So," Dirk cuts in and you all get quiet. "Am I dropping you two off or-"  
  
 "Roxy can come up for coffee," Calliope says with a smile. "You and Caliborn can entertain yourselves, you're both big boys." She smiles and goes back to her conversation with Roxy.  They're brushing you off, the both of them, no more questions and no more words.  The drive is silent and by now...  
  
 By now you're used to this awkward ball of quiet tension surrounding this group.  Say nothing, just be, it's kind of terrifying to think this is how your life might end up if things go the way Calliope wants them to.  Her canoodling with Roxy and you stuck in this awkward game of... something with Dirk.  
  
 What is this game at this point?  
  
 Who is winning and who is losing?  
  
 How do you turn it in your favor?  
  
 Dirk parks the car and you all make the methodical path through the garage and out to the street, into the building and up the elevator.  Calliope doesn't even say goodnight as she and Roxy go into her apartment, and you groan as you dig out your keys.  This night has been really long, and as you push your door open you have every intention of sleeping the rest of it off, but Dirk's voice catches you.  
  
 "So, do I get to come inside for ' _coffee_ ' as well?" You can hear the air quotes in his voice, your front door open and blood now boiling.  You turn around to snarl at him, push him away and slam the door in his face, but when you see him he looks...  
  
 Curious.  Genuinely interested in coming inside and having an honest cup of coffee and _talking_.  Your heart does this little panicked flip and you do the only thing you can think of.  
  
 You grab Dirk Strider by the front of his shirt, drag him into your doorway, and then you kiss him.  It's quick and he makes this startled but pleased noise, and then you push him away and slam the front door on him before he can say anything else.  
  
 Level fucking _up_.

 


	51. ==> Dirk, what just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, these are going to start taking a while. I got hit by writers block and work and magazine entries and book publishing and convention dates. Also practicing for a convention and getting ready for Halloween and trying to budget things in for food money for a while.
> 
> Huzzah for running myself ragged and being happy about it. Now, I'm going to go poke artists about projects.

 Caliborn’s mouth tastes like sugar, sweet and shocking.  You'd honestly expected his lips to be a little bitter and maybe tougher than they had been, but he tastes like he inhales sugar and breaths it through every orifice.  Even after he slams the door in your face you can feel his lips just lingering on yours, pressed close with his hand clenched in your shirt.  The hallway is completely silent save for the fact you can hear yourself breathing, and it almost sounds like there's an echo of panting coming from behind Caliborn's door.   
  
 That's wishful thinking though.  
  
 You step forward and knock, then press your hand against the door to wait this out.  You call out to him a few times, but get nothing in return.  He won't answer, so you won't stay.  That's easy enough to deal with.  Without another word you turn tail and leave, practically run down the hall.  That sugary sweet taste is still there when you lick your lips and step into the elevator.  
  
 What the fuck just happened.  
  
 Time to back up and access the situation the way any good Strider should.  
  
 You like Caliborn, that's rather obvious at this point, and you want to kiss him again.  Much longer next time, and with far less clothing on... god yes, _far_ less clothing.  Accessing the situation has you stumbling out of the elevator and running out the front door so the air hits you.  
  
 You need the cold to soak into your bones, need it to make your body ache in the opposite of the way it's currently aching.  
  
 Right now you’re just half cocked and horny, the proper way to leave an apartment building after your crush has left you with a major case of blue balls... although not really.  All he did was kiss you; it wasn't even that good of a kiss.  
  
 But still.  
  
 Caliborn kissed you.  
  
 That means he's interested.  It means he wants you.  
  
 ... It means he thinks he has the upper hand.  
  
 You straighten up and start walking back toward your place, you've got time to prove Caliborn wrong.  You've got time to show him that you still have him wrapped around your fingers, that the kiss was him admitting defeat and not him showing off his dominance.  It's all downhill from here for Caliborn... or down south to your cock.  Whatever metaphor sounds better.   
  
 If Caliborn really wants to play this game with you, this kiss and run, you'll show him just how far you can run.  You give him a week and a half… maybe two.  He’ll find you.


	52. ==> Realize you're lonely Caliborn

 It's been five full days without any sight or word from Dirk Strider, and to be honest you hate it.  You could have sworn this was the upper hand, that this was top marks and you had everything under control.  Smooth sailing from here on out, right?  God, you had no idea just how _wrong_ you actually were.  You hate yourself right now for kissing him, even if you kind of enjoyed it and had to fight yourself from yanking him back into your apartment.  It's just… it’s been too quiet every day that you haven't seen his face walk through the shop doors.  It's been like sitting next to a washing machine for hours and then suddenly it goes off and the room is still.  It's terrifying and everything is loud, even though it's all silent.  
  
 You've seen more of _Roxy_ than you have of _Dirk_ , and it's not fair.  Roxy is your _sisters_ love interest and she's been hounding you for more information on her every chance she gets.  Meanwhile, Calliope's always sighing and swooning over the stupidest things that Roxy will do for her.  Hold the door, buy her coffee, buy her _dessert_ when she works in a _frozen yogurt shop_.  This is really aggravating when you've got no one to plead to help to.  
  
 You haven't even had sex with any of your flings yet, haven't called or sought them out.  You're just _that_ upset.  It sucks.  
  
 "Have you heard from Dirk?" You've asked this about four times, and Calliope just keeps shrugging at you.  
  
 "No, stop asking me, I'm trying to think." You're going to bash your head against a refrigerator door.  You swear to god.  
  
 "About _what_?" You ask, throwing your hands up as you help her close up shop. "All you've done today is walk around and sigh at shit!  I've had to cover your shift because you're being such a stupid airhead!" Calliope ignores you as she wipes down one of the tables. "And there you go again, off in your own fucking world!" You are so done. "I am so done with you right now."  
  
 "That's nice, Caliborn," Calliope stands up and sighs. "Can you lock up the rest for me?  Roxy wants to take me out for dinner." You groan in frustration and snatch the rag from her.  
  
 "Fucking-Fine!  Go on your stupid date, there could be something legitimately wrong with Dirk and all you want to do is swoon over your girlfriend!" You slap the rag down on the table and start scrubbing.  
  
 "She's not my girlfriend." Calliope snaps.  
  
 "And I couldn't get my cock sucked by raising my eyebrow in a bar, just admit defeat and go out with her!"  
  
 "Caliborn that was more than I _ever_ needed to know about you!  And you first!" Calliope stomps into the back for her purse and you have to fight back a scream of frustration.  
  
 "You're being dumb!" You shout.  
  
 "No you!" Stupid siblings are stupid.


	53. ==> Be Calliope for once

 This week has been perfection, each of the glorious seven days has been beyond amazing and you've never been on a more perfect dinner date.  Roxy is just... she's the one, you can't even deny you're smitten anymore.  Hair curled around your fingers and heart fluttering every time she comes into the shop kinds of smitten.  She always brings you something when you see her, one time it was flowers and you nearly swooned out of your skin.  Today it's a scarf, hand knit and what you assume is hand dyed since there are hints of dark green stain on her wrists.  
  
 She comes in all smiles with it peaking out of a brown bag, then walks right up and sets it on the counter. "Something for you, since it's getting colder." Your heart does seven or eight back flips as Roxy blushes and hurries over to get yogurt.  You bite your bottom lip and pull it out, wrapping it around your hands and letting the fabric squish between your fingers.  It feels amazing, you've got no idea what this is made of but you'd love about eight more of these.  
  
 You wrap up in it without thinking, you don't care either because Roxy _made_ this for you.  How can you not love it?  
  
 ... How could you not love _her_?  
  
 ... Love is stretching it, too soon.  
  
 "Calliope," Your brother crashes the thoughts you had forming and you almost want to thank him.  That was a dangerous path you had been treading. "Have you heard from Dirk yet?" Oh not this _again_.  
  
 "No, Caliborn," You say as you put the bag under the counter, "I have not heard from Dirk.  If you're so worried about him, why don't you _call_ him." You turn toward him and he's standing there with his arms crossed, a scowl on his face.  
  
 "I don't have his number, you do though." He pokes your shoulder and you poke him back.  
  
 "So does Roxy." You counter.  
  
 "I'm not asking Roxy, she's _your_ girlfriend." You smack him that time, you know you're blushing furiously too.  He's been doing this all week and you have had it up to your pigtails.  
  
 "If you don't stop that I will call Dirk and tell him you never want to see him again," Caliborn opens his mouth to make some quick retort but you cross your arms and narrow your eyes. "Caliborn Eugene English, don't you try hiding anything from me.  We shared a womb and a play pen until we were old enough to unlock it, we are twins and I know you better than _you_ do." He huffs and shakes his head.  
  
 "I doubt that, and stop saying my name like I‘m in trouble." He grumbles as he turns away from you and drags a stool over.  
  
 “You are in trouble.” You tell him.  
  
 “No, you, Calliope Emerald English, are being stubborn and not helping me.”  
  
 "Sweet heart, you've done nothing but ask about him for what... a week?  Just call him, or better yet, go to his workplace!  Show him up, he's always coming here, why not go there?" It will at least get him out of your hair for a few hours.  
  
 "I also don't know where he works!" Caliborn nearly shouts as he sits on the stool like a petulant child being told to go to the corner.  You groan and bury your face in your hands at the register, and then you hear the clack of Roxy's flats before she sets her cup down on the counter.  
  
 "What did you do?" Her voice is stern, directed at your brother with a great deal of venom as she reaches out and puts a hand over one of yours.  You look up and squeeze her fingers, and the glare she's shooting your brother melts as she squeezes back.  Then it's smiles and butterflies crashing around in your chest again.  It aches and it's lovely and you have no idea what to do with yourself.  How are you ever going to get anything done when you're so madly in lo-  
  
 In like.  
  
 In like with this woman.  
  
 It's too soon to pull out the L word.  
  
 ... Then again you did it earlier, and the date thing… oh fudge and fiddle sticks!  
  
 "I didn't do a damn thing, Calli's just being difficult," Caliborn grumbles from behind you. "I'm asking for help, hell, I'll throw in a please, but she won't do anything." You can feel his glare, so you turn and stick out your tongue.  You're never above being childish if your brother is going to sit there and act like a child.  
  
 "I'm not being difficult, you are." You counter.  
  
 "Now children," Roxy's smirking as she runs her thumbs over your knuckles. "Settle down." You roll your eyes and smile at her, it was just what you needed.  
  
 "Caliborn wants to know if Dirk is alright, but he doesn't have his phone number and he doesn't know where he works." You tell Roxy as you let her hand go to ring up her yogurt.  
  
 "Well, he doesn't really answer his phone, but I do know he's okay." Roxy says as she picks up her spoon.  
  
 "Look, there you go, he's alright," You say as you turn back to Caliborn. "You can yank your panties down now, brother dearest." Caliborn stares at you, wide eyed.  
  
 "Well, that was rather snarky, even for you," Roxy says. "Are _you_ alright?" You sigh and shrug your shoulders, then look back at your brother and hold your hand out.  
  
 He takes it without question, even if he's still upset with you.  
  
 "I'm just tired." And it's true, you are tired.  Tired of work, tired of Caliborn's nagging, tired of being too shy to come out and say you like Roxy to her face.  Even though you're sure she already knows... right?  Even if she doesn't like you back?  
  
 Maybe?  
  
 Feelings!  They are not fun right now.  
  
 "Well, I know where Dirk works," Roxy says after eating a spoonful of her yogurt. "The only problem is, he works at a repair shop." You let go of Caliborn's hand when he stands up.  
  
 "How is that a problem?" He asks.  
  
 "Well, you have to have something broken to go in, duh," Roxy smiles and reaches over, patting the top of Caliborn's arm. "Brightest in your class, it shows." He brushes her off and glares.  
  
 "I don't have anything that's broken." He snaps.  You sigh, a deep one you didn't realize you needed to let out.  
  
 "Caliborn, may I see your phone?" He shrugs and digs it out of his pocket.  
  
 "What for?" He asks as he hands it over.  He doesn't even question you when you turn it off and flip off the back casing.  You take out the chip and set it on the counter on top of a napkin.  Caliborn blinks and reaches out, finally realizing your intentions as you turn toward the back wall and raise your arm.  
  
 "Don't you dare!" You throw the phone against the wall behind you and it shatters, the few customers you do have gasping in shock.  Caliborn blinks, then stares at you like you've slapped him. "What.  The.  _Fuck_!" Caliborn walks over to the wall and scoops up his busted phone, looking back at you more than a smidgen hurt.  
  
 "Now you have a reason to go see him, _and_ a reason to stop looming around my shoulders," You grumble. "Besides, your U key never worked right.  Roxy, would you write down the address?" She's still laughing when you pass her a napkin and a pen.  
  
 "You're an _awful_ influence on my sister." Caliborn snaps as he snatches up his memory chip when he makes his way back to the register.  
  
 "And you're acting like a teenage girl," You shrug and kiss your brother on the cheek. "Go on, it's my shift anyway.  Roxy can keep me company," He glares harder at her when she holds out the napkin. "Oh go on, I know you're worried."  
  
 "I am not." He snatches the napkin up anyway and stomps toward the back.  You giggle but make it short, then turn back to smile at Roxy when she takes another bite of yogurt.  
  
 "Thank you for the scarf." You say, and she smiles at you like everything is easy.  
  
 "Thank you for throwing his phone against the wall.  And being so beautiful when you do it.” There went your heart, it flat lined.  Shit.  
  
 “I love you.”  
  
 Oh.  
  
 Oh tossing gumdrop candy cane bears.  
  
 You said that out loud.


	54. ==> Caliborn stop stalling

 You're standing in the break room where you and Calliope rest, staring at the remains of your phone in your hands.  The napkin with the address to Dirk's workplace is underneath it, but you feel more numb than excited.  You have no more excuses; you have no more room to wheedle your way out of this.  You have to go to this address and fix your fucking mistake before it gets any worse.  Right now you just have to fix your phone, and if it means facing Dirk then... so be it.  
  
 This is a bad idea.  
  
 He's going to be angry; he won't want to talk to you...  
  
 Fuck him.  You're going anyway.  You'll scream and yell and drag his ass out back if you have to, but you are _going_!  This is going to be resolved and you will talk to Dirk Strider and tell him...  
  
 Fuck… what are you going to tell him?  
  
 Shit.  
  
 Fucking shit.  
  
 You'll go into the office, tell him to fix your phone... and tell him.  
  
 Ask him.  
  
 You will break down and ask him why he hasn't talked to you.  Why has he been ignoring you, why won't he give the girls his number so you can text him or vise versa.  Does he like you like you like him?  Does he want you like you want him?  _Will_ he want you?  
  
 ... Do you want him?  You think about it and...  
  
 You...  
  
 You want him.  
  
 You want Dirk Strider.  
  
 You want to kiss him, and hold him, and... you want to… wait, you want to fuck him… oh god _what_?!  
  
 You drop the rest of your phone in shock and it shatters all over again.


	55. ==> Dirk be at work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give me your thoughts at the bottom.

 Seven minutes to fix a pocket watch and you waited fifteen after you fixed it just so you could charge the woman who brought it in more money.  Yes, that's cheating, but you need a break after all this internal commotion bullshit.  It's only Thursday and you've buried yourself so hard in your work that you've had to be forced to bed more than once.   
  
 Caliborn hasn't come to see you, so you stopped counting the days and half given up.  You thought he'd have rushed over within the first week, but... he hasn't.  Everything is just too slow and boring now, it's like starting over from scratch.  After all, you went in expecting to find a deal on partners for you and Roxy, and you stepped out of the race with Roxy in love and you...  
  
 Well, you're in the same boat you've always been in.   
  
 God, you miss Jake so much.  You miss being with someone and holding hands, sitting together in bed and staying up to make fun of bad movies or make out for hours.  You miss the physical contact and intimacy of being with someone, not just the sex though.  
  
 The coffee in your cup has gone cold by now, but you don't really want to warm it up.  You lift up the cup and drink it cold, tired of today and ready for the clock to say you can go wash up and crawl back into bed.  
  
 God, some Strider you are.  Your brother would throw a fit if he found out you were being a couch potato.   
  
 The door creaks open as you put the cup down and you lean back in your chair as Nepeta looks around the frame. "Ah, there you are," She smiles and nods behind her. "You've got someone asking for you." You raise an eyebrow at her and lift up the watch.  
  
 "Is she really complaining about me fixing this watch _already_?" You stand up and Nepeta shakes her head.  
  
 "Oh no, it's not her.  It's some tall, bald guy in a green button up and suspenders," You almost drop the watch. "Signed his name as C. English on the ‘Can I help you‘ clipboard, said he wanted you to fix his phone for him.  He told me Roxy sent him here." Nepeta shrugs and pulls the door open wider.  
  
 "Oh... right," You gather your wits as best you can and push your shades back up before you walk forward. "Give this to my customer, I might be going on break." Nepeta takes the watch as you hold out your hand.  She looks at it and rolls it around in her palms, then looks back up at you as you walk by her.  
  
 "What do you mean you _might_ go on a break?" She asks.  You don't respond to it, just walk down the hall and into the front room.  
  
 Caliborn's facing the window all the way across the room, looking at the display's as a few people poke at some of the things Equius has laid out around the shop.  You swallow and walk around the register, making your way through the crowd until you stand behind him.  
  
 "Hey, fuck wit," Caliborn jerks slightly and turns around as you speak to him. "Yes you, you either buy something, or you-" You can't even finish the quote from the first time he spoke to you.  Caliborn grabs the front of your overalls and drags you into another kiss.  It's got more skill this time, softer than before.  You instantly know it's going to last longer than the one in front of his bedroom door.  Wrapping your arms around his shoulders, you kiss him back without question.  He leans down for you while you press your lips to his and his hands loosen on your overalls.  
  
 There's a collective 'Aww' behind you, but you only barely register it as you pull Caliborn closer until your nose bumps against his.  You pull apart to inhale, but Caliborn doesn't let you go for very long.  He leans in again and presses quick kisses to your bottom lip before pulling back and then gripping your shoulders.  
  
 "Don't say anything," Caliborn says before you even open your eyes. "Don't open your mouth, don't even open your eyes.  I hate you so much," He punctuates it with a kiss. "But you're always on my mind, why is that?" You shiver and open your eyes anyway, watching him look down at his feet.  His knuckles have gone white as they grip your overalls all over again and you put a hand over his, pulling them off your uniform before you pull them away.  He doesn't look up, but he lets you move his hands.  
  
 "Come into the back with me." You say.  
  
 "I came here to get my phone fixed." Caliborn mutters before pulling his hands back.  You squeeze your fingers around his own and his hands stop moving away, he relaxes them in your grip and you pull them to your waist.  
  
 "Come to the back," Caliborn swallows and you feel his hesitation.  It's making him tense up as the people around the shop begin to whisper. "We can talk there, I'm pretty sure you have a lot to say to me anyway, right?" He turns his head to look away, but nods anyway.  
  
 "I do." He says.  You lead him through the crowd and walk him around the register.  Nepeta tries to stop you in the doorway with the whole 'No customers behind the front desk' routine, but you wave her off and she sighs.  You mean business and you can tell she's too tired to deal with it, anything to get you acting like your normal self after all.  
  
 Caliborn has your hand in a death grip as you lead him through the garage and into the back hallway. "Come on, we're going up to my apartment." That stops him and he tugs your hand back.  
  
 "What do you mean?" He asks you, eyebrow raised. "You live nearby?  Won't you get in trouble for leaving work?" You scoff and shakes your head.  
  
 "No, I live upstairs.  You coming or not?" You tug his hand once, then let it slip through your fingers as you walk up the first few steps.  Caliborn stands at the bottom and raises an eyebrow.  
  
 "You live up there?" You nod. "In the attic?"  
  
 "Technically, yes.  They converted it to an apartment, so it’s nice and cozy.  Now, do you want to join me or not?" You stop halfway up the steps and wait.  Caliborn looks hesitant, and you know he wants to run.  You don't want to dangle any more shiny objects, you just want this to happen.  You want Caliborn to follow you upstairs and you want to throw him on your couch and just fall asleep on top of him and...  
  
 "What's in it for me?" He asks.  You smirk and hold out a hand.  
  
 "Well, we can talk, there's that.  But we can also do other things," You watch Caliborn think over those words, fighting back a smirk as he does. "Last chance." You turn around and go up the stairs.  It's agony when you open the door and you don't hear Caliborn come up after you.  
  
 The door gets pushed open, and you turn back, what do you do if he doesn't come up with you?  Do you go into your apartment and close the door, wait for him to leave before you go back to work?  Do you go after him?  It's not really the Strider thing to do, but at the moment you don't really feel like a proper Strider.  
  
 Your brother can get over it.  
  
 Caliborn's looking up at you with this hint of a smile, then he sighs. "I won't get answers out of you unless I come upstairs, will I?" You just smirk. "Fucking... _you're_ the reason I never get anything done anymore, I swear to hell and back." He starts up the stairs and you make room for him in the doorway.  
  
  
==> Calliope are you still freaking out?  
  
  
 Umm, yes?  Tad busy though.  
  
  
==> Calliope-  
  
  
 No, dove, I mean it.  I'm busy.  
  
  
==> Well fine.  Be Roxy.  
  
  
 Roxy's busy at the moment as well.  
  
  
==> Be Roxy anyway.  
  
  
 That will be rather uneventful, seeing as she's busy leaning over the register of uU Yogurt to kiss Calliope.  
  
  
==> Move on to the next chapter?


	56. ==> Be Roxy

  When you pull back from Calliope, the entire room has gone silent.  You can't tell if it's from the patrons being in shock, or you being in that perfect zen bliss that was kissing Calliope.  You blink a few times until the world comes back into focus, then realize that Calliope's staring at you wide eyed and...  
  
 She looks _terrified_.  
  
 "I..." She covers her mouth and practically falls in on herself. "I can't." She pushes back from the counter and bolts toward the door with 'Employee Only' sign hanging on it.  
  
 "Calliope!" You reach out after her but she's already gone, and that won't do.    
  
 "Go, I've got this." You don't know who she is, but she's dark skinned and she's always here.  Calliope trusts her and you've seen her behind the register before, so at least you won't be leaving the shop unattended.  Neither Calliope or Caliborn would forgive you if that happened.  You leave your yogurt on the counter and run around the bar after the woman unlocks it, then you chase after her.   
  
 Behind you, you can hear the customers already starting their gossip.  They will have to get over it, you can’t stay to yell at them to stop being snoops.  You run up to the door and yank it open, then head down the hall.  
  
 You check three doors before you yank the fourth open and find Calliope laying on the cot against the wall with her back facing you.  She's sniffling and curled up with her knees to her chest, huddled in on herself and... she's crying.  You can hear her trying to hold back tears without any success, so you shut the door behind you and take a step forward to try and talk to her. "Calliope."  
  
 "Go away." Her voice is choked and it makes you want to stab yourself.  Whatever you did, it made her cry.  It made your beautiful, loving Calliope _cry_.  
  
 "Not until you tell me what's _wrong_ ," You walk over to the cot and sit on the edge, reaching out to her shoulder.  She flinches away at first, but you keep it up, you won't back down.  You keep your hand there and rub gently at her arm. "Please, I don't want to lose you because of a kiss." That sounds stupid.  Who uses lines like that, not you that's for sure.  
  
 "Can't loose me if you never had me." She whines it into her arms and you move your hand down to pull them away from her face.  
  
 "Calliope."  
  
 "Just go, run away from me while you still can.  I don't even know why you stick around, it's like torture." Calliope didn't tug her arm out of your grip, but she kept herself curled up on her side.  
  
 "What's torture?" You ask her, bringing her hand to your lap.  You run your fingers over her own and she shakes, turning slowly to look at you like you don't understand English.  Like you don't understand _her_.  To be honest, you don't really understand what she's trying to tell you, it's going right over your head. "Calliope, what's going _on_?"  
  
 She turns to you, looking up at you while she bites her lip.  When she sits up and you help her, fixing her shirt collar with a smile. "I don't know why you act the way you do around me," Calliope whispers. "I don't understand why you act like you're in love with me." You can't help but scoff and shake your head.  
  
 "That's because I am." You tell her.  It makes her whimper.  
  
 "No, you could never be in love with someone like me." She seems vehement about it.  
  
 "Shut up woman, I'm going to tell you why I'm in love with you, step by step," You take both her hands and kiss the top of each palm. "You're so beautiful, inside and out, no matter what kind of face you make when I say it.  You're sweet, kind to a near fault, and you take care of me when I can't take care of myself.  I just want to spoil you every chance I get, and being near you makes me feel like I don't _need_ to drink.  I've been drowning myself in alcohol for... well, I'm pretty sure several years at this point."  
  
 "Roxy." You cut her off with a quick kiss.  
  
 "Calliope, I'm an alcoholic who drank simply to get the pain in my chest to stop.  I was dying of heartbreak, not even Dirk could fix that, and believe me he’d been _trying_ ," She shakes her head and you hush her. "But then, I met you." You smile at her and she makes this choked up noise.  
  
 "Don't say that." She whispers.  
  
 "Dirk dragged me here and I took one look at you," You reach out and hold both her hands to your chest. "God, Calliope I took _one_ look at you and I fell in _love_ with you.  It's only gotten stronger since then, you make me feel like I could rip the world in half if anyone tried to take you from me.  I would love you... no, I will love you, no matter what you look like." Calliope whimpers and tries to shake her head, but you lean in and kiss her.  
  
 "You can't mean that."  
  
 "But I do." She whimpers and pulls one of her hands away from yours to reach up and tug off her wig.  
  
 "You love me even though I look like this?  Without hair and with everything pointing out all my problems?" She sounds like she's going to shatter into a million pieces and you have to reach out and pull her close, wig flopping into her lap.  
  
 "Calliope, for fucks sake baby, I don't care that you're bald.  I actually love that about you, you look beautiful with or without the wig, your eyes shine through no matter what.  _You_ shine through no matter what," You pull back and reach up to wipe a few tears away from her cheeks. "I will say it until you believe it," You tell her. "I love you, Calliope English.  The real question is, do _you_ love _me_ back?" You smile and brush your nose against hers.  She shivers and looks up at you, blinking slowly.  
  
 You wait for her answer.  
  
 You could wait until the sea dried up and the sun turned to dust.  Until all the oxygen in the universe extinguished itself and you were left gasping, waiting for her answer.  
  
 Sure, that's you being sappy and poetic, but you feel like that, at least as you stare into her eyes and squeeze her hands in your own.  She slowly starts to smile and you follow her lead as you reach out and brush a hand over her cheek.  
  
 "Roxy..." Calliope reaches for her wig but you stop her.  
  
 "You don't need this," You tell her.  She stares at the wig, then back up at you. "You answer whenever you like, but you don't need this around me." Her smiles makes your chest ache.  
  
 "Oh dear," She whispers. "You really do bring out this terrible mess in me.  I can't help it but... bollocks, I love the life out of you, Roxy Lalonde.  I don't even know you that well, but I really do, I love you." Just like that, your life is perfect.  You've only felt like this once in your life, and you had forgotten about it.  Drowned it out with alcohol and tears, and now you realize that was the biggest mistake of your life.  
  
 "Calliope... I have something to tell you." You say.  
  
 "You've told me enough already, haven't you?" She asks with a blush, leaning over to kiss your cheek.  You shake your head, kissing her slowly before you pull back.  
  
 "No, I have a lot more to tell you, and if you want to take back that I love you by the end of it, I won‘t be surprised," With a sigh you scoot over on the cot to sit next to her and pull her against your side. "You know about to car crash, but... you don't know the full story about it.  About my ex-girlfriend, Jane, and Dirk‘s ex-boyfriend, Jake… and where they are right now."


	57. ==> Calliope listen to Roxy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gomen. Go in with tissues.

 Roxy explains things slowly, pausing and taking breaks to squeeze your hand tight so she doesn't begin to cry.  You hold her through it, kissing her when it looks like she's not going to make it.  She does cry a few times near the end, sliding down the wall and curling up to you with her head in your lap, but it's okay.  Through it all you listen, you hear her out and run your fingers through her hair, covering her up with her scarf to keep her warm because this room can get chilly and you‘re both sitting on the blanket.  
  
 She tells you that she was in love with a girl named Jane Crocker, and that Dirk was in love with a boy named Jake English.  _Was_ being the operative word in this situation.  Their story is like a fairytale, so perfect and horrible that it makes you think of fluttering wings hidden in the moss, deep in the gardens back home.  The rose bush maze and the bugs you would chase back when you and Caliborn both believed they were fairies before you got caught and scolded.  
  
 Jake English lived with his grandmother and they had a huge estate, Dirk was so in love with him the two of them could have been married.  They were what Roxy called ‘high school sweethearts, only with less teen pregnancy.’  Dirk took the car crash way too hard and he never _really_ recovered from what Roxy says, though sometimes she hoped he would.  She said that while Jake never would, she hoped Dirk would pop right back to being himself and forget Dirk like Jake had forgotten him.  
  
 Then she goes on to tell you that they broke up because Jake can't walk anymore, and that he's missing everything below his right knee and can't feel anything from his hips down.  He also can't feel his right arm or the right side of his face.  His memory is a week at the maximum, and it's scattered at best.  No matter what he does remember, he never remembers Dirk.  He recognized Jane, and on a rare occasion you, but never _Dirk_.  Their relationship couldn't be fixed.  
  
 There was no way to fix something that couldn't be remembered.  She tells you that Dirk had tried to start over with Jake, but it would mean starting over every single week.  Roxy tells you how she had picked her best friend up off the floor, sometimes literally, and driven him home to her apartment while he sobbed in the passenger seat.  Watched as he screamed into the air, screamed at Jake, screamed at her, all because it hurt until he had broken into a million pieces and started working himself into the ground after giving up and ‘moving on.’  She had picked him up and dealt with her own issues by drinking a bottle.  
  
 She and Jane were going to get married, they'd talked about it and they were looking at houses to buy close to the college area.  It was a secret they were going to pop a week after the dance, had the crash not happened.  They were going to adopt a cat and then a little girl, they were going to be mothers and they would tackle all obstacles together.  Just as long as they were together.  
  
 And then Jane woke up and went through her life forgetting things on and off.  Some days she would remember everything, other days, well.  
  
  The mere sight of Roxy made her scream in shock once because ‘she had woken up naked next to a stranger.’  Jane had broken up with her when she remembered, she had told her hurting her was worse than the pain of waking up alone.  Roxy had begged, pleaded, she had tried everything to make Jane change her mind.  
  
 Nothing worked.  
  
 Jane left her and went to live with her dad and a specialist in memory health, occasionally falling into relapse fits and needing to be put in care until her mind was ‘on the right track.'  She spent more time in care than out of it, and Roxy hated it.  Hated herself.  She'd picked up the bottle and never put it down.  
  
 She had drowned and Dirk had buried.  Their self medication was horrid, but neither of them knew how to make the other stop, how to fix their friend since they themselves were so obviously fucked up.  
  
 Roxy tells you that even though she loves you, she might not be over Jane, _ever_.  She tells you that if you don't want that then she'll leave.  Her eyes practically beg you to do so, if you were in her situation, you realize she would.  But...  
  
 You love Roxy Lalonde.  
  
 You love every disaster that encompasses her, every flaw and every hang up.  Your chest aches at the thought of never seeing her again and you pull her out of your lap and kiss her until you feel dizzy.  Roxy might leave you one day, than much you don't really doubt, but you will never, _ever_ leave _her_.  The mere thought makes you cry, and you pull her closer as she wraps herself around you.  
  
 Nothing in the world would make you pull away besides the need for oxygen.  Which is what you pull away for, and Roxy pants with you as you lean your foreheads together.  She smiles when you lean in for a few split second kisses, then she laughs.  
  
 "I love you." She says, and you smile back.  
  
 "I love you too." You're pretty sure you've tossed this word around more _today_ than you have your entire life.  To anyone that wasn't a family member at least. "Oh, wait," Roxy pulls back and tilts her head in question. "Does this mean we're dating?" She laughs and you smile even brighter.  
  
 "Duh." It comes out through her giggles as she tries to catch her breath.


	58. ==> Be Caliborn for this

 Dirk's apartment is _way_ too small and smells faintly of the motor oil they were using downstairs on that old vintage car in the garage.  It's not too terrible though, but you do have to bend down to get through the doorway and that‘s just embarrassing.  Not a lot of a bend, but just enough to make you feel uncomfortable enough in your own skin.  You have to reassure yourself that you won't hit your head on the way in more than once.  
  
 The ceiling is vaulted once you step passed the door frame, so you don't feel like you'll hit your head in here at least, but it's still a small space.  You’re pretty sure your bathroom might be bigger.  
  
 Dirk doesn't seem to have a problem with it though, he really seems at home in this cramped space.  Even if it looks like it was shoved into a closet rather than an attic.  
  
 Then again, you're used to wide open _everything_ , you've always had the money for it after all.  From the looks of it, Dirk doesn't have the money for wide open.  It looks like he barely has enough money to get through a college class.  _Shit_ , where has the money he spends at the shop been coming from?  
  
 "Alright, that’s the work area, the kitchen, which reminds me do you want a drink?" You shake your head no. "Alright, living room, my room," He points at the door to your left and walks toward it.  "It's less crowded in there." You really hope so, because holy shit where is the space in this apartment?  
  
 When you get into the bedroom the space certainly isn't in here, this room is even smaller, but the floor space is... well, actual floor space.  The bed is right across from the door though, so as soon as you walk in it's just a few steps and you're sitting down.  
  
 At least the mattress is nice.  
  
 You lay back and Dirk lays beside you.  Suddenly this went from potentially really hot, to _really_ fucking awkward.  The both of you stay quiet for a while until Dirk reaches out and tangles his fingers in your own.  You stare at the ceiling and sigh, then look over at him when he opens his mouth.  
  
 "So, you've got questions, I've got answers," He says. "Ask your fill and then we can do whatever you want." You wish you could deny how suggestive that sounded, but you can't.  You swallow your urge to say fuck the questions, because it's a small urge, and you dive right in.  There's a checklist in your head and you need to mark all the boxes.  
  
 "Do you like me, and when I say like I mean romantically?" You ask him as you turn so you're facing him on your side.  
  
 "Yeah, of course I do, do you like me?" He asks back, turning to look at you with those stupid shades covering his eyes.  You're surprised he can lay like that with the damn things on.  
  
 "I'm not sure I like anyone romantically, and I don't know if I have any idea who you really are." It's an admittance of fact.  The truth that makes Dirk sit up on his elbows to look over to you in confusion.  
  
 "What do you mean?  I'm not some great big mystery you have to solve with four teenagers and a talking dog." Dirks says with a shrug.  You sigh because you know he's bullshitting you, he's mysterious on _purpose_ and he knows that for a _fact_.  For someone who is said to be smart, he's really fucking _dumb_ sometimes.  Your hand reaches up after pulling away from his own and you pull off his sunglasses, you actually didn't expect him to let you take them off.  Another surprise on the list of things that baffle you about Dirk Strider.  
  
 "I know who _these_ are," You wave the shades around and then toss them to the dresser. "I don't know who you are.  What do you want, why do you keep coming back to see me?  Why did you _stop_ coming to see me after that kiss?  Pretty sure I didn't misread things downstairs when you let me kiss you, so it wasn't because you disliked it." Dirk blinks a few times, his eyes bright in the dim light from the window near the ceiling.  
  
 "Well..." He looks at his lap, then looks back at you. "What do you want me to answer first?" You sigh and rub your temples.  Your eyes shut and you let yourself flatten out on the bed.  
  
 "Where have you been?" You ask him.  
  
 "Here." Dirk says instantly.  
  
 "Why?" He sighs and you wait for him to go on.  
  
 "Because I was waiting for you to come to me, but when you didn't I just... I guess I thought you didn't really want me like I'd thought you would." You reach out and punch him.  It's not enough to hurt, but enough to get your point across.  He grunts.  
  
 "Moron." You snap.  
  
 "You don't have to hit me, I was being serious about thinking you didn't want me.  I was kind of pushing for you to like me really hard, and your sister probably told you all about my shit, so-"  
  
 "Calliope doesn't tell me anything about you," You say. "She says I have to figure you out for myself." You open your eyes and Dirk has this confused look etched on his face.  All his emotions just lay sprawled out in his eyes, no wonder he wears his shades.  
  
 Apparently he wasn't expecting that answer, so you shake your head and close your eyes again.  
  
 "You don't know?" He asks.  
  
 "I told you, I don't know who you are or _what's_ wrong with you." You feel like you've been repeating this for hours.  
  
 Dirk sighs and lays back down, this time with his head on your shoulder.  It's an unconscious thing when you wrap your arm around him, you do it with the girls you sleep with and... well, why not? "I've got a serious case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Post-concussion syndrome, probably Attention Deficit Disorder, and my ex-boyfriend was so physically and mentally fucked up after a car crash we were in a few years ago that he can't move the majority of his body, nor can he remember things for more than a few minutes at a time.  I'm on and off hung up on him because I didn't have a say in loosing him, and he's still alive and there's nothing I can do about it.  I'm fucked up, there you go." He sounds bitter and angry.  
  
 It doesn't sound right coming out of his mouth.  You want to tell him to grow up and get over it, but you know it doesn't work like that.  _Life_ doesn't work like that.  
  
 "My sister and I have Alopecia totalis, but you knew that already," Dirk looks up at you and raises an eyebrow. "We're bald you idiot." He laughs and shakes his head.  
  
 "There's nothing _wrong_ with that, that's actually really hot." Dirk reaches up and runs a hand over your head.  
  
 "Don't try changing the subject." You grumble, even though that feels good.  
  
 "I'm not," Dirk insists. "I don't think there's anything wrong with you." You scoff and heave a sigh.  
  
 "And that is where we differ entirely.  Where you see greatness, I actually _see_ my flaws for what they are, _flaws_.  I'm not perfect, there's a lot wrong with me," Dirk shifts against your side and presses closer.  It's kind of distracting. "I'm rude, I have an annoying temper-"  
  
 "I like your temper."  
  
 "My sister means more to me than my own health does-"  
  
 "I think that's just a thing Calliope brings out in everyone."  
  
 "I think relationships are dumb-"  
  
 "They really aren't."  
  
 "I never want to have kids, they're annoying as fuck-"  
  
 "I agree with you."  
  
 "I am going to break your nose if you don't stop interrupting me!" You shove him hard and he laughs, shoving you back.  The bed bounces as you both grunt, it makes you push him again and he laughs all over again. "Fuck off!" You shove him off your shoulder and he sits up, trying to pin you.  It's easy to throw him off, but you don't.  You let him pounce and press his hips and chest into your own, hands around your wrist with the promise of the force that he could be using.  If he actually tried, he might have a slim chance of holding you down.  
  
 At least for a few seconds.  
  
 You shove your wrists up when he doesn't do anything and he pushes them back down, staring at you with wide eyes.  Dirk has his legs on either side of you, pinning you in, but it's obvious you could just throw him off if you really wanted to.  He swallows and you watch the way it makes his throat move, watch his tongue dart out to wet his lips.  You want to do something, anything really, but you don't have any idea what.  
  
 "Relationships aren't dumb." Dirk says with an air of finality.  You scoff at him though because that's dumb, he's dumb.  
  
 "They're pointless," You explain. "Why go through so much trouble to be with someone, I prefer just sleeping with whoever is convenient." Dirk scoffs and slides down so he's resting against your chest.  
  
 "I don't believe that, if you want me, you get me and that's it.  No sleeping around, no seeing other people.  You better shape up if you want to be my boyfriend." He says as he lets go of your wrists.  
  
 "And who said I want to be your boyfriend?" You ask as you shift your hips.  Dirk scoffs and sits up so he can kiss along your jaw.  It's... good, strange but good.  
  
 "Are you telling me you don't?" He asks as he flicks his tongue out against your neck, "Are you telling me you don't think about me, think about us?"  
  
 "Not really, no." You turn your head when he bumps his nose against your ear, his hips rocking into yours once.  The feeling is definitely welcomed, but you aren't going to tell him that.   Your mouth is going dry as he kisses further up, then runs his tongue over the lobe of your ear and up toward the shell.  He hums, low and with purpose, it's a noise you recognize from women you've slept with.  
  
 Dirk's enjoying himself.  He's enjoying himself a _lot_.  
  
 "Really?  That's too bad, I know I think of you when I jerk off," You were _not_ expecting that, and neither was your body.  Your hips buck up into his and he presses down against it, teeth digging into the skin on your neck. "I've thought about you while I’ve fingered myself too, thought about how good it would feel it they were yours instead of mine." You end up grabbing his hips and fighting off a groan.  That shouldn't be sexy, that should be really gross.  
  
 "You should stop while you're ahead." You warn him as he reaches up and pulls your suspenders off your shoulders.  
  
 "I thought about sucking your cock," You gasp and shut your eyes. "You have no idea how much I'd like that, watching you get close while you fucked my mouth, your hands in my hair." Dirk grinds his hips down against yours and you help him get lower by squeezing his ass and pulling him in.  
  
 "This is just sex," You tell him even though you're shaking. "I could get this anytime, I don't need to be dating you just to get off." Dirk squirms on top of you and you want to scream in frustration.  Both of your cocks are stiff, you can feel his and you know that fucker can feel yours.  The little bitch keeps rubbing against it, it's making it hard to think.  
  
 Everything you said seems pointless when Dirk sits up and presses a soft kiss against your lips, then pulls away.  You want him to keep kissing you, and you slide one hand up his back to rest against his neck, but he doesn't lean in. "I want the whole deal, not just the sex," He tells you. "I want to go on shitty dates, to get you presents for no reason, I want to invite you over just to make out and then watch movies and _not_ have to fuck to have a good time."  
  
 "I'm hearing a lot of what you want right now." You mutter.  
  
 "I want to hang out with you and not have it just be about sex, and I want to be able to hold your hand." You cut him off that time.  
  
 "That's pretty gay." He scoffs.  
  
 "You've got one hand squeezing my ass and a stiff cock pressed against my hip, we're at that point man," Dirk says. "Are you going to be my boyfriend, or do you want me to roll off of you and go jerk off in my shower while you leave?" You groan and let your hand drop from his neck.  
  
 "Asking me this while I'm sexually frustrated isn't the right way to ask me.  Also, I'm not actually gay, so I probably won't be having sex with you," Dirk looks at you incredulously. "What, I'm not letting your cock anywhere near my ass." He snorts and bends down, nose bumping against your ear again.  
  
 "What if I want your cock in mine?" He asks in a whisper.  You sigh, the thought... well, you definitely are not opposing it. "What if I want you to fuck me, Caliborn?  What then?" This bitch is winning, fuck.


	59. ==> Dirk get your answer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surgery was great, I'm just tired.
> 
> NSFW chapter.

 Caliborn has been quiet for quite a while now, but he hasn't pushed you away yet.  You've managed to stop grinding your hips against his at this point, but it's a thing you're having to fight.  The urge to rut mindlessly is one you seem to befalling pray to, and that just won't do.  You let yourself relax while you wait for Caliborn to make up his mind and you nuzzle your face against his neck.  You attempt to think un sexy thoughts while you’re at it.  
  
 It’s not actually working.  Caliborn’s warm and his body feels amazing, you can feel all the tension in his muscles as you lay on top of him flex and relax.  From what you feel of his cock, he's got something to work with, so the muscles only add to it.  
  
 Sure, you're not really a fan of buff guys, but Caliborn pulls it off nicely.  
  
 More than nicely, really.  
  
 "The choice is up to you, English," You push yourself up so you're leaning on your elbows. "To date, or not to date.  That is the question, you have the answer." Your hand comes up and you rest your cheek in your palm, waiting.  Caliborn doesn't seem to happy about that.  
  
 "You're cheating." He snaps.  
  
 "Strider's don't cheat," You inform him. "We just work things to our advantage." Caliborn rolls his eyes at you and looks away.  He seems really caught up on something, and you don't want to push, but this is _it_. "So I take it you don't want to be my boyfriend then?" You move to roll off him because if there is no yes, there is no _point_.  No use in prodding a dead horse.  
  
 Before you can roll away though, Caliborn has you by both your arms and he's pulling you back down.  He's sitting up to meet your mouth when you slip, and you end up kissing.  
  
 Maybe it's just his way of saying goodbye?  
  
 Then again, his kiss isn't really screaming _goodbye_ to you.  
  
 In fact, it's screaming ' _kiss me back_.'  
  
 So you do, if he still says no after this then it is entirely his loss.  He will be the royal idiot for passing up this chance, not you.  
  
 You press into each touch, letting his teeth tug at your bottom lip before you return the favor, only when you do it it’s slower; you just want to listen to him groan.  He pulls back and runs his fingers through your hair, tugging near your roots.  
  
 "If I say yes," His voice is breathy and rushed, "Then what do I have to do?  What do you want me to do if I become your boyfriend?" Caliborn swallows and you work on unbuttoning the first three clips of his shirt.  
  
 "Everything you're doing now, throw in paying attention to me, giving me your number so I can call and text you, take me out to dinner from time to time," You tell him as you slide your fingers into his shirt collar.  He shifts and reaches up to tug your overalls off your shoulders, then unclips them so they fall off your arms. "Don't expect to have sex with me every time we see one another."  
  
 "Who says I even _want_ to have sex with you?" Caliborn asks with a sneer.  
  
 "You just undid my overalls." You reply flatly.  
  
 "The metal was starting to dig into my ribs," He snaps back, "Besides, you're unbuttoning my shirt." You laugh and finish undoing the buttons before you slide your hands over his collar bones.  
  
 "You looked like you were getting hot."   
  
 "I'm always hot." Caliborn smirks and you can't help but laugh and roll your eyes at him.   
  
  _Really_ , he thinks that's cute?  
  
 "Caliborn, are you serious?  You're going to use that line on me?" You smile and kiss him anyway.  Thankfully he's still kissing you back, in fact he's running his hands up and down your back, tugging your shirt up so his hands press into your skin.  They feel warm when he squeezes your sides, turning his head to kiss at your neck and nuzzle closer to you.  You're starting to feel light headed with all this, and if Caliborn doesn't give you an answer soon, you'll just go to the shower.  
  
 It'll suck a lot, but you have enough material here in your mind to keep you going until you find someone else to catch your eye.   
  
 Caliborn's great, sure, but he's just a man.  
  
 A hot... no, a _smoking hot_ , tall, tan man with lips that are brushing against your skin as he moves up, teeth nipping at your ear as you try to hold in any sort of reaction.  A man with big hands you want wrapped around your cock so badly, a body you want to feel naked against you and damp with sweat and come.   
  
 When he pulls away from your neck you end up moaning in misery.  
  
 "Dirk," his voice is low and it really does _not_ help you. "I think... I think I want to give this a shot between us, on a few conditions." You don't let him continue though, you sit up and your hands are on his pants zipper in a matter of seconds.  
  
 "Stop talking," You tell him.  When he opens his mouth to protest you end up kissing him hard and pulling back to pant as you yank his pants open. "Just shut up and get these off right now." You feel like you're about to explode.  
  
 "I thought this wasn't about sex," Caliborn says.  He's trying to mock you, but really he's just as turned on as you are. "I don't want to fuck you-"  
  
 "You're not going to," you say as you interrupt him.  He looks slightly disappointed. "I'm going to suck your cock." And not so disappointed anymore.  Caliborn doesn't even question you, even though he really should.  He just yanks his pants down and you help him.  They go flying across the room, then his boxers are off by his ankles and he's just laying there with his cock out.  
  
 God, it's been so long since you've sucked a cock and been able to enjoy it.  You're pretty sure you'll enjoy this though, Caliborn's is pretty nice if you really admit it.  It's thick and even though it’s circumcised you know how to work with it, Jake wasn‘t, but you still picked up a few tricks from being lonely.  
  
 When you scoot down the bed you feel Caliborn's hand on the back of your neck trying to rush you toward him.  This should be the time you crack a joke, or tell him to slow down because you have all night and then some to get to know one another, but you don't.  
  
 Instead you stick your tongue out and look up at him as you flick it across the head of his cock.  He tastes like cotton from his boxers, but other than that it's clean and… almost familiar.  Caliborn slams his eyes shut the instant your tongue touches his skin, and now he's got his head thrown back as he gasps when you slide your tongue down his shaft.  He wants to look, you can see it, but he's too turned on.  
  
 You decide you've wasted enough time and just spit into your left palm, then wrap your hand around the base of his shaft.  This entire thing is going to be a little dry, and you've _got_ lube but you're too fucking lazy right now.  
  
 Spit will work, it's just giving him head after all.  
  
 Your tongue works its magic up and down Caliborn's shaft for a few minutes, saliva pooling down your fingers as you openly drool.  God it's like riding a bike, you never really forget how to give a good blowjob, and Caliborn seems to appreciate it.  His hips are trying not to rise off the bed, his eyes shut and one hand clenched in your bedspread.  The other is still on the back of your neck, though that’s simply threading fingers through your hair.  
  
 There's a part of you that expects him to pull you up once he gets a grip, but he never does.  He just rubs at the back of your neck while you take him in, working his cock into your mouth after swirling your tongue around the head a few times.  You moan when you get him in, because it feels nice for you both, and then you go to town.  Caliborn is grunting and gasping as you work, and it's only a minute at most before he says your name like a warning.  
  
 It's the longest, most glorious minute of your life.  
  
 When you pull away you move up the bed and use your hand to jack him off, kissing him even though he growls.  He obviously thinks it's gross, but it doesn't seem to stop him from kissing you back right up until he comes.  He's a groaner, and you swallow that info down as you listen to him catch his breath and then roll onto your back beside him.  
  
 He's had his turn, and now you need yours, _badly_.  You sit up, ready to go jerk off profusely in the shower, but Caliborn grabs you by the arm and yanks you back to the bed.  He pulls you in and wraps both arms around your chest, one leg between yours even though what he says next sounds exhausted.  
  
 "Take off your pants." You don't even care what he has in mind, you just do it.


	60. ==> Take matters into your own hands Caliborn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have a job now and suddenly no free time? What even?

 When you tell him to take off his pants, you aren’t really sure that you know what you’re on about.  Your mind is still reeling from that orgasm, and you have no idea what you’re going to do next.  Dirk is still on his side and when you say take off your pants, he moans, head thrown back against your shoulder.

 

  He trembles but gets his overalls off in record time; he’s not even wearing boxers so you can feel his ass press against your thighs and you really have nothing bad to say about that.

 

 What do you do though?  What does _anyone_ do in a situation like this? You’ve never been in a position where you didn’t know what to do in the first few minutes, but apparently having your hands on Dirk’s hips is enough for now.

 

 “I…” You feel the lump in your throat get bigger the longer you wait, it’s like you’re going to explode. “I’ve never done this before.” It’s hard to admit that.

 

 Dirk just chuckles, nuzzling closer to you and pulling his shirt up so it sits under his chin. “What, jerked off?” You slap what you can reach of his ass and he hisses.  It’s not a hiss of pain though, and you have to swallow the feeling that rises in your chest.

 

 He liked that.

 

 “You know what I meant Dirk, I’ve never jerked another guy off.” It feels empty to say that, hollow and quiet, like it’s not real.  It’s a scary thing to admit as well, because it gets you thinking about experience.

 

 What if Dirk wants a guy with experience, or wants a guy who isn’t going to be hesitant?

 

 “That’s okay,” Dirk does that thing where he surprises you by doing the opposite of what you expect of him, “do you want me to help you?  I know what to do.”

 

 “It’s not that I don’t know what to do,” you feel like you’re getting defensive so you breathe out.  Dirk sighs and you pull him closer by his hips. “I’ve just… never done it with another guy.  Do I need to do this at a certain angle or what?” Dirk laughs again and you want to hit him.

 

 “No, don’t worry about it.  I can handle myself.” You watch him reach around and put a hand between his legs, and that’s not what you want.  You are going to go big, or get the fuck out.

 

 Without a second thought you slap his hand away and spit into your palm, then you reach down, sliding your hand down his stomach until you feel the base of his cock.  It’s now or never, and you reach further down to wrap your hand around him.

 

 Only when you _do_ , you feel something… well, something you weren’t expecting.

 

 “Is your cock pierced?” You ask in shock, pulling your hand away.  Dirk shivers and lets out a whine that makes you want to kiss him senseless.

 

 “Yes, is that a problem?” He asks you, sounding out of breath.

 

 “Well I don’t know, why would you get your cock pierced in the first place?  Doesn’t that shit hurt?” He whines and reaches over for your hand, dragging it closer. “Can I even jerk you off with that shit in?  Is it going to snag or something?” He laughs and you try jerking your hand back when he hovers it over his shaft.

 

 “I jerk myself off often enough to know it won’t snag, and can we save the twenty questions for later?  I want to come.” You feel yourself shiver at that and let him wrap your hand around his cock.

 

 You feel warm flesh and bits of metal right away.  It’s strange and makes you think of your own cock, only not as thick.  You experiment with a few angles and Dirk shivers against you, almost like he’s trembling.  You can hear his breath hitching as you try and find a rhythm, but it’s slow and you feel the metal tug.

 

 Dirk groans and you know why, you’re going too slow and he just wants it fast, but you’re still not used to it.  Used to the feel or the fact that you have your hand on another mans cock.

 

 When he pushes you away you’re both relieved, and mortified.  You’ve fucked it up and you hadn’t even started yet, what the fuck is wrong with you?

 

 But Dirk just scoots away until he can lie on his back and spread his legs for you.  He spits into his palm and you watch him grab the base of his cock.  His eyes are shut and you can see each of his piercings and it makes you swallow hard.  The metal gets swallowed in and out of sight as he jerks himself, and you have no idea why this is hot.  Four of them placed through the skin on the underside of his shaft.

 

 It isn’t hot.

 

 Your dick is _not_ trying to get hard again.

 

 Fuck you, just get out.

 

 “Do it like this,” Dirk says before he gasps, hips lifting off the bed.  You reach out on impulse and put your hand over his.  He moans and looks over at you, gasping again when he catches your eyes.  You think about all the times you’ve helped a girl finger herself and _none_ of it comes close to this feeling.

 

 You’re done for, you’re not gay but you are one hundred percent done with being straight for Dirk fucking Strider.  He’s always fucking with your head and he isn’t even trying, all you want is to hold him right now and you don’t even know him.

 

 His hand starts jerking again so you squeeze over his, stroking with him and brushing your fingers against his cock before you lean in for a kiss.  You close your eyes and Dirk moans, his other hand reaching up to grab your shoulder.

 

 He comes quickly after that and you can’t say you’re surprised, though the warm sticky feeling you’ve got on his stomach and yours is starting to bother you.  You should say something, but he’s panting when he tries to pull away from the kiss, so you let him go for a few seconds.

 

 Your clean hand finds the back of his neck after a moment and you draw him in until your noses touch, letting him catch his breath.

 

 “Fuck you,” You tell him.  He laughs and presses a kiss to your bottom lip. “I mean it, you are the worst hassle I have ever had the unfortunate fuck up to meet,” he smiles at you and you can see his exhaustion. “and I don’t mind one single bit.  So yeah, fuck you.”

 

 Dirk smiles more and cuddles closer to you with a yawn.  You could probably go for another round, but you’re tired and this is… surprisingly nice.  The gross sticky feeling isn’t, but being with him _is_.  He cleans you up with a corner of the bed sheet and you pull him back in, even though he didn’t get very far.  You feel amazing and it’s starting to creep you out.

 

 “Damn… I should get back to work,” he mutters. “Nep’s probably downstairs ready to charge up here and beat you up or something.” You snort and tilt your head when he starts kissing your neck to give him more room.  It’s always weird with cuddlers.

 

 “Nep is the chick I met out front, right?  With the hat on?” You ask.  Dirk nods and you smirk. “Damn, I’d fuck her for sure, you know if she’s single?” Dirk hits your shoulder in retaliation and you laugh.

 

 “Okay, several things,” he says. “You will _not_ fuck my boss, you will not _talk_ about fucking my boss, she is single but _you_ are _not_ anymore, or did you forget?” Dirk grumbles and wraps his arms around you in a tight hug.

 

 “Jesus fucking shit, are you _jealous_ of a _joke_?” He huffs and you laugh even harder. “Holy cunt munchers you _are_ jealous, that’s too cute.”

 

 “Says the guy who was shy about jerking me off earlier.” Dirk mumbles.

 

 “Hey, I can leave and make you go back to work.” You snap.

 

 “Then fucking leave.” Neither of you get up though.

 

 Dirk ends up falling asleep in your arms and it makes you smile, even though you know it shouldn’t.  You have no idea what your apparent new boyfriend wants, or what the rules are between the two of you, but fuck if you aren’t willing to learn.

 

 This is going to be one long fucking relationship.  You love and hate it at the same time and it only just started.

 

…

 

 You also didn’t just use the L word.

 

 Shit.

 

 You fall asleep half scared and half content, Dirk warm against you.  Your dreams are pure bliss.  You don’t even hear all the times Dirk’s phone goes off.


	61. ==> Calliope, status report

 No matter what happens you always try to see your brother at least _once_ a day.  You say goodnight one way or the other, and it’s always just been a _thing_ between the two of you.  Even when you’re angry at one another, you still manage to at _least_ look at the other long enough to acknowledge that they are there once a day.  The thought of going prolonged periods of time without Caliborn in your life hurts like a twisting knife covered in acid through your heart.

 

 So when the guy he’s supposed to be with ignores your calls all day, and he doesn’t come back to his apartment that night, you get a little bit worried.

 

 Okay, no, that’s a huge lie.

 

 You freak the hell out.

 

 Roxy may have gone home with you after you closed up the shop to keep you company, and maybe you two had planned to make out a lot, but it doesn’t help to ease the worry… okay so maybe a little, but _still_.

 

 Caliborn should know better than this!  He should have gotten to a payphone or had Dirk text you!  Neither of them have been answering Dirk’s phone and you’re _so_ close to calling your father to tell on your brother, but instead you start biting your nails.

 

 Your girlfriend, and god that feels good to say, she has more sense than you right now and it really shows.  She pulls your hands away from your mouth and sits you on the couch, then she picks up her own phone and curls up next to you.

 

 “I’ll call Dirk’s workplace, they’ll know where he is.  That’s where Caliborn will be too, since he went to find Dirk in the first place, right?” She says with a smile.  A thought makes your stomach roll like there’s ice in it and you want to puke.

 

 “But… what if he’s _not_ with Dirk?” You ask her. “What if someone attacked him on his way to Dirk’s?  What if-“ Roxy laughs and presses a kiss to your temple. “I’m being serious!” You say with a huff.  She just nods and runs her fingers through the hair on your wig. She starts dialing a number with whispered reassurance on her lips.  Lips you’d rather be kissing than watching talk.

 

 “I know you are, and your brother is fine, now will you relax?” You lean against her shoulder as she puts the phone to her ear and watch her smile.  There are a few rings before you hear someone pick up, but it’s too noisy and static ridden on the other end when you try and listen in.

 

 “Hello, Nepeta?  Hey girl, it’s Roxy, Roxy Lalonde… yes, Dirk’s friend sister thing.” She turns her smile down toward you and you reach up to twirl a few of your fingers in her hair.

 

 This isn’t really easy since you’re taller than she is, but she’s amazing at cuddling up with you on any surface.  Besides, you’re sprawled out on the couch so leaning against her makes you feel short enough to do this.

 

 “I’m doing great, how are things with you and big, black, and surly?” She pauses and then smirks. “You _would_ say that though, but yes, let me get to the point.” She said with a chuckle.

 

 “Don’t you always?” You ask her with a smirk.  She hushes you and shakes her head.

 

 “Right, did you see a really tall, tan guy come in, he’d be bald and asking for Dirk?” She waits and then nods. “So he did come in, did he leave yet?” You watch as Roxy’s eyebrows shoot up.

 

 “What?” You ask her, worry in your gut.

 

 “They went upstairs and haven’t come back down.” Roxy mutters.  You stare at her and she fights back a laugh. “Any noises on your end, Nep?” She waits a moment before throwing her head back and laughing. “Alright, yes I get it, I’ll hang up.” She does right after and puts her phone down on the coffee table. “Lucky bastard.” She mutters.

 

 “What?” You ask again. “Seriously, Roxy, what’s going on?” She smiles at you fondly and leans back against the couch.

 

 “Your brother is upstairs getting _laid_ ,” You know the face you make is unattractive, but _eww_ gross.  “Well you did _ask_ me.” Roxy says with a smirk.  You shake your head and sit up, and this time it’s Roxy leaning against you.

 

 “Why are you alright with that?  Aren’t you the least bit grossed out by knowing your best friend is having sex with your girlfriends brother?” You ask her with a raised eyebrow.  She shrugs and shakes her head no, grabbing the glass of water you poured her earlier.

 

 “Not really, I know he’s in for a good time though and that he’s happy.  Dirk’s great in bed.” You give her a look and she shrugs. “His tricks never leave unhappy, that’s proof enough for me.” You sigh and shake your head as she takes a sip of her water.

 

 “I’m still _worried_ about him.” You mutter as she wraps your arms around her.  It makes her smile and put the glass down, leaning into your touch.  The smile doesn’t last very long, and when she speaks next it makes you a little worried.

 

 “Wait, why, do you not trust Dirk with your brother?” She asks you as she glances up.  There’s a genuine look of concern on her face.

 

 “No, that’s not it, I do trust him.  I just… I don’t know,” You sigh and Roxy leans you back on the couch. “I hope he doesn’t do anything to get himself hurt.”

 

 That makes Roxy hum before she slips out of your arms and stands up. “I have an idea,” she says as if she’s announcing something. “Let’s forget about your brother for the rest of the night and have milkshakes, we can even thrown in some girly movies.  What do girls normally watch?” You laugh at her when she looks over at your DVD shelf.

 

 “Roxy, love, you _are_ a girl.” You say with a bright smile.

 

 “Yes, but I’m not a normal girl, I’m not you.  I want to know your favorite type of movie,” For some reason the way she says it makes you blush a bright red. “And your favorite milkshake.” You feel your cheeks heat up and you want to bury your face in your hands.  Roxy makes you feel like there are butterflies in your chest trying to break out through your throat.  You have no objections to it either because you love her a lot.  That’s probably the best part about being with her, even though everything is strange and new it still feels wonderful because it’s _Roxy_.

 

 “I really like romance movies, really cheesy ones,” you tell her as she kneels in front of the plastic cases.  She smiles and starts picking through them at random. “And mango, or any citrus flavor actually.  I like melons a lot.” Roxy smirks and pulls out a movie case before she stands up, looking over toward your kitchen doorway.

 

 “Do you have anything in there to make milkshakes with, or maybe even smoothies?” You nod and she puts the case down on the arm of the couch, then drags you to your feet. “Then let’s make that first before we start the movie, shall we?” She loops her fingers in yours and you blush.  This you can do, this can be your distraction.

 

 Caliborn better be glad that your girlfriend is so perfect; otherwise you’d have your father on his ass about ignoring you.


	62. ==> Dirk wake up

 When you wake up, it feels nothing like the ‘get up and groan your way out of bed’ kind of day you’re used to.  On the other hand, it’s _everything_ like a routine you’d forgotten.

 

 Outside the sun is bright and warming up the bed where it hits it from the window, and you’re content under the sunbeam.  You’re laying there, half naked in the sheets and coming back to consciousness.  There’s a warm body wrapped around you and it feels so perfect.  Though to be honest, you’re more wrapped around _him_ than he is _you_ , but that’s still left to semantics.

 

 When you open your eyes to say the name on your lips, it dies in your throat because it’s the wrong name for the wrong person.  You realize this isn’t who your brain and body had thought it was.  This person is so vastly different from whom you had _assumed_ him to be.

 

 This isn’t Jake English.

 

 The man lying next to you with his arms around you and one leg between your own, that’s not Jake.  This guy may be tan, but he doesn’t have the messy black bedhead or the scrunched up look of dreaming about rock climbing, this man looks peaceful and his arms are covered in tattoos.

 

 This is Caliborn, your new _boyfriend_.

 

 The thought is delightful because he said _yes_ , but at the same time…

 

 It feels like lava in your veins, toxins in your system.  You were supposed to love Jake English _forever_ , and here you are in the arms of another man after having _sex_ with him!

 

 Which you admit was just a blowjob and a hand job, but… this man isn’t the one you thought you’d always be with, forever and ever.  Even if that sounds cheesy as fuck.

 

 Apparently the mild distress fit you’ve been having has been making you squirm because Caliborn drags you in against his chest and kisses your neck, mumbling something you can’t really understand.  His cock is hard against your hip and it makes you swallow, eyes closed as you nuzzle against him.

 

 So this guy _isn’t_ Jake, and now that you really think about it, that’s actually a _great_ thing.  The Jake English you were in love with died in a car crash years ago, the Jake English you have to force yourself to visit is just a shell and a few minutes of memory.

 

 Caliborn is an argumentative, warm guy who actually _remembers_ you when he wakes up… oh god you hope he remembers you when he wakes up.  If he doesn’t you’re going to throw up.  You’re going to call your brother and beg him to fly out, pick you up in his jet plane, and take you far the _fuck_ away from this hick town with every bit of pain it holds.

 

 “Jesus fucking dicks, Dirk.  Will you stop fucking tensing up, you’re killing my morning wood with your stress bitching, go back to _sleep_.” Caliborn’s voice is thick with misuse, scratchy.  It makes you wonder just how long the two of you have been asleep, and why the sun feels so warm.

 

 “Where’s my phone?” Your own voice is thick as well.  When you try to sit up and get some water to drown it away, Caliborn pulls you back in. “Cal, stop that.”

 

 “Caliborn.” He grumbles in reply.

 

 “I’m thirsty.” You tell him, and his grip on you loosens.  You wiggle out from beside him and strip down to nothing.  It makes you realize you’ve got flaked up patches of come all over you and you groan, looking around for clean clothes.

 

 The noise seems to wake Caliborn up even further.  He sits up and rubs his eyes, staring at you as the light hits your back and you feel the warmth.

 

 “What the fuck are you doing?” he asks with a groan of his own. “Shit, and why do I feel so… sticky?” He runs a hand over his chest with a disgusted look on his face and you laugh.

 

 “That would be the jizz, want to get a shower with me?” You nod toward the bathroom door and he stares after you.  He blinks for a while and you think he’s perfected the art of sleeping sitting up with his eyes open, but he shakes his head no.

 

 “I don’t think we’re at that point just yet.” He says with a yawn.  You have to stare at him until he sighs, because _really_?

 

 “Cal, I had your cock in my mouth last night.” You remind him.

 

 “Caliborn,” he mutters as he lays back and presses a palm to his crotch.  You can see the side of his shaft beneath his hand. “And yes, that I can remember.  I seem to recall you enjoying it a lot.”

 

 “Then shower with me, it saves water.” With a raised eyebrow, Caliborn sits up and puts his legs over the bed.

 

 “I’m not giving you the chance to try and fuck me, I don’t want that out of this relationship.  I don’t take it up the ass.” Caliborn grumbles.  You laugh at him and open the bathroom door after walking over, putting your clothes on the sink.

 

 “I wouldn’t do that, we only just started dating.  Besides,” you watch as his eyes travel right to your cock. “I was hopingthat  if anything like that happened, it would be _you_ fucking _me_.” Caliborn twitches with a full body jerk before swallowing.  His clothes hit the floor and he practically runs after you into the shower, slapping you on the ass.  You bite your lip and back up into him when he closes the door, you remind yourself that this isn’t _just_ about sex.

 

 “You need to stop that,” Caliborn whispers into your ear as he puts his hands on your hips. “Stop making me want something I really shouldn’t have.  This relationship is complicated enough.” All you can really get out of that was the feel of his cock against your ass.

 

 “Caliborn,” you turn around and kiss him on his cheek to distract yourself. “Shower with me, we’re both covered in come.” He groans, but heads toward the shower after detaching himself from you.  He turns the water on without warning and you watch the spray run down his tattoos. “I’ll join you in a second, I need to piss first.” You say.

 

 “Just do it in the shower.” Caliborn mutters.

 

 “That’s gross, plus you’re in there already.  Relieve yourself solo, you nasty man, then I’ll join you.” Caliborn scoffs at everything you say before you step out of the shower and close the glass door.  Fogged glass is both a sin and a blessing because you can’t really see the contours of Caliborn’s body through it.  At least you aren’t horribly distracted by how much you want to suck his cock again.

 

 Or by how much you want him to fuck you against the shower wall until you’re screaming his name and your legs have gone numb.

 

 …

 

 That may have come off as kind of a slutty reaction, but you really don’t care.  When you first wake up you’re horny and that’s the end of the story.

 

 You piss in the toilet and flush, it makes Caliborn snap at you at first out of surprise, but the water temperature won’t change in the shower because mechanics live here, duh.  You tell him to shut up anyway.

 

 When you join him he’s already covered his chest and thighs with soap, and you smirk when you slide up next to him. “Need any help?” You ask him.  It makes him scoff and hand the soap over.  He grabs a rag off the shelf and starts scrubbing the suds away as you wet yourself down.  Caliborn’s quiet now and it has your mind racing. “Hey…”

 

 “Hmm?” He looks over at you as he runs a suds covered hand over his head.

 

 “Are you… upset, about last night I mean?” You wonder. “Were we moving too fast for you?” Caliborn groans as he shakes his head under the water and you finish covering yourself in soap.

 

 “It was fine you idiot.” He tells you.

 

“… Are you sure?” Caliborn grabs you by both your arms suddenly and drags you to his chest so fast you drop the soap in shock.  It was the opportune moment for a joke, but Caliborn’s got your mouth occupied with his own so you should be forgiven.  His hands wrap around your back and hips as he kisses you, one sliding up to cup the back of your neck as you grab his shoulders.  It feels like slow motion.

 

 He takes your breath away with just a kiss and you realize you want him more than ever.  When he pulls away you’re both panting and you feel your cock trying to take renewed interest.

 

 “I’m not upset, I just want you to shut the fuck up and let me attempt to enjoy being with you,” Caliborn says when his voice returns. “I don’t want to be second guessing myself every few minutes with you.  I just… I want this to work.  So stop talking and let it.” God your boyfriend is romantic.  He deserves a blowjob for that.

 

…

 

 You are _so_ glad you can kneel in your shower.


	63. ==> Be Roxy

 Last night you stayed over at Calliope’s and the two of you watched really cheesy romance movies until the sun came up.  You both had a variety of drinks, all non-alcoholic thank you very fucking much, and then she offered to let you spend the night.  You’d curled up in the bed with her and kissed until you passed out from sheer exhaustion catching up with you.

 

 When you finally woke up facing a wall you didn’t recognize, you feel like blinking and letting the world exist.  It comes back to you quickly enough though, even more so when Calliope cuddles into the back of your neck, and it feels _good_.

 

 You reach up and loop your fingers with hers; you’ve got no idea how long you slept in but you don’t mind.  She might have missed work, or maybe she called someone late last night and just didn’t tell you.  Maybe it was while you were in the bathroom, but all you know is that you don’t have the heart to wake her up.

 

 Honestly, you’d much rather just lay here for hours and not do anything, just cuddle up with Calliope all night.

 

 Cuddle up with your _girlfriend._

 There are a ton of really important things that should be bolting their way to the surface of your mind, but none of them are making it.  Calliope is sleepy and warm, and so are you, so you close your eyes as she joins your fingers together.  This is perfect; you never want this to end.

 

 Jane Crocker doesn’t even cross your mind.

 

 Not right away at least.

 

 It’s nothing awful either, you just realize you want Calliope to _meet_ her at some point.  You want your ex-girlfriend and your current girlfriend to meet.  That’s never actually a good thing with normal, healthy relationships, but…

 

 You want Calliope to know who you love, besides _her_ of course.  You want her to meet the woman you don’t think you’ll ever get over, the woman who made you weak in the knees with a single glance when you were younger.  Jane would probably want to meet her as well, see that her ex-girlfriend can move on, that she has and is, and that she doesn’t have to worry about you anymore.  Everything will work out, that’s all you want to happen right now.

 

 Okay maybe not _right_ now, right now you’re going to curl up closer to Calliope and fall back to sleep because nothing is bad and you feel perfect.

 

 Maybe you’ll go tomorrow.

 

 Yeah… tomorrow you’ll introduce them. 


	64. ==> Let things sink in, Caliborn

 “I have about… twenty-three missed calls on my phone, pretty sure fourteen missed text messages underneath all that,” Dirk says from beneath his towel after he finishes fiddling with his phone. “I think the vast majority of them are from your sister too.” You groan and roll over on the bed after you’ve stripped it clean.

 

 “Fuck, I forgot to call her and tell her there was _no way_ I was coming home yesterday.” You want to beat yourself up for that, but you’re too sated from the orgasm in the shower.  Your mind has gone all fuzzy, but there are a few things you know for certain.  One of them being that Dirk Strider can suck a cock like no other.  You also know that rubbing between the piercings on his cock will make him shiver and bite his lip, and spanking his ass makes him hiss and arch into you.

 

 He’s… well, to be honest he’s a lot kinkier than you were expecting.  You kind of hate admitting how much you really find that attractive.  All you can think about is how his eyes fluttered shut when you helped him jerk himself off earlier.

 

 You’re still hesitant to touch his cock, but he doesn’t seem to care at all when you reach down and wrap your hand around his own, giving a hesitant brush of your fingers here and there without making a lot of skn on skin contact.  The fact you’re even trying seems to be a turn on for him.

 

 You couldn’t leave him hanging like that though.  You know proper procedure when it comes to being turned on.  You can’t lead someone on and then not follow through if you offered up an orgasm to begin with.  There’s _rude_ , and then there’s _that_.  Really, who would do that?

 

 “Do you have something to do today?” Dirk asks out of nowhere as he opens a drawer to his dresser.  He starts shuffling through the clothes and you roll over, rubbing at your stomach.

 

 “No, not today.  Even if I did I’m pretty sure that Calli would have set it up so I didn’t have to come in.” Dirk raises an eyebrow as he turns around and pulls a shirt over his head.

 

 “What do you mean, you two work don’t you?” He tugs the shirt down his chest and lets it bunch up along his stomach.

 

 “Yeah, we do, but we aren’t the only ones on staff.  We have sick days and stuff.” You shrug again and Dirk rolls his eyes.  It’s so strange to see him without his shades or his hair jelled toward the sky, you feel like you’re watching a unicorn in action or something.

 

 He turns back to the dresser and yanks out some boxers, then tosses them toward you on the bed, and you realize it’s less unicorn and more fairy.

 

 “Sure you do, you can wear those by the way.  They’re big on me and probably tight on you, but they’re clean.” He smirks when you tug down your own boxers.

 

 “This was just some ploy to get me naked again, wasn’t it?” You ask him.  He smirks at you and shrugs.  He’s smug for about five seconds before you glare at him and he turns around to pull on some jeans.  While you’re changing boxers you watch him, licking your lips.

 

 Dirk seems to own a bunch of boxers just so he never has to wear them, and you watch him tuck himself into those jeans like he’s pouring on paint.  You swallow the urge to lean forward and slap his ass again, just to hear him hiss.

 

 Why is he being such a giant tease?  Or does he not realize he’s doing it?  He has to realize it; he’s a smart, cocky little bastard who… doesn’t wear underwear.

 

 You push the thoughts away and reposition yourself in the boxers.  They really are tight, but they aren’t uncomfortably so.  Still, you really want to get home and change into clean clothes.

 

 Being with Dirk is great, but his apartment is making you feel a tad bit claustrophobic.  Maybe he’ll come back to yours and you can fool around some more after you eat.

 

 Then you remember that Dirk doesn’t want a relationship that strictly revolves around sex.  He wants dates and talking and _feelings._   Your insides recoil at the mere thought, but you’ve already jumped in, so you can’t really jump back out.

 

 … Okay you could, but that’s cowardly and shallow.

 

 Dirk walks into the bathroom and you hear him riffle around in there for a while as you put on your clothes.  When you’re ready he’s still in there, and now there’s a blow dryer going.  You have no idea where the blow dryer came from, or why he even owns one, but then again you’re bald and he actually _has_ hair.

 

 What do you know about hair?

 

 You walk over and pick up your shoes, then slip them on by the door.  That blow dryer is still going, so you make your way over and stand there awkwardly.  What do you do, knock?  Go in there?

 

 Fuck, this is weird.  Girls normally just towel dry and leave.

 

 You push the door open and look inside, Dirk’s standing near the sink with the dryer facing toward him and his head tilted to the side, somehow already defying gravity.  You have no _idea_ how he did that, or how he did that so _fast_ , but you kind of wish you’d been able to witness it.

 

 He turns to look at you when you step inside and he smiles.  He flips the blow dryer off and sets it on the counter, then pulls the plug out of the wall socket. “Hey,” He leans back and you step forward so he’s against your chest.  It’s just like it would be with any of the women you’ve dated, but there’s something inherently _different_ about this.

 

 For one thing, there’s a lack of breasts to fondle.  For another… well, it’s Dirk.  He’s not a woman.  He’s a guy with a cock that you’ve had in your hand more than once.  He kisses you like you’re oxygen and you feel lightheaded if you get to close, like he’s a fire that’s about to explode and you’ve got the gasoline instead of the water.

 

 “I’ve got to take my pills soon.” He mutters as he reaches up to touch your cheek.  You turn and kiss his hand, looking back at him in the mirror.

 

 “What type of pills?” You’re only slightly curious, to be honest.

 

 “Pills to keep my head in one place and not make me feel like I’m about to fall through the floor,” He shrugs and you watch him turn to look at you in the mirror.  Your eyes lock for a few seconds, then he looks away. “Right, are you just going to stay here all day?” He detaches from you and turns toward the sink cabinet.  Without waiting for a reply he opens it and gets out a pill bottle.

 

 “No, I was actually hoping to get out of your apartment,” You say. “It’s starting to make me feel like a sardine, I have no idea how you can stand it in here.” He laughs and opens the bottle, tossing a few pills into his palm. “I’m also getting hungry, so I’m going out to go eat.” He smiles and fills up a glass by the sink.

 

 “Oh yeah, where are we going?” He asks as he swirls the water around in the cup and then pops the pills in his mouth.  You raise an eyebrow at him.

 

 “I said _I_ was going to get something to eat, not _us_.” He snorts and takes a gulp of water. “I’m serious, Dirk.” You need him to understand.  You want a little bit of space.

 

 “That’s how you treat your boyfriend then?” Dirk asks before he dumps the glass out.  You get that surge of aggravation that comes from being around Dirk too long, and it’s like a property tax to your nerves.

 

 “No, that’s how I treat _you_.  I don’t take women out to eat, I mean, yeah, before I have sex with them, but not _after_.  After that they just get whatever is in my kitchen.” You tell him as you leave the bathroom.

 

 “Cal.”

 

 “ _Caliborn_ , say it right.”

 

 “That _is_ taking them out, sort of, you’re still feeding them.  Why not take me somewhere?  You’re actually _dating_ me.  You weren’t dating the other women, what’s the harm?” Dirk asks as he follows after you.  You leave the bedroom and get to the living room, gathering your things as you go.

 

 “The issue is that you piss me off a lot, and I want to enjoy my food?” You grumble.

 

 “Caliborn if you’re just going to be a bitch like this, why did you agree to go out with me?  Why did you want to be my boyfriend?” Dirk sounds upset, he also sounds confrontational.  His walls are up and the fire is burning.

 

 “I was horny!” You don’t mean for it to come out like that.  Like you’re ready to fight with him. “And I want some breathing room, we’ve only been dating for a day, get off my dick!”

 

 “That wasn’t really the reason, was it?” Dirk asks you. “You actually care about me, you want to be with me.  If you didn’t you wouldn’t still be here, you wouldn’t have stayed and you wouldn’t have let me suck you off in the shower!  You could have left before this, and you needing breathing room is fine, if that were actually the reason!”

 

 “It was just sex, Dirk!  I don’t even know you!” You’re starting to raise your voice. “You’re freaking me out!”

 

 “Oh I am _not_ , you’re dating me because you _want_ to know me!  You _want_ to be with me, just say it!” He throws his hands up in frustration and you feel like your insides are boiling.

 

 “Don’t you _dare_ put words in my mouth, I don’t-“

 

 “You came to my workplace, you came into my home!  Why are you doing this now?” Dirk shouts. “All I did was assume we’d be getting food together since we’re dating now!  Or was that all just a lie?  Did you do this just to get me to suck your cock?”

 

 “Fuck no, I’m not even gay!” You shout at him and glare. “That’s not _it_!”

 

 “Then why the fuck are you _here_!” Dirk looks angrier than you’ve ever seen him.  He looks like he’s about to pop a vein in his forehead and you suddenly realize your fuck up.  You walked into a relationship verbally, but not mentally.

 

 You care about Dirk, you like him and you hate him all at once, but you also…

 

 You also what?

 

 What is it that’s going on in your head?  Why did you just pick a fight with him over getting _food_?  There was no point to that, you’d love to get food with him, criticize him about what he orders, even if you want a few minutes to yourself you’d be fine if he tagged along.

 

 You want nothing more than to watch him roll his eyes at you or bend in defeat… But you also want him to be himself, and you’re scared being with you will change him.

 

 You’re scared being with him will change _you_.

 

 “Caliborn?” Dirk’s in your space, but it’s nothing bad.  It’s not a confrontational type of in your space either, not like it was a few minutes ago.  It’s worry etched on his features right now.  Not a pity type of worry either, he’s genuinely concerned as he reaches out to you.

 

 You take the hand he offers and pull him closer, closing your eyes to kiss him.

 

 “I’m scared of this,” You admit the instant your lips part. “I’m scared of what’s going to happen.” Dirk sighs and it makes you want to shove him away.

 

 “If anyone should be scared here, it’s _me_ ,” he tells you. “I backed you into a corner to get into this relationship and I’m scared you genuinely don’t _want_ this.  I pinned you here and you can’t get out.” You reach over and tilt his face up to kiss him again.

 

 “You didn’t pin me here, I’m stronger than you.” You tell him.

 

 “I doubt that.” He mutters like a child and you smirk.

 

 “What, you want to go?” You ask, only half serious. “Let’s take this to the bedroom, get going.” You feel a strange thrill when he smirks and goes back into the bedroom.

 

 You should finish talking.

 

 Instead you follow him to prove a point.  Food can wait for a few minutes, you won’t have sex, you’ll just wrestle.

 

You swear it.


	65. ==> Be Dirk and be hungry

 You totally end up pinning him to the bed at _least_ three times.  Things got sexual, but nether of you acted on it to a naked extent.  Even though you really wanted to.  Neither of you finished up that serious talk either.  You convinced him to take you out to dinner after you both woke up from a nap and you figured that would be that.

 

 After all, you ended up staying in bed until four in the afternoon, so he owed you dinner.  He agreed, but only if he got to pick the place you ate at.

 

 There were no objections as he kissed your shoulder blades and let you cuddle him.  You have found his weakness, and that weakness is that he _likes_ the snuggling.

 

 No matter what he says to try and contradict you.  Caliborn nuzzles you in his half dazed sleep, and you feel at home.

 

 And then you elbow him in the side and remind him you’re hungry.


	66. ==> Caliborn, get the bad news

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do I words?

 It’s dinnertime when you finally see your sister again, and when you do she looks both _livid_ and _terrified_ all at once.  You’d just dropped into the booth across from Dirk with your food and thrown a fry at his head when you’d looked up as the bell atop the door rang.   
  
 Old dinners that still had bells on their doors were hilarious to you, they reminded you of times out with your mum.  She would make a game out of sizing up the patrons as they came in and whispering to you and your sister about them, and it was an almost unconscious thing to look up at the newcomers when you heard the bell.  Only this newcomer was looking right at you, and she looked like she wanted to rip your _head_ off.  
  
 “What’s wrong?” Dirk’s picking salt off his shirt when he looks up and sees her, it makes him swallow. “Oh… oh you’re dead.” He says.  
  
 “Fuck me off, I am not,” he snorts and you smack him in the arm. “Shit, I meant fuck off, which you can do.” Dirk smirks even though you’re glaring at him.  
  
 “Did that earlier today, several times if I’m not mistaken.” You smack him again and then flinch as Calliope says your name.  
  
 “Caliborn English!” You think Dirk might have even flinched at that. “You haven’t called me _or_ contacted me in what, two days?  That’s what it feels like to me!” You want to groan. “Did you ever think that you might want to contact me?  Did you ever think about what daddy-” You look up and Dirk does flinch.  
  
 “You didn’t call him,” You don’t even care that your voice sounds terrified when you cut her off.  Dirk reaches over and grabs your hand, and you can see Roxy running down the sidewalk outside the dinner to catch up to all of you.  Of course she’s here “Calliope, _please_ tell me you didn’t _call_ him!” She crosses her arms and stands up straight.  
  
 “What else was I supposed to do but pick up the phone when he rang?  You wouldn’t answer any of my calls, you didn’t contact me to begin with, you just… you’ve never _done_ this before, Caliborn,” She looks up when the bell above the door rings and Roxy runs in, out of breath. “I had to do something, he was leaving me angry voice mail.”  
  
 “Yeah, you did have to do something, and that was anything but _answer him_!  He’s going to _kill_ me now!” You groan and let your face fall into your arms.  Dirk’s still holding your hands and you don’t look up when you feel him stand and scoot into the space next to you.  
  
 “Calliope, what’s so awful about your father?” Dirk asks as he rubs your back.  The affection he told you to expect the first hour or two after he takes his pills, but it’s still strange to feel him cuddling up to you like this.  Roxy hums as she clomps her way over in whatever ugly shoes she must be wearing to make that noise, and you forget about Dirk being a little gayer than sin for a few minutes.  
  
 “Yeah, he seemed nice enough when I talked to him.” Roxy shrugged and you snap your head up.  
  
 “Back the fuck up!” You nearly shout. “Why in the _didgery do_ of a _fuck_ was she doing _talking_ to our _father_?” Dirk pets your arm and hushes you.  You want to tell him to get off, but he’s _kind_ of calming you down, and keeping you from shouting.  And shouting is bad right now.  You’re in a public place.  
  
 Calliope sighs and crosses her arms, then uncrosses them in a fit to point a finger at your chest. “If you’d have listened to _any_ of the messages on Dirk’s phone, you’d _know_ that he heard her making me breakfast and said something, I got startled and turned on speaker phone.  They only said a few words to one another.” You sigh and she crosses her arms again.  
  
 “Sweet heart, you’re acting a bit on the petulant side.” Roxy mutters.  
  
 “Why are you siding with him?” Calliope whines.  
  
 “More like when did you learn the word petulant.” You mutter back.  Dirk gives you a lighthearted smack in the arm and shoves a fry at your face.  You bite it close to his fingers and smile, just at him, and just for a second.  It’s more like the him you’re agreeing to date than the him _cuddling_ you.  
  
 “I’m not taking his side, Calliope, I’m just trying to get you to calm down.” Even _you_ can tell Roxy’s tired of this.  What the _hell_ has your sister in a mood enough to make love bird gaga get all puffed up?  
  
 “I don’t need to calm down.” She grumbles.  
  
 “No, you do,” You tell her after you chew your food.  You down a few gulps of water and feel Dirk’s hand rest on your thigh.  You wonder why Calliope hasn’t said anything about how close Dirk is to you. “What the fuck is going on with you?”  
  
 You’d tell Dirk to get out of your personal space bubble, but that would just backfire.  You know deep down in your soul that it would just make him smirk and do something like crawl into your lap.  You know it like you know anyone wearing yellow crocs and driving a lime green motor scooter needs to be taken out back and _shot_.  
  
 “Everything is going on with me!” She shouts, and this time Roxy grabs her arm.  
  
 “Not in a public place.” She says softly, nodding toward the door.  
  
 “Calliope…” Dirk lets you go when you start to stand, and then you’re wrapping your sister up in your arms.  She doesn’t shout often, she doesn’t scream.  
  
 She’s quiet and she does as she’s told.  Always has, that’s why your father loved her the most.  You were the trouble child while she was the sweet little angel who never stepped a toe out of line.  Never a hair that she didn’t actually have out of place.  
  
 Save the time she told your father she was gay, but semantics.  
  
 “Why couldn’t you have just answered the messages?” She muttered as she buried her face in your shoulder. “He just kept caking and I didn’t know what to tell him, you always talk to him and sort him out when he wants his _visits_.” She inhales and you feel like ice has replaced your bloodstream.  
  
 “He’s… he’s coming here?” She nods and you hear muttering behind you.  It sounds like Dirk and Roxy have gotten in the booth together.  
  
 “I told him not to but he just… he said he was already on the plane when he called!” Calliope shivers and her face disappears into your chest.  You look back at Dirk and Roxy.  This… this could _not_ have been planned any worse.  But it’s okay, they’ll understand if you ditch them for a few weeks…  
  
 Okay, Roxy will understand.  Dirk will be pissed though.  
  
 You notice that when Roxy turns toward her best friend that she has a hickey on her neck and you realize that no.  No they will _not_ understand.  You sister is livid and crying and you _know_ why.  She has a girlfriend and now your father is coming.  
  
 Fucking _hell_ why is your father coming?  
  
 “Calliope…” She shakes in your arms and you turn away from Roxy and Dirk as they huddle together and start whispering. “Calliope… we have to talk to them about this.”  
  
 “I did!” She says in into your shirt and you sigh.  
  
 “Just telling them our father is coming isn’t really talking about it,” You mutter. “They deserve to know.  Roxy’s… whatever she is to you, and Dirk is…” Calliope pulls back and stares up at you. “Whatever, look, we need to get-” She cuts you off with a wave of her hand.  Her eyes are red and puffy and she looks worn out, but there is a _fire_ boiling inside of her.  
  
 “Caliborn, what happened?” She asks.  
  
 “Nothing.” You answer too fast and it’s a snapped reply.  
  
 “Oh my god, what did you _do_?” Calliope raises her arm and smacks you in the shoulder. “What did you do you _impossibly_ moronic _twat_!” You glare at her and rub your shoulder.  
  
 “Whatever I did doesn’t matter.” She huffs at you.  
  
 “Liar.”  
  
 “Calliope!” You lower your voice to a whisper and lean closer to her as people being to stare at you both. “I’m not bringing up the hickie on Roxy’s neck, nor the fact that you’re wearing her _socks_.  Pink doesn’t match emerald, it stands out like a sore thumb, now will you _please_ not bring up the thing with Dirk right now?”  
  
 “So it _is_ a thing!” She said in an excited whisper. “You’re dating now aren’t you?  I knew he would be good for you!” You stare at her and she laughs.  The hug you expect, the smack to the side of your head you don’t.  
  
 “Stop fucking hitting me!” You want to shout, but you don’t.  
  
 “We’re both screwed, we need to talk to them.” Calliope ignores your pain and turns back to the booth.  
  
 “I’ve been saying that this entire time!  And they’re sitting right there, stop whispering like they can’t hear us.” You step around her and sit on the other side of the booth.   
  
 You want to sit next to Dirk, but Roxy’s already there.  She’s done whispering with him and now she’s ignoring you to look lovingly at your sister as she sits beside you.  It’s so fucking sappy, you want to vomit.  
  
 “Alright, I’m going to get this out of the way.” You grumble.  
  
 “You look upset.” Dirk mutters as he reaches across the table for your hands.  You ignore him and keep on talking.  
  
 He pouts.  
  
 “Roxy and Calliope are fucking, or dating, or whatever, I don’t actually care.  Me and Dirk are some sort of thing, wipe that shit eating grin off your face you bitch.” Calliope slaps your shoulder so hard you grunt.  
  
 “Don’t talk about her like that, she’s right there and I will not allow it,” She hisses and then turns to Dirk. “Congratulations on getting him to settle down.” It makes Dirk laugh and you glare holes into her soul.  
  
 “Look, can we skip to the part where you two tell us why you were whispering like a bomb was about to go off and you were deciding who was going to be the one to clip the cord?” Roxy asks you both with a sigh.  You open your mouth to explain, but… you don’t really know how. “Is this about your dad?” She asks.  
  
 “What did you tell her?” You snap your attention to Calliope and glare at her.  This time Dirk takes your hands in his own and squeezes, and it’s comforting in the back of your mind, but that’s about it. “Why do you have to tell everyone _everything_?”  
  
 “Stop talking to _her_ like that!” Roxy snaps. “She isn’t a doll for you to yell at!  She’s my girlfriend and _your_ sister, treat her with respect or I’ll kick your fucking ass!” You scoff, but Dirk kicks you under the table.  
  
 “The fuck was that for?  Why is it kick the shit out of Caliborn day?” You grouse.  
  
 “I just told Roxy that daddy would be coming here and that you two… don’t really get on.” Calliope said with a shrug.  
  
 “That’s putting it _mildly_.” You say under your breath.  
  
 “What, does he not approve of you being a prick all the time?” Dirk asks with a smirk.  A few days ago that would have earned him a ticket for his face to get up close and personal with the table, but not anymore.  Now it just seems more… normal.  
  
 “He doesn’t approve of me, period,” you hiss. “He’s a fucking overprotective, homophobic psychopath!” Dirk squeezes your hands and you squeeze back.  
  
 “He’s not that bad.” Calliope mutters.  She looks away when you huff at her.  
  
 “He came at me with a baseball bat for defending you at the table when you came out to him,” Calliope looks like she’s about to sink through the seat. “Pretty sure if he knew that the both of us were buggering these two he’d have us tied up by our tongues and dragged behind a cart full of shit!”  
  
 “Lovely imagination you have there.” Roxy mutters as she stands up and reaches for Calliope’s hands.  Your sister doesn’t hesitate, she hops out of the seat and wraps herself around Roxy, burring her face in her shoulder.  It’s weird with their height difference, but they still make it work in some odd, cuddly mesh of green and pink.  
  
 When your sister lets out a heavy sigh, Dirk pulls your arms closer to him across the table.  
  
 “I have an idea,” He says.  You roll your eyes and wait, this could only end horribly. “What if we just pretend to date each other?” He waves a hand at himself and Calliope, then you and Roxy.  
  
 “That’s parent trap levels of bad idea,” Roxy tells him.  You have to agree, Roxy is _not_ your type. “Besides, we’re both kind of raging homo’s, I can pull off straight, but you?” Dirk tilts his head ever so slightly and you realize he’s glaring at her behind his shades.  
  
 “We fake dated all through high school, and I can be so straight I get women pregnant.” Dirk says flatly.  
  
 “Uh, yeah, we dated with each other.  I know your stupid routine, but not these two,” She waves at you and your sister and you sigh, stuffing all your food on a tray. “Besides, Calliope’s already told her father she’s a lesbian, how are you going to explain that to him?” Dirk shrugs.  
  
 “Wouldn’t he like it better if she wasn’t?”  
  
 “He would, but he wouldn’t believe you two were dating.” You tell him.  Dirk turns to you and raises an eyebrow.  
  
 “Why not?” He asks. “Am I not man enough for her?” You snort and stand up, he follows suit.  
  
 “No, he wouldn’t believe you because Calliope has permanent doe eyes for Roxy, and vise versa.  He would reprimand her for being in a loveless relationship.  Then tell me that I have aids or something and my bollocks are about to fall off so I better pack off a kid and send it his way.” You pick up your tray and head over to the stand with the white boxes that you can stuff your leftovers in.  
  
 “That’s fucked up, he doesn’t even know me yet and he wants you to knock me up?” Dirk smirks as you roll your eyes.  
  
 “You’d be the ugliest mother in the world.  Our child would be hideous.” You say as you snatch a box up and start filling it.  Roxy and Calliope stay back by the booth, whispering to one another and playing with their hair or whatever it is they do.  
  
 Lesbians man.  
  
 Fucking weird.  
  
 “Uh huh, look, the point is… what do we do about _us_?  Your dad will suck it up with your sister right?  But what about us?” You look back at Dirk as he stands beside you. “Am I just supposed to wait your dad out?” You stare at the box once your finished, then look over at Dirk’s hand.  
  
 “… would you really want to wait that out for me?  Wait until he leaves before we can do anything again?” Dirk needs to run far the fuck away from you.  He does _not_ deserve to be treated like this.  
  
 “I’m used to waiting.  Just tell me how long.” He tells you.


	67. ==> Dirk, react

 Waiting.  Yeah.  Right.  
  
 Fuck waiting.  
  
 You have an idea that's better than waiting.


	68. ==> Calliope drag your brother home

 You end up having to drag Caliborn away from the dinner when he starts yelling at Dirk for some unknown reason a few minutes later.  There's a crowd forming when it starts and Roxy tells you to get your brother out before he gets you all _banned_.  You catch snippets of his fit as he pulls his fist back, but you drag him away before he throws a punch at Dirk.  The entire time your friend has been standing there with his arms crossed, his body tense and his fingers drumming on his skin.  The conversation you hear ranges from something about lying, technically not cheating, to ‘that's not actually waiting,’ and then something about a broom closet.  Getting Caliborn outside was the smartest idea so far, because as soon as he leaves, you can see Dirk start pulling his collar.  
  
 Roxy is beside him a few seconds later, her face angry as he snaps at her instead of anyone else that has started forming a crowd around them.  You want to go in and smack him, but you know your girlfriend is an adult and that she can take care of herself.  With a heavy sigh, you start dragging your brother down the street while he shouts and accuses you of ‘being in cahoots with that lying slut!’  Tuning him out eventually makes him stop, and you make it back to your apartment floor about twenty minutes later with him silently seething at you.  
  
 You stop outside your door and start pulling your keys out of your jacket pocket, only to realize that you've got Roxy's bracelet stuffed beside your keys.  She took it off this morning to help you wash dishes after breakfast and you'd grabbed it off the counter before leaving.  It makes you smile but it also makes you hurt inside your chest as you slide the bracelet on and realize that this is like accepting what you might have to give up is so perfect and yet so small.  Your brother is seething and stomping toward his door when you look up, and he stops before looking over at you with a sigh.  
  
 “Fuck, come on, get in.” He unlocks his door without another word and you hurry over.  The two of you slip inside his apartment, heading to his bedroom and laying on his bed, both of you still in your shoes.  Caliborn reaches out for your hand and sighs when you press your palm against it, bracelet slipping down your wrist.  You want to start talking, puke up your night with Roxy and tell him _everything_.  Tell him how wonderful it feels to be in love, how high your heart feels to know she loves you back.  
  
 But you don't have the words to explain any of that.  
  
 All that comes out is a simple. “We are so royally fucked.  I'm such a bloody div, I buggered this so much.” You want to whine but you don’t.  Caliborn helps you tug off your wig when you reach up to stick your fingers into the rim to relieve pressure.  
  
 “Don't say that,” Caliborn mutters. “You can't help it that you find her fit, you can't keep your gob shut around her.  It’s pretty disturbing.”  
  
 “Fuck off,” You push him in the shoulder and then let yourself go limp on the bed. “He's going to ruin everything for us, isn't he?” You wonder out loud.  
  
 “Hmm?” Caliborn shrug. “If you mean Dirk, then no.  I'll kill him first, if you mean our father, then yes,” With a sigh, you pull off your wig cap and rub at your scalp.  You want to pull your wig back on because you feel pretty naked right now, but you've got a horrible headache forming and you need to let your head breath.  This was what you got for letting something good happen to you after all. “He's going to try and ruin everything for us if we tell him the truth.  I'd rather you not tell him you and Roxy are together, but the bitch has a mouth on her.” You slap Caliborn on the face.  Not very hard, but enough to get your point across.  
  
 “That's my girlfriend.” You snap.  
  
 “Fuck, and this is our father!  Roxy can bitch at me and talk however she wants, but if she does that shit in front of _him_ he _will_ hit her.  He won't have a second thought about it either, it's a fucking wonder he never hit our mother.” Caliborn says angrily.  
  
 “Gran’ma or mum would have ripped his ribs out through his nose.  You don’t mess with a Snowman, married or not.” You recite with a soft smile.  
  
 “Well yeah, but still.  The fact that he never hit her amazes me. He’s hit other women, and men, he just... hits everyone.” You wince and squeeze his hand. “If he ever tries hitting you I'll kill him, I swear to god.  Lord or no Lord.” Caliborn leans forward and touches his forehead to yours.  He's so serious it hurts, and it makes you want to tell him not to, but that would be pointless.  He’s still got your father’s temper deep down after all.  
  
 If your father ever honestly tried to hit you, Caliborn would defend you, even if it might end up killing him.  That terrifies you, you don’t want to lose either of them.  
  
 “He wouldn't ever hit me,” You whisper. “I remind him too much of mum, but none of this changes the simple truth.  He's going to be here in a matter of hours,” You both groan and close your eyes.  The closer you get, the more you feel like you're one person with two sets of thoughts that run side by side. “What do we do?”  
  
 Caliborn sighs and sits up, pulling away from you while you stay on the bed.  You watch as he rubs his scalp and then sighs into his hands before looking around his room. “We can rearrange the furniture in the shop so it looks professional again, wipe down all the machines, put out all the flavors people actually like, and... only talk about your girlfriend if he asks.” He lets his arms fall and clenches his fists.  
  
 “… and?  What is it?” You ask after several minutes. “You've been upset since before we even left, tell me what's on your mind.” Caliborn's face hardens and he huffs.  
  
 “It's Dirk,” he admits. “The fucker told me he was going to wait for me, wait until our father left before we would do anything again, right?” You nod and let him go on. “Now he's asking me who he should move in on!” You raise an eyebrow and sit up.  
  
 “What?” There has to be a big chunk missing from this puzzle.  
  
 “He says it's ‘a cover,’” Caliborn makes little air quotes and then looks like he's about to throw his lamp. “He's got to be taking the piss, he won't _actually_ do that.  If he does I'll kill him.” You sigh and roll over onto your back as your brother punches the bed.  
  
 “You're overreacting.” You mutter.  
  
 “No, I'm reacting perfectly.  If that fucker wants to date me, he's going to date _me_ , not some slut while my father's here just to cover up the fact we're together.” Caliborn makes a face and you look at him incredulously.  
  
 “Really?” You ask him.  
  
 “Yes!  No, I mean, yes... no, I mean no,” You sigh as he rambles. “Fuck him, if he wants to date some slut, even if it's fake, then he can go right ahead.  I don't need him, him or the sex!  Besides, he's just a mouth for my cock to fuck anyway.” Caliborn huffs and you let out a noise of distress.  
  
 “Oh my god!  Caliborn!” You cover your ears and sit up. “This is more than I ever wanted to know!” You feel violated, but Caliborn's on a roll.  You tune him out by humming obnoxiously until he gets the hint and slumps against the mattress.  You wait for him to open his eyes before you move your hands to your lap and smile at him.  
  
 “You're wrapped around that boys finger so tight.” You mutter as you stand and scoop up your wig and cap.  
  
 “That's the last thing I am!” Caliborn shouts back as you walk toward the door. “I don't need Dirk!  If he can't wait for me then fuck him!” Well that escalated quickly.


	69. ==> Dirk go see Jake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really off hiatus but have this

 You visit Jake before Daddy Damnedest can get here, in fact you take Roxy with you, only to have her skip off to see Jane.  You walk through the halls and want to die, there's enough stress on your mind, but once you open the door to his suite and see the ruffled hair and fingers curled toward his chest, you forget it all.  
  
 He's asleep when you get there, curled up on his side as if he can feel it.  You know he can't though, he can't feel anything below his waist or anything under his arm on his left side.  He can't walk but he can still move, and he uses it to make so many friends.  
  
 There are pictures of you and his friends put up all around the room, your names underneath them so he knows.  Beside your name are the word 'Cuddler, close friend, safe.'  
  
 In the beginning it had been a picture of the two of you, kissing and dancing on his back porch.  
  
 That's gone though, you got tired of explaining it, tired of hoping he'd remember.  Jake will never remember you completely, but you still hold his hand while he sleeps, watch him wake up groggily and roll over to look at you.  His face is confused for a few seconds after he puts his glasses on and you come into focus, but then he looks across the room at the wall and he relaxes.  
  
 "Dirk," He's not saying it because he remembers the time you were lovers, but because he knows you can be trusted.  You're on the wall after all. "You look tired." He comments as he tries to sit up.  
  
 You help him, pulling him up under his arms and fixing the covers around what's left of the one leg he still has.  His hand reaches over, resting on top of yours.  It's a skipped heartbeat, a tug with so much pain when he brings it up to his mouth for a kiss.  
  
 "I am tired." You admit it to him, shades abandoned on the table.  
  
 "Lay with me," you crawl onto the bed without a second thought, curled up against his side as he brushes fingers through your hair. "You need to sleep more, and eat.  is this about girl problems?" He always assumes you're straight.  That hurts the most.  
  
 "Yeah," You tell him. "My girl is the jealous type." Jake scoffs and shakes his head. "She wants to be with me, but her dad wouldn't like it, so she says we should pretend we aren't dating.  I told her I could pretend to date someone else, and she got pissed off at me." You sigh when Jake pauses.  
  
 "Well… that's a bit confusing to me." He admits.  
  
 "Everything confuses you." You remind him.  
  
 "Yes but I was in an accident," He says it like you weren't the one to pull him out from beneath the car metal holding his leg. "She's jealous, so she wants your attention." He's so very proud.  
  
 "I don't think she does." You admit. "I think she's only with me because I kind of pressured her into it."  
  
 "That's you buggering your own mistake then," Jake says with a laugh. "But honestly, just let things happen." It doesn't make sense, but it makes you feel better.  
  
 "Thank you." You mutter.  
  
 "Any time, ah… drat, what was your name again?" He looks up. "Yes, Dirk, sorry old chap.  I have trouble remembering things." It'll never stop hurting to hear him say that.


	70. ==> Caliborn, pick up your father

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, I live? Apparently XD Anywhoo, Daddy English is going to read like a stereotypical super villain because that's how Caliborn sees him. Enjoy this while I go back to work. <3

  Your father gets off the jet with a scowl so heavy it could cause rain storms.  You wonder if he can make any other face besides his generic 'unpleased grumpy shit head' face.  There’s a hazy memory of the fleeting flashes of smiles he would toss your mother, but nothing more.  You miss her more than anything whenever he's around, and you'll always blame him.  Even if that's stupid and you know her death was _not_ his fault.  You just wish there had been more of a body to bury.  
  
 Still, he’s here and she’s not.  He’s six feet and nine inches, he towers over just about everyone.  His shoulders have gotten broader and his biceps bigger, so he looks like a giant muscle man commercial instead of a human being.  It's not a good look on him, but not that it matters because you _hate_ him.  
  
 He takes one look at you and his scowl deepens, but when he looks at your sister, it lessens.  She grabs your hand and lifts her other, waving as she beams a fake sunshine smile.  Your father sees your mother in that smile and it's the closest you'll get to him smiling when she flashes it.  Calliope practically jumps, calling out to him as she waves her hand at the luggage cart, and he starts stomping toward you.  
  
 It's two in the afternoon and you can still feel suds and grime from scrubbing everything in the shop all night under your fingernails, but you muster a fake smile for Calliope's sake when she squeezes your hand to keep you steady.  He sees right through it and when he makes eye contact, you want to snarl.  
  
 "Daddy!" Calliope lets go of your hand and runs up to hug him.  He scoops her up, not really smiling, but not really frowning either.  It's a warm hug none the less; he does care about her on rare occasion.  
  
 The fucker.  
  
 "Good to see the disappointment finally contacted you." His voice strips your nerves down piece by piece.  Like knocking puzzle pieces off a table as you reach for them.  You want to rip his face off.  
  
 "Daddy, that's not very nice," Calliope says as she gets her feet back on the ground and backs up to clasp your hand again.  She falls heavily on the twin act when he's around - it's the only way she knows how to deal with him.  
  
 "It's also very true," he tells her as he crosses his arms. "Now, want to explain some things to me?" he growls as he narrows his eyes at you.  
  
 "No, I actually don't," you grumble in return.  
  
 "You watch your ass around me, you little shit," your father barks.  
  
 "Daddy!" Calliope tries to cut in.  She always at least tries.  
  
“Why should I tell you anything?  You don’t actually care,” you tell him.  
  
 "I helped bring you into this world, you little fucking twat, I got no problem taking you out!" His voice booms over several rooms no doubt, and Calliope flinches, tucking her head against your shoulder.  You don't move, just glare at your father until he realizes what he's just said.  He doesn't apologize, just sneers and straightens up. "Right, let's go," he growls as he stomps toward the cart and shouts at his right hand man to get off the jet already.  
  
\--  
  
 The four of you get back to the shop in silence, riding the entire way in some fucked up expensive rental car your dad demanded.  You open the shop as fast as you can, because if you're working he can't really talk to you.  It's awful, but you're praying for a busy day.  So far, it hasn't been.  
  
 Your father has been breathing down your neck over every little thing, and at one point you had to actually _call_ Kanaya and beg her to bring the shitty uniform your sister gave her because he's been bitching about not enough people working here.  You’ve only had two for the longest time, and you run this place just fine.  
  
 It takes her ten minutes to arrive, and when she does you throw her a warning with your eyes, jerking your thumb at your father as he sneers at the yogurt machines.  She sizes him up, makes a face of distaste, then straightens up and brushes the rumples out of her shirt before walking toward you.  
  
 "Do you have an extra apron for me?" she asks, voice soft.  You jerk your thumb toward the back.  
  
 "You know where we put them." She nods and hurries into the back before your father even looks up.  It's like rushing your head through a waterfall having to deal with that man nitpicking everything you do, and when your father looks up as Kanaya comes back and smiles at a customer, you don't actually give a fuck.  
  
 Kanaya is a qualified worker.  She makes great friends and she makes everyone feel comfortable.  She... actually kind of reminds you of your mom, in an offhand way.  That thought makes you jump ship and turn to stare at the door after ringing up the customer.  This day needs to be over, and it needs to go away.  You just want to go back to not feeling like you're about to explode, or feeling uncomfortable just standing around at the register you normally occupy with a scowl.  
  
 That's when Roxy walks in and things start to go downhill even faster.  
  
 She's wearing something ugly and purple, and you'd say it was hideous if not for the fact you can hear Kanaya's hum of approval.  Fucking fashion.  She walks right up to the register with a smile, ignoring the sudden glare from your father.  It seems her aloof demeanor and lack of flinching or cowering is pissing him off.  
  
 "Is my girlfriend here?" she asks you. "I wanted to take her out to lunch."   
  
 Lucky bitch.  
  
 "She's in the back.  I'll go get her," Kanaya says with a smile before heading into the back where Calliope is switching out a yogurt refill.  Your father seems to have overheard, and he is stomping over already.  You sigh and roll your eyes at her.  
  
 "What was that about laying low?" you ask with a hiss. "Do you want to get her killed?" Your hands are gripping the counter and when Roxy glances over at your father before he gets there, you finally notice the way she's holding herself.  
  
 She is terrified, but she's trying to hide it.  She's got tight held shoulders and a tremble in her hand that she steadies when she places it on the counter. "I realized that I don't want to be ashamed of being in love with Calliope, and if he starts anything I'll... I'll-" She stops when your father gets up to the counter and towers over her.  
  
 "Can we help you?" He asks, in no way even trying to be polite.  God, even _you_ have more tact than that.  
  
 "I've already been helped," Roxy says, never looking up at him. "I'm waiting on my girlfriend." She inhales and you want to hide her.  Good god, she's got one strong backbone to be holding up against your father.  You can tell she wants to run, though.  
  
 "Who, that black woman?" You try not to groan and bash your face into the table top.  Tact.  
  
 He doesn't have it.  
  
 "No, your daughter." Whoa, Roxy.  Balls of fucking steel going on right there, even though she's still not looking up at him. "I'm Roxy Lalonde, by the way." She perks up when Calliope walks out with a raised eyebrow. "There you are!" Calliope's expression turns from confusion to love struck.  
  
 Your father looks like he's about to rain thunderbolts or something.  
  
 "Roxy!  What are you doing here? I thought you had work," Calliope says as she hurries over to the counter.  
  
 Roxy works?  What the fuck does she do?  What is she even _qualified_ to do?  
  
 "I'm on my lunch break, and you should be too.  So I came here to see if you wanted to get something with me." She smiles and you watch the tension fall from her shoulders just a fraction.  Shit.  Your father is starting to turn red.  
  
 "Yes," you nearly shout for Calliope‘s sake.  All of the times people thought you were the bad twin can screw themselves off a ten story building.  You reach over and pull the apron off her head, Kanaya already untying the waist of it. "Take as long as you want, go get something fancy, do whatever you want, just _go_." You push Calliope away from the counter and she bumps into Roxy's side with a huff.  
  
 "Caliborn, what are you-" You cut off her whispering.  
  
 "Now would be good," you hiss at the both of them as you lead them toward the door, while your father gets angrier and angrier. "I'll handle him, you go. _Now_." You yank the door open and push them both outside, then yank it shut.  When you turn back, your father looks like he's about to bust a blood vessel.  
  
 "What.  Was.  That?" he snarls.  You inhale and square your shoulders, nodding for Kanaya to go to the back.  You're about to get your ass beat, more than likely.  You step forward and feel your emotions start boiling up in your throat.  If you’re going down, you’ll go down swinging.  For your sister.  
  
 "That was me, making sure my sister is _happy_ ," you snap. "Something you seem to forget is an actual thing that you do for people you care about, namely relatives, or you know, your _fucking children_." The few people that had been in the shop have all just scattered out.  
  
 The tension is thicker than a fucking cutting board right now.  
  
 "Don't you _ever_ talk to me like that," your father says, voice booming.  
  
 "Like what?" you ask as he clenches his cane. "Like a fucking adult who knows what he wants out of his life?" You might be shouting.  When your father raises his hand to smack you, you _know_ you are.  
  
 But then the door opens and you hear a familiar cough.  
  
 "Oh dear, what did I walk in on?" Terezi Pyrope.  Thank _god_.  If there's one thing your father won't do, it's misbehave in front of a _lawyer_.  The Pyrope family has strings tied so tightly in the legal system that if you look at them cross-eyed they will ruin you.  How you got on Terezi’s good side still confuses you.  
  
 And they're spread across the world too, so not even your father is safe from their hold on courts.  
  
 "Nothing, really," your father says, ignoring you in favor of walking around you and putting his hand down. "It's been a long time, little Ms. Pyrope.  If I'd have known you were coming I would have made them clean up more."   
  
 That pisses you off. The shop is _spotless_.  
  
 "I like the way it looks now, though it's almost _too_ clean, but I‘m waiting for someone so…" Terezi shrugs her shoulders and looks at the door. "Ah, there he is." You actually look out the glass and choke.  
  
 An audible choke.  
  
 Dirk Strider.  
  
 What.  
  
 The.  
  
 You're going to fucking _murder_ him!  
  
 "Got your purse, sweetheart." Dirk acts like you're not standing _right here_.  Oh god why are you so upset? “Oh, hello Calibon.”  
  
 "... who is that?" your father asks Terezi as you stomp over to the counter and glare daggers at your so called boyfriend.  Fuck him, fuck this relationship.  You're _done_ with him.  
  
 "This?" Terezi smiles over at Dirk, then looks up at you.  You freeze.  You _know_ that look.  That look makes you want to throw up.  
  
 "This is Caliborn's boyfriend."   
  
 You're going to die.   
  
 “He’s joining me for dessert.”   
  
 Your father is going to rip your throat out with his glare alone.


	71. ==> Dirk, deal with the blowup

   That… was not a part of the plan.  You want to rewind time because of what Terezi just said.  She had _not_ agreed to say that. She had _agreed_ to play you off as _her_ boyfriend, to take heat off of Caliborn until his dad left.  Not pour heat _on_.  Fuck.  
  
 “Funny joke, Terezi,” you mutter. “You don’t have to-”  
  
 “No, I’m not going to lie.  Besides, hiding this is stupid,” she says with a shrug.  
  
 “It’s not up to you to hide something like this or not,” you hiss under your breath, keeping your face as straight as you can.  She shrugs again and looks over at Caliborn’s father.  The guy looks like he’s about to rip someone’s head off with one hand and eat it like a grape.  
  
 “What the fuck is going on?” he asks, low and awful.  No wonder Caliborn looks like he’s going to fall over and die right there. “My son isn’t a faggot.  He’s a lot of disappointing things, but he’s not a _faggot_.” Wow, really?  
  
 “Leroy English, I never took you for someone who would be homophobic.  Or took you as someone who would lower yourself and use slurs to describe your distaste in something,” Terezi says as she walks over toward the cups.  
  
 “That’s _Lord_ English to you.” You half expect him to say _peasant_.  You’re almost disappointed when he _doesn’t_. “And it’s not a slur, it’s an _observation_.  I may not like my son, but I know he’s not a queer.” Caliborn swallows and grabs the counter again. “At least he better _not_ be.  I’ve already cut his sister off from future funds.  She has what her mother gave her and nothing else, and when that runs out she’ll realize who she needs to turn to.”  
  
 This is the most confusing statement you’ve ever heard.  
  
 “From what I heard about that legal case, the amount Calliope’s mother left them is not only a substantial amount, but plenty to get them through life without you as a crutch.” Terezi seems to be throwing up the metaphorical Z snap with extra salsa today.  
  
 Man, you love analogies.  
  
 “I would prefer you not use that tone with me,” Daddy English snaps.  
  
 “Or what?” Terezi asks as she sets her cup down on a railing and pulls one of the handles down. “I seem to remember a string of forms that my cousin needs to sign before they can go into effect for that deal with your business?  I don’t think you can really tell me what to do, can you?  Or should I call my mother and tell her you’ve been _very_ rude to me today?” Terezi pushes the handle back up and smiled wickedly.  
  
 Someone built a horse out of ego and rode it right up to Lord English, then had the horse spit on his shoes.  Terezi has this shit under control.  
  
 You look over to Caliborn and see that he’s turning pale. Like _he might pass out_ pale.  You walk over while Terezi continues to bicker with your boyfriends papi and reach out for his hand.  Caliborn doesn’t even flinch.  
  
 “Are you still breathing?” you ask him.  He shakes his head no. “I need you to breath.”  
  
 “I need you to get out,” Caliborn says in a whisper. “He’s going to _kill me_ now - why would you have her _say_ that?” His voice has been struck monotone.  
  
 “I didn’t.  I swear to god, Caliborn.  She was supposed to walk in here and flirt with me, that’s it.  Trust me, I’m done with her for what she said.  She never should have said that, but we can still lie our way out-”  
  
 “No.” Caliborn pulls his hand away from yours.  
  
 “What do you mean _no_ , I’m trying to protect-” You’re cut off when Caliborn grabs the front of your shirt and drags you over the counter.  Actually _drags_ you.  You’re so very off your game right now, feet off the ground and belly pressed against marble top.  
  
 “You shouldn’t have even been here today.  I was on thin ice after shoving Roxy and Calliope out of the shop a few minutes ago, but you just brought in a pick axe and shattered it.” He shoves you back and turns to his father. “Dad!” He crosses his arms and glares as his father turns and rolls his eyes at Caliborn.  
  
 “What?  I’m busy talking to Ms. Pyrope.” He’s about to turn around when Caliborn starts talking again.  
  
 “I’m not gay,” Caliborn starts. “But I am dating Dirk, though I should just break up with him because he’s the single most fucked up individual on the face of this Earth and I want him to drown half the time!” His father opens his mouth to cut in, but Caliborn plows on. “I hate him and I care about him, but not really.  I want to beat the fucking shit out of him right now, but it doesn’t change anything.” English is starting to tense up.  
  
 “You’re not queer.” It sounds less like an affirmation and more like a threat.  You look over at Caliborn, then Terezi.  The bitch is pouring sprinkles over her yogurt like drama-rama isn’t playing live.  This is one fucked up telenovela.  
  
 Watch, you’ll end up pregnant in the next episode.  
  
 “No, I’m just dating a man.  We’ve already had sex, sort of,” Daddy English makes this horrified noise and you watch his face contort almost comically.  He seems really affected by this and you almost want to tell Caliborn to quit while he’s ahead.  
  
 Almost.  
  
 Caliborn’s dad walks over to the counter and ignores you, which is fine by you because you’re really not interested in him.  He’s got all his attention on Caliborn though, and that does bother you.  The man has a gaze like fire.  
  
 He narrows his eyes at Caliborn before speaking. “How much is sort of, son?” he asks.  
  
 “Do you really want me to answer that?” Caliborn snaps. “Either way you’ll hit me, so why should I even answer!” Caliborn shouts it and you flinch.  Terezi raises an eyebrow and steps between you and Leroy.  
  
 “Oh no he will _not_ ,” she says as she hands over her yogurt. “That is an assault charge on so many levels.  Mr. English knows much better than to harm anyone, _ever_.” Caliborn busies himself with ringing her up.  
  
 “You can’t watch him twenty-four seven, Pyrope.” Leroy says it like a growl.  
  
 “No, I can’t, but I can contact a friendly Makara or two-”  
  
 “There’s no such thing as a friendly Makara, you twat waffle,” Caliborn grumbles.  
  
 “To file a restraining order and _keep_ it that way.” She beams and it’s wicked sharp. “I’m tired of you and your threats, Leroy.” She turns and pushes her hair back.  
  
 “What are you going to do about it?  This is _my_ shop, I can just ban you,” he snarls in return.  
  
 “This is your _wife’s_ shop,” Terezi says. “I should know, my mother was the one who helped with the paperwork.” Leroy scoffs and Caliborn looks over at her in confusion.  
  
 “What are you talking about, he bought this shop after she died.” Caliborn says.  Terezi looks back and shakes her head no.  
  
 “No, _she_ bought this shop for you and your sister back when you were little.  My mother told me so, it’s not his.  Though he _has_ been trying to buy it.” She smirks and pulls out her wallet. “Good luck with that, by the way.”  
  
 “I’m banning you from this store.” Leroy snaps, reaching out for her arm.  Terezi glares at him right before he touches her.  
  
 “Touch me and I’ll have you behind bars before you can blink.  The law is on _my_ side, English,” Terezi huffs and then takes her cup and a spoon.  You raise an eyebrow as she tosses her hair again.  
  
 This seems far too perfect, like an anime episode tying together to kick the antagonist in the ass.  Like Host Club levels of tying up.  
  
 “Caliborn, call me later tonight.  I have a file to go over with you.” She smiles before she turns. “See you boys later, I have things to do at the office.” As the bell above the door jingles when she leaves, you realize everyone has gone quiet.  
  
 You decide to break it.  
  
 “What the fuck.”   
  
 You’re eloquent, damn it.  
  
 “I feel like I missed something, but I don’t know what.  Am I even privy to know what just happened?” you ask.  
  
 “No, but he does have a point,” Caliborn says as he crosses his arms. “What the _fuck_.” He glares at his father and you watch him rolls his eyes.  
  
 “Legal issues are none of your business,” he snaps.  
  
 “I work here,” Caliborn says, dark and growling.  It sends a shiver down your spine. “I deserve to know.”  
  
 “No, you _don’t_ deserve to know.  Nor do you work here anymore.” Leroy sneers. “All of you are _fired_ , and this shop is being shut down.” He stomps out and slams the door so hard the glass cracks.  Caliborn is left standing there, shocked.  
  
 You’re shocked too, but what can you do?  What can you even say while you watch an asshole shout at a short man opening a door as he climbs into the car and drives away.  You turn, mouth open to say something, and then close it when Kanaya walks in.  She takes one look at Caliborn and sighs, pulling out her cell phone.  
  
 “He can’t do that,” Caliborn says.  
  
 “Of course he can’t,” Kanaya says as she puts the phone to her ear. “Dirk, take him out back for me?  Let him punch a wall or something.” She waves you both away and you sigh.  
  
 “I’m not a dog, you realize that don’t you?” You still grab Caliborn’s arm when she lets you behind the counter.  
  
 “Uh huh, Calliope, darling?  I hate to break your date short, but you need to come back.” She points at the back as you walk with Caliborn.  
  
 “He _can’t_ fucking do that!  This shop makes too much money, I… it’s my _job_!  And Calliope’s!  I’ll fucking kill him!” Caliborn tries to turn around, but you just lead him toward the exit sign in the back of the room and into an alley.  
  
 “Take it out on the wall, not him.  He’s gone,” you remind him.  Caliborn practically snarls and swings a punch at you instead, but you avoid it easily.  His fist collides with the wall and he shouts in pain.  
  
 This is your life. These are your boyfriend’s choices.  
  
 “Let me see it,” you say.  
  
 “No, fuck off,” Caliborn snaps, and you’re reminded of why you enjoy him.  He’s such a shit, but he’s endearing.  Sort of.  Maybe.  Not really.  
  
 You like him anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there was a moment while writing this fic where I became stuck and proceeded to ask my moirail 'What do?' and their reaction was this. "Caliborn, you keep your cock away from Captain Anime's orifices, or god help me, you'll be shitting yogurt for weeks to come." And I just wanted to share that with you to prove I have the best moirail in the world. Enjoy the fic. Oh and Happy Late V-Day.


	72. ==> Be the angry gerbal

You’ve busted the skin open on your middle and ring fingers, while your index and pinkie are simply scratched up. As much as it stings right down to the knuckle, you know you’ll live. You’ve had worse after all, seeing as your other fingers are still wrapped up in a cast. This is nothing in comparison. 

When you look up from examining your cuts, Dirk’s staring at you with enough force to make you want to try and punch him again. At least you think he is, with his glasses tilted down and his face at an angle: it‘s hard to tell. He looks stupid though, and that’s more than you being angry in him.

Dirk Strider is the last person you want to have near you for several reasons, the biggest one being Terezi Pyrope. … Okay, so maybe _Terezi_ is the last person you want to see since she just outed you to your homophobic father, but Dirk is tying. He’s not going to leave though. He got you to sit on the steps and has decided picking brick and gravel out of your hand is better than talking about the serious issue at hand.

Your father just _fired_ you from a store he doesn’t even own, so now you’re wondering where the money he’s been paying you with has been coming from. Was it from your mother’s account, or his own? Has he been dipping into the funds you and your sister had sealed? You’ve got way too many questions for this to be a healthy thing, and you’re starting to get a migraine on top of the ache in your hand.

Dirk yanks a shard of brick out harder than he needs to and you grunt, smacking him with your cast.

“Watch it, you’re still healing,” Dirk says as he pretends to ignore the obvious hit you just landed. Fucking prick. “And stop fidgeting, you’re only making cleaning this an ever harder job.” He bends back over your hand and you snatched it away.

“That’s because it’s not a job!” you shout. “And even if it was, it wouldn’t be yours!” You pull your hand to your chest and Dirk sighs, pulling off his shades to rub his temples.

“Why not? I’m your boyfriend, the least you can let me do is-” You cut him off.

“You are _not_ my boyfriend,” you say heatedly. “Not after today, not after that shit you pulled with Terezi.” You glare at him and Dirk throws his hands up, groaning.

“I told you that wasn’t my plan!” he says, not like you care. “I didn’t want her to _out_ you! I wanted her to _help_ you! That’s what she told me she was going to do when we talked.” He looks at you like he’s begging for you to believe him. You almost want to, but you won’t.

“Her idea of help just lost me my job,” you say before looking away from him.

“You’re being ridiculous. She told you that your dad didn’t even own-”

“Shut up, I don’t want to hear another word from you! Just get in another fucking car crash or something and leave me the fuck alone! I’m not some person for you to fix, Strider, I’m a grown fucking man and I’ll solve my own problems!” You feel like you’ve yelled more since you met Dirk Strider than you have any other time in your life. When you look back at him to try and glare the point into his thick fucking skull, he looks…

Fuck.

You retrace what you just said.

… Oh yeah. That was the wrong thing to have said.

Dirk looks like he's tensed up and clenched every muscle in his both his arms. He looks pissed, but you think you see hurt underneath it in the set of his eyebrows. You can’t even backtrack because you’re not sorry enough to take it back. It’s a good five minute silence and you staring at one another, and you don’t feel sorry.

Not even when he stands up and goes back inside.

… okay you lied. You are starting to feel like a twat.

God damn it, Dirk Strider.

You stand up and curse, kicking the crates before you go inside after him. Shit.


	73. ==> Be Dirk Strider

Of all the things Caliborn had to say before supposedly breaking up with you, he had to say _that._ If you didn’t _actually_ care about the bastard, you’d say fuck him. But you do care about him, even if be isn’t worth it. He makes things so _difficult_ between the two of you… so maybe you’d be better off just letting this so called breakup happen.

As you head inside and put your shades back on, you wonder if that’s actually what you want, or if it’s what you need... Or if it’s just you being angry and not knowing how to deal with it.

You care about Caliborn, you want to fight for him… but why should you? He said it himself, he’s a grown man that can take care of his own problems.

So why should you try holding onto someone who doesn’t want you? You’ve done that once, why do it again? 

Oh right, because you love him and he’s an idiot, you’ll give him one more chance.

Inside by the register, Kanaya has a chair pulled up and a hand on the seat. “I didn’t expect you to be back first. I was waiting on Roxy and Calliope.” She removes her hand and looks you over. “Oh,” she says, like you’re a neon sign.

“What do you mean ‘Oh?’” you ask her. She can’t read you. Caliborn might have because you were a little bit obvious, but she can’t. She doesn’t even know you.

“Oh,” she repeats. “My wife has a brother who reminds me of you. All tough and hard shell on the outside, but tender and sweet on the inside.” She smiles when you sit next to her.

“Why yes, I am a Cadbury egg, thank you for noticing,” you say, trying not to smile. That was a good line, you like that line. You should use it more often.

“Just as snarky too. A real pain in the ass if you ask me.” She looks like she should be sipping tea in a castle on a hill. Regal and serious all at once, and you wonder why you don’t hang out with her more often.

“That’s me. Dirk Strider, resident pain in the ass. I set all the pain to sharp and prickly, so annoying you should see a proctologist.” The lines come so easy with her.

“Of course you do, dear.” She turns suddenly and you see Calliope and Roxy walking toward the door through the glass wall. They’re holding hands and looking frazzled, hurrying inside with wide eyes.

“Where’s my father?” Calliope asks. “And my brother? Oh no, tell me those two idiots didn’t get into a tiff?” Just as she reaches the desk, Roxy jerks and pulls out her cell phone as it vibrates, holding up a finger and stepping away from the three of you.

“Your dad went postal and apparently has been hiding things from you two. He ollied into that rent a matchbox and drove off into nope-ville, while your brother busted a wall out back and tried to break up with me,” you say with a shrug.

“Oh no, Dirk are you okay?” Calliope takes your hands and looks hurt.

“What do you mean by _tried_ to?” Kanaya asks as you squeeze Calliope’s hands before letting go. She seems to have a logical bug shoved up her butt.

“I’m giving him twenty-four hours to realize how lost he’ll be without me,” you say, using as much over dramatic hand waving to your forehead as you can while you keep a straight face. “Oh be still, my beating kokoro.”

“Dirk, hush,” Roxy says from across the room.

“For shame!” you say loudly. “Why hath my maiden forsaken me as her one true love, will I ever be seen as anything but a pawn!” Roxy glares at you and covers her phone with her hand, trying to hush you.

“Shut up,” she stage whispers, then turns back to her near whispered conversation.

“What’s wrong with her?” Kanaya asks.

“She’s not a phone person,” you tell her, which is true, but that doesn’t explain why she’s being all cagey.

You think it might be her mother.

“Dirk.” Caliborn walks back in, glaring and arms crossed. “I’m not sorry,” he snaps, but he doesn’t have time to talk to you because Calliope is on him and smacking his arm. They get into this heated bickering match that’s all hushed tones and glares and you want to roll your eyes, even if no one can see them.

“Hey.” Roxy walks back over and looks… startled. So much for eavesdropping on the twins. “Dirk, I need to talk to you outside,” she mutters.

“Strider isn’t going anywhere. I’m not done with him,” Caliborn says over his sisters ranting.

“Uh, no, he’s going outside with me, right _now_ ,” Roxy argues. She grabs your hand and tugs you outside without another word. You’re not really resisting, to be honest, but it’s still so strange to have her tug you out and then shove her phone at your chest without any warning.

“What the fuck?” you ask her, eyebrow raised over your shades.

“Just answer it. It’s for you anyway,” she mumbles, looping her arm with yours and resting her head on your shoulder. That’s a defeated slump if you’ve ever seen one.

You put the phone to your ear and get ready to be serious.

“Alright, I don’t know who you are or what you’ve said, but you just made the only woman in my life who I might un-gay myself for _sad._ You better apologize in writing, send her flowers, and then grovel at my Princess’ feet. That, or I can find you and break your nose.” Roxy shakes her head at your speech.

_“Well that’s the happiest hello I’ve heard from you in a while,”_ the voice on the phone says. You nearly drop it, squeezing Roxy’s hand as she holds on to you.

“Dave.” You feel like the world just dropped out from beneath you.

_“I’ve missed you too, Bro.”_


	74. ==> Listen Caliborn

 Between Calliope asking you to explain everything and trying to watch Dirk through the window, your attention is admitedly divided.  You keep getting fingers snapped at you to 'pay attention,' but you can't when you're watching Dirk lean against Roxy like they're cuddling.  That slut.  
  
 "Look, Dirk came in with Terezi, she got into an argument with our dad, and she said we had paperwork to look at later tonight," you bark. "I don't know what Terezi was on about, but apparently our father doesn't actually own this shop." You turn away as Calliope goes on a rampage of new questions and look back toward Dirk.  
  
 He's tensed up, his hand gripping Roxy's until his knuckles turn white.  She's got her hand on his back, and you watch him shake his head no.  You want to know what's going on.  Only you get to upset that shithead.  
  
 "How can he not own the shop?  He pays us!" Calliope argues.  You look back at Dirk and he's shoving the phone at Roxy, turning back toward the store.  His mouth is set in a thin line as he stomps into the shop.  
  
 You don't know how this happened; you're just going to state that fact right here and now.  One minute you're tuning out your sister and Kanaya as they bicker and scold you, and the next you've got Dirk dragging you into the store room and shoving you inside while everyone calls after you.  You don't stumble from the force of his push; you just wheel around to hit him, fed up with his actions and attitude.  
  
 He takes it.  
  
 When he wheels back from the punch, he throws his glasses onto one of the shelves and then spits blood at your feet from the cut on his lip, raising his fist and swinging back at you.  
  
 "Come on, you can hit harder than that!"   
  
 He goes for your left side and you dodge it, inhaling as you raise both your hands to crack him on the back of the skull.  The motion isn't drawn up fast enough though, and Dirk delivers a jab to your stomach that makes you gasp and step back, swinging wildly.  He dodges.  
  
 You hear the doorknob rattle.  
  
 "Unlock the door, Dirk!" Roxy pleads through the wood.  Dirk ignores her and tries to hit you again, this time in the shoulder.  
  
 "What's going on?" you ask as you sidestep him and shove him back by his shoulder.  He just keeps taking the hits.  
  
 "Nothing," Dirk says bluntly. "Don't stop.  I've told you before not to hold back on me." He's too focused on fighting you, and it's ruining the fun of the actual beat down you want to give him.  
  
 "This isn't a fight; this is you asking me to kick your ass," you inform him.  
  
 "Like you could, grandpa," Dirk teases.  It's such an obvious taunt, one that only a fool would fall for.  
  
 You're a fool.  
  
 You charge at Dirk and hit him in the chest with the hand you'd smashed into the wall earlier, making the both of you groan in pain.  Dirk stumbles back against the wall and you can hear Roxy slamming her fists into the wood, making it rattle on its hinges.  You ignore her and rush in to pin Dirk flat, arms above his head.  
  
 "Why are you losing your shit?" you ask him harshly as he tries to catch his breath.  
  
 "My shit isn't lost," Dirk argues. "My shit is so calmly gathered and collected, it's in a fire proof filing cabinet so strong not even a bulldozer could knock it over."  
  
 You sigh and yank his wrists back before slamming them into the wall just to hear his head smack against the plaster.  
  
 "Dirk, open this fucking door!" Roxy screams.  
  
 "Talk to me, you piece of shit.  I'm not fighting you if you actually <i>want</i> to get beat up, that's just stupid," you tell him.  Dirk huffs and looks away, but you shove his face back into your line of sight. "No, talk to me right now or I'll leave you here to rot."  
  
 "Why should I?" Dirk asks calmly, slipping into the monotone you know as his anger. "You said you wanted nothing to do with me, right?  So have nothing to do with me.  Kick the shit out of me, put me in the coma, but stop fucking with me."  
  
 "Oh grow up. You came swinging at me!" you shout, pushing Dirk's wrists harder into the wall.  
  
 "You swung back," Dirk says, voice low even as he winces.  
  
 "I will fucking count to three!" Roxy says before she kicks the other side of the door.  You have no doubt  that she will count to three, but you also have no doubt that she won’t get into this room without the key. "One!"  
  
 "I swung back because I thought you deserved it, but now I see you don't.  Stop being a pissy little shit and tell me why you're acting like this," you demand.  
  
 "I'm not being pissy," Dirk says, matter of fact.  
  
 "Two!"  
  
 "Oh you so are," you argue.  
  
 "Then leave," Dirk huffs.  You let him go and he stares at you, open emotions you don't want to see. "… Wait, before you really go..." he says, grabbing your hand.  
  
 "I'm not going to deal with you." It's all you're going to say before you leave.  You deserve to know.  You're his boyfriend.  
  
 Okay, no, you broke up with him, kind of.  Why are you doing this?  Fucking feelings, you hate those damn things.  
  
 "My brother called me," Dirk says.  
  
 "Three!"  
  
 "He's coming here to get me and take me back to L.A. for a while." You stare at Dirk in confusion. "I don't think he'll let me come back if I go with him.  He'll talk me into staying.  He knows me, knows how I work.  Besides Roxy, he's the only person alive that can constantly remember me." Dirk lets you go and heads toward the shelf his glasses are on as the door swings open.  Roxy's brandishing the keys and a cell phone.  
  
 "I will beat you two senseless!  When I say open the door, you fucking open it!" she warns both of you.  
  
 "That's not true," you say as you push past Roxy. "I remember you, you fucking asshole.  I remember you so much you're all I think about and I fucking hate it."  
  
 Now why the fuck did you say that?  
  
 Dirk turns around and you see him put on one of his stoic masks as quickly as he can.  His glasses aren't on, though, and you see the look in his eyes.  You feel a shiver run through you.  
  
 "If you really mean that, prove it." He puts his glasses on and walks out, Roxy yelling after him.  
  
 "God damn it, Caliborn!  What the fuck did you do?" she shouts at you, Calliope looking in around the doorway.  She looks between you and Dirk and you slump, staring at her and then jerking your head at Roxy.  
  
 She gets the hint and grabs Roxy's hand, pulling her away and starting in on a long explanation of who knows what.  You ignore it and walk out of the storeroom, then into the shop, but Dirk's not there.  Kanaya's pointing at the door though as she flips through a magazine. "He went that way, to the left," she says.  
  
 "You are seriously one fucked up person, Maryam," you inform her.  
  
 “Eat male genitalia,” she mutters.  
  
 “You kiss your wife with that mouth?” you snap.  
  
 "Why yes, I do." She flips a page and you scowl at her, then yank off your apron and run after Dirk.  You shouldn't do it, but you're going to.  You're done with this, so very done.  
  
 You're done with feeling shit for him, wanting to be near him.  Wanting to own him.  
  
 You'll tell him that before you kick him out of your life forever.  Tell him how you actually feel and then really end it.  Dirk Strider is no good for you, and you're obviously no good for Dirk.  
  
 Fuck.  
  
 This sucks, now you have a gay thing that's going to loom over you for the rest of your life.  You look up and chase after Dirk as he runs down the sidewalk.


	75. ==> Run, Dirk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, there was some serious real life drama that I was trying to work through.

 You run out of the store and you don't look back, even though you hear your name being screamed at you.  Caliborn is storming after you because he's showing that he cares or something, but all you want to do is get out of here.  Out of this town, out of this life, out of everything.   
  
 But you can't do that.   
  
 You can't run away from all this drama, because who else is going to fix it?  Roxy?  She's too scared of drama, she'll stand up for about ten minutes before the entire building collapses and she instead drags whoever she can out.  Calliope's too kind to fix shit, she'd end up settling and not getting what she really needed.  Caliborn?  
  
 Fat fucking chance.  
  
 It's all on you, like it always is, but right now you don't want to think about that.  Right now you need space.  Wide open ranges with horses that you're used to, wind and the ocean, not this mess of noise and issues.   
  
 There are always too many people, and if you go with your brother there will _still_ be too many people, only this time you'll have to actually try and please them.  Everything is getting way too fucked up for you to handle, so you need a few minutes.  
  
 The whole point of moving out here was to be away from all the stress.  To start fresh.  Start anew with people you loved.  You were going to start families and be happy and just enjoy yourselves.  Yet here you are, running across the street in the middle of traffic to avoid drama.  
  
 No better way to explain it.  Your life is out of control.  
  
 You're down the corner, bolting across the sidewalk when you hear Caliborn's feet closer than ever, his shouts more violent and angry.  He's stubborn and you love it, it's a thrill inside of you.  You want to scream back you love that he cares, but that's not you, that's you with your medication acting up.  Fucking cars.  Cars are evil, you think you should never go near another one again.  
  
 And then of course, divine justice, a car speeds around the corner going sixty in a residential while the crosswalk is green and hits you.


	76. ==> Caliborn, react

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honestly not sorry.

 Your name is Caliborn English and you just watched your boyfriend get hit by a car and go sailing through the air.  Dirk hit the ground with a sickening splat and then skid, the car swerving after impact and hitting a street lamp.  You’re standing frozen, one foot on the road and one on the sidewalk, blood splattered across your face while you stare at Dirk.  He’s lying bleeding on the ground.  
  
 His arm is bent at an unnatural angle, his glasses snapped in half and hanging off one side.  There’s road rash on his cheek and what you can see of his chest, and there’s so much blood on his left hand that you can only count three fingers and a thumb.  His leg is also bent at an awkward angle, just like his arm, and there’s still so much blood.  Red is all you can see now.  
  
 “Holy fuck!  Someone help, I’m stuck!”  
  
 You didn’t shout that.  Someone else must have.  You guess the driver.  
  
 “Somebody call nine one one!” You step forward and the rest of the world falls away.  You can’t see him breathing.  Your eyes are trained on his chest and you want to see it rise and fall just once.  
  
 It doesn’t.  
  
 “Fuck, no!  Dirk no!” This time you do scream.  You bolt forward and push someone down and kneel in the blood, reaching out to the less damaged hand to try feeling for a pulse.  
  
 “Is the driver all right?” someone shouts behind you.  You could care less.  You hope he’s not okay, you hope he’s dead.  You hope any sliver of life left in his fuckwit body goes out of him and into Dirk.  
  
 “Don’t you dare be dead, please god, don’t let him be dead.” You can’t find a pulse, but that could be because you’re shaking too hard.  You lean in, go to touch his neck, and then think better of it.  What if it’s broken, or you hurt him more.  
  
 What if he’s dead?  
  
 What if touching his neck wakes him up and he hurts himself because he’s in pain?  
  
 “Wake up Dirk, for the love of fuck you’re way too insufferable to be dead.” You’re beyond panicking now.  There’s so much commotion behind you and someone else is screaming, ‘I have EMT training!’ but all you can focus on is how your boyfriend is not breathing.  
  
 You try to think, scramble to do anything as you stare at what might be a corpse, then you grab one half of his sunglasses and angle it by his mouth.  
  
 You wait.  
  
 Some is trying to pull you away but you scream for them to hold on, just wait, please god I have to see if he’s alive please!  
  
 They drag you to your feet and there’s no condensation on the sunglasses.  They tug you back and it’s still not there.  You hear someone apologizing to you profusely, saying ‘I didn’t see him, I was tapping my phone to check the time, I didn’t see him’.  You punch him and his mouth fills with blood as he loses a tooth.  
  
 You look back.  
  
 There’s condensation on the shades.  
  
 You fall to your knees and wait for someone to pick you up off the floor.  You let yourself cry.  He’s alive, he has to stay that way.


	77. ==> Just be Roxy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're really close to the end you guys, I love you all so much and I can't believe we've come this far. Here's to uU Yogurt and to all of you.
> 
> Written while 'The Bed Song' by Amanda Palmer was on repeat, so if you'd like a little more understanding of the atmosphere to this chapter, grab your headphones.

 They don't let you go in because you have the right papers, or because you beg and plead, they don’t even let you go in even though they know you and know your history with ‘the patient.’  They let you go in because Dirk’s brother is standing beside you and hiding behind those stupid fucking shades.  His stupid fucking brother who’s at fault for this entire piece of shit happening.  Even if you know that he’s not really at fault, he just built up the mess and then the car knocked it over.  
  
 Knocked _Dirk_ over.  
  
 Dirk, who is laying in a hospital bed after surgery for internal bleeding and metal plates on bones.  Dirk who has so many machines hooked up to him that it makes you want to die to watch him breath.  Dirk who might lose parts of his body when he wakes up because there was ‘serious nerve damage’ from road rash.  
  
 You sit next to his bed the moment they allow him out of intensive care and you put your hand in his and he doesn’t squeeze back because he isn’t awake.  There was more swelling on his brain, much more than last time.  It makes you want to throw up.  
  
 ‘He won’t wake up.’  
  
 You don’t believe them.  With all your heart and soul you know he’ll wake up, he’ll wipe away the tears you can’t seem to stop crying and tell his brother to go fuck himself.  He’ll demand to stay here in Prospit and you’ll be happy with him, everything will go back to normal,  go back to being perfect like it used to.  He’ll take you to see Jake and Jane and...  
  
 God, you’d forgotten how much all of this _hurt_.  It was bad enough the first time around, waiting out Jake’s memory and realizing it was never coming back, fighting through the days with Jane.  Waking up next to the woman you loved, only to have her scream in horror because she didn’t recognize you.  
  
 You’d been in the shop with Calliope when the wall phone had rung.  She’d answered while you kept up conversation with Kanaya.  There were sirens going by outside and you’d jokingly said ‘someone must have gotten hit by a car.’  You thought it had been long enough, it was okay to make those kinds of jokes right?  
  
 And then Calliope hung up and said ‘Dirk just got hit by a car down the road.’  
  
 You’d thrown up, thrown up right there and then rushed out the door with vomit still on your shoes.  You don’t remember much after that because they say you went into shock.  You remember Caliborn being covered in blood, holding you back as you screamed your throat raw to try and get through the crowd.  You remember crying and begging and calling Dirk’s name.  
  
 You remember the inside of an ambulance, the sterile smell of death, Caliborn sitting you down in the waiting room and then disappearing for a while.  Calliope showed up sometime later and wrapped herself around you.  She had a bag full of clothes and took you to the bathroom to clean you up.  
  
 Doctors were swarming people with questions and Caliborn was back, but you stayed out of it.  You chimed in with Dirk’s allergies, his medical history, who his brother was, what his insurance was.  
  
 Dave got there and took one look at you through his awful shades and shoved his bag at his boyfriend before barreling through the crowd and scooping you up.  You screamed at him, shouting over the doctors and clawing at his face, telling him how much you hated him before you broke down and sobbed into his shoulder.  
  
 He promised to call your mother for you and you nearly broke his ribs you hugged him so hard.  You didn’t introduce him to anyone, you were all passed that.  You just waited, for days, a week, two, then you crawled into the room on an empty stomach as sat beside your best friend and broke down all over again.  
  
 His hair was a wreck and unwashed, you know that he’ll be so angry when he wakes up.  It’s curling around his ears, his skin drained of color to show off the freckles that he covers up so well.  If you had to be honest, you think he’s really cute when he’s asleep, but not now.  
  
 Now you’d kill someone to wake him up.  
  
 You watch the machines breath for him and you fix his hair the best you can, cover up his freckles with a compact.  You set up shop in his room and the few times you see Caliborn you let him sit in the chair so you can eat.  
  
 There are times when you overhear him talking to Dirk right before you go inside and it makes the acid in your stomach churn.  It’s so familiar.  You heard Dirk say all these things over and over again for the longest time.  
  
 ‘I love you, please god don’t die.  Please wake up, please.  I love you so much.  Please.’  
  
 You never say anything about the tears he sheds on the bed sheets.  You share your food with him and Calliope hovers over the both of you nonstop.  You feel bad for ignoring her, but the one time you brought it up she nearly slapped you.  
  
 ‘He’s yours, like Caliborn is mine.  Don’t you take your eyes off him for an instant.’  
  
 You’ve never loved her more.  She has a point though, you can’t loose Dirk.  You think you’ll die if you do, die of a broken heart and you won’t even regret leaving people behind.  You’ll lock the door to this hospital room, lay down beside him and stop breathing.  He’s... god he’s your life.  
  
 Yes, you love Calliope, but...  
  
 You’re so fucking selfish.  
  
 “Do you want anything?” Dave asks you suddenly, brushing hair out of your face. “I’m going to get food and run by his apartment for clean clothes so he‘s not stuck in a paper gown, if that’s okay?” You look up at him and nod.  
  
 “Get me his photo album?  And a hot dog.” He laughs and then leaves, his boyfriend lingering in the doorway.  
  
 “... you’re not going to eat the hot dog, are you?” He asks you. “You’ll jutht let it thit there.” You turn and smile at him.  He walks back in and kisses your forehead. “Baby, you need to eat.” You shake your head and turn to look back at Dirk.  They’ve earned the pet name right, but not your trust.  
  
 “I can’t leave him, I can barely look away without panicking.” You tell him, squeezing Dirk’s hand.  Above you, Sollux frowns and leans in to kiss the top of your head.  
  
 “When we get back, I’m going to force feed you, child.  When he waketh up and findth out you aren’t eating, he’ll be pithed.” You smile and appreciate the When instead of the If.  You wave as he leaves, then look back at Dirk.  
  
 At some point Caliborn comes in, drags a chair next to you and holds your other hand before he rests his head on the bed.  You squeeze his hand and watch his tattoos ripple.  There’s a new one on his wrist that neither of you comment on right away.  
  
 “Signed those final court papers tonight.” He mutters. “Pyrope’s are going to officially rip my father in half and Calliope will have full rights to the shop.” He says, rubbing his thumb over your wrist.  
  
 “What, you don’t want it?” You ask him, turning to look at the tattoo.  
  
 “Like I could take care of a shop while he’s not awake to bother me in it.” Caliborn says as he catches your eye. “He’ll kill me when he wakes up.” You laugh and roll your eyes.  
  
 “He will, he’ll honestly hurt you.” You say with heavy sarcasm.  When you look away you can’t help but smile. “He won’t care, he’s not the type to care.  And if he does he‘ll just tell you that you‘re fucking stupid.” He scoffs and you squeeze his hand. “It’s just his glasses though.” You mutter.  
  
 “The ones he wears everything.” Caliborn mumbles.  
  
 “Did I ever tell you why?” You ask. “Why he wears them, I mean?” Caliborn shakes his head, looking back at Dirk and smiling.  
  
 “Nah, let him tell me when he wakes up.” You both smile and fall into silence.  It’s almost normal.  
  
 Then the machines groan and pump air into Dirk’s chest and Caliborn squeezes your hand tighter.


	78. ==> Run Caliborn

 You’re standing against the wall right outside the door and trying not to break down as you listen to Roxy hiccup and sob into the bed sheets for what feels like the final time.  It’s been three weeks, only three.  Regular comas only last for four, but... The doctors were serious.  
  
 _‘We’re afraid he’s slipping into a vegetative state, and the swelling on his brain isn’t going down.  It might be best to go over your options.’_  
  
 The doctor had slipped out and not even acknowledged you as they left, and you knew you’d have to tell Dave because there was no way Roxy could.  You wouldn’t want her to have to say anything anyway.  
  
 You finally walk into the room and Roxy looks up at you, wrecked and shaking against the bed. “He’s being so selfish,” She mutters. “I can’t... I can’t do this without him and he’s being so selfish!” You walk over and pull her to your chest, quieting her and dragging her over to the recliner.  
  
 “Shut your god damn mouth.” You settle her down and then cover her up, taking her place beside Dirk in the desk chair. “He’ll wake up.” You recite.  It’s all you can do these days. “He’ll wake up.”  
  
 Four hours later, you head downstairs for the cafeteria.  You’re going to buy Roxy lunch, and then call your sister and see what she’s up to with the shop.  You haven’t been as attentive as you should be.  
  
 As you pull out your wallet, your phone buzzes.  You glance at it and then hand over your card, it says it’s from Roxy.  Your guess is ‘No pickles this time jack ass.’  When the woman passes back your card and your bag, you click open the message and drop your drink.  
  
 _‘Get up here NOW.’_  
  
 You run.  
  



	79. ==> Dirk End this shit

 There’s an aggravated beeping sound somewhere to your left and it’s driving you insane.  Not completely insane, but if parts of your body didn’t hurt as much as they currently did, then you’d ramble about it.  You hurt though; you’re sore and your skull feels like it’s on fire.  
  
 You remember the screech of tires and the car, and when you blink open your eyes the lights are too bright for you to handle without squinting.  There’s a tube in your throat and you panic; it brings on shouting and a nurse trying to coax you into a state of relaxation, rather than ‘what the fuck, there is plastic in my throat, help, get it _out_.’  
  
 The nurse starts badgering you with questions and you can barely understand her, so you do the only thing you can after she slides the tube out.   
  
 You call for help.  
  
 “Roxy.” It sounds like dust just poured out of your throat.  It makes you wonder how long you’ve been asleep. “Roxy.” Then she’s beside you, gripping one of your hands tightly in her own.  You can’t tell which, but you feel the whole world relax at her touch.  She’s all right.  
  
 She pets your hair and pulls up a chair, her smile never faltering as she sniffles. “You’re finally awake,” she whispers, ignoring the nurse as she tries to get more information out of you.  You tune the nurse out as well and turn to Roxy as she pets you like you’re some special needs kitten.  
  
 “Are… you okay?” you ask her, then cough because wow, your throat is raw.  
  
 “Take it easy, you should rest,” she says, glancing at her phone before looking over to the bedside table.  
  
 “Fuck that, are you okay?”   
  
 She nods and gets a glass of water, holding it to your mouth so you can drink.  You down it and she pulls back, smiling at you.  
  
 “I’m fine,” she reassures you when she catches you giving her a once over.  
  
 “How are Jake and Jane?” you ask next. “And how long have I been out?  There’s not a scratch on you.”   
  
 Roxy puts the water pitcher down and turns pale.  
  
 “That’s… not a funny joke,” Roxy says, her voice shaking.  You blink at her, confused as to why she would think you were joking.  That’s when the nurse flashes one of those obnoxious penlights near your eyes and you snap.  
  
 “Would you stop for a few minutes?” You try to raise your voice, but your throat is killing you. “I just want to talk to Roxy, not you.” You know that it’s rude, but Roxy turns to the nurse and starts talking to her in a hushed whisper, easy and calm.  
  
 That helps; it eases your headache and helps you breath.  The door opens quickly and the nurse starts up again as some bald guy, albeit an attractive one, hurries in.  
  
 “Oh fuck.” He stops frozen at the foot of your bed and you imagine kissing him in a hallway.  You derail that thought right there because you have Jake, you love him.  
  
 “Roxy, you never told me how Jake and Jane were,” you choke out, remembering what you had been trying to ask earlier.  
  
 “What, no hello?” the man asks you as he hands a bag to Roxy.  
  
 “No… I don't know who you are,” you tell him before watching his face scrunch up. “Do I?” You look over at Roxy and she bites her lip.  Everyone in the room gets really quiet and you feel an invisible weight press down on you.  It makes you shiver and look from Roxy to this stranger.  
  
 This stranger you recognize, in a weird way.  The way he moves; the way his mouth twists as he talks to Roxy, low and hushed.  The tattoos under his sleeves.  
  
 Wait... how do you know he has tattoos?  Your heads starting to throb and you just want everyone to go away.  Everyone but Roxy. “My head hurts.” The nurse starts up again and you come very close to rolling over, even if you’re hooked up to machines.  
  
 “Did you not fucking hear him?” the man asks, voice booming.  It hurts but... it’s like a sigh of relief when everyone quiets down.  
  
 The man starts arguing with the nurse, and Roxy sits on the chair after moving some things around the room, putting that bag away and crossing her arms once she reached the bed.   
  
 “This is so fucked up,” she whispers.  You nod and reach out for her, but your left hand doesn’t lift.    
  
 Your right does.  
  
 You stare at it, trying not to hyperventilate because your motor controls are wrong.   
  
 “Dirk?”   
  
 You stare blankly at your hand and try to twitch your right fingers.  
  
 Your left hand jerks.  
  
 “How long was I asleep?” you ask again, feeling your throat scratch up.  
  
 “Three weeks, but Dirk, about Jake and Jane,” Roxy whispers as she watches you. “They were in a car crash with us _years_ ago, don’t you remember that?”   
  
 You try to reach over to Roxy and your hand moves in the opposite direction.  You drop it and try to relax, focusing on her.  
  
 “No... maybe?  It sounds... familiar, but I don’t think so.” She takes your hand and squeezes it again, then watches your face and frowns. “Everything is backwards,” you tell her.  She hushes you and leans over, kissing your forehead.  
  
 “Easy then, we’ll get this figured out.  You rest now, and I’ll be right here,” she whispers as she runs her fingers over your hair. “Everything will be figured out.” You can hear the promise in her voice as you close your eyes.  
  
 The noise beside you is so loud that it makes your skull throb even harder than before, but Roxy has you.  She whispers softly to you, repeated reassurance and ease.  It lulls you into a half sleep, and eventually things go quiet.  
  
 “Dirk.” That new voice you vaguely recognize is now the only one in the room. “I can’t tell if you’re really awake, but Roxy said you needed to talk to me.” You contemplate the merits of opening your eyes. “She says you don’t remember me, and I call bullshit.” You’ll wait to open your eyes, this guy seems like he’s a bit of a prick.  
  
 “They said there’s a lot wrong with you, like memory loss and something about your motor cortex, but honestly none of that matters,” he says. “All that matters is you waking up and looking at me, and forgiving me for being such a fucking moron.” He pauses and you can feel him lean against the bed.  
  
 “I’m not asking you to take me back.  I get the feeling you’ve broken up with me if you don’t remember me after all that.  But I won’t let you.” He pauses again and then laughs.  It’s deep and very pained. “Who am I kidding?  I’m too tired to honestly stop you anymore.  I... I’ve sat beside you for three weeks waiting for you to wake up, and when you do, this is what I get?  
  
 “A mere ‘who is that?’  That’s fucking bullshit,, Strider!” You open your eyes and see the man looking away from the bed. “Sure we got off to a rough start, but to forget me the second you wake up?  Fuck you.  And fuck me for ever being in love with you.” You watch him grip the bed sheets and then push himself up.  
  
 “Well I could, but I think I need to go through a bit of physical therapy first.” It’s really sassy, but it feels right, feels normal to be back to your old self.  The man whips around, looking at you wide eyed.   
  
 “Hey.”   
  
 He blinks and you smirk.  
  
 “How long have you been awake?” he asks, looking angry now.  
  
 “Since you said ‘I can’t really tell if you’re awake’,” you tell him, trying to lift the appropriate arm and failing. “Fuck it, will you help me sit up?”   
  
 He huffs and walks over, helping you push your body into a sitting position.  
  
 “Why didn’t you say something?” he asks, never looking at you directly.  
  
 “Because I wanted to see what you’d say,” you tell him. “From the sounds of it, we were, or are a thing?” He nods and you let your head fall back against the headboard. “How long have we been together?” you ask him.  
  
 “Not too long,” you feel like that’s a lie from the way he looks away. “It was just a fling for you, it wasn’t-”  
  
 “Shut up,” you tell him. “I don’t do flings, and I won’t be with someone if I don’t think they’ll take it seriously.  Why are you lying to me?” you ask him, raising an eyebrow.  He looks away, reaching up to rub the back of his neck.  
  
 His sleeve falls down and you see a tattoo that looks like it’s in the shape of your shades.  That makes you inhale sharply.  That... the only other person you know that has that tattoo is Jake.  You only let him get it because you loved him and trusted him.  
  
 “That tattoo.” You motion toward it with the wrong hand and try to keep yourself from groaning in frustration.  He stops and looks at his wrist, smiling and shaking his head.  
  
 “Roxy said you wouldn’t care, and I thought you’d never wake up, so I wanted something to remember you by if worse came to worse.” He shrugs and then stands up. “Whatever, you don’t remember me so I’m going to go and get Roxy,” he says.  You raise an eyebrow and watch him head toward the door.  
  
 “Wait…” You watch the other man pause, hand outstretched and fingers brushing the door handle. “If we were really a couple, what happened to me and Jake?” you ask. “I know that’s really rude to ask, but... I don’t remember you.  I remember Jake.” The other man turned, looking you over and shrugging.  
  
 “Roxy told me that he doesn’t remember anyone, and that you couldn’t keep trying after a while because it hurt too much.” He opens the door and you shake your head.  
  
 “No, I would never give up on Jake.  I love him, and he loves me.  He would never forget me,” you say.  
  
 “I wish you would have said that about me.” He mutters before stepping out of the door and turning to shut it. “I’ll get Roxy.” You watch him stare at you and cross your arms the best you can.  
  
 “No, stay here,” you tell him. “Talk to me.  Tell me what I don’t remember,” you tell him with a smile. “If I was dating you, you must have done something to catch my eye.  Remind me; tell me how we first met.”   
  
 He stops and holds the door open, pausing as if he’s ready to shut it.  You wait, wondering if he’ll leave or not.  
  
 He surprises you and steps inside the room.  
  
 “On one condition,” he snaps. “You’re not alowed to backtalk me,” he snaps.  
  
 “I wouldn’t be me if I didn't,” you say with a smirk.  He sneers and plops down in the chair beside you, handing over your shades before he look at the ceiling.  
  
 “I work… well, worked, in a yogurt shop called uU Yogurt, and you took my spot in the window during my break,” he explains, “I got pissed and told you to leave, you…” he laughs. “You had me running in fucking circles all around you.  One time we even got into a fistfight in the shop.”  
  
 “Yeah, that seems like something I would do to someone like you,” you say with a smirk after somehow managing to get your shades on.  
  
 “Shut the fuck up.  Now where was I?” he asks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just the Epilogue left!


	80. ==> Epilogue

 “Stop fidgeting,” Dirk says as he stands in front of you and refolds your bowtie.  It still takes him a few tries to get it right, seeing as he’ll occasionally do it backwards, but he’s much better than he used to be.  Four years and therapy have really helped.  
  
 You reach up and move his hands away from your lapels. “You stop fidgeting,” you argue, sneering at him as he rolls his eye and turns back to the counter.  God you love him.  Sure you two fight constantly, but you do. “I love you,” you tell him as he grabs a paper towel to wipe off the counter out of habit.  
  
 Dirk rolls his eyes even harder. “I’m not giving you another blowjob before this party, your sister would murder me if we went downstairs late.”   
  
 You sigh at that and reach behind him to grab a fistful of his hair and pull him in for a kiss.  He returns it before pushing back, glaring at you as he checks his hair.  
  
 If he honestly didn’t want you fucking it up, you wouldn’t have gotten the chance.  
  
 “Hand me my shades?” he asks, so you pass them over.  He slides them on and nods at the door. “Ready Casanova?”   
  
 You nod and follow him out of the bathroom.  
  
 Down the hall and in the main entrance you can see your sister in her ball gown being the life of the party.  Lovely shades of emerald and lime make her stand out like no other, but then again…  
  
 No one can be as pretty as the bride.  
  
 Except maybe the other bride, standing next to Calliope in her pink dress, all smiles and ease.  Roxy looks so happy to be standing next to her wife, both of them surrounded by well-wishers and showered in attention.  
  
 “They really are perfect together,” Dirk says under his breath.  
  
 You turn to look at him, trying not to smile. “It’s a wedding, that’s kind of the point,” you remind him.  
  
 “You’re just jealous you and Roxy are designated drivers,” Dirk says with a smirk.  
  
 “I’m breaking up with you,” you growl.  
  
 “Just like you do every other week?” he asks, before leaning over to kiss your cheek. “Come on, help me make a toast to the bride and bridzilla,” Dirk says before he starts walking away.  
  
 “Oh, and which one are you?” you ask with a smirk.  
  
 “Your boyfriend,” he says through the crowd.  When he’s far enough away you smile.  
  
 “You are, aren’t you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU, I HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOUR STAY!


	81. Hidden Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a special gift to anyone left, so I really hope you enjoy it. Have the fricking you all kept asking for. This is the offical end, no more. If anyone ever has any questions about their life after the fic, feel free to message me on my tumblr.

 You’ve never been one for fucking in the shower; it’s slippery and messy and has led to several bruised body parts.  Not to mention the one rare occasion where you broke your nose.  Still, you’ve fucked plenty of women into a puddle of exhaustion against a shower wall.  You’ve made them so weak they’ve needed you to carry them out while they trembled and whined.    
  
 You didn’t mind when you were having one night stands and sex friends.  With that you could just fuck them and leave the next morning.  Now you’re stuck with a ‘commitment’ that you often question the merits of.   
  
 On the one hand, you do love Dirk.  On the other, you want him to spontaneously combust.  
  
 Your boyfriend is a pig faced hothead, and you two have broken up and made up more times than you care to admit.  In fact, half of the fights he starts with you are simply laid out so the two of you can have makeup sex.  
  
 Which is something you enjoy far too much.  
  
 Hence earlier today, when you yelled and screamed and the police were called from downstairs; you yelled some more, threw some things, and then started fucking him against the bathroom counter.  Then again in the shower when you had both tried to clean up.  
  
 Now you’re in bed, watching Dirk shift in his sleep.  He’s uneasy in his dreams, you know that from experience, but there isn’t much you can do until he wakes up.  You can’t sleep when he gets like this, shivering and jerking in the bed like something is crawling under his skin.  
  
 He wakes up with a gasp, reaching out for you on instinct.  You never ask what scares him, or if it’s even fear he feels as he touches your face and arms, sometimes even your legs.  You never ask, but you think you know.  
  
 You wait for him, out of respect for your banter.  Making fun of him when he’s like this isn’t worth it; he’s too fucked up for you to want to wear him down when he can’t even fight back.  So you wait, and when he comes back he’s sharp.  
  
 “You’re holding me like I’m going to break.  I’m not a doll.” He says it as if he’s reminding you.  He’s irritating and he knows it.  
  
 “I’d never have guessed with how easily you let me undress you,” you tease back, and smirk at him.  
  
 “Are you admitting to playing with dolls as a child?  That’s interesting.” Dirk smirks and you grab a fistful of his hair, pulling his head up and angling it for a kiss.  You’ve got no response other than to try and shut him up.  He always know how to make you trip over your own words, the prick.  
  
 Dirk kisses you back and it feels desperate.  You pull away to tease him about it and hear him groan in frustration. “I thought I’d fucked you into a nice, sore place by now,” you mutter before biting his lip and pulling back slowly.  
  
 He gasps, reaching around you to drag his nails down your already shredded back.  You hiss in pain, but that doesn’t stop him.  The only thing that will stop him is your say so, you’ve both agreed on that.  
  
 You roll over and manage to pin him, spreading his leg apart and listening to him hiss.  You know he’s sore because you watched him try rubbing the pain out of his hips before he fell asleep.  But he’s still spreading his thighs like a whore for you, and it’s a pretty nice turn on.  
  
 “You’re such a slut,” you tell him, leaning down to kiss his forehead.  Being tender isn’t normally your thing, but sometimes you’re too tired to be rough.  Sometimes you just want an easy fuck.  
  
 You’re human after all; occasionally humans need to relax.  
  
 “At least _I_ can please my customer,” Dirk says, reaching over to the other side of the bed to grab the lube bottle. “I don’t leave people mid-fuck because I can’t hold it in for more than five seconds.”  
  
 “One time!” you snap at him. “I still got you off.”   
  
 Dirk scoffs and leans up to kiss you, hands fumbling with the lube bottle before the cap pops open.   
  
 “I’d like to see you last any longer after what you did to my cock,” you mutter and watch him move, propping yourself up on your knees while Dirk reaches down with a slick hand to stroke your cock.  
  
 “Is that an offer to fuck you again?” he asks, watching you fight to keep your focus. “Because the first time was hot.  I’d love to do it again.”   
  
 You groan and bite your lip. “No it wasn’t, and no it’s not.” You hiss, jerking your hips as your cock starts to throb in Dirk’s hand. “I’m not a fan.” It wasn’t as bad as you always make it out to be.  
  
 “Mhm.” Dirk lets your cock go and you groan, angry at him because he’s an awful tease. “Of course you aren’t.” He reaches up and pulls you down by your shoulder, making your hips rock into his own. “Would you move to the right?”  
  
 You laugh and shake your head no. “That would put me against your cock, that’s too easy.” You make sure you say it against Dirk’s neck, feeling his body jerk beneath your own as he tries to squirm against you.  
  
 He hates being teased just as much as you do, but then again you also know that the two of you get a thrill out of it.  With a shiver, you open your mouth and bite down, feeling the way Dirk tenses when you pull at the skin.  When you let go he rakes his nails down your back, causing you to hiss and push him down by his shoulders.  
  
 “Come on,” Dirk says. “Why are you holding back?” he asks you with a grunt.  
  
 “Maybe because I’m fucking exhausted?” you grumble in return. “And maybe I want a slow fuck right now, ever think of that?” Dirk gives you an incredulous look. “Not everything is about sex,” you snap.  
  
 It makes Dirk blink, his nails releasing your back and hands falling to the bed.  It’s a sign of surrender, his way of saying he’ll stop and let you take the lead if you really want it.  You groan and rest your forehead against his own.  
  
 “You’re guilt tripping me,” you grumble. “That’s a dick move.” Dirk smirks and leans up to kiss you, rocking his hips up to press against you.  
  
 “I’m pretty sure a dick move would you be taking that cock of yours and thrusting it inside of me,” Dirk says, wrapping his arms back around your shoulders and rocking against you.  Your breath stutters and you buck down against his hips.  
  
 “You’re teasing me,” you groan before sitting up to tug Dirk’s legs around your waist. “Do you honestly want me to fuck you that badly?” With a gasp, Dirk nods and lifts his hips up.  
  
 “God yes, so will you hurry up?” Dirk whispers.  That makes you groan, feeling him squirm against you, your cock hard and aching.  
  
 “Arch up,” you tell him, watching Dirk comply.  It doesn’t take much to get back into a position you’re comfortable with, sitting up on your knees with Dirk laid out before you like the slut you know he is.  He’s practically panting for it, and god, you realize how unhealthy this reaction is to a nightmare.  
  
 It doesn’t stop you though; you reach between the both of you and slide your fingers across his shaft, watching him jerk in surprise.  It makes you sneer before you grab your own cock and start stroking it again.  You grab more lube just in case, then coat your palm before working on Dirk’s entrance with your free hand.  
  
 He’s still loose from earlier, and when you push one of your fingers inside of him he bites the inside of his cheek.  You can tell because he always makes that face when he’s got his cheek between his teeth, and when you add another finger he groans.  
  
 “Now who’s teasing?” he asks you in a breath, hands gripping the sheets tight.  
  
 “Me, apparently,” you say before pulling your fingers back.  It’s not enough, and it might end up hurting him later on, but you’re both impatient.  
  
 You guide your cock against him, watch him arch toward you and wait.  There’s a strong urge to tease him longer, but your own needs are getting to you as well so you push your cock inside of him and groan.  
  
 Dirk pulls at the sheets, eyes closing as his breathing picks up, trying not to make a sound.  You love the way he tries to hold everything in, how strung out he gets when you start thrusting your cock back and forth.  Every movement inside of him causes a reaction, and watching him try to process each feeling puts you on edge.  
  
 You reach down and grab his hips, lifting them off the bed and holding them still so you can fuck into him without all the fuss of him squirming around everywhere.  He gasps and grabs your hands, nails sinking into your wrists.  That only makes you fuck him harder, feeling sweat form on your skin as time passes.  
  
 You drag him up, still fucking into him, and pull him to your chest so he’s sitting on your thighs.  You buck up once, and then force yourself to stop.  It takes a majority of your willpower to do that, but you don’t regret it when Dirk makes this frustrated noise and starts lifting himself up and down on your cock.  
  
 He catches on quick.  
  
 You watch him, leaning in occasionally to kiss at bruised skin, licking over a scar or bite mark.  Your hands rub up and down his back, then rest on his ass when you realize you aren’t going to last much longer.  Dirk’s got stamina that outlasts yours, so you have to get creative when you want to watch him unravel first.  
  
 Grabbing his hips you angle him, fucking up until his hands scramble at your shoulders and he gasps.  Your grind into him, putting pressure on his prostate until you feel his leg muscles twitch against you.  
  
 A part of you expects him to say something, beg or demand more, but Dirk just wraps his arms around your neck and kisses you.  
  
 It’s fucking perfect.  
  
 His teeth dig into your bottom lip and you fuck harder, groaning and feeling your cock twitch inside of him.  You know you won’t last, so you lay Dirk back down on the mattress and start fucking into him harder than before, watching his hands reach up to the headboard.  
  
 His knuckles turn white as he grips the wood, gasping and trying to hold in every noise he can.  It’s to piss you off and you know it, but you don’t care right now.  You wrap a hand around his cock and he cries out when you stroke him.  
  
 A few more jerks and he’s coming, body tensing up and crying out louder than before.  It makes you gasp and lose it, coming a few thrusts after that and nearly falling on top of Dirk.  You last a good minute on your hands and knees, panting between the two of you before you give up and falling on top of him.  You laugh as he grunts and tries pushing you off.  
  
 “You’re as heavy as an elephant, now get the fuck off,” Dirk mutters.  You laugh and pull back, sliding out of him with a groan before you flop beside him on the bed.  You’re gross and sticky and want to do nothing more than clean up, but god, you don’t want to move yet.  
  
 “I’m not fat,” you mutter as you reach over to run your fingers through his hair.  
  
 “Are too,” Dirk says sleepily, eyes closed as head tilting into your touch. “Hey, clean me up and I’ll make breakfast later,” he whispers.  
  
 “Fuck no.” You wait, then sit up. “God I hate you,” you mutter as you drag yourself to your feet.  
  
 “Love you too,” Dirk calls as you make your way to the bathroom.


End file.
